Cut, Print, That's A Wrap!
August 9, 2012 If you thought yesterday's picture-of-a-cake-on-a-cake was bad, then wait'll you get a papery bite of these:
These are printed leopard-print fingerprint cupcakes, which makes about as much sense as a leopard having fingerprints, leaving them on cupcakes, and someone wanting to eat them.
Also, printing your leopard-print fingerprints is for cheetahs. Just sayin'.
Maybe that's not wrecky enough for you, though.
Maybe this blog has left you cynical and jaded.
In which case, A) we should totally hang out, and B) how about this?
Take a moment. Take it allll in.
("Why, Y? Why, why, why??")
You know, since edible images really are the cheaters' way out (yeah, I SAID IT) I don't think it's too much to ask for Lazy McLazersins to know which way is UP on their big ol' cheat sheet cakes:
"Oooh, what a feeling! When you're holding up the ceiling!"
And what about this one?
;)
It's like the choose-your-own-adventure of cake decals!
At first I thought the bakery was supposed to just circle the right numbers - or maybe you do that yourself with a Sharpie at home? - but the spacing and orientation is all wrong. Then I saw this one from another store, and I finally realized:
...that sheet is meant to be cut up, so each number and phrase can be placed individually. But instead, bakeries are just cramming the entire master sheet on the cakes.
The bakeries of America, everybody! Take a bow!
I'm not sure that's enough paper on our cakes, though. Really, bakers, don't you think you should be gift-wrapping the entire cake with the stuff?
;)
Oh, you already are?
My bad.
Still, call me old-fashioned, but I think edible images should be used the way Wilton intended: to stick our friends' faces on male stripper torsos.
(If you want nightmares, just try to imagine it without the paper face.)
Hey, at least the leopard print undies aren't printed!
Thanks to Jennifer T., Jessica C., Jennifer J., Heather D., Ashley M., Shelley T., & Carrie C. for reminding me of that time I got a paper cut on my tongue. Plus that other time I dreamed the gingerbread man from Shrek had abs and two nipple rings.
Reader Comments (77)
The only thing making the leopard print picture cupcakes worse is that the sticker on the box says DELI ROTISSERE CHICKEN! Hahahaha
What does the label on the top one say?
As far as I can tell it looks like:
ANY COCK TONIGHT?** DELI ROTISSERIE CHICKEN **
Which is a pretty interesting thing to write, period. Let alone on a box of cakes.
I won't even get started on the paper cakes where they put all the numbers and phrases on the cake. However, that last cake, right down to the leopard spotted undies, is going to give me nightmares. Heck, I'm getting daymares from it already!
Did anyone notice that the label on the first cake says "Deli Rotisserie Chicken?"
Did anyone else notice that the "pick your number" printing doesn't have a "rd"? That may explain bakers writing 3st and 3nd on things...
"But the edible paper doesn't let me say 3rd!!! It's not my fault!!"
the label on the cheetah cupcakes says "rotisserie chicken" lol... not even the right animal...
Are those leopard-print cupcakes labeled a rotisserie chicken??
Did you notice that the leopard print print cupcakes are advertised as Chicken? "Why cook tonight?" indeed!
Hahahaha!!
The wrapped cake looked ok, i think it would be cool to roll out icing and wrap a cake in that, so it looks like a birthday present. I might have a go at that at some point.
What happens if they use the cake decals for a 3rd birthday? I didn't see 'rd' on the sheet anywhere?
...and why does the sticker on the "leopard finger print" cupcakes say "Why cook tonight? **deli rotisserie chicken**"
See, the first mistake you're making is to call those grocery store bakeries BAKERIES. We all know they aren't really doing much actual making of anything back there.
What will they do if it's a kid's 3rd birthday???!??!!
Does the top one say "Why cook tonight? **Deli Rotisserie Chicken**"???? So is it chicken, is it cake, is it leopard, is it cheetah? I'm so confused.
am i the only one who noticed the product label on the leopard cupcakes?
"something cock tonight?
**deli rotisserie chicken**"
how did no one notice it wasn't even labeled correctly?
not to be redundant but the rotisserie chicken label--wtf?? how does that happen in a store? don't the bakery and the deli have their own label supplies? i'll have to find someone who works in a supermarket to see if they can unravel this mystery.
meanwhile, maybe Ava helps her contractor dad place beams. with style and grace.
being a 30 something that has turned 29 countless times, I like the idea of the choose-your-own-age-adventure cake. no one has to know how old you REALLY are! plus, I like the party font.
and um, I'll never look at Al Roker the same way again. as a glittery white guy stripper in leopard print underwear with nipple rings. I'm scarred for life. for friggin' life I tell ya!
