A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
June 15, 2012 The Choose-Your-Own-Inscription:
;)
The Triple Threat:
;)
The Haggy Fatnler's:
;)
The Redundant Redundancy:
;)
The Granddaddy(ies?) of all Father's Day Wrecks:
;)
And, of course,
The Classic:
;)
Happy Falker Satherhood, everyone!
Thanks to Chris H., Glenda, Julie F., Sarah C., Fiona M., & Elizabeth A. for keeping the spirit of Falker Satherhood alive. (Click here if you missed the original word journey.)
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Reader Comments (49)
Yay! The carrot jockeys now have new rastafarian mounts! (What? Don't you think that's what a dreadlocks versions of carrots might look like?) And the cake is sweating, and the icing border is falling off… it's like it's got the first date jitters! Poor little cake, wondering "Will Falker like me?"
Sorry, I would comment on the other cakes, but the last one is just supercalifragglerocktastic!
Now shouldn't the sperm be by the father's day section of the multi purpose cake?
Obviously the last one was intentional done by a fan, right?
The 2nd cake is actually a PSA.
(deep announcer voice)
Every year at graduation parties around the country, events are set in motion that end in...
*dramatic pause*
Fatherhood.
It starts wth underage drinking, and the shedding of those ceremony-donned ties. Pretty soon things get out of hand, and a boy is alone with a girl having a "birthday party" and letting his "balloons" fly free.
It's all fun and games until someone finds out she's the comissioner's 16 year old daughter who ran away from the convent he had put her in for safekeeping. Then it's off to jail and by the time the sentence is up, there's someone new to welcome him home. He spends the rest of his life paying child support to his baby-mama and having awkward family dinners with the comissioner.
DON'T let graduation night happen to YOU!
Having volunteered with first graders this year, I can't help but wonder if there's any way the 3rd one was done by a small child. Mostly because they're rather known to flip the letters like that. Of course, usually when it's done by a small child, it's all caps, too.
At least a few of them look like a professional did them. Those handcuffs are much better than I'd do... if I were going to put handcuffs on a cake. Having written out office notes where I had to change the wording because my brain started writing down the wrong word (out of boredom), I can kind of understand the Happy Father's Dads. But it's still funny.
Actually, the first one would work for my dad. His b-day is June 18 so we usually combine the two events! lol
Sung to “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane
I walked among the cakes you had
I knew I wanted a nice cake for my Dad
I had to say, and then repeat
The words you’d written out on each bakery treat
You simpleton, what have you done?
It’s getting late, and I just really need to buy one
So tell me what these are supposed to mean
I’m feeling frustrated and kinda want to scream
I came across a double print
What is its purpose, oh, please give me a hint?
It’s not a cake that I could love
It’s not the cake that I’ve been dreaming of
You simpleton, what have you done?
Combined all of the celebrations in one
So tell me when did we begin
To honor Haggy Fatnler’s Day in the Spring?
And if you have a minute why don’t you go
Make a cake that I would actually show
These can’t be the only cakes to choose from
So why don’t you go
Frost a cake that I’d show
You simpleton, what have you done
In some cases two’s just not better than one
And Father’s Dads? Where to begin?
You needed “Y” but you decided to put “D” in
And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Figure out what we’re applauding Ken for
Falker Satherhood, what a word journey
What does it mean, though?
Something only you’d know.
Something only you’d know.
LOVELOVELOVE the fan cake! How DID they get it to sweat though? Must be overheated from those rocketeering carrot jockeys! Superb!
The third cake was either done by a child or someone with undiagnosed dyslexia. Or perhaps, someone just trying to make it on this site? :)
Okay, the triple threat has SO many good connotations - my thought was this guy is getting out of prison and simultaneously celebrating his birthday AND the birthday of the child he fathered before he left! Hey, it could happen!
Welcome back Haiku Joy, we missed you!
Those blobs on the cookie cake look like icing that is trying to escape. Run, blobs, run!
Sharyn, you are my idol. I can't tell you how many days I have had tears in my eyes from LMAO at your cake songs. You rock!
