This One's For The Girls
August 18, 2017 (ATTENTION MOMS: this post may be mildly inappropriate for young children.)
Alright ladies, it's OUR turn.
That's right: it's time to turn the tables on all those chauvinistic guys who order the boob or butt cakes, rendering the female form as nothing more than an object - and an edible one at that! It's time to ogle the MALE form in cake for once, and show them how it feels! You heard me, gentlemen: prepare... to be objectified!! [rubbing hands together] Heheheh. This is gonna be awesome.
Ok, let's start the show!
First up, ladies, check out this sexy little...
;)
Oh.
["Urp"ing noise]
Sorry, sorry. Uh, yeah, Julie B.? This one's really not doing anything for me. In fact, the neck hump area is kind of grossing me out.
Not to worry, though; there's more where that came from. Next!
;)
Huh.
Um, Donna B., not that I don't appreciate the liberal use of painted-on under-arm hair (and other hair which I was kind enough to cover - you're welcome) and the whole "good luck on your wedding night" sentiment, but again, this is really having more of the opposite effect on me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it looks like the chest of a pasty-white prepubescent.
Ohhhkay. Now I just creeped myself out, looking at this. [averting eyes] Next! NEXT!!
;)
[gagging] Rapidly. Losing. Appetite.
By the way, Amanda E., not that I'm complaining, but I don't think he has any nipples. Again, NOT complaining. Really. *hurk*
Oh, look: Tam & Annabel found Mr. Heard-it-through-the-grapevine's bottom half, and it begs the question...
;)
Is acupuncture ever a good package deal? Just wondering.
Ok, this is ridiculous. I don't feel like we've objectified any guys at all with these cakes! Sarah W., you're our last hope. Bring it, sistah.
;)
Aaaugh!! My eyes! My seared, bleeding eyes!
What this headless, neckless, armless, and legless torso lacks in limbs it certainly makes up for with day-glo orange streakiness. Not to mention that it exudes a kind of sinister intelligence: I swear it's looking at me.
In fact, here's a hypothetical for y'all: You get up in the middle of the night, and turn suddenly to find this cake hopping along behind you. Do you:
a) scream
b) laugh
c) grab a fork or
d) all of the above?
[sigh]
Well, ladies, I'm sorry: our quest to objectify men using cakes has failed. But on the bright side, we'll always have Tom Selleck - right?
*****
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Reader Comments (13)
I think cake #2 would be perfect for Justin Bieber's wife. If anyone ever deigns to marry him ! 😅😆😉
Is it wrong to wish they had put a candle in the "bulge" on #4?
Aaaauuuuuuugggghhhhhhh!
OMG, my coworkers now (probably rightly so) think I am nuts. When I got to, "Is acupuncture ever a good package deal? Just wondering." I started laughing out loud. Hard. (Oooo, unintentional bad pun there!) Then I got to, "I swear it's looking at me." and I laughed so hard I coughed. Our office actually are the people who go to court to get people involuntary mental health commitments. I am worried that they are starting paperwork on me as I type this...I wonder if there will be cake at the mental hospital?
On that last monstrosity's nipples do follow you. ew
Look closer, doctor teresa: there are sparklers as well as candles on cake 4. It's not perfectly positioned, but I bet any man who spots it goes ouch.
Grab a fork and start stabbing! Yikes!
That Tom Selleck cake has always been a favourite of mine but none of them beat that wonderful cakey rendition of Burt Reynolds in his Cosmo centrefold pose on an eclair - http://www.ruethedayblog.com/2013/11/deliciously-hairy-the-burt-reynolds-eclair/
Oh man this could turn me off cake for at least a week lol. Just blah.
@Caryl - OMG! I will never again see an eclair and not think of that!
The last one looks sad. Like a Dalek and a human had a baby and now he's a toddler and is lost.I hope Jodi's coworkers don't find me!
E. Grab a flamethrower
I am speechless....
THE NIPPLES! THE HORRIBLE NIPPLES! AUGH