TaTa Tragedies
October 25, 2011 October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, bakers, which means this is your last week to slap pink icing ribbons on everything and guilt your customers into buying last month's leftover cookies:
;)
Pro Tip: When licking icing off your display cookies, try to be more thorough. Otherwise people might start asking questions.
It also means that every October birthday is no longer just a birthday:
;)
It's a "Flappy Beiast Awaranistsy" Birthday!
Plus, what better time is there to break out the ol' "Ring o' Stomachs" icing border?
NO TIME, that's when.
Of course, since even the simple ribbon loop is beyond many bakers' skill set, you might want to cheat a bit by using candy molds:
;)
Pro Tip: these also work great for bachelorette parties.
Or maybe stick to a single ribbon and just one misspelled word:
;)
G, I admire your restraint.
Or how about a simple, inspiring inscription? You know, something about hope, and strength, and working towards a cure?
;)
Or a confusingly depressing sentiment that makes less and less sense the more you think about it?
Because when I remember a painful loss, the first thing I want to do - I mean, AFTER celebrating the fact that I just remembered my painful loss - is eat a giant cookie cake.
[sigh]
Tell you what, bakers, maybe we should just go back to the ribbons.
;)
Perfect.
Thanks to Sarah A., Gia E., Crystal A., Jen P., Anony M., Michelle T., & Leslie P. for keeping us abreast of the situation. TTFN, ladies!
And we'll see you tonight, Hartford!
Reader Comments (60)
These bakers really showed some strenth of character in their work; I'm so glad to see people spreading awaranist for such a great cause!
I'll "be" in Hartford tonight! Contragulations on your lastest* book...
Oh my gosh, the "Ring O' Stomachs" just floored me, I needed a good laugh this morning. Hope you have having a blast on your trip!
I was in such a great mood, as I am traveling to Connecticut tonight to see my idols.
However, after celebrating the memory of a loss, I feel the need to go back to bed and weep quietly for several hours. Hopefully, I'll have the strenth to carry on and drive to Hartford later.
Maybe if I lick to frosting off of some cupcakes...
I have forgotten which loss it is I'm supposed to be celebrating the memory of. Could someone please remind me? Preferably with a giant cookie. Thanks!
The annoying thing is that that last cake looks like it might have been at least tempting if they hadn't slapped that utterly superflous pink ribbon on it. And the infuriating thing is that these are undoubtedly just put on there to con the customer into thinking that some of the proceeds of the sale will go to Breast Cancer Research, which they won't.
I'll be down at the bar, drowning my sorrows in celebration of the memory of a tragic loss. After a few shots, maybe that will make sense. (I'm reminded of Homer Simpson: Mood Swings? MOOD SWINGS! Moooood Swiiiings...)
Icing stomachs, candy molds and CCCs. I can now start my day properly!
I have to ask.
Wheres the do-you-see-what-i-see tag?
Cause if you don't see anything phallic in these cakes... well... take a long hard second look at the 'ring of stomachs' cake and you'll see what i mean.
At first glance, "Celebrate a memory of a loss" looked like "Celebrate a Mammory Glands" to me. I am unsure what would have been worse.
Heh, heh. You said "tip." Heh.
Even if that second cake hadn't been horribly disfigured and misspelled... happy breast awareness *birthday*?! What the...?
That was wrong on, like... eight different levels.
I think the last CCC could have had potential to look good. A ribbon shapes would probably do well with cupcakes. Too bad they didn't really even try.
TaTas to you to Jen :) hehehe
PLEASE tell me that "Happy Breast Awareness Birthday" is not now considered appropriate for a woman's 40th birthday cake. Why not just put, "You're going to die soon."
Maybe it's been too long since I've had a boyfriend [or cake] but the plastic ribbons look like pink teeth to me.
I bet that's how the baker pronounces it: "strenth"
And also, "awaranisistsy." (see below)
"Happy awaranisistsy, Mom and Dad! We're so glad you..."
*background whispering*
"Uh, I mean, so glad Mom's, um...well, you know...her, um...those...I mean..."