@meeshybee: Priceless! Love the PSA!
I always love seeing the fan cakes. The third cake makes me a bit sad, because it wouldn't be a wreck without the plastic flotsam. I have to ask on the first cake, though: Does it look a bit photoshopped to anyone else? The blue haze around the "Happy Birthday" and the mismatched light reflections seem odd, but maybe my brain just doesn't want to admit a wreckerator would do that to a cake.
Ah! The original! My Falker, er, Father is gone now, but I can still enjoy the cakes.
Wish I could be as clever and funny as DB, HaikuJoy, Sharyn, and others, but ..... I'm just me. Thanks for today's smile, John and Jen!
Bahahaha, no comments, just too funny XD XD
I'd buy that fourth cake, but I'd quickly toss the plastic and smooth over the hole in the frosting.
I think number two is trying to say, "Welcome home. I'm feeling kinky so let's 'celebrate' your birthday until you become a father!" ;)
Is that last also sliding to the side? Nothing says "Cake wreak" like a mix-up on the inscription and an unstable cake.
angharad- I thought that first one was photoshopped too. Its the turquoise surround, too smooth looking, and the fact that the birthday bit is transparent. Not sure how a wreckorator would get that effect.
Loving the carrot jockeys though. Happy falkersatherhood everyone!
My two grandfathers
who ordered a hot tub cake,
all happy and gay.
~~~
If this doesn't make it past the censors, I'm perfectly okey-dokey with that. But one father's multiple dads . . . and the happy/gay pun . . . and the swirly waves . . . This haiku practically wrote itself. I was just the conduit.
The second cake is just superb in its wreckiness. The spermy balloons, the questionable handcuffs. Is the celebrator the cake is for leaving the handcuffs, or is he being welcomed back with handcuffs? *winkwink nudgenudge*
I'm also noticing the indecision of the wreckerator of the third cake with what color the font should be? "Blue! No, yellow! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!"
Happy Falker Satherhood, indeed! My son's birthday is June 16, so I can imagine him getting the triple threat cake someday, but hopefully the third frame would be his wife "welcoming" him home, not that a mother needs to know these things but it's better to think about that than him coming home from the slammer. Eek!
I love how the salute to Cake Wrecks ended up becoming a wreck when it slid off its plate. Is that irony? Kismet? Or just awesomeness? ;-)
Haqqy Fatnler's Day!
Dyslexia strikes again.
Theardare's tail is twitching...
#1 What looks like a photoshopping artifact is actually condensation or perhaps 'weeping' from the gel. The recipient must be one of those
poor soulsfortunate individuals whose birthday coincides in some years with another celebration. Let's hope he scored double presents and not re-purposed ones.#2 I think @normajean nailed this one. Perhaps 'Dad' was in the service. 'Mom's' anticipation explains the oh-so-subtle hint in the middle panel, and maybe the cuffs as well. (Are those real toy cuffs embedded in the frosting? Well, food safety isn't everything; it's the thought that counts.) Maybe the first and third panels should have been swapped. You know, so the messages are in proper chronological order. The actual word messages. Oy.
Moving Right Along...
#3 This is an inside joke, right? Please be that. I'm going to believe it's that, the better to keep hope alive.
#4 Customer: "I'd like you to write, 'Happy Father's Day' on this cake."
Wreckerator: "But it already has..."
Customer: "Just do it. I have a plan. Heh. Heh heh."
#5 Grandfathers need cake, too.
#6 Theardare has just reviewed the 'What's a Wreck?' sidebar, and there is no clause excluding intentional CW references. This specimen might have been produced by someone who makes and decorates cakes for a living, so that requirement is satisfied. This is another refrigerated cake, but unless one lives quite a distance from the bakery, I can't imagine a need to take corners at 45 MPH getting it home. Or it could be that the box is tilted deliberately to add another dimension of wrecktitude.
@DB: I thought the Jockeys were sitting on shag carpet carrots.
#3. I wanted to believe that the baker did this on purpose to simulate a 5-year-old's artwork. However, I have a feeling it went more like this:
Wreckerator: *decorating border with white*
Manager: *standing directly behind wreckerator and peering over shoulder*
"That needs more color. Oh! Do that splatter effect edge."
