Cut, Print, That's A Wrap!
August 9, 2012 If you thought yesterday's picture-of-a-cake-on-a-cake was bad, then wait'll you get a papery bite of these:
These are printed leopard-print fingerprint cupcakes, which makes about as much sense as a leopard having fingerprints, leaving them on cupcakes, and someone wanting to eat them.
Also, printing your leopard-print fingerprints is for cheetahs. Just sayin'.
Maybe that's not wrecky enough for you, though.
Maybe this blog has left you cynical and jaded.
In which case, A) we should totally hang out, and B) how about this?
Take a moment. Take it allll in.
("Why, Y? Why, why, why??")
You know, since edible images really are the cheaters' way out (yeah, I SAID IT) I don't think it's too much to ask for Lazy McLazersins to know which way is UP on their big ol' cheat sheet cakes:
"Oooh, what a feeling! When you're holding up the ceiling!"
And what about this one?
;)
It's like the choose-your-own-adventure of cake decals!
At first I thought the bakery was supposed to just circle the right numbers - or maybe you do that yourself with a Sharpie at home? - but the spacing and orientation is all wrong. Then I saw this one from another store, and I finally realized:
...that sheet is meant to be cut up, so each number and phrase can be placed individually. But instead, bakeries are just cramming the entire master sheet on the cakes.
The bakeries of America, everybody! Take a bow!
I'm not sure that's enough paper on our cakes, though. Really, bakers, don't you think you should be gift-wrapping the entire cake with the stuff?
;)
Oh, you already are?
My bad.
Still, call me old-fashioned, but I think edible images should be used the way Wilton intended: to stick our friends' faces on male stripper torsos.
(If you want nightmares, just try to imagine it without the paper face.)
Hey, at least the leopard print undies aren't printed!
Thanks to Jennifer T., Jessica C., Jennifer J., Heather D., Ashley M., Shelley T., & Carrie C. for reminding me of that time I got a paper cut on my tongue. Plus that other time I dreamed the gingerbread man from Shrek had abs and two nipple rings.
Reader Comments (77)
@ Sharyn ~ I bow to your greatness!
@ Andrea ~ I wasn't posting yet for the original Epcot debacle but have checked archives. OUCH! I'll meet you in the bunker! I'll bring cookies!!!
Cake #2 is terrible, but the missing "Y" isn't actually the baker's fault. Well, except for deciding to use the blown-up image of the photo as a background. For the photo. What's the point when you're going to cover up the kid's face with his face?
The second-to-last cake really isn't all that bad, execution-wise. The "this is how you put wrapping paper on a round object" effect is very well done.
I thought the stuff on the first set of cupcakes was caviar, and I had no idea why people would make caviar cupcakes. Now I have no idea why we need fingerprint cupcakes for a animal that has paws, and the parts of the paws that make the prints don't have spots.
And that last mutant thing with the tiara: did that just escape from the Island of Dr. Moreau? That's the only thing I can think of that can explain its mutant nature.
That poor gymnast hanging from a girder - I hope she's not the new spokesperson for Krazy Glue.
*Looks up from munching on rotisserie chicken leg* Where'd everybody go?
And what ever became of tasteful tartan boxers, anyway? I mean, leopard print? That's so cliché. Want some chicken? *munch, munch*
Those were some SNEAKY LYRICS. OK, 'dancing on the ceiling' was obvious, but ... 'cynical and jaded' (Marillion, Something Waiting to Happen) and ... 'Take a moment. Take it all in' - I'm SURE that's another song lyric but Just. Can't. Place. It. Or maybe I'm seeing something where nothing is ... in which case I should take my pills and Just Shut Up. Except if you haven't heard the Marillion track, listen to it ... it's beautiful :)
Is that mold on the cupcake on the lower right? Yuck!
... and why is Al Roker wearing a tiara?
Pretty sure Leslie is Lorenzo's drag name. Tiaras look so nice on drag queen beehives. She may even be Countess Leslie or Empress Leslie. The cake is tacky, but I bet Lorenzo/Leslie loved it.
#1 a pox on you! (thanks for identifying those as animal print...)
#2 are we SURE those images are the same photo...not that it would be any better if they were, necessarily.
#3 decent border and sprinkles so I'm giving it a 5.5 on execution
#4/5 two things: (a) why is there a colored background if it's supposed to be cut out and (b) cutting it out doesn't make it look any better. hunh
#6 that's a whole passel o' bunnies
#7 (gagging) why is it--- "glistening" (runs for loo)
On the leopardprint cupcakes I saw wasp nests instead. That's even more sickening than animal print paper on cupcakes.
Why cook tonight?
Deli Rotisserie Chicken!
Cupcakes are better, but I'm confused by the leopard fingerprints..
I must say, I've never seen a cake with nipple piercings before.
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is the cupcake sunflower fingerprinted
This is the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored he cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the happy numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the "look who's happy" cake green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the belly button free stripper male
that viewed the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is enjoyable, viewing cakes that fail
that loved the belly button free male
that viewed the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
It should say "Why cook tonight? These will take that appetite away!" Dibs on squishing Theardare in the bunker tonight. Don't worry, T, I'll bring treats.
So who is pictured, Lorenzo or Leslie? One of them was pictured on this awesome cake, and one was completely dissed. Unless, perhaps, it's Leslie's tiara and nipple rings, and Lorenzo's 8-pack, and . . . whose leopard print undies??
I'm so confused.
i agree with some of the others, i love the birthday present cake! it seriously looks like it was wrapped in happy birthday wrapping paper! they just need to add some fondant ribbon around it instead of goofy flowers that don't match the whole "this is a birthday present birthday cake" vibe.
The last one. Ohhhh, the last one.
<Shudder>
Hoping that isn't really the full sheet. Maybe there's another part they cut off that has "BIRTHDAY nd rd" on it?
I will admit that my initial thought to the cupcakes was, "Someone did a bad job on those Eye of Sauron cupcakes." Leopard fingerprints, even funnier.
OK...so somebody PLEASE explain "Cheesecake Baby"...please?
Personalika
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is the cupcake sunflower fingerprinted
This is the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored he cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the happy numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the "look who's happy" cake green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is the belly button free stripper male
that viewed the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
This is enjoyable, viewing cakes that fail
that loved the belly button free male
that viewed the cake with bunny sheen
that bounced on the "look who's happy" green
that shone next the numbers rainbow gleam
that shone on the ceiling balance beam
that saw the photo paper double imprinted
that mirrored the cupcakes fingerprinted
Honestly, I'd rather have a printout than someone with little to no artistic talent attempt to draw something in icing. And to be fair to the cake decorators that use them, what you consider just being "lazy" may be a necessity to them. If they work at a bakery with a high product volume, they don't have the same amount of time to decorate as they would at home.
Does anyone know a decent way to avoid DYING OF LAUGHTER while reading this website?
I know I'm necrothreading here (which is what happens when one gets a new computer and loses all her bookmarks and goes back to see what she's missed) but I have to tell you about (horrify you with) the fact that Bret Michaels has a bunch of holiday themed dog toys out and one of them, sadly, is a gingerbread man with a nipple ring. Possibly two, but his scarf covers up the other.