What A Dad Wants
June 13, 2013 Every dad is different, of course, but as Father's Day draws near let's take a moment to consider a few things most dads do enjoy:
You know, like reading his kids an uplifting bedtime story:
;)
And then tucking them into bed:
;)
Maybe your dad is an animal lover:
;)
Or just likes relaxing outdoors, watching the butterflies flit by...
;)
Maybe he's the type to really throw himself into his work at the DC Cook Nuclear Power Plant:
;)
Or he might prefer getting a little more down and dirty in his off time:
;)
... on his dirt bike.
Whatever your own dad is like, though, I think we can agree that every dad lives for that one shining, special moment: the one that will change his life forever.
The moment HE gets to order the baby shower cake:
;)
Thanks to Lindsey W., Gina C., Anna C., Lizz R., Elizabeth E., Rebecca, & Julie L. for getting all that off their chests.
Reader Comments (67)
I must admit, I thought the first cake was just a sweet little cow hanging over the moon... until I saw the other cakes and had to go back and see how it fit into the theme of the day. And I can't get over the position the rabbit in... lol
Sung to "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
Saw the cake, in the morning light
My Father said, "Girl, you finally got the cake right!"
Oh Daddy, dear, they're all such Freudian ones!
But Dad's just want to have fun
Oh, Dad's just want to have fun.
I hear they have a real problem with spent rods at the nipplear -- uh, nuclear -- power plant.
So what dad wants are...big cakes? ;)
The cow cake is a relatively creative use of the heart pan. Reminds me of being in primary school, aged about 6, scrunching up bits of tissue paper and sticking them down to make a picture. Well, that's one of the things it reminds me of.
Loving the dirt bike/pregnant belly cake, specifically loving that they clearly thought no-one would notice two huge boobies and a pregnant belly shape if they stuck a plastic Evel Knievel on top. Genius.
Ah, the elusive boob cow. So majestic. So free.
I am inspired to invoke the spirit of a long-gone, very dear friend with this Special Announcement (in her honor, because she said this a lot): All Men Are Pigs!
=^-.~^=
(p.s. to John: NOT YOU, though! I would never bite one of the hands that feed me all of this wonderful, disgusting hilarity!)
Huh. My dad must not fall into the 'most dads' category. He just isn't that interested in any of those things. He's more into working and caring for huge tracts of land.
I love how the name on the hooters cake was blurred out to protect the innocent. Or maybe to shield the guilty?
I think I'll use the euphemism "Raspberry-Filled Bismarcks" next time I have to talk about boobs.
My hubby would never be interested in anything as crude as this....
What honey? Oh, OK, never mind. I get the "point(s)". ;)
I can't believe they made a boobs-and-belly cake into a dirt bike course! Next it'll show up as moguls on a skiing cake.
And I really don't like the look in that rabbit's eye. Talk about "leery".
Am I correct in inferring from the dirt-bike cake that there's a standard pregnant-tummy cake pan, which was repurposed here? That may be the most disturbing aspect of today's cakes.
a touching tribute to Dads...but why do I have suddenly have such a strong desire for milk......?
@Sharyn: lol…but the life of a rod it not an easy one. According to my whiz-bang research, rods are “moved into channels in the reactor’s core.” I would imagine it’s quite a feat to do this. Someone has to make sure the rod is sturdy and prepared for insertion, locate the appropriate core, and make sure the channel is open, ready and receptive (I understand there is a lot of moisture involved…something about the core’s “pools”.) Then, the “rods are pulled to start the reactor up,” and later “put back in to shut the reactor down.” I would guess that a lot of pulling can cause a rod to be spent, not to mention the added stress of being put in and taken out, put in, taken out, put in, taken out. That kind of repetitive in and out action is sure to cause rod spending. The final result may be, as the article pointed out, a rod that is “cracked, swollen and been used close to its melting point.” After a day like that, no wonder….
I thought that first one was a rabbit til I saw the itty-bitty horns on top. Geesh. And the dirt bike cake reminds me of the Mother Earth dirt sculpture @ a local county park. It looks just like the cake cept with weeds growing all over and ruts here n there from bikers zipping up n down it...for obvious reasons!