Wreckerator: *adds red 'splatter'*
Manager: "Hmmm. I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but...I'm the manager! Ha! Get it? It's funny because my job is to tell you what to do...Get it? Anyway, I think the border needs more color. Add some blue and orange."
Wreckerator: *adds blue and orange*
Manager: "Perfect!"
Wreckerator: *-thinking of Manager- writes 'haggy', switches to blue, writes 'F' *
Manager: "You forgot to capitalize 'happy'.
Wreckerator: *goes over the 'h' with some blue icing like so: l l *
Manager: "That's better. Continue. Just pretend I'm not even here."
Wreckerator: "Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah."
*continues writing 'FAtnler's D'*
Manager: "No! You can't have 'Happy' in red and the rest in blue! Do 'Day' in yellow."
Wreckerator: "But the border has red, blue and orange. Don't you think-"
Manager: "Yellow."
Wreckerator: "FINE. *writes 'DAY' in yellow*
@meeshybee
Oh please distribute this so it can be on every commencement program.
There's got to be one about drinking and driving and crashing under those same circumstances - with or without the Commissioner's daughter.
Will you allow me to republish this or submit it to our newspaper with your name, of course? I live in a rural community that takes its "celebrations" quite seriously
This is a little off topic, but has anyone else been keeping up with the Adam@home comic? this week was Katy's (the little girl) birthday. Her dad didn't check the cake until he was ready to present it and thus didn't know that he had a CakeWreck. Therefore he tried to correct it via the fingerpaint method. I immediately thought of this blog.LOL
http://bigdoofus.blogspot.com/2009/05/happy-falker-satherhood.html
I had to look up falker satherhood just to make sure it wasn't a real thing!
I love the dislexic dad one! I don't think I'd do it because I don't think my dad likes to be reminded that I inherited his dislexia, but I see the humor in it. Maybe my kids will get me a Haggy Monlers Day cake next year. They both seemed to have won the genetic lottery and can read just fine :)
The first cake would be perfect for my husband since his birthday is Sunday. Although he'd probably think I was drinking if I brought that home.
"Redundant Redundancy?" Is that anything like "Perilous Perils?" LOL
Triple Threat cake: Any dad who's coming home on his birthday/father's day from the Big House probably didn't wear a tie to whatever "job" he was doing before he got sent away. (unless he was one of those clowns who performs at kids parties, then robs the house while everyone's outside, then he might be wearing a tie as part of his clown costume)
Redundant Redundancy cake: Notice the tiny pipe and fedora on the plastic flotsam? Obviously that bakery ordered too many of those in 1950, and is still using them up.
The sad thing about the redundant cake is that if the stupid peice of flotsam wasn't on there, it would look quite pretty. Flotsam, creating tragedies everywhere.
Its like a word journey...
I agree that the handcuffs are really well done, if odd for a cake decoration. At least one can recognize what they are.
When they're cutting the cake, do they ask the person who just got out of jail if he/she wants the piece with the edible handcuffs? "Hey, specially for you! You get to eat the silver icing!"
#1 oooooohhhhhh, sprinkles! how pretty
#2 that's a tie any dad would be proud to receive
#3 oooooooohhhhh, technicolor poo! how pretty
#4 look at the pretty scrollwork and the nicely spaced dots
#5 I like the way they striped the border with color
#6 oh, what a shame that shifted, but I bet it tasted good, anyway
Wow!!! My fan cake made it to CakeWrecks! Jen and John (tHoJ), I am honored that you chose to feature it! :)
-- the cake WAS made by a "professional" baker at a "upscale" ice creamery...
-- the cake was sliding off the base plate before I bought it, because the decorator(s) had set it up at an angle in the freezer for display, and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to buy the wreck to use to make my tribute wreck! hee hee!
-- I did the writing/inscription with really runny icing, so it would look bad
-- it is an ice cream cake, so it was glistening/sweating because it had to sit out in the kitchen for me to write on it
-- we already had the carrot jockeys because my hubby had bought them to put on a cake for my birthday the previous fall (yes, my hubby is THAT awesome!)
