Halloween Boo Boos
October 24, 2011 Some questions are easy to answer.
"Cake, or DEATH?"
"Uh...cake, please."
Others can be a little more tricky:
"Trick, or TROAT?"
;)
"And this is for 'Hallowen,' so, be honest."
Here's a moving Halloween vignette:
;)
Judging by the pile behind it, I guess we have to assume that's "Poop in Peace."
(Which, come to think of it, is probably what every parent of a two to six-year-old dreams of doing.)
Jack O' Lanterns:
;)
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
Sperm Bullies:
;)
YOU PRETTY MUCH NAILED IT.
I can't decide if these two are hanging garland or just have massive orthodontist bills:
Boo? Boo?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
;)
Thank you.
Thanks to Porter N., Rane L., Katya H., Lisa S., Laura W., & Destiny G., who think that last one is pretty yracs.
Hey Philadelphia! We'll see you tonight! WOOHOO!!!
Reader Comments (69)
selknirps eht naht rehto, lleW. ekac tsal taht htiw gnorw gnihtyna ees t'nac I
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
Can't...comprehend...logic O_o
The Cravin’ (with deepest apologies to E.A. Poe)
Once upon a late night, dreary, I walked into the bakery, weary,
Waited my turn and stared at the bakery floor.
While I was cravin’ cake, there came a tapping, as if someone gently rapping,
Rapping on the bakery door.
‘Tis another customer, I muttered, tapping on the bakery door,
Only this and nothing more.
Ah, distinctly I recall, it was late into the fall,
And I was standing in the mall, looking at the bakery floor.
Eagerly I wanted to go home, for I had no desire to roam
Around the stores, I wanted my cake and then to soar,
But I was stuck in line, could move no more,
So I still gazed upon the floor.
Then the baker called my number, rousing me from a slight slumber,
I went to the counter and stood before,
I pro-offered, “Here’s my ticket,” and he went into the back to picket it,
Went to the back through a narrow door.
I could see the boxes stacked upon the floor,
Boxes, boxes, nothing more.
Out he came with a great big grin, two cake boxes ‘neath his chin.
He placed them on the counter there and lifted the lids into the air.
Up flew the lids with quite a flourish;
Yes, he lifted the lids with quite a flair
And said “Take a peek at what’s in there!”
I did…then reached for a near-by chair.
My God, I stammered, nearly choking, surely this man was cruelly joking!
What The Frosting!?! I loudly shouted,
As I stared at the outrage there.
And in my mind I never doubted
That my order he had flouted;
I just stood there, and sadly pouted.
These are not mine, I simply said, though I think my protest went over his head.
My blood vessels shrank, went into restriction
As the horrors stood before me.
Was I not clear in my diction?
Do I speak with some restriction?
Do I have some speech affliction?
When I say that I want sprinkles, do you hear “a boy that tinkles”?
And what is all that big brown goo
Heaped upon that other cake?
What I said was a kangaroo.
Does that sound like “mounds of poo”?
Piles and piles of doggy-do?
My cravin’ had fled real fast as I stood there quite aghast
And simply said “It cannot be,”
Not believing what was in that store, (go there again? Nevermore!)
I had to leave, I had to flee,
And what really, really distressed me
Was that each cake was…a CCC.
"YOU! Cake or death? "
"Uh, death, please...NO! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry."
"We're gonna run out of cake at this rate..."
Hoppy Hallowen? PIP?? AND a CCC? Horrifying. Just... horrifying.
You there, cake or death?
Uh, cake please.
Well, we're all out of cake, sorry.
So my choice is 'or death?'
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*gasp*...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
That's for you AND Mel. Gosh, I love this place.
(Those jack o'somethings are unbe-frickin'-lievable!.)
I think that the ghosts in the second-last one are supposed to be carrying chains.
I love the geekery you use mixed with baking/pastry critique, but you amped up your awesome blog power with a Eddie Izzard reference!!! WRECKS ROCKS!
Ok, this whole video is funny, but if you wait for it, you'll see the "oob."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Jzkop04P4
Love this blog...it never disappoints.
@mel -you mixed Poe and S.Silverstein--loved it.
mocking
Chains you say? Certainly neck chains. Ghosts like jewelry, too.
I was going to make some amazingly hilarious addition to the Eddie Izzard reference, but that would just be redundant. Wreck on!!