Did they truly think no-one would realise that "dirt bike" cake is just a pregnant lady? Really?
Somehow I feel their artistic licence should be revoked.
#4: Nice Bismarks.
@ Sharyn:
"spent rods," huh? What, is all the work there done by hand? (Ba-da-Boom!)
BTW, that so-called "COW" in the first pic? We've SEEN that shape here before, and they're not fooling anybody. It's not just masquerading as a "cow-face-for-a-day," Ohhhh, no. It once did a gig AS a MOON. WhatEV--cow cheeks/butt cheeks--probably all tastes the same in the dark...
=^-.-^=
It actually took me all the way to the 4th cake to clue in to the theme! Sheesh, where's the gutter when it's needed?
@mel- Oh my! No wonder the towers of nuclear power plants smoke after that!
I find it hilarious that Biker Man tops the mound (of dirt) to find those two other mounds and is so enthralled he actually stops to stare.
This is the best ever. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just when we were starting to think that all cakes accidentally look like penises:
BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS!
I grew up near the Cook power plant! Explains a lot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5OQMoSCrqw
Mel... I'm speechless... Also, I might need another shower.
And here, what I'm noticing is that the moon is being depicted as transparent where, in reality, it's just the Earth's shadow falling on it.
@Malia: you beat me to it with "huge tracts of land". But, even though my guy prefers the--ahem--opposite end, we joke about how I come with huge tracts of land. Seriously. 20 acres is my inheritance, and I wear a size DD, so take it any way you want.
@mel ~ I'm oh so very glad I put my coffee down this time. O.O
@Sharyn ~ That's a good song to have stuck in my head today. It's turning out to be the day from hell around the office. Is it 5:00 yet?
Thanks Jen for giving me yet another reason to be glad I don't have to worry about the cake this weekend!
@mel - Wow! I think *I* need a smoke after that! Oh, my!!
OK, I hope I am not the only one that had to look long and hard at that second cake before seeing that it was supposed to be twin baby girls with pacifiers rather than some odd stripper cake showing her piercings. I am off to buy more eye bleach now. Thanks bunches.
Kudos to you, Jen! You're a real trooper for posting these, considering your recent... ahem... injury.
Even before scrolling through the Freudian Wonderland of today's post, the very first thing which popped into my mind when I saw that first cake was, "WORST. TRAM-STAMP. EVAR.".
You people have warped me. Seriously. It's all your fault. I was sweet, innocent, and pure of thought and mind before I started reading this blog...
(blinkblink)... What!?!?
...
.....
STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!
I admit to liking the dirt bike cake until you all showed me the truth of the matter. But the irony is that it would have been so easy to slice off the, ahem, smaller hills, and move them so that we didn't notice. Well, maybe WE would still notice, but your normal people.... I'll be holding my arms over my chest until I get over writing "slice off."
What? The second one is just a nice set of twins. Just a couple of girls sucking on artificial nipples. You can get that cake off the rack. I have to go so ta-ta. Stop laughing!
@mel -- Wow! After reading that, I think maybe the should build a nipplear power plant at Viagra Falls.
I believe the first cake was made with the amazing Pan-Wow!!....
Ohhhh!! Somebody, PLEASE make it stop! I'm DYIN', heah! All of this "can't-open-your-door-come-innuendo" is killing me! They're going to have to put a PG rating on this thing! ((pant!pant!))
Gawd--now *I* need a smoke, and I only READ the darn things.
=^@.@^=
@ SaraCVT"... I wear a size DD, so take it any way you want"
--------------------------
OH!OH! ME! MEeeee! I'LL take it! How soon can I GET it? Will it be C.O.D.? Can it be OVERNIGHT? SERIOUSLY, I'm serious--I wasn't lucky like that--I'm built like a freaking Popsicle stick! Look- I'll send you my address, okay? Huh? Please? Huh?
=^#.#^=
@Jodee: Sorry to hear it's the day from Hell -- I hope it improves!
@Sharyn...I heard they tried that...but the water kept rising from the bottom and they couldn't get it to go back down. After four hours they had to call a specialist...
