Lean On Me
February 28, 2014 Everybody clap your hands and sway a little, k?
Some guys and their wives
See only shame
See only sorrrrrow
;)
But if they are wise
they know that wrecks
Are so much more, oh!
;)
Lean on me
When you're stacked wrong!
;)
And I'll be your end
I'll mock you WITH this song
;)
For
It won't be lo-oo-ong
Until gravity
;)
Makes sure that you're cleeean gone!
Please, don't tell the bride
If it's a wreck, it needs no intro
;)
For
no one can tell; maybe she'll need
something sweet to throw!
;)
Lean on me!
When you're stacked wrong
;)
And I'll be your end
I'll mock you WITH this song
For
It won't be long
Until gravity
;)
Makes sure that you're clean gone!
You just call on your mother
When you need a hand
;)
These cakes need somebody to leeeean on!
I just might have a Pisa
That we never planned
;)
These cakes need somebody to leeean on!
Just faaaalll free!
(If you need to end)
Faaaaallll free
Oh, wreck it, now!
;)
Faa-AAA-aalll
free-ee-eeeeee!!
Thanks to Steve, Deanne M., James N., Rachel O., Jessica R., Carol Anne, Kat B., Richard B., Anony M., & Rebecca Z. for the wedding crash course.
[Get it? Instead of 'main course?' Eh? OH C'MON THAT WAS AWESOME.]
*****
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Reader Comments (48)
That WAS awesome!!
Re # 3; QUICK! More stars on the left hand sides.!!!
#10; "You gonna eat that WHOLE thing?
That..... was..... AWESOME!!!! Oh, sorry about your cake man
(paraphrased. name that movie)
gravity thou art a heartless bitch
Brides: consider your cake when picking your venue. A friend of mine baked the cake for her son's wedding. The bride picked fondant for the cake, in an airplane hangar for the venue, in the summer.
Knowing this, the baker froze the cakes so that they would last longer. She supported the cakes. She tried to find the coolest location to place the cake. She begged the happy couple to cut the cakes FIRST so that her creation wouldn't fall apart. Luckily this cake story has a happy ending, but as you can see from the pictures...that isn't always the case.
I love that the horrible cake was included in the wedding album with a stabby bride.
All I know is that if someone just sat and took photos while my cake fell on the floor rather than trying to catch it, or really ANYTHING, someone's camera would be joining the cake, smashed on the floor.
I love how in the last one, instead of alerting someone the cake was falling, the photographer decided to capture it's demise by photo montage.
"I just might have a Pisa
That we never planned"
The whole thing was hilarious, as always, but this line particularly cracked me up :-)
Well done!
Hee, @Debbie Red, "stabby bride" is my new favorite term.
It was the 90's in Laramie, Wyoming, where there were only 2 grocery store bakeries and no professional who could make my wedding cake. That was the era of columned cakes, and yep, mine had a distinct tilt to it. It was a sign of how the marriage would progress. We divorced within 3 years, before I could became a stabby bride, right through my husband's cheating gullet. Ugh.
Sorry, bad flashbacks there... I hated columned cakes even then, but I never thought that stacked layers would be just as bad.
I have a great deal of experience with this site and I should know better, but I just finished choking on my coffee which attempted to leave my head through my nasal passages. I think my mistake was in attempting to continue singing the song even though I was already gagging. The heart wants what the heart wants.
I believe this may be my favorite post ever.
@Emma- If the photographer of the last cake had tried to keep the cake from falling, all the couple would have is a cake covered photographer. Now, they have a fantastic record of their cake in it's last moments. Not many people can say that.
@Debbie Red - "Stabby bride" is my new favorite phrase and I will try to work it into my conversation today.
Can somebody explain why there's a wedge under the board holding up the first cake... in the direction that causes the cake to lean more??? Did they have a photographer waiting impatiently for the cake to fall?
BTW, Jen, if you keep making posts like this, what's Sharyn going to do?
I admit I've wrecked a topsy turvy cake. After it fell over (after I'd spent hours decorating), I beat it to death with my frosting knife. Best anger outlet ever. And the first time ever that I've not been able to save a cake or fix a problem with one.
Hey to those being shocked at that last photographer -- if that was my wedding and I saw that the cake was going, at that size? I would have told the photographer to get the picture and then DIED laughing at those results. Of course, I was able to laugh at the picture my friend took of me playing volleyball in my dress -- as the ball bounced off my face. To each, their own.
That being said, I'm DYING to hear the stories behind some of these!
