Friday Favs 7/1/16
July 1, 2016 Some of my favorite new submissions this week.
Hey bakers, you know how you all get together in shadowy back rooms and debate which new frosted horrors to unleash on your unsuspecting customers?
Well, never thought I'd say this, but you've finally outdone yourselves.
;)
Blue Cake Tacos.
Wow.
;)
That's like a whole new breed of wrong. Srsly. I'm talking "because 'MURICA" wrong. I'm talking BK's deep fried Cheetos-crusted Mac n' Cheese sticks wrong. Which, as we all know, is so wrong it's almost right. (But still so, so wrong.)
HAT TIP.
Just to avoid any confusion, minions, you might attach a photo of the cake you want to your bakery order, and then be VERY clear that *your* cake should be identical to the cake shown.
Of course, if you do that, then you also might get this.
;)
Technically, that IS "identical to the cake shown."
When your grill cake looks better upside down:
;)
See? MUCH better as a bug-eyed monster.
Possibly the most hysterical label BOOPSIE I've seen yet:
;)
If only all SHT MARBLE cakes had "quick responsive handling," am I right? Though not too sure about the Wet Traction part. o.0
Psst. Don't look now, but I think little Reid's cake is having, shall we say, dark thoughts:
;)
Sorry, kids, I *would* cut the cake, but Murder Monkey just whispered something about "red rum" and now we're all having salad instead.
Hey, you know how people say, "You're a peach!" when they really mean,"You're a butt-faced cretin and I hate you"?
NOW THERE'S A CAKE FOR THAT.
;)
Best served under a full moon.
But(t) before you poo-poo my jokes, I promise that crack was completely tongue-in-cheek.
Thanks to Sarah E., Alanna B., Ivy W., Melissa K., Sara W., & Vicki S. for keeping the Fern Gully cracks on the DL.
*****
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Reader Comments (51)
Were Mexican wreckers forced to make AND pay for the red, white and blue tacos?
Is it wrong I would try the tacos 😶 but in all seriousness how hard do they look at the finished products?!?!?
The blue "tacos" look more like "blue waffles" with man parts (which are also of a disturbing hue). P.S. If you don't know what a blue waffle is, google it. It's just NFSW.
[Editor's Note: DO NOT GOOGLE BLUE WAFFLES. Just.. don't. Kthxbai.]
OMG, I'm choking and spitting coffee onto the monitor and keyboard. Sooo worth it! Jen you need to be writing comedy scripts professionally my friend! The puns, jokes, pictures are perfectly matched. I'm trying very hard to muffle my laughs and snorts as to not disturb others in my office, but I suspect they are on to me, they're looking at me strangely. I want to send everyone a PEACH CAKE.
Please tell me those cake tacos are stuffed with pure, solid, nothing but icing!! Oh, PLEASE!!!
OH. DEAR. JEEBUS. LORD...
My local Hy-Vees now offer the "cake taco" abominations. You'd think that much frosting would be a major "Win", but the cake and frosting tend to go stale almost instantly, and they're really awful. (Tried a lemon version, because "lemon". Won't be making that mistake again...).
It took me a hot minute to realize the second cake was supposed to be a mug full of beer. The helpful caption on the cake board didn't help.
Autopsy Alien is actually what, a Weber grill? Cuz... Upside down like that, it could TOTALLY be a prop for the new "Independence Day" film.
Speaking for myself, I prefer my marbles to give the whole sht. Just sayin'. (The voices concurr on this one... If you're going to do something, do it all the way - no half-measures).
Murder Monkey is disturbing my calm. Seriously. It looks like it could kill me with its brain after it edits the Bible.
That last one... All I can think of is, "...Talk about bum-cakes, my baby's got 'em!!!"
I feel like those cake tacos should be deep fried.
Very few bakers are willing to stand behind their SHT MARBLE cakes and offer a 45,000 mile limited warranty!
I wonder if the "wet traction" note on the sht marble means it won't slide off the tray if you accidentally tilt it. That would actually come in handy. (I've never lost a cake that way, but I've come close.)
Why is there blue food? Why? I understand blue icing and it's hard to imagine a bomb pop without a blue layer but blue cake? Blue jello? Blue bagels? Just because we can drop in blue coloring doesn't mean we should drop in blue coloring. Had you not told us those were "tacos" I would be pondering what-in-the-name-of-all-that's-holy that was (first thought: That's the worst 4th of July flag cake EVER.)
Re: the peach. I'm behind you all the way on this. In fact, you can call on me to be your #2. Just tell me to take that cake and dump it and I'll be out the door with explosive force. I could definitely be running all over; no 1/2 sht action for you, oh Gracious Leader of Wreckie Minions.
Why is there seaweed on the peach?
BADKarma, I thought those were Hy-Vee bakery labels! I guess I'm going wreck-hunting tonight, so I can get a photo of one of those things in it's natural habitat.
Oh my! Thank you for that "your a peach" joke. It gave me the best laugh today. Thank you, thank you!
The grill one looks like the Flying Spaghetti Monster had his guts torn out! THE HORROR, THE HORROR, I tell you!
...
I made such an odd face at those cake tacos that my mouth won't quit twitching.
I see a lucrative new venture in the future: Cake Wreck Tics.
"You're a Peach" is my new favorite euphemism for "F*** off". Thanks, Jen. And the blue tacos? I thought they were sponges wrapped around icing. *Shudder*
Those cake tacos were intentional. Not just "eh we have some extra batter and icing around, let's throw it in a container and see if we can make some money off of it" but "we are going to make dozens of these and try to sell them to real people."
The thought of biting into one of those made my stomach turn.
