Wedding Missed Marks, Vol. 458
August 2, 2016 Ever seen Cornelli lace? It's this pretty icing technique Jennifer wanted on her wedding cake:
;)
But instead, her baker got a little really drunk and had a silly string party:
;)
Bottom Tier: "Hey, I think I'm actually better after a few drinks!"
Middle Tier: "MOAR BEER MOAR STRINGY THINGS WHEEEE"
Top Tier: [face down on the counter, blindly spraying icing all over the room]
Meanwhile...
Kimberly decided on something a little more rustic for her wedding:
...but this really goes against the grain:
;)
And Brittany T. ordered this loveliness for her wedding cake:
;)
You must admit, her baker did a crackin' job:
;)
o.0
Also, if you watch those embedded BBs long enough, I'm pretty sure they'll slowly sink into the cake and disappear, ala the La Brea Tar Pits.
Who's hungry?
Thanks to Jennifer H., Kimberly W., & Brittany T. for fueling bride-to-be nightmares everywhere.
*****
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Reader Comments (48)
1, 3, and 5 are not bad. Are you sure you're not going overboard with this thing?
[Editor's note- I'm going to assume you are an excellent troll and slow clap at you. (clap)... (clap)... (clap)... -john (the clapper of claps)]
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime, by heck
You get a Cake Wreck
I swear, anyone who presented me with one of these... and expected MONEY in exchange... would find their face buried in it.
That first one looks like it was frosted with shaving cream. Yum! And I wouldn't eat that last one on a dare.
She wanted a cake full of lace,
But her baker got pretty Sh**t-faced,
Kim's baker bragged that he could,
Make a lovely that looks like wood
HE CAN'T
Brit wanted a cake full of glam,
but it looks like it's for the Michelin man
A black cake full of glamour and glitz
Straight outta the La Brea Tar pits
That last one is a deconstructed Rhino before the tick-birds show up for work.
TBH, I don't hate the second one. It's actually pretty decent, although their leaf placement is pretty amateurish. I'd accept that one, especially if I had champagne ideas with a beer budget. It's obvious that the decorator really did try to do a good job.
The other two, however, show obvious signs that the decorator didn't care and was just going through the motions - no bride would have found those two cakes acceptable without having downed at least twice as many beers as the first decorator - and then they'd have killed the decorator when they sobered up!
hey @Missy - 1, 3 and 5 are the ones it was supposed to look like, the good ones. 2, 4 and 6 are the results.
Now, for #4 the woodgrain, it almost looks like it's made with fondant. Usually people use a fondant cake as inspiration and get buttercream disasters, but this looks like it's reversed, where the inspiration looks like a gorgeous buttercream (?? don't kill me if it's fondant, I just love to eat cake), and the nightmare looks like fondant that's been rolled into snakes like play-doh.
Missy, 1, 3, and 5 are the originals.
I love the way the Cornelli on the second cake gets progressively worse as you go up the tiers. While the wood grain on the fourth cake isn't as nice as the original, at least it is recognizable as wood grain, although you do have to wonder what the leaves are hiding. The less said about that last one, the better. I tend to agree with Aisha on that.
Missy - 1, 3, and 5 are the cakes the brides WANTED. 2, 4, and 6 are the cakes they actually got.
The last cake reminds me of a black hole - sucking all the stars into it :)
I think Cookiemamaie wins for best on the fly comment poetry.
That last cake... YEUCK! You couldn't pay me to eat that!
That middle one came the closest.
@Aidan, thank you kindly. And you made me notice that moi, brilliant woman that I am, screwed up her own name when typing it to fast. (adding the 'ie' at the end). I didn't even notice. I wrecked myself, hahaha.
Great Caesar's ghost!! I wouldn't DARE bite into the buckshot/dragee/retread tractor tire affair! My teeth hurt just thinking about it! Besides, don'you all know what all that black can DO to you? Anyone who eats that should be warned that they could be in for a surprise, but they won't need a doctor, no matter how scary it may appear....=^-.-^=
Didmthe last . . . . thing come with an emergency dental plan? So all the people who break their teeth on the silver thingies can get them fixed? (shudder)
Does anyone else see a mad badger hidden in the design on the top tier of Kimberly's cake, like those 'Find the..." puzzles in old Highlights magazines?
Just me? (Tries to sidle unobtrusively from the room...)
Surely the wreckorators must have had a sample picture book, unless they just printed off pics of the good ones from here and teh interwebs and stole the credit. ("Oh, that. I use all different logos and company names to throw off the Better Busin ... uh, competition").
Now tiered cakes can always be a smidge off-center ("It's the phone in YOUR camera"/"It's an optical illusion") and slightly crooked layers can be fixed with icing, but notice all the wrecks with multiple crooked parts? ("You said you wanted edgy ...") Like #6? ("Straighten up that snow tire display! It's a safety hazard!")
Hey! I recognize that midnight blue & pearls cake! (#5, the inspiration cake) I made that cake back in 2011 for Leslie and Martin Henke in Franklin, TN. I also made the groom a life-size Gibson Hummingbird acoustic guitar cake. That cake has been ALL over Pinterest and back. Thanks for showing it here!