Well, I WAS just going to comment on how much I liked the jack-o-lantern with a bat in flight in place of its left eye. Then I read Mel's comment. I am awed.
Dick and Jane Review the Wrecks
Chapter 1
“Oh, Dick,” said Jane. “We get to comment on the cakes today!”
“Oh, Jane,” said Dick. “What cakes?”
“Silly, silly Dick,” said Jane. “The cakes in the pictures.”
“Oh, Jane,” Dick said, “That is a sentence fragment.”
“I can do that,” said Jane. “Mom said. But you’re too young.”
“Oh, Jane, look at the first cake,” said Dick. “It says ‘Trick or Troat’! That is so funny!
What does that mean? Is it a bad word?”
“It means this cake was made for a crook who wants candy or he will grab you by the troat and choke you,” said Jane.
“Oh, Jane, that sounds scary,” said Dick. “And how do you know about that kind of stuff?”
“Silly, silly Dick,” said Jane. “I saw it on cable.”
“We have cable?” said Dick.
“Oh, look,” said Jane. “Here comes Sally. Let’s make her say a bad word.”
“Oh, Dick, oh, Jane. I see you,” said Sally. “Can I play with you?”
“Come play with us, Sally,” Jane said. “Look at this picture of a cake. See what the lady wrote there. Can you read it?”
“Silly, silly Jane,” said Sally. “I can’t read.”
“I will help you sound it out,” said Jane. “The first letter sounds like the start of Puff’s name. The next two letters are the funny sound in Boo, and the last letter is like the first one.”
“Let me see,” said Sally. “I think I know it. Is it poop? Wait, you made me say poop!”
“Ha, ha, ha,” said Dick. “You said poop.”
“Now you said it,” said Sally. “You both said poop. Oh, no, now I said it.”
“Ha, ha, ha,” laughed Dick and Jane and Sally.
“Why would anyone put poop on a cake?’ said Dick.
“I wouldn’t eat a cake with poop on it,” said Sally. “Even if it was Spot or Puff’s poop.”
“Wait, Sally,” said Dick. “That was a sentence fragment.”
“Mom said I could,” said Sally.
“Oh, look,” said Dick. “Those cupcakes have poop around their mouths. I think they were eating poop!”
“Funny, funny cupcakes,” said Sally.
“Oh, Jane,” said Dick. “What are sperm bullies?”
Jane said, “Those are sperm who pick on other sperm.”
“That’s not nice,” said Dick. “What are sperm?”
“Mom said not to tell you,” said Jane. “Maybe Dad will tell you later. But don’t ask at dinner.”
“I hope I never see any sperm bullies,” said Dick. “I don’t like bullies.”
Sally said, “What is that next cake? It looks like white poop!”
“Oh, Sally, said Jane, “Silly, silly Sally. I think you just like to say poop. I think they are clouds with sunglasses.”
Dick said, “The last cake says ‘OooB.’ I think I can use my Captain Midnight Secret Decoder Ring to find out what it means!”
“Oh, Dick,” said Jane. “It just means the baker was being silly. Silly, silly baker!”
“That was fun,” said Dick.
“Fun, fun, fun,” said Sally. “I liked saying poop. Can we do this again sometime?”
“Depends on customer feed-back,” said Jane. “If enough people close their eyes real hard and say ‘I believe….’ No, wait, that’s another story….”
“We should thank the lady who put up the pictures,” said Sally.
“Her name is Jen,” said Jane. “She is a funny lady.”
“Thank you, Jen. Funny, funny Jen,” said Dick and Jane and Sally.
Oh god, those four pictures together of the jack o lanterns totally look like a rage comic
Trick or Troat? Oooob indeed!
Oh mel, how clever you are! And, as always Jen, you never disappoint. Eddie Izzard for the win! Now if only we could incorporate the Darth/Jeff Vader sketch as well...
Mel, you officially own the Internet.
#1 Now, we must be sensitive -- the wreckerator obviously has a morbid fear of the long 'e' sound. (The 'y' on 'happy' is ok because it isn't an 'e'.)
#2 I can well imagine that the employees of some establishments are on the lookout for phone cameras. The form factor of my phone makes it so that I can look like I'm checking my shopping list while I am in fact (silently) clicking away. I have the misfortune, however, to live in a wreck-free zone. Sure, there's lots of flotsam about and the odd CCC, but nothing clickworthy has yet appeared. I can't believe that there is an unusual concentration of competence in this area, so it may be that people are playing it safe lest they achieve unwitting fame.