To the person(s) who was/were angry that someone just stood back and took photos of the cake toppling over rather than try to save it... uhm... how exactly would one go about doing that? They'd just end up covered in cake and frosting too. These are big, heavy cakes. If they're going down, they are going dooowwwn.
I wonder if those were the actual correct colors requested by the bride and groom on that first cake. Pink, orange, and kelly green? If so, not all the ugliness can be blamed on the baker!
Let me ask a question that has lurked in the dark recesses of my mind for many years:
Why do people make topsy turvy cakes on purpose? They look (now remember... this is MY OPINION, and I'm entitled! :) rather silly, and look like something that you'd find in a Dr Seuss book.
Ok, I know that I'm going to get bashed here,, but really.. especially since most bakers haven't a clue how they're put together correctly, why not just stick with a straight-sided cake?
And, really, what is the photographer supposed to do? She/he can't catch it. You'd end with a fallen cake with extra hand prints on it. Better to document it.
And now, finally, I wish I had a picture of my poor leaning tower of Wedding Cake. My baker friend set it up perfectly in the reception hall, and headed upstairs for the ceremony. Afterwards, as we headed down the stairs to the reception, my new husband hugged my arm and said "see...I told you nothing would go wrong!" Two steps later, we were the first to see our now collapsed cake. Do you laugh, or cry? Thankfully, we laughed and laughed...still laughing 25 years later :)
I was singing along, So now I have to go listen to that song on youtube.
Thanks! :)
I'm wondering about that last series. Who was the one standing there taking pictures instead of trying to save it? Surely you would alert someone, even if it weren't your job? Or did the bride & groom say forget it, let it go?
#9: I know, it isn't pretty, but caketicians* have to learn on something.
*(They're the bakery equivalent of "mortician", and perform caketopsies on cakes that have died of apparent "art failure".
#12: The most awesome shot! In the 4th frame, we can actually see the blur as the 3rd tier sails outward to join the first two on the dance floor. A very moving tribute to the day, I must say!
=^-.~^=
My sister in law made my wedding cake. Charged us a ton. Made us transport it. She decorated it an hour before the reception. She used a box mix. And the top and bottom layers were fake and instead of using foam she used rice crispy treats. It was leaning and caving in on itself. She told us if we had wanted a better job we should have paid her more. Let's just say I don't talk to her at all anymore.
Jodi, I love the stabby bride pic, too bad with the marriage though.
I'm so glad my cake didn't lean on my wedding day, then again, we had that thing cut up before anything bad could happen (too many kids running around made me nervous!)
These posts just always make me so grateful that my sister-in-law is a competent, though non-professional, cake-decorator. My wedding cake was beautiful, totally professional looking, and problem-free. Memory, I'm sorry she couldn't be your sister-in-law too.
I really love your blog. I think the pictures you post are hilarious. They make me laugh a lot. Although I love you blog, I wish your pictures were higher quality. Overall, your blog is still really funny.
[Editor's note- Hi Robert! Glad you're here. Sadly, we don't have the option for higher quality pictures since people usually take them with their cellphones. Sorry about that. john (thoJ)]
A photographer who takes a picture of a cake going into a dumpster. This person is my new hero.
Jen, this was a MARVELOUS post, and just what I needed. I have spent the morning in Google Hell and really needed the laugh. I'm wondering: Did any of these have a tree branch stuck into them?
Looking at the last series of pictures, I don't think anyone, even the wreckerator, could have saved that cake. It was falling apart at the base, not the top. Anyone who caught it would have smushed it.
Along those lines, however, is the story of a documentary camera man who was filming people whose jobs involved climbing up on the very tall TV and radio towers to fix things. While he was filming, the subject missed a step and fell off the tower. The camera operator shut off his camera, ran over to check the man, ran inside and called for help, then ran back out to stay with the man until help arrived. He was fired because he didn't keep his camera on to film the man falling, and the ensuing mayhem.
You know all those times in school when kids whine "when am I ever going to need to know this?"
Exhibit A: Basic physics.
Essential for constructing everything from cake platforms and basic layer stacking to topsy-turvy cakes. It's even useful for keeping cakes intact during transport phase. It can help you stay centered. Whether it's gravitational, centripetal, or fondant-full: Understand the Force. It's not just for Jedis; it's for the masses!
