Creepy Clowns vs Creepy Boobs: We Report, YOU DECIDE
January 26, 2018 Fun Fact: I can't stand horror movies, but I love - LOOOOVE - creepy cakes.
I'm not talking intentionally creepy stuff, like zombies or gore or "Baby Bump" cakes - no, I mean the ones that a baker finished, looked at, and thought, "Yeah, that's pretty cute."
;)
I'm told this is some kind of clown.
I'm also told that a Hitler joke here will "get us in so much trouble are you freaking kidding me babe NOOOO." So never mind.
Kids can be creepy enough* as it is, bakers, so please, STOP HELPING:
;)
[*True Story: One time John and I were meeting with a fan at a busy restaurant, and the table next to us parked their stroller - which had a beautiful little boy in it - right across from me. The toddler had ice blue eyes and a slack, deadpan expression, and proceeded to stare at me. The entire. Time. Then John and the reader left to get drinks, leaving me alone with Baby Demon Eyes, and I kept trying not to notice, but every time I glanced over he was STILL STARING, like he was trying to mind-control me into stealing everyone's souls and/or chocolate, and his parents were totally oblivious, and I started to freak out, and long story short, I only have a few dozen more hours of community service to go.]
Animal Safari Cake Claims Latest Victim:
;)
Quick! Somebody throw the baby a rope! Unless he won't stop staring at you!
Speaking of staring:
;)
;)
;)
Dang, Woody. You creepy.
But even that plastic menace is about to be eclipsed by the funky cake bazoongas of one not-quite-life-sized Dolly Parton cake:
;)
I worry about her structural integrity, you guys. Like, she could topple over any second and smother you with her cakey fun bags. Which I guess is kind of like real life? Only more awkward, because in real life you probably wouldn't ever have to lick off Dolly Parton's boob smears, and wow did that go somewhere I didn't want to go fast.
[side eye]
[awkwardly sidles out of the room]
Thanks to Nisha T., Niki R., Paula, Tenley H., & Summer S., who agree we should all stop thinking about licking Dolly Parton's boobs now. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT.
*****
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Reader Comments (26)
OHhhh...I REMEMBER these. .. .. It hasn't been NEARLY long enough.....(Woody is back on the stuff, I see. ....sigh.)
=^-.-^=
Of course Woody looks creepy. He's sitting there about to burn to death in a forest fire. Why is he just sitting there with flames all around him??
Wait... I don't "get" that second cake! Is it the story, where the woman gets pregnant, then gets engaged or married and has the baby? Is it a marriage proposal? That is a diamond ring right? On a fist, or an animal paw? What does that mean, and why does poor Issac have a pregnant woman and a ring on a fist on HIS birthday cake?
So on that "Isaac" cake, what is the middle figure supposed to be? It looks to me like an engagement ring on either a foot or a fist. Are they trying to shame the mother for not marrying until after she was pregnant, or maybe she's still only engaged? Or is this cake to celebrate Isaac's 1st birthday AND mom's engagement? Inquiring/confused minds want to know.
What is the ring image on the second cake supposed to be?? (Between the pregnant woman and the baby)
On Isaac’s birthday cake, I get that the first picture depicts (sort of) his mom pre-birth and the third picture is him (sort of) post-birth, but WTF is the middle one? Mom at the baby shower trying to balance a ring on her foot? (Is that a thing—I’m not up on baby shower games.) Anybody see something I don’t?
I'm guessing the middle image is the traditional newborn photography thing where they put the parents' wedding bands on the baby's hand or foot to show how tiny s/he is.
Cakey fun bags 😂😂😂
We are debating WTH that second thing on the birthday cake is in the FB comments as well. Maybe a ratlle?
I saw that glorious Dolly Parton cake in person and it was every bit as weird, creepy, and unbalanced as you’re imagining!!!
I was thinking that ring thing was a teething ring???
but that first cake is definitely Herr Hitler. I don't care what anyone else tries to tell you.
The first one is obvious...a cheap, canned ham with (for some reason, maybe it was hamming things up) electrical tape over the mouth. The second one is a mash-up of Gollum being born. His deformed hand holding the One Ring, his deformed, evil face. The staring blue eyes. And his poor mother, who lost both of her sons to misadventure. How sad!
Just...wow. I really need to know the backstory to these cakes, but at the same time I don't want to know. D:
Is little Isaac's middle name "Shotgun"?
OMG. I totally want to nickname someone in my life "Cakey Funbags" now....
Cakey Funbags!!!! Isn't that the porn star that . . . never mind. I think that was Dusty Muffins (which happened when I made blueberry muffins right before they came to fix my kitchen wall).
I can hear Woody singing in his best Johnny Cash voice, "I fell into a burnin' ring of fire!"
I'm going to try to use "boob smears" in at least one conversation this week.
Do NOT throw the giant baby head a rope! It's bigger than a giraffe! Making the entire baby Godzilla sized! No! Save us all from giant babies!
It's not just Dolly: https://www.xkcd.com/275/.
That first cake looks like a very angry potato to me lol. As for Isaac looks like the baby is holding an engagement ring that or is about to eat the thing I cannot tell which.
Is the shrubbery around Woody on fire? If so, why is it on fire?
That first wreck looks as if somebody tried to make Hitler on a Mr. Potato Head. I suppose you could say he was some sort of clown . . .
The first cake looks like Hitler in a too tight bathing cap.
#3 Not only was little Aiden traumatized by the first Jumanji movie, the kid got to relive the horror by cake. On the plus side, the cake baby may be riding a giant carrot.
Of course Woody looks creepy - he's a wooden doll committing suicide by flaming cake!