No "nd" either, for "2nd".
Sung to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
Right now she's making leopard prints
On edible paper
Cuz she thinks it isn't risky
Right now, she pastin' my kid's head
Onto another kid's
Has she been drinkin' whiskey?
Right now, she hangin' Ava off of
A big stick
Poor kid, if she falls she'll break her torso
Hey baker, you should know...
I just cannot believe my eyes
Did you really think I just would not realize
There's hardly any frosting on these quarter sheets?
You've got buttercream in buckets in plain sight
I'm speaking to the manager. Tonight.
Maybe next time you'll pipe before you cheat.
Oh wow, you took some decal sheets and
Stuck them on some cakes
Without ever using scissors
Oh well, at least it's better than
Wrapping the whole cake in paper
God, it's giving me the shivers
Right now, I'm staring at Lorenzo with his nipple rings
And his striped briefs so low
Hey Baker, you should know...
I just cannot believe my eyes
Did you really think I just would not realize
There's hardly any frosting on these quarter sheets?
You've got buttercream in buckets in plain sight
I'm speaking to the manager tonight
Maybe next time you'll pipe before you cheat.
I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl
Cuz the next time that you cheat
Know, you're gonna deal with me.
Re: Cake number 2 - I've seen similar works at the Museum of Modern Art. Perhaps some of us just don't recognize great art when we see it.
Kudos to Ava. She's hanging from a steel girder and still manages to strike a graceful pose.
That's what I call grace under pressure. She deserves a gold medal. . . and Lorenzo and Leslie (the furniture guys from Antiques Roadshow?) deserve a new cake.
I like the choose-your-own-adventure of cake decals. It's very...bright.
@Chris- I also read the label as:
ANY COCK TONIGHT?
** DELI ROTISSERIE CHICKEN **
Then I reread it and reread it until it said something acceptable. I spent so much time rereading that I'll have to work late and I won't have time to cook tonight.
I guess I'll get a Deli Rotisserie Leopard Chicken.
As long as those leopard prints are scans of the press on nail polish and not the actual thing...
I think the sticker is an advertisement to also pick up some rotisserie chicken to go with the cupcakes, the actual price tag is underneath that. I remember that the deli and bakery workers used to hate those sticker at the grocery store I worked at through college.
ARRGGGGHHHHH!!! Those number printouts on the cakes don't make me laugh, they make me see red! Really? This actually happens? Who are these "people"?
Sorry. I love this site, I come and laugh every single day. Except Sunday, when I'm in awe. And Saturday, which is your day off, but you sometimes throw an extra in there, and of course I can always look at the past week again.
But these weren't funny, these were way too sad. Do they actually think...Did someone teach them...I don't understand!
Help! I have to go back to bed now and curl up under my mattress and hide.
That last one, is he saying
'Come back here and I'll bite your legs off!'
...after all, it's only a flesh wound, he's had worse..
You're supposed to buy a cake and, seeing how remarkably well-made it is, take the sticker's suggestion to also buy a rotisserie chicken from the same store. Why cook tonight, when you can have a chicken that's been sitting under the heat lamp since Tuesday?
But enough about Safeway. I think that last cake was a recurring villain on The Tick.
*seeks refuge in the rotisserie chicken bunker*
Y'know...I may just stay here until my faith in humanity can be somewhat restored. I hope there's a good food supply, I may be here a while.
Sharyn bahahahahahaha way to make me smile XD XD the cakesUGGGHHHH D: that last one DX
Wow. Just wow.
The "leopard print" on the first cake looks like frog eggs in a pond. Nasty!!
At first glance I thought the first ones were supposed to be sunflowers...with very short petals.
Extreme creepiness factor aside, I feel sorry for Lorenzo and Leslie. Not only did someone decide they don't deserve their own individual cakes, someone decided this was the best choice for both of them. I wonder if the face is Lorenzo or Leslie? Or maybe it's the face of the sadistic weirdo who ordered the cake?
I see the first ones as being the center to a sunflower more than a leopard print - but either way, they are a mess.
And I think the rotisserie chicken thing is an ad on the top of the actual sticker - I see that a lot at the grocery store by my house - hey, you like cookies? buy a rotisserie chicken too!