#3 I think the fourth one is an attempt at a pirate, but I can't make sense of what is going on below the eye(s).
#4 I...er...uh... Oh look, a CCC!
#5 The neat thing about piped writing on the cake board is that someone is thinking of the poor little ants, who need need extra food this time of year. Or maybe the wreckerator left the cap off the marker.
#6 A fully-frosted giant cookie. Does one eat it in reverse, too?
"oooooB" lol, that made me spit out my gum!
Mel- CLAP CLAP CLAP (stands up ) CLAP WHISTLE CLAP
Too funny the posts, and the comments! : D
Eddie Izzard! <3
Hilarious as usual.
Eddie Izzard - FTW!!
Cake or death?
Umm, death - no cake!!
Ah - ah! You said death first!
8 days until Jen and John are in Toronto!
Carrying on my countdown (am I annoying yet?) with Kim Mitchell's "Patio Lanterns" tune...
These are some of the worst cakes I’ve ever seen
With the funniest stuff written in between
And those are bad jack-o-lanterns.
I spent half the day reading thoughts from Mel
It made me laugh so hard I had a dizzy spell
I nearly fell
Who is gonna eat, who wants to eat poopy cake?
Do you think that ill-tempered sperm are hard to make?
And those are bad jack-o-lanterns.
You're doing it wrong indeed! ha hahah best jack-o-lantern fails ever.
Ha ha. I thought the last one said, "boob" at first. :-p
"And this is for 'Hallowen,' so, be honest." ::giggle:: I think these wrecks just sucked one year of my life away.
ten points for the Princess Bride reference!!!
At first I thought that the last one the picture was just flipped, but the tag on the package is the right way, so I'm at a loss...
I love the "Cravin" and the "Dick and Jane Review." They were nearly as funny as Jen's original post. Very clever.
Oh my sweet and fluffy lord, SuBee you are my hero! I'm still laughing and trying to sort out my eyeballs from reading that.
And I love forever any post that starts with and Eddie Izzard joke. Bravo Jen, bravo.
LOVE the Eddie Izzard reference! Thanks for the giggles, Jen!
Not just a reference to Eddie Izzard... not just a reference to Princess Bride... but BOTH. Jeezy Chreezy, I've never seen it's equal.
Those "jack-o-lanterns" kind of remind me of the salt-sucker from the first Star Trek: Original Series episode....
love the eddie izzard reference!
An Eddie Izzard AND a Princess Bride in the same post with some Silverstein in the comments? I am in love.
OK, the "oooooB" cake made me snort.
In other news, Jen, have you heard that Joss Whedon has just finished filming a new movie based on Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing?" Nathon Fillion, Amy Acker, Alexis Denisof... I am so excited I can hardly stand it.
My eyes!! The flashing ad on the left for "Winning a Laptop" needs to be removed. Besides being a come-on, it causes brain seizures!
Oh, by the way, you are COMPLETELY correct in your assumption that a mother of a two to six year old would love to PIP. Take it from a mom of a two and a six year old who's bathroom door is never too fortified for them to break into. They know how to unlock it from the outside for goodness' sake! (Now that I think of it, I would actually love to RIP, too...because I am TIRED.)
Mel you rock! I get to see Jen on Thursday! Counting the days.
I. Love. The. Last. One. My favorite childhood joke was "What does a dyslexic ghost say?". "oooooB of course!". Being dyslexic and nicknamed Boo made it ridiculously funny to me.
Meghan already posted the link to this (Reduced Shakespeare Company's "Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged" - this particular video is of Hamlet being performed faster, even faster, and then backwards).
The link takes you to the "backwards" portion - enjoy!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=H2Jzkop04P4#t=178s
I'll definitely have to remember to say, "Oooob" to all the Trick -or- Troaters who come to my door on Monday!
oooooooooob. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooob. (are you scared yet?)
Meghan is right, it's the last version of a VERY fast Hamlet, Backwards! From The Complete Shakespeare Abridged play.
oooooB.... so so funny
!!!emosewa saw taht ,eeBuS
Mel, don't ever switch to decaf.
Zoomom, not yet, you're not!!
Mel and Jen, You are truly great writers