[awkward pause]
"Look, we got you cake!"
What boobs these bakers be!
WTF> how hard is it to make a SIMPLE LOOP???? I"ve gotten breast cancer items before, and they always looked fine, how do you manage to mess up a candy mold???? D:
Did you realize you made the NPR booklist? Be proud. Be very proud.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2011/10/18/141455826/wreck-the-halls-explore-the-terrifying-hilarious-world-of-holiday-baking
Strenth... It's almost like having our wv back!
Tenth stretch of the day...
Or
Strong length, a term for embroidery floss in cross-stitch...
(Oh, and "pro tip?" Well played, Jen, well played!)
Oh lord that last one is just amazingly bad, and the ring of stomachs.... *hurk*
Ummm... Not to put too fine a point on it, but on that one cookie cake, I don't think those are STOMACHS... (blinkblink)...
October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, with October 15th being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day so maybe that's what the cookie was referring to? Yeah, I don't know. I'm grasping at straws.
I got a kick of how you signed out TTFN - Ta Ta For Now! It goes perfectly with your post about ta ta's. That's how I close all my e-mail correspondence (w/reference to Winnie the Pooh of course).
Or, celebrate the Mammory of a Loss....???
I thought the stomach linings looked like tongues - which would have worked well with the cupcake, um....ahem....ribbons.....for the bachelorette party.... (going to stand in the corner and think about what I've said.)
Wreckery at it's lowest point of a finest moment. What? Yes. Makes sense.
I cried actual tears at "ring o' stomachs". Those were AWESOME.
"Flappy Beiast Awaranistsy"!???
It's no falker satherhood, but I'll take it!
And what are the sticks for in the, um, pink um, teeth/ribbon/other thing cupcakes? Cupcakepop? And, is that cookie supposed to be some sort of weird whitewall tire to celebrate this horrible loss? Wow, I am always amazed at what people are capable of. And that CCC (Patooie!) is just ridiculous! How could you put that in a display case, back away, and say, "Yes, just beautiful!? Yikes!
hehe- Ta-tas for now.... until you loose them then it's only a loss of a mammory we have to celebrate.
I love Cake Wrecks because it makes me laugh/snort/recoil/cry/supress nausea on a regular basis. It wasn't until today that I also realized it makes me broaden my horizons and learn new things. In the process of fact checking my comments (to try to avoid an "Epcot" -- I'm all out of snacks for the bunker,) I learned the following things today.
1. A "ring o' spleens" icing border would have been WAY grosser than a "Ring o' Stomachs." (Google search: "spleen image.") BTW, Jen, that was an hilariously apt description -- thanks for the belly laugh.
2. There IS a National Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. (Google search: "National Testicular Cancer Awareness Month.") It's in November, and it's awareness ribbon color is light blue. Please, please, please, bakers, don't resurrect those candy molds in November and fill them with blue-tinted white chocolate. The result would be beyond disturbing.
3; I couldn't find a 2 syllable male body part slang term that could be used to come up with some kind of clever word play with "ta-tas." (Google search: "slang terms for pe***") I did spend a rather enlightening 5 minutes perusing the search results. Since I can't find some clever comparison, let me just say the candy mold cupcakes give me the willies.
4. While I was marvelling at how truly misguided the choice of that particular candy mold was, I decided to make a list of all the other things it shouldn't be used for. So far I have: a bunny (not in MY Easter basket...); the letter Y (I just can't see this on "Sesame Street"); "greater than" and "less than" symbols (those kinds of comparisons always end in hurt feelings); and the Greek letter lambda (Google search: "use of greek letters in science.") I don't want to see that thing anywhere near the words "wave," "length," "frequency," or "magnitude."
5. Awaranistsy is NOT the missing Romanov princess. (Google search" "missing Romanov princess.") Actually, I already knew that one... Although, if she were still alive, "flappy breast" might be accurate. She was born in 1901, after all. (Google search: "birthdate of Anastasia Romanov.")
So, thank you Cake Wrecks for making me laugh AND making me smarter.
