Creepy Poetry Counts, Too
February 3, 2014 Hey, it's National Haiku Writing Month! John! Quick! GET ME THE CREEPIEST CAKES YOU CAN FIND!
[shuffling virtual photographs]
Right.
LET'S DO THIS.
;)
still life of swift death
or delicious iced dessert
cooler heads prevail
;)
buttercream bunions
metaphoric masterpiece
wedding with cold feet
;)
expressive beach tree
dawning realization
calls for a face palm
;)
The hottest new trend:
flaming baby shower cakes
Welcome to hell, B.
;)
Down where it's wetter
Clearly not all that better
Ariel impaled
;)
drowning our sorrows
won't call for giant tampons
and please hold the jam
;)
From 'death do us part'
to avant-garde home decor
Rough divorce, Carol?
Thanks to Karin K., Kate J., Charlene L., Stephanie S., Kristen O., Evelyn D., & Myra F. for making us all count on our fingers. (Admit it; you totally did!)
*****
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Reader Comments (60)
The giant tampon
Is beautifully rendered
Pure PMS joy
Totally counted
Your haikus are exquisite
But the cakes are not
Count Carol's fingers
Looks like six but I count five
It's an illusion
Mermaid meets Ahab
Never had a fighting chance
Burial at sea
Husband as carpet?
Seems to me a good idea
How does one clean it?
My two favorite things:
Cake Wrecks and subtle haiku.
What a great morning!
Anybody else
composing haiku today?
Can't wait to see it!
Haiku Joy must be
creating a masterpiece
to top this day off!
My jaw on the floor,
I stare in sheer disbelief.
Each to his own taste?
Giant white tampon
Relief in the form of cake
I'm getting a cramp
Cakes that make me go
UGH I cannot eat that thing
makes me puke loudly
Today is your day
So do what you do the best
Go On, Haiku Joy.
Could it be that deer
Is merely recovering
From a tough Bowl game
Glad the tampon cake
Has red velvet inside and
not on the outside
One chocolate cupcake,
too ashamed to face the crowd,
reproaches comrades.
I need to know more about the feet cake display. Because seriously, I can't think of any reason at all, why you would want cakes made into feet to eat at your wedding. FEET CAKE!?! WTH people. WHAT THE HELL?
Not really a hai-
ku, but what in the heck is
the brown and green cake??
Srsly, anyone???
Is Carol's ex made of bacon?
Nice tampon cake, but it seems like there would be a much larger market for well-rendered douchebags. I would think a decorator would have trouble keeping up with those orders!
The third cake is an alien( with a wooden leg) reaching over to grab a cupcake??
Green stuff and brown stuff
What could that possibly be?
OH, green and brown stuff!
Cake Wrecks takes the cake
Funny in any format
All hail Jen and john*
*(thoJ)
And by the way…it looks like in that last cake the divorce might have been a tad harder on the guy….
Oh, dear. I started giggling with the first cake and haven't stopped since.
Poor Ariel is impaled, and Flounder looks like he's been cross-bred with a pig. And the pig won.
I wouldn't touch either of those last two cakes with a 10-foot fork. Not even if they were filled with the best chocolate truffle cream ever. Tampon? No, not for my mouth.
And skinning your ex? Well, yes I HAVE felt like that. However, I have no intention of auditioning for the role of Leatherface's ex-wife in the next sequel.
Deer is hung over
Pot-free brownies for Sharyn
Did you see that game?
Sorry @Sharyn, I couldn't help it :-)
Huge tampon is made
Exclusively for use by
Bleeding vagiants
Cake named after me
Not sure how I feel 'bout it
Sculpting well done, though
What we never knew:
Unholy mermaid bloodthirst,
Flounder the Slayer.
I don't do haiku
But I just need to be sure
what does "Carol" hold?
@E
Green & brown cake perhaps represents the children's book "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" (http://www.amazon.com/Chicka-Boom-Bill-Martin-Jr/dp/068983568X)
Sorry, that's my best guess.
Impaled Ariel
But did anyone notice
The pig-faced Flounder?
Tootsies and a palm
Are the two worst offerings
Viva le iced deer!
Bacon-esque ex-hub
Must have done something quite bad
He's been smooshed flat.
I don’t mind the feet
But then I look more closely
What’s that between them?
Oh geez, everyone is posting their own. By the way, that last one is disgusting.
This little piggy
Pink, erupting athlete's foot
A cheesecake delight
Yikes!
Maybe the bride and groom are owners of a foot care shop. Podiatrists, perhaps
The giant tampon would be great as a "coming of age" cake for a girl's first menstruation. That should be celebrated as it is in so-called primative cultures.
Carol setting trends
Deluxe skinned ex-husband rug
Testicles preserved
Flower-bedecked feet
Got fancied up for the fete
At least they'll smell nice
A giant tampon
Wonder if it has filling
Will haunt me forever
In February, what does the fox say?
Haiku, haiku, haiku, ha,
Haiku, haiku haiku, ha…..
carcass severed feet
blob hell skewered maid tampon
Man rug so fleshy
None of these things say
Let's party and eat some cake
Appetite suppressed
All made from cake why
Just because you can make it
Don't mean I'll eat it
Subee I think it
Is diamond demon dust
From the toes of hell.
Even wild deer
Must take a small precaution
Or lose a kidney
Not a Haiku; I'm at work and shouldn't be here at all. BUT I am very grateful that I now click on Amazon link everyday just to click through - and today I saw the Three Sloth Moon shirt, which has undone ALL the damage my eyes sustained when looking at these cakes. Especially the tampon cake. (Red Velvet indeed.) Now, my life continues in balance.
All I can think is that deer is going to wake up and discover its kidney is missing...
Someone please tell me what a tampon cake is for. Coming of age celebration for some culture where menarche is celebrated maybe (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menarche#Rites_of_passage)? And even if that's what it is, it's a boring-looking cake; though, the obvious way to add color isn't particularly palatable, either.
Brielle is aflame
Change letter “B” to an “A”
Tentacles perhaps?
A face "palm." Hehe, I almost didn't catch that!
Hold the Jam. Hold. Jam.
Is that a euphemism?
I don't want to know.
When a Monday is
a day of laughter and cheer
Cakewrecks rock the day!
@Sir Saffsalot ~ That was really mean! I saw another parody of that God forsaken song when I was awake at 3 a.m. but it was "What does the Hawk say?" Things are a little outta control here in the PNW!
Sebastian freaks
"King Triton says 'Guard Ariel'
How do I explain...!?!"
I see the wedding
Has kids involved (tiny feet)
But why three adults?
And on an older topic:
Seeing his shadow,
Groundhog predicts more winter
Outcome: Welcome Spring!