-- @ DB, @ Andrea - I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the dreadlocks/shag carpet carrot comments!!! That's not what I was thinking when I did the carrots, but it's AWESOME! :)
@Craig at least Theadare's trigger finger isn't twitching!
@angharad and ali -I don't think that the first cake was photoshopped; it looks like two plastic flotsams, one on top of the other
@meeshybee - your PSA explained so much
@sharyn -great song
@andrea -that conversation (which we read out loud), so funny. Now we all know why they used yellow for DAY
Jen & John(thoj), thank you for these wrecks, and especially ending with a classic
@kelticat - I saw that and thought of CakeWrecks, too!
@Andrea - shag carpet carpets, now that's one way to get your fiber!
I really must know why that first cake is sweating. Is it nervous because it has two inscriptions on it? Lol. Can't help but love falkersatherhood day. Such a lovely day it is too. I love the last cake. A nice fan made wreck just for you dad! Enjoy lol.
I'm not sure if anyone else posted this yet... but the "Haggy Fantler's Day" cake was clearly done by a literally dyslexic baker. The g's are reversed p's, and the "ntl" is a reversed h. So it's not really very nice to make fun of it... but OTOH, didn't anybody look at that thing before putting it in the display case???
With the first one and people asking if it's been photoshopped ... I had to look at it and think about it for a while, but I finally got it.
It's an edible printed overlay. Placed over the *top* of the "happy birthday" inscription, so that part of it made contact with the icing/cream underneath, and part of it didn't, hence the different coloured area around the writing.
At least, that's my guess...
I have waited ALL YEAR for Falker Satherhood! Glad to see one of the greats again! You guys rock :)
You know, there are years that first one would work great for my dad...his birthday is June 15, and occasionally birthday and Falker Satherhood fall on the same day.
I love Falker Satherhood! Happy to all!
Haiku Joy- I can totally see that. Well done. :) Sharyn, DB, Andrea, Craig and all the rest- THANK YOU for making the Cake Wrecks experience an even wilder ride!
I want a shirt that says, "Theardare is watching"
WOW!!! I am honored that my fan cake actually made it to CakeWrecks! Thanks, Jen and John (tHoJ)!
Notes about the creation of my tribute wreck:
* It was made by a professional baker at a famous chain ice creamery
* I did the inscription myself for my hubby for Father's Day
* My real handwriting is not that bad - I used really runny buttercream icing to do the writing so that it would look awful (MUAHAHAHA!)
* It is an ice cream cake, so that's why it's shiny and sweating - but it makes it an even greater wreck!
* It was sliding off of the base already (which of course is why I bought it to make my wreck!) because the decorator tried to "display" it in the freezer case by sitting it upright
* We already had the carrot jockeys because my hubby had bought them off the internet the previous fall to use on the birthday cake he bought for me (yes, ladies, my hubby is the AWESOMEST! and he cooks, too!)
* @DB and Andrea - Rastafarian and/or shag carpet carrots??? You kill me!!! :D
Uh, @Barbara Anne? Everything cool and froody?
I need that first cake for my dad! His Birthday and Father's Day are on the same day this year! =]
Hahaha, my family and I were just talking about our Happy Father's Dads cake yesterday, so glad you guys remembered it!
Anise, obviously the Haggy Fatnlers Day cake was made by a dyslexic baker, but there's a limit to how far tolerance of disabilities should extend. If you are a company charging people for your products: 'I'm sorry but our baker is dyslexic' is not a valid excuse for producing substandard rubbish.
'Let me explain the reason we gave you crap' seems to be a pretty common excuse. If you aren't capable of doing a job, you shouldn't accept it.
If your in house baker is seriously affected by dyslexia, having a secondary 'decorater' on hand to do the finishing is the minimum requirement. If there's a sudden emergency, and everybody in store is incapable of finishing the job, produce a textless but pretty cake, and explain the reasoning to the customer - preferably with a partial refund.
Also, the backwards letters aren't the only reason the cake is as ugly as hell.