THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
December 18, 2012 Just one week left 'til Christmas (!!), and the wrecks you guys are sending in just keep getting more bizarre by the day:
;)
THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.
;)
"...and all the acid rain and pollution seeped into Frosty's body, turning him into a petrified statue of ash, all because someone didn't take out the recycling when his parents asked.
"THE END."
;)
Is this:
A) The Eye of Sauron
B) A taco wearing a corset
C) The Eye of Sauron wearing a corset
or
D) Real life?
You might think the simplest, easiest option would be an elegant red bow on a plain white cake.
;)
But, CLEARLY, you would be wrong.
(What did the baker use for a piping tip? His teeth?)
This next one is tentacly titled "I'm dreaming of a Cthulhu Christmas."
;)
Darkly dreaming, of course.
Wondering what those are supposed to be? So was I, until Sarah sent in this photo from a different store:
;)
(Yes, yes, I know it's supposed to be a tree. I just refuse to accept it.)
And finally, a little holiday math for you:
+
=
;)
Angels we have heard below
Softly singing "oh-hh noooOooo!"
Thanks to wreckporters Elizabeth T., Tina, Gene H., Jill W., Billy G., Sarah L., & Amy V. for giving Sharyn a starting point for today's song re-write in the comments. (Challenge: ISSUED.)
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Reader Comments (114)
I think what concerns me most about these, uh..."creations," is that somewhere out there are bakers who step back from their work with a pleased smile and go "nailed it!"
Initial reaction to the first cake was "Dancing Poodle". JAZZ HANDS!!
I really should know better than to try to drink anything while reading this - nearly spit out my water reading the Cthulu bit.
The best part is asking my 6 year old daughter what the cakes are!! The tree cup cakes are turtles and the bow is a very angry duck!
That first one- must be Tom Smith's Fenton, the death sheep from hell!
http://www.tomsmithonline.com/freestuff/oddio/SF01_Sheep_Marketing_Ploy_128.mp3
http://www.tomsmithonline.com/lyrics/fenton.htm
I wonder if the green blobs with ornaments were supposed to be Grinch hands.
It's amazing how gross bakers can make Christmas look!
The only logical explanation is that the first is definitely a disco sheep and the third one is a pineapple. :)
We're out of frosting?
Grab the ketchup and mustard.
Hot dog! A pine cone!
Challenge: ACCEPTED
(For you, Oh-Cakey-Goddess-of-Most-High-Snark-and-Random-Sprinkles)
Sung to “Angels We Have Heard on High”
Angels we have heard below
Softly singing “oh-hh noooOooo!”
Angry sheepman in reply
Says “I will consume your soul!”
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Snowmen made with acid rain
Really just don’t last too long
But, hey, don’t feel guilty, please
You did the recycling wrong
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
With his eyelid laced so tight
How can our dear Sauron see?
It’s so hard to pipe bows right
That looks like a ruptured spleen.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Tentacly’s a word that thrills
As Cthulhu darkly dreams
Back to Angel Mr. Bill
As “oh-hh noooOooo!” he softly screams
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thing?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh OMG! Dear God, what is that thi- i- ing?
#1 Elvis disguised as a poodle!
#4 Bloody tapeworm
#5 & #6 Chili peppers, of course!
Is it spring yet?
I was thinking the green ones were Grinch poo.
a cool wannabe Santa snowman...
Frosty's preserved head on the pile of ash in a rain of BLOOD?
metal ornaments on green icing tentacle blobs. that looks appetizing. and safe.
can we say, ornament shrapnel?
Mr. Bill, the folded napkin/pair of gloves angel...
OH NO!!!!! It's Mr. Bill!!!! LOL (as an angel?!?!?!?!?)
I refuse to accept that the green ones are trees. They are obviously the Dark One come forth to eat people for Christmas. Awesome post today!
I thought the first one looks like a poodle. The frosting is beautifully done and I would totally eat one of those cupcakes if only they were chocolate (sigh).
The others look like the kindergarten class manned the bakery that day.
The last one is priceless. "oh-hh noooOooo!" giggle-snort (LOVE Mr. Bill!)
I have been working with citron, aka Buddha's hand, lately, and I can tell you with some certainty that that is what the Cthulhu cupcakes are... only green.
I took the "Cthulu Christmas" photo, and I *still* don't see trees in it. If the green globs are supposed to represent trees, then are the red and silver balls supposed to represent the world's largest Christmas ornaments?
Those are clearly pablano chiles.
Is that the second Mr. Bill reference in the last few days?
Well, frankly I'm relieved that I'm not the only one who saw Elvis in the first one. And number three is clearly a traditional Christmas pineapple wreath.
I never, ever would have guessed trees in a million years. Monster claws and fists, maybe. But a tree never would have occurred to me.
Leave it to Jen to make something scary into something cool. Based on looks alone, those green topped cupcakes just look frightening. But now that I see them through the tentacled lens of Cthulhu, I totally want a Cthulhu Christmas Cupcake.
I can't possibly be the only one. Context is EVERYTHING!