@Sharyn, re: "I think maybe the should build a nipplear power plant": I SERIOUSLY almost had an "accident" crashing into that. Then you go ON, making me laugh so hard while I'm guzzling my coffee that it went down the wrong way and I almost DROWNED in the "Viagra Falls". DAM!* We need warning labels on this stuff before somebody gets hurt! *(yes, I know.)
=^@.@^=
Holly Folly, we should go on safari for majestic, free boob cow sightings.
Remote control hog?
Don't be a party hooter -
share boob-tube with Pop.
Wait a second - did we have Freudian penis cakes for Mother's Day?!
@Gretchen ~ Thanks! It's not awkward to be sitting at the front desk with my arms across my chest. Nope, not awkward at all o.O
@BADKarma ~ My first thought was tramp stamp as well! I used to be sweet and innocent too!!!
You all beat me to everything! Huge....tracts of land. The pan-wow!
But this one had me giggling and snorting at work!
I am sitting here trying not to laugh out loud to end up with kids looking over my shoulder. But between the pics, commentary and comments, I'm doomed.
Okay, so, like, that 5th one DOWN?? where it says, like, ISOE?? Well, like, I wonder what the rest of the sennence was sposed to, like, BE?? I mean, like, you KNOW?? like, I SO WHAT?? SO HUNGRY?? SO HORN knee?? WHAT?!
=^0.o^=
Dear Sharyn of Cake Wrecks:
It has come to our attention that you have made some “funny” remarks about nipplear…errr…nuclear energy. We here at the firm of Tinker, Toys and Tops stand firm in favor of nuclear power, and have represented many such plants. As you may know, we are located in America’s heartland, the bosom of the country, and are udderly shocked by such comments. This area is the home of many fine nuclear towers, rising proudly toward the sky. We have worked with the industry on several matters, most recently representing the NRA (Nuclear Rod Association) whose associates suffered from RAMS (Repetitive Arm Motion Syndrome) and were exhausted from ramming their rods into receptive cores all day. We were highly successful in providing relief for their members, easing their tension and bringing about a sense of flaccidity ... I mean placidity.
While we are not interested in bringing forth a suit at this time – such small actions just nipple and dime us to death – we do ask that you cease and detit from said remarks.
We consider it a real teat to be of service to this industry. Our relationship radiates good will and all of their reports of our work are glowing. While working with this industry is relatively new to us, we feel that as our relationship grows, well, the breast is yet to come.
I must end this now, since I’m going up north tonight to see the areola borealis, though with the weather conditions the way they are, I doubt I’ll be able to see more than the tip.
Sincerely,
Mr. Potato, Head Counsel
Tinker, Toys and Tops
PS: My secretary has just informed me that there may be several mis-usages of some words in this letter. I am using an old computer with the disc operating system and it DOS what it wants. Also, there has been some problems recently with our computer mammary. And, I think we have been hacked, and our auto correct replaced with eroto-correct. My apologies.
@zoomom -- good one!
@me -- I just report what I read....
@Jodee -- re: coffee -- you remembered the first rule of Cake Wrecks!!! :-) Hope the day got better for you!
@lisadh -- lol...too much....?
@Lena-ahhh...the Pan-wow... with the Pan-tastic -- two of my all-time favorites!
Dear Mr. Tater Teats,
You appear to be suffering under the delusion that I am experiencing some con-fusion -- or perhaps you are fission for clients? You seem a trifle unstable. Please don't get into an excited state -- I'd hate to see you melt down.
Every statement I made was factual, and I stand by it. In fact, I greatly appreciated your description of radioactive dating. However, further correspondence from your firm might get me irradiated --er, irritated -- and I'd hate to start making negative comments about your density. Honestly, even your firm must admit that any inference that I have done something actionable is pretty (free) radical. So, let's nip this in the bud, shall we?
Ta ta!
Sharyn
(P.S. Love you, mel!)
@Sharyn: Marvelous again!
@mel: You are a disgusting pervert. Which is why I love it when you post. Especially letters from Mr. Potato, Head Counsel.