Tuesday
Dec162014
The 10 Ugliest Wedding Wrecks In CW History
December 16, 2014 Picking my 10 favorite ugly wedding cakes is like picking my 10 favorite children, only way easier since I don't have any kids.
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And because nothing tops fried eggs and entrails:
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Mmm. Shiny.
Thanks to Anita R., Julie R., Joshua P., Anony M., Frank W., Gina H., Michelle C., Miranda R., & Tracy C. for having the guts to send that last one in.
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Reader Comments (89)
That first one cannot possibly be a professional cake! Somebody's color-blind Aunt Ethel made that, I'm sure. The one with the red "girdle" must have some mighty interesting back story, that's all I can say.
Adjectives truly fail me. I my humble opinion, the best of the worst is that hot mess with the candles sticking out of it with the runner-up is the dead squirrel cake. Yikes!
Years ago I helped a friend at her SILs wedding. We were doing set-up in the reception hall when the baker showed up. The cake was awful, 3 big tiers, and as she stacked it I could tell she didn't have any supports in the cake. After it was up, she backs up, piping bag in hand, and keeps going, and going, and going, until she is in the far back corner of the hall. Then she announces, "I think it looks pretty good, don't you?"
And then she left.
It didn't look any better across the room than it did close up, but if it made her feel better - ok. The caked leaned more and more. I happened to be walking by and caught it as it fell. Saved the top for them, the second tier only smashed a little of the back. I felt like quite the hero, but nobody saw.
But now you know, and I feel better. Thank you.
The squirrel cake is the one that gets me, especially since Mr. Squirrel is holding onto his "junk".
The squirrels...THE SQUIRRELS!
Dead squirrels on a wedding cake? If PETA finds out they'll freak!
The sixth one (the varying shades of purple) is not so bad if one merely pretends it is the Hogwarts sorting hat.
That third one has to be an alien creature preparing to unleash some zombie apocalypse spores. I can almost see it pulsating, biding its time . . . be afraid, humanity. Be very afraid.
Maybe I've been coming here too long, but on that last creation, those calla lilies look extremely happy to see those entrails.
Okay, I could live with the pigeon one. (Oh, are they doves? Meh, same difference.) The sparkles look a bit toxic, but it really isn't that hideous.
I want to know where Wedding Wreck #6 actually is. Did they hold the reception in a bunker, or a haunted house?
And I'm sure this question has been asked before but -- why is the squirrel cake cornered with open Bud Light cans? Target practice? Were the cans even empty?
i have the bride and groom similar to the one on the first cake. We married in 1966 so it must have belonged to someone's parents. I also think the original cake did not look like that one!
Wow.
I'm not eating the squirrel's cake, he might have buried his nuts in it.
Number 8 reminded me that I have a leftover pancake in the refrigerator.
Is it morally wrong to squeal with delight at wedding wrecks? ....Nope, didn't think so! :)
I thunk #6 looks like the Sorting Hat... of DESPAIR! Mwahahaha...
Ah yes, pink camoflage. Because female hunters prefer to hide in the <I>pink</I> trees.
And then there's the fact that it's on a wedding cake...
My comment on seeing #3: "Oh, dear Lord! It can't get any worse than that."
I was wrong. It got worse.
Please tell me those are not taxidermied squirrels on top of something meant to be eaten. Oh, the health code violations!
Number Three is quite clever. Wedding couple looking forward to their honeymoon.
My eyes my eyes D:
Ohhhhh, so much awfulness. I don't know where to begin. So I'm going back to bed. At least there I can bury my head under a pillow and try to forget these images...
Is the third one decorated with barbecue sauce and pork rinds?
That yellow one with the green polka dots looks like someone eviscerated one of its tiers. Someone please put the poor thing out of its misery!
In my family, whenever someone makes a dish that looks a little strange, our response is "Hey, at least it tastes good!" And in our case it usually does. But with some of these I think I'd be afraid to say that, because then I might actually have to eat a piece.
Well, at least with the squirrel cake I think they got the effect they were trying for. Some of thos could have been really nice, if they'd gotten someone who knew what they were doing to make them. Those are the folks I feel sorry for.