I swear to God this is true. 1970's. New Jersey. My cousin's wedding. After the church we get to the reception hall and wait while the wedding party goes to some park for photos. And wait. We admire the cake on its special table, under its special spotlight, to show it off in all its glory. And wait. We get drinks because it's getting a bit hot in the hall. But isnt' that cake lovely over there under the spotlight? Hmm, did the baker put that together correctly? That top layer doesn't look straight on its columns. Oh, finally, here comes the bridal party. What fun! The DJ is going to announce them all. This will take a while, there were quite a few bridesmaids, I think I need a refill on my drink. Ah, good, that drink hits the spot. Oh, there's the maid of honor. That top layer of the cake looks like it's sweating. Hmm. Oh, here come the bride and groom. DJ announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, I present Mr and Mrs..." The Bride and Groom step through the archway, she looks across the room at the cake, drops her bouguet and makes a running leap flying through the air with her arms outstretched and lands on her belly in front of the cake table, catching the airborne top layer before it hit the floor. She gets round after round of applause. The groom, not so much.
I believe the ability to laugh at one's own falling wedding cake is a valid predictor of marital success.
I can't believe the people who decorate these cakes call themselves decorators! Do the bride and groom even look at past work, so they can get an idea on what they will receive themselves on their big day? Anyway, they say you get what you paid for, so I hope none of these couples paid too much and only paid for the privilege of being on CakeWrecks!
Bwah! Loved that story Colin M!
To the people complaining about the photographer not catching the cake, the photographer probably wasn't close enough to do anything! (They focus their lenses) Also when a large cake like that doesn't have enough support it only takes 2 seconds for it to bite the dust! At least the photographer caught in action, hopefully the couple at least received a discount if not a refund!
I am making myself giggle picturing a little yellow chick, a camera around its neck, running around screaming, "The cake is falling! The cake is falling!".
I have to wonder about the cake going in the dumpster: did it taste that bad? There isn't a lot of difference between a pretty cake and an ugly cake once it is cut up (assuming that the cake isn't ugly because it made a dive for the floor). Unless the wreckerator forgot the sugar or something. At least they had a great photographer.
@Shirley Fowley: The baker was a sailor. Stars go on the right. The left side is reserved for the wine.
My mother for many years used to make and decorate wedding cakes for friends and for friends of friends. These were traditional rich fruit cake covered in marzipan and royal icing, 3 layers supported by columns.
These cakes took hours to decorate as the royal icing was built up in layers to get a smooth surface ready for the decoration. Only once do I recall her having a problem with the columns sinking into the cake in a hot summer. Everyone was delighted with their cakes no doubt because they were paying about a third of what a baker would charge for a less elaborate cake. I could never persuade her to charge a more realistic price for her work, she felt she couldn't as she knew the people ordering the cakes. This would have been OK if she didn't complain about the amount of work involved. The worst cakes is when the bride baked the cake for my mother to decorate, some of them were not very square to start with, some needed quite a bit of marzipan to square them up. I only once saw her cry when a cake was damaged as it was being placed in the car of the person collecting it. Fortunately she had some icing left over and a spare basket made of piped icing to make good the damage, to the relief of all concerned.
Looking at this site makes me appreciate just how good a cake decorator she was compared to the work of some of the professionals featured here.
The second cake looks like it has tuna salad on it. Yummy!
OK, so now I can't stop singing this... and gawping wide-eyed at those poor cakes!
That bride trying SO HARD to hold up her cake and grinning/grimacing makes me very happy. I feel that we could be friends.
O bride! I extend the hand of friendship!
This was just depressing. Well, except for the singing, that was great!
Cake boards and dowel rods save lives! Or at least wedding cakes. :D
@Jodi
I was got married in Laramie, Wyoming in '96! We got our cake from that little bakery on Grand. It was great tasting but our decorating choices were...limited. ;) Good times.
magicdomino, I just noticed that the cake being tossed into the dumpster is missing its top layer. My guess is that they tasted it and it tasted as bad as it looked, or possibly worse.
First of all, topsy turvy cakes need to be banned for all time.
Secondly, any "professional" baker who doesn't understand how to construct a cake should not call themselves a professional.
My mother was a cake decorator and some of the places we had to drive to deliver these cakes was ridiculous. Up steep hills, over super bumpy roads, etc. all in various weather and temperatures and she NEVER had a cake fall over, or lean, or come apart in any way except for cutting and eating it. Plus they tasted delicious! Probably why she was in such demand for her cakes.
Also...I think watching your cake fall over would be rather hysterical and could become the next "thing" like the whole Trash The Dress fad.
I'm just really glad that someone was there and ready to capture that last one.
Anyone else think that third cake was actually really cute?