The green things have to be jalapenos. I don't know why jalapenos belong on cupcakes, nor do I have a clue as to why they are decorated with glass ornaments. But the second photo makes it incredibly obvious that they are meant to be jalapenos!! And I plaintively ask, Why?"
Glad I'm not the only one who saw a poodle. But those are clearly jazz hands.... of JOY! I'm showing the grey snowman one to my son. That is an on-going EPIC battle in our house. Now I have proof that it makes a difference :-)
Sharyn - once again, you "sleigh" me (Get it??? In honor of the season???? Oh never mind!)
Think those "tree" cupcakes are supposed to be Grinch hands stealing ornaments. Why anyone would want one remains a mystery.
Disco sheep, snowmen
Green tentactles beckon you
Red splat is result
That second one is actually the "half zombie" from Season One of "The Walking Dead". The wreckerator caught her in the act of consuming Frosty, saw she was saving the best bits for last, and decided to memorialize the occasion.
(Sung to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody"):
... Is this a taco... In women's underwear?
Terrible piping,
On top of a cookie "cake".
Perhaps Sauron's eye, dressed unlike a guy... I see,
I'm just a wrecker, I need no sympathy,
Incompetent, but still employed, wrecking cakes, like a boss...
Anything the client wants, doesn't really matter to me, to me.
Mama, just wrecked a "cake",
Put a fine tip on my bag, squeezed a Dark Lord out in drag.
Ma, my shift had just begun,
But now I've gone and wrecked a cookie "cake".
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you gag,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.
Too late, my time has come,
Sends tingles down my leg, to hear the clients beg.
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
Mama, ooh, I can't pipe to save my life,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all...
@Sharyn **WELL DONE**
"ornament shrapnel" *giggle* *snort*
I have no explanation for the sharpy green..... thingies. I'm going to go with ornament shrapnel.
This is why I read cakewreck. LOL! Best ever.
You really are a nerd/geek becasue I always get your obscure referenced, which makes the cakes even more hilarious!
Oh my God, this post had me almost hitting the computer screen! And LOL @ Sharyn - "ruptured spleen" had my husband rolling! Eye of Sauron was brilliant Jen - and just in time for the new Hobbit movie! :)
Sorry to disagree with absolutely everyone, but these are not Christmas wrecks.
They are "The World Ends This Friday" cakes, and as such, they are
perfectly perfect.
My, Santa, what dainty feet you have. If the old proverb holds true, no wonder you and Mrs. Claus have all those elves around. They're not just for making toys, are they?
I think the 3rd one is a pine cone.
As for the Cthulhu Christmas, I think they're supposed to be holly leaves & berries
I vote for "disco sheep"!! :P The third one is clearly a straight-laced pumpkin. LOL
Dear Jen and Sharyn: I love you both! Ahahahahhahahahaa! It MAY have seeped into creepy-stalker-hood. Hmmm, let's examine that....no. I think I'm good. I haven't camped outside your house or told people we are dating or built a shrine to you in the closet. YET.
Note to John(thoJ) and the FBI: I'm totally kidding and I ask not to be placed on any kind of watch list for the above comment (not that you would tell me). Thank you.
I think #3 is the Eye of Santa. How do you think he sees you when your sleeping? You eat the harmless looking corset taco cookie and he watches you...FROM THE INSIDE!
There seems to be an issue with the link for "Give Kids The World". The "Charity:Water" link is working.
is some poor soul out there actually buying these ?
#5, #6: These are from Okra Cake, North Carolina, right?
THE EYE OF SAURON WEARING A CORSET; I cannot stop laughing!!!
I think I've seen those green tentacly things in an episode of Dr. Who. In fact, I think ALL those things have been in Dr.Who at some stage or other, apart from the red one which is a model of my lower intestine.
"the eye of Sauron wearing a corset"...
OMG I am laughing so hard right now .... thank you for that excellent literary mental image!
The one is definitely a Christmas pineapple. These were commonly given in the "early days" when the first Hawaiian settlers landed in what is now known as Los Angeles or, loosely translated, the City of Mr. Bill Angles.
"In a world where most sheep follow the flock, one wooly wunderkind stands out. It's... DISCO SHEEP!" ("oooh! oooh!")
Still laughing. Jen you made my day.
OK I've been reading cake wrecks for awhile... and although you often make me smile, for some reason this post truly made me laugh out loud. Thanks for the chuckle :-)
Dear Andrea,
You may borrow my shrine-in-the-closet if need be. But not overnight. I need it there at night so I can sleep.
CLEARLY they're Grinch poo.
@Andrea: Those kinds of messages always need to end: "...not that I'm watching your house or anything... but don't you think you ought to get that mole checked?"
At least, that's what I do when I send th....
Um, never mind.
PS: Love you, too...
After YEARS of scrolling through in silent horror/amusement, I was finally moved to comment by "Cthulhu Xmas". That is truly a transcendent level of geekiness. You are my hero!!
GREAT post today!
If you lived in New Mexico, you would know those are green chiles and the last one is Zozobra. Look him up and you will totally see the resemblance!