I think if I did one of these I would say to the bride "we were cut off while delivering and your cake went flying..."
Good night. It's like they didn't even try. I can understand a willingness to try a cake you've never attempted before. But if you are unfamiliar with the technique to accomplish the look... research and then practice. And practice some more.
Cake 1 - felt like they really were trying on the bottom tier and then said ef it on the top 2 when they realized it wasn't going to happen. If you can't do it, call the bride, explain. I would bet money that even if there wasn't time to find a new bakery to do what she wanted... she'd rather switch to a technique you CAN do the receive that mess
Cake 2 - Has me quite perplexed... but I'm going to put my money on a well frosted buttercream cake with the wood grain being airbrushed on... OR it's fondant that's has texture and airbrushed over top. The final cake, at least somewhat resembles the effort. Not sure I'd be stoked for that on my wedding day, but for a kids cake or bday cake... I'd take it.
Cake 3 - Sweet cheese and crackers. How do you even deliver that and think "Oh yeah, she'll love this!". Were we hoping the lights would be down and no one would notice? Were we hoping that everyone would be so drunk from the cocktail hour that we wouldn't notice?
That last one is perfect for the grand opening of the next branch office of the World Health Organization!
Lovely petri dish look about it.
sendingtheclowns...yeah - black frosting...kinda frightening, QUITE disgusting the next day...been there, seen that, still in therapy.
I have a strong inkling someone was very proud of that tree stump one and have it advertised on their Facebook page for their home bakery.
Pamtha, #3 could be a buttercream transfer--it's a pretty cool technique.
They didn't even try.
"Nobody else in this entire galaxy has ever even bothered to make edible ball bearings. Genius."
One of my fav lines; couldn't get it out of my head after seeing that last cake.
Not even remotely close.....but the last one is a dentist's delight!
You know how we love our written emojis here at Cake Wrecks. Like (patooie) and (face-palm). I propose a new one. It shall be called (drop-kick) in honor of the distraught customer who drop-kicked the birthday cake at Kroger back in June.
And I hereby declare the first recipient of this emoji to be the last cake in this post.
Could you not find a better picture of Cornelli lace than a photo of a TV screen?
Call me crazy but the tree wreck is actually sort of cute? Maybe it's my bedtime now.
Does anyone else think the last one looks like studded (bald) tires?
That last one looks like a sun baked tire.
Oh man who would want to eat a cake full of tiny little jaw breakers. Cause that is what those look like lol. I cannot figure out how the wreckerators expect payment for these things..
That last wreck looks like leftovers from a wedding 20 years ago, shoved in the back of a freezer. Is that the actual color, or just the mold that formed over time. Like everyone else said.... You could NOT pay me enough to eat that.
Has anyone ever heard of the Surinam Toad? It's a flat toad that lays it's eggs on its back and then grows a layer of skin around the eggs as they incubate. (It's disgusting looking!!!) That's what the last cake looks like....
The last one looks like it's covered in tar, with some gravel stuck on it. How upsetting.
Oh my gross, Denise!! When the FB post mentioned trypophobia, that's immediately what I thought of. I have a 'thing' about frogs and toads, and I accidentally saw that once. Scarred for life. There is no way that I would be able to eat that cake...
Denise, I hadn't thought of that, but now that you mention it....thanks a heap!
I probably have no taste at all... but dang, I really like that bark and leaf cake with the cute couple sitting on top!! Maybe it isn't exactly Sunday Sweets worthy, but.. isn't there a place for midrange cakes too??
Do they have to pay for these cakes? I mean, if I was presented with cake #3, I would refuse to pay, demand my deposit back, and threaten to call on the crime of mis-representation!
The tree one really isn't *that* bad. I feel like it's teetering on the edge of true wreckery, definitely the best (worse? Do I need to speak in opposites? Or, like, least wrecky?) of the bunch. That last one though. Ugh...imagine the smiling candid shots after eating that! Assuming anyone ate it.
Christ, even I could probably do the last one. Smooth the icing as good as possible, put beads over the worst bits, then add more beads. Or is it harder than it looks?
@ Naivohw, tree number one is the cake the person wanted....
In every instance above there is cake # one the example of what they wanted... and cake # two what they got.
**sigh**
The tree cake is nicer than the inspiration cake. That is all.
Thank you Sharon. I was in fact refering to the #2 tree cake. **sigh**
@ Nanalettie -- I see a running monkey on the top layer of the first wreck ...
@ Naivohw -- I understood your original sentence construction without rereading it. Thus, agree with your **sigh**.
I wonder if the original tree bark cake sides were made in very thin white chocolate spread on transfer sheets that have the tree bark design in colored cocoa butter. You do have to move pretty fast to make sure you get the right curvature to keep from cracking the white chocolate when you set up to do it, though. My guess is that technique would take a good bit of practice, but all refined chocolate work does.
@Nanalettie I SEE IT! (slides unobtrusively with you)
Holy smokes Id be furious at that last cake if that crap showed up to my wedding.