Okay, you tell us NOT to google "blue waffles" and expect us to not do it? I haven't, mind you, but really...
Okay. I did google "blue waffle" and the first thing that came up was Snopes, so you should definitely google "Snopes blue waffle!"
Re: the peach cake. That's not the human anatomy I saw in that cake.
I need proof that there is actually some form of cake-like substance in the tacos. It looks more to me like they somehow found a way to wrap a blue icing doily around the red and white... ummmmm.... wrongness.
Ok, but in the peach cake's defense, real peaches look exactly like tiny butts, so there isn't really a way around that.
You do realize the 1/2 Sht Marble is for actual marble, right? Like for your countertop? Just checking.
I know you see a butt on the last cake, but I see that Eve's fig leaf didn't offer as much coverage as we'd all hoped 😂
Those cake tacos are sooooo gross looking.
The 1/2 SHT MARBLE offering also has a 30 day Michelin Promise, whatever that means....
This collection is among the most "interesting" you've pulled together for our delight/horror, Jen. I was thinking the blue tacos were ALL frosting.
Leah -- I think the "Exceptional Wet Traction" and ""Quick, Responsive Handling" comes AFTER you have eaten the SHT Marble. Michelin promises.
The "30 day Michelin promise" means that if you eat their cake for 30 days straight, you're guaranteed to look like the Michelin man (with an unhappy colon).
[Editor's Note: DO NOT GOOGLE BLUE WAFFLES. Just.. don't. Kthxbai.]
I'm a rebel! Besides how bad can it be?
AAAUURRGGGHHHHH!!!! My eyes!!! My eyes!!!!
I really need to learn to listen better when others try to warn... Oh look, a chicken!!!!
The last cake looks a little irritated...Does anyone have any Preparation H? Monkey Butt Powder?
Maybe a Fuzzy Navel?
Fun language fact: the Turkish word pıç, pronounced exactly like "peach", means "b*st*rd." I'm pretty sure that final cake was ill-conceived.
Re: "blue waffles": you know that's a hoax, right? Please tell me you know it isn't true...
Re: the peach cake. In Asian culture, particularly Chinese, the peach is a symbol of long life. I am willing to bet this was a birthday cake, perhaps a 40th (which has special significance) saying, for those of us who only speak Geek, "Live long & prosper".
I work in a grocery store bakery and those cake tacos are called Angel Food Flips. Our managers demanded that red, white and blue ones be done for the 4th. They are literally angel food pancakes folded with frosting on the middle. But yeah... Cake tacos.
In the middle of a lovely, small, home owned bar & grill having pulled pork BBQ & dark beer (OMG delicious!) when hubby decides to powder his nose so I pull out the phone to amuse myself. When I got to the SHT MARBLE I actually laughed out loud, way above the normal chatter noise and for a nanosecond we all looked around wondering who'd made that cackling noise. Blink, blink, not a clue, not a clue! BWAHAHAHAHA
PS. Beer cake? I thought it was popcorn. Going to have to get the name of this beer I'm drinking, oh, this is good!
That first one isn't blue tacos. It's clearly toothbrushes. Sitting in the toothpaste. Because reasons.
Hey, don't just brush, REACH FOR A KNIFE AND KILL IT!
The tacos made me think of a bit of anatomy... The fact that the icing looks like a red and white tube isn't helping.
I thought that the Peach cake was given to someone at an observatory. Go ahead, say it. You know you wanna.
Just back away from the monkey cake and no one will get hurt, that is until you try to take a bite of the blue tacos and then you will be permanently preserved from all the artificial food coloring that make up those things.
I guess I can't answer "peachy" when people ask me how I am. I do say it will all due sarcasm, but that cake.....
I think the last one might be a cake version of the Chinese birthday bun: http://eshop.harbour-plaza.com/northpoint/product/chinese-birthday-bun/
I can't see a butt in the peach cake.
What I see is a part of the female anatomy in the same general area. If you look at it upside down the seaweed then makes sense as a covering.
I once did look up blue waffles and I haven't been the same since. But this was a year ago and now I know better lol. Boy do I know better. No eye bleach can erase the memories so don't look it up ever. Though those blue tacos are hilarious and I probably would eat them blue or not lol.
Blue. Waffles. Thanks for the additional warning SuBee; I looked at descriptions rather than actual websites, then proceeded directly to Snopes!
As an aside, looking at the 'peach' cake, I first thought it was some sort of underwater scene that hadn't been completed (lack of fish...), because I've never seen leaves like that above the water line, much less on a peach.
Thanks, as always, for the laughs!
Am I the only one that looked at those tacos and the first thing that I saw were some gross feminine hygiene products wrapped in blue ? 😳
um just so you know, that monkey cake is actually really legit and looks like its supposed to. google sock monkey. My friend used to have one when we were kids haha
The last one looks like Chinese bean paste buns, which are delicious. To be fair, my kids do refer to them as butts and the brown pasty goodness as... well, I'm sure you can guess.
https://www.jeffersonscher.com/photos/rest/YumsBistro2/img/Yums2-8-PeachBuns-8509_md.jpg
Googling blue waffle is not just NSFW it is also Not Safe For Sanity……
I curse everyone that has reminded me of that horror again….I did used to work in IT. Do you have any idea how many rabbit holes I had to clean up after people who made that mistake?
Renee, you're not alone.
"You do realize the 1/2 Sht Marble is for actual marble, right? Like for your countertop? Just checking."
Where can you get marble for a countertop for $21.64??? A marble countertop need a 45,000 mile limited warranty and quick, responsive handling about as much as a marble cake does.