These are all pretty frickin' hilarious though. Some people have no brains.
I also thought that last one looked like Al Roker at first glance. But the whole idea of that cake just me chills that someone would actually do that. Every time I think of it, I get chills again. Just typing this . . . I gotta go now. I have to go turn my air conditioner up. It's too cold in here.
Almost commented on first cake.
Last cake put an end to that.
The tiara on the male stripper cake is the perfect touch. I couldn't have designed it better myself. No, really, I couldn't have... which is why I DONT WORK IN A BAKERY. (sorry for yelling but these wrecks deserve a few screams)
Wow. It's 9:05 AM PST and I already see the makings of two Epcots. I think I will just grab a sheet of edible paper to snack on and head off to the bunker right now.
Before I go, I'd like to point out there is no "Birthday" on that sheet of numbers, either. So, would the "correct" way to use that sheet be something like this: "Look Who's ! Happy 3st" and then the name hand written at the bottom? Bakers are totally being SET UP to FAIL! I smell a conspiracy. And also, waffles. Mmmm, waffles. I'm totally bringing waffles to the bunker. See you there!
(Please do not bring those leopard cupcake things to the bunker. They look like eyeballs to me and that is just not something I'd like to try.)
I don't mind the nipple rings (heck, my husband has them) but why does Lorenzo/Leslie have a tiara on....and what sort of mutant stripper has an eight-pack instead of a six-pack?
leopard print? I thought it was an homage to the weird looking Basil Seed drink I see at my local Asian market. (I have no idea if basil seeds are delicious, but they do look like frog eggs.)
I know I'm no Steven Hawking, but even I can figure out how to use the print-out on cakes 4 and 5, just by looking at it. For a second. Those cakes made me laugh out loud, then they made me a little sad.
OH! I did not see that that was a picture of a kid over a picture of ANOTHER KID until I read Sharyn's song and went back to look again. First time through, all I saw was glare. I totally had a Mythbusters moment where I rejected reality and inserted my own less traumatic version. Theardare? Want to come sit with me in the bunker? It's scary here all by myself. I don't even mind if you want to play a little "Can't Smile Without You" until the other commenters get here.
it looks to me like in the first picture on the far right, those 3 cakes are moldy... It could just be the lighting though.
GOOD GOD, THE STRIPPER CAKE IS COATED WITH EDIBLE GLITTER.
I thought it was cavier (paper) on the cupcakes. Still laughing over the tiara nipple cake man.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, but cakes like these remind me why I decided to make my own cake this year. Even though the kitchen looked like a slaughterhouse from the dye, at least the cake made sense.
Jen, thank you for these great new terms for people. Last week, I think it was Judgy McJudgerton. Today, Lazy McLazersin. It works with all kinds of adjectives and I'm looking forward to more, please. Plus your posts are fresh each day with just the right amount of snark on the side.
Analogmommy
Nipple rings belong on real guys, not on cakes. Never on cakes. And only on some guys at that. But, to reiterate, never on cakes. Ever.
@Sharyn, you never cheat. I'm just going to come out and say it for the rest of us: You. Never. Cheat. Ever. (thank you for that)
And the tiara on the nipple ring cake? Just, why? Why? Why?
It took a second to see it, but is that missing "y" on the second cake because the top "birthday" is from the kid's party hat in the picture and the hat is turned so the "y" isn't showing?
Granted is was a horrible, HORRIBLE idea to begin with and there could have been several solutions, but at least I don't think they spelled Birthday wrong this time.
What do you do for a 2nd or 3rd birthday? It's very simple. Take the 'h' from the 'th,' and cut off the top to turn it into an 'n.' A second snip can turn that 'n' into an 'r.' For the 'd,' take one of the 'p's from 'Happy' and turn it upside down. Of course, then you're stuck with a cake that says "Hapy 2nd" or "Hapy 3rd," but what do you want, the world?
Ooooh! I figured it out! You know those office parties where you honor everybody with a birthday in the same month? We just need to add "Augrst" or "Semptumber" or something and the number cake is perfect. :-)
Cake #2 is like... CAKECEPTION *insert loud Inception BWONG*
I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed by having the entire happy numbers sheet on a cake, or the one where they cut them out, then put them all on the cake anyway. I mean, you have to put some thought into it to go to the trouble of cutting them all out, then they *still* did that?!
I think we need a "gift-wrapped cake" contest, now...