What IS that last one? I thought it was a CCC, but -- ignoring for a moment the horrible "ribbon" -- the longer I look at it the more it looks like a bunch of mini brownies on top of giant brownie slathered with unfortunate tan frosting. Yuck.
Sorry, but I can clearly read it as Breast Awarenestsi. Its a cursive r and e spelling which looks fine. The tsi though, is clearly wrong. :P
Loved the post. Had to share the vid my mom sent me about self-exams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsyE2rCW71o&feature=share
I really hope those stomachs don't digest too much of the cookie.
Why Oh Why would anyone believe that little candy mold male body parts would suffice for pink ribbons???? That picture was a bit PG13. Either that or I have a dirty mind.....hmmmm
And of course a high fat, high sugar diet does wonders to cut down on breast cancer.
Just 7 more days! I thought this post was begging for a P!nk song, so here it is, "Who Knew", wrectified:
You took that cake, said you knew how
To decorate, but holy cow!
Oh no, not quite.
The stomach ring, Lord, give me “strenth”
Is that ribbon or a labyrinth?
Oh no, not quite.
Did someone say cupcake cakes rule?
Cause they’re all wrong!
And chocolate chip cookies are cool,
But not for long.
Ribbon, twisted,
Can look like quite a joystick.
It’s so sick! Who knew?
hahaha....oh my. Funny post. "Flappy Beiast Awaranistsy" made me giggle all the way through, then the giggles continued with the candy penis' as ribbons! hahah!!! Stomach icing, hilarious. And finally: a CCC ribbon!!!! LOL.
Why, oh why, do I always end up reading the funniest posts EVER while I'm at work and have to stifle my guffawing and avoid having my coworkers find me in a heap on the floor, cry-laughing??
I thought the "ring o stomachs" were supposed to be sagging boobies.
#1 Takes a licking and keeps on...not being sold.
#2 Is 'flappy' really the word we want to use? Are the next two words even words?
#3 Ring o' stomachs and Pepto Pink to boot! Imagery overload...
#5 That looks suspiciously like fondant, in which case the message should be, "Celebrate the memory of your appetite."
#6 Is it me, or are CCCs getting really stingy? The weird thing is, the ratio of frosting to cupcakes stays about the same.
Nemo! Newcomer of orange and white, you have been called forth to the summit of Mount Wannahockaloogie to join with us in the fraternal bonds of digestive acid.... IF you are able to swim through (dramatic pause) the RING OF STOMACHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is possibly my favourite CW post in a long time. I snickered at the ring of stomachs, giggled at the chocolate 'ribbons' and threw my head back in a genuine LOL at the final picture. Thank you.
I think the celebrating the memory of a loss is celebrating the fact that if you are a breast cancer survivor, you may have lost one of the girls to a mastectomy and then living.
A "Happy Breast Awareness Birthday" or whatever that word was they put on there is when the girls have drifted so far south, you forgot they are still there.
I have definitely reached an age where a "Flappy Breast Awareness" cake would be appropriate (I am oh so aware already, though), but I know nothing of this Beiast Awaranistsy.
I'm just surprised you didn't show any that are takes on "Save Second Base" or "Save the Tatas." Geez, that's tacky enough as it is.
Hey, they spelled "birthday" right! I read it 3x to be sure as I couldn't believe it. All I could think about "the memory of a loss" was the rock group "system of a down." I always hear that in Yoda's voice.
J, you're awesome
Sharyn, you've got too much time on your hands and fell free to enlighten us anytime :D
Because celebrating the memory of a life would require cake. A loss, on the other hand, can be remembered with a giant iced cookie.
Oh man lol. I cannot stop laughing at the ring of stomachs now. Sheesh. What on earth can these wreckerators be thinking? Have they never seen the pink ribbon or do they really think that the molded erm "ribbons" look anything like them? When I saw those I couldn't help but wonder if they found the mold at Spencer's lol.
This. This post right here is why I <3 you guys so much! You are so very clever and you inspired me to start my blog almost a year ago. I think I'll get a cake to celebrate...with sprinkles. Yes, I want sprinkles.