Cake # 1 appears to be frosted with potato salad. BTW, in Texas we like lots of mustard in our tater salet.
They forgot to put the frosting on that one!
#3 would be a fine cake for a low-key couple having an informal wedding -- but the fact that it's visibly broken definitely wrecks it!
But sheesh -- at least it's finished.
Seriously, OMG, my eyes! Ugly to the thousandth degree! And the dead squirrels cake...Jeff Foxworthy would be proud.
Number 3 looks like they pushed green olives into the cake. Maybe they were going for a savory, cream cheese icing?
OK some of these are EPIC in their awfulness! What I would like to know is which ones are "professional" and which ones are "homemade".
I'm fond of #3: crashed spaceship on Planet of the Jalapenos. That liquid-y chocolate sauce layer, though. Lava?
Squirrels! Ducks & Pink Camo!
Hoping the one with all the candles is a birthday cake
Can wedding cakes have candles on it? WHY are there candles on a wedding cake?
Scrolling down through each successive wreck, the only thought going through my mind was "Dear God, what is that Thing?".
Non of these can possibly be professional. They have to be homemade and maybe were 'reimbursed' for supplies or something because that is the ONLY possible way I can see money exchanging hands for these atrocities. They were pretty amusing, but sad to think that people out there can only 'afford' those for their weddings. THEIR WEDDINGS!!!
Now I want to start singing, "Splashing in the bath with my little rubber duck, little rubber duck, little rubber duck! Splashing in the bath with my little rubber duck, he's my bath-time friend!" the mold on that cake looks like the mold splotches on the inside of my daughter's rubber duck toy. I should probably throw it away, eh...
The second tier on cake #3 looks like it suffered an accident involving farm equipment. Is the dead squirrel cake in a barn? There appears to be hay on the floor.
Definitely the dead squirrels, standing in, poo? The bud light cans are a nice touch. Mr. Squirrel needs to bring BOTH paws front and center....ew.
Are we certain those are squirrels? They look more like rats to me.
15 candles on a wedding cake that's a lot Liz Taylor only had 8, I hope that's the combined wedding count.
I need to go bleach my eyes. Seriously, each one was worse than the last. Bakers should be ashamed of themselves, professionals or not.
It's a sad commentary when squashed, lopsided luggage is the best of a (very) sad bunch.
My favorite wedding wreck will always be "Inspiration vs Perspiration" because it (and the commentary) are what hooked me on this site.
I went hunting for my favorite wedding cake based on sheer WTF-ness
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2008/7/25/freud-would-have-a-field-day.html
Along the way, I rediscovered this beauty
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2008/8/26/the-readers-have-spoken.html
The avocado slices and edamame beans are triumphs of wrecktitude.
So the cake with the doves on it? The way the lower dove is sort of sitting down with the tail raised? In bird behaviour, that position basically says "do me" That cake topper is a lovely scene of bird foreplay.
Ok, who has the unsee machine?
The purple hombre one is really The Sorting Hat. Right?
Are those two squirrels getting married?
Nope! Chuck Testa!
#3 looks like a Dalek in drag.
Well, the squirrel cake is certainly the tackiest, but the one that's just the worst is that trapezoidal leaning towers of horror. What on earth? The candles pointing in every directions makes it look like what Bizarro would have at his wedding.
#3... Part of my brain says that those are pink rose petals. Another part of my brain is making a convincing argument that they are either pink potato chips or salmon chips. That other part is winning.
#6-- the Sorting Hat of DOOM made me cuss. I mean, HOW do you make icing that ugly?
Oh....my....these are truly awful. Is the cake with the candles really a wedding cake? It is not only hideous but it looks like it is in some sort of warehouse or ultrasound lab. There is some kind of equipment in the background. Spectacularly bad.
If the first one had had the dead squirrel topper, it would be the ultimate wreck. Each aspect of it is enough to qualify it as a wreck, standing alone: that colour of yellow .. lumpily trowelled on ... with green slime accents .. in uneven ropes ... on precarious collapsing tiers ... studded with flowers that may be poisonous.
I don't know what is going on with the bloody evisceration of that one tier on the third cake, though.