My Bad, Dad
June 14, 2012 This Father's Day, there's nothing like a cake to express your feelings for dear old dad.
He just might have to read between the lines a little:
;)
"Because I've always wanted to give you the finger."
;)
"The farther away you are, the better."
;)
"Social convention dictates I acknowledge this holiday.
That doesn't mean I have to wish you a happy one."
;)
"We're both laughing, but for different reasons."
;)
"And by 'anchor', I mean you're a huge drag."
;)
"Your number slipped into the the triple digits this year, so I just left it blank."
And just in case those little plastic pieces didn't get the point across:
"Hey, Dad!
;)
"...You're a giant tool!"
Thanks to Scott A., T.D., Sarah C., Colleen B., Kellie B., Alicia Y., & Jen W. for telling us EXACTLY what that's supposed to mean.
Reader Comments (48)
Oooh! Someone cared enough to use a Pan-tastic!. (choking up) How sweet!
So Wreck #2 is labelled as a birthday cake? Hmmm. Well, I guess fatherhood could start with a birth. Or a conception. And some of these cakes are INCONCEIVABLE!
Is the last wreck supposed to be a hammer? It looks like it could use a pick-me-up. Is the white thing with "Dad" written on it supposed to be the nail? What a… nice sentiment.
Sung to “Papa Don’t Preach”
Papa I know you’re going to be upset
Cause you always like well-made cakes
But you should know by now
I shop at Safeway*
You always taught me buy the best
These next few cakes just don’t pass the test
I know deep in my heart
These aren’t worth me paying
Number One cake you warned me about
From that “Pan-tastic” pan we read about
It’s just an awful mess, and I don’t mean maybe – please
Papa don’t freak, it’s an awful cake
Papa don’t freak, sorry I don’t bake
So I don’t have a choice, I’m buying a cake wreck, oh
I’m gonna buy a cake wreck, mmm…
“Farther’s Day’s” OK from far away
The next has flotsam for the holiday
On the R.I.P cake at least
The writing’s nice
I know the anchor cake is pretty bad
You’ve always known I had your “Number, Dad”
Don’t get hammered, just have a big tool cake slice, please
Papa don’t freak, it’s an awful cake
Papa don’t freak, sorry I don’t bake
So I don’t have a choice, I’m buying a cake wreck, oh
I’m gonna buy a cake wreck, mmm…
*In the interest of full disclosure, my Safeway Bakery does a very nice job
The Pan-Tastic is back! Also, I almost fell out of my seat when I saw the Happy Father's Birthday cake! Did he die and today's the day he's reborn as a zombie or something? I'm also wondering could the cake be from someone with two dads and it's for the happy father as opposed to the sadistic one?
Because nothing says "I love you dad and all you've done for me" quite like cakes shaped like phallic symbols. And I KNOW that was an anchor but the rational part of my brain said "WHAT THE FERN?!?!?".
@Sharyn - once again, genius, awesome parody. You totally rock. :)
(on a website related note, is anyone else having the issue of getting every single comment twice in their email or is it just me?)
[Editor's note- I don't know what's going on but it's probably a server issue. I'll ask about it. -j]
Is it bad that I saw erm... manly parts, on the last cake before I realised it was a hammer?
Cake wrecks you have destroyed my brain! I used to be such a nice young lady before you corrupted me!
Hoppy Farter's Birthday to all you menly folks out there! And that's all I've got to say about that.
Pray tell-what exactly is an amchor???
Sharyn bahahaha XD XD Also the zombie cake could be for a dad who's into horror movies-still weird. The rest of them...no word D: D:
Actually, I found the fourth cake oddly appropriate, as my father was, indeed, born on Father's Day. I would totally buy that cake...if I thought he wouldn't be freaked out by the whole "Death" thing going on. Some people are so sensitive.
I know Sharyn has done a song this morning (can I borrow from mel and just say spp? :D), but here is my humble offering.
Sung to “Wonderful World”
I see ‘tastic pans, blue roses too,
Giving the finger to me and you
And I think to myself; what a cake-wreckful world!
I see frosting blue, and background white
A giant butterfly going Farther out of sight
And I think to myself; what a cake-wreckful world!
The colors of the flotsam, so strange I must ask why
Are there patriotic sprinkles, is it 4 of July?
I see tombstones black and inscriptions strange
Telling Fathers June must be their birthday
I hear fathers laughing; I watch them cry
As they know they’re the anchor, but don’t know why
And I think to myself, what a cake-wreckful world!
And I think to myself, what a cake-wreckful world!
(instrumental break)
The baker who thought no number would go over so well
Must be a hypnotist to get that cake to sell!
I see a cupcake cake, with a handle of poo
The family saying, “you’re a tool”
I hear wreckies crying, snort coffee outta nose,
To never buy a wreck; I think they know
And I think to myself, what a cake-wreckful world!
And I think to my-seelf, what a cake-wreckful world!
Oooh, yeah!
Getting some serious Sheldon Cooper vibes off your comment for Cake #3. Also, couldn't they have at least ATTEMPTED to coordinate the sprinkle colors with the apathetic flotsam??
haha...social convention! Sheldon got his dad a cake...even though his dad is dead...maybe the RIP cake is for him too.
@Sharyn - brilliant as always! Maybe the wreckerator should have added some beer cans to that cake so the farther could really get hammered?
@ScaperMama - excellent tune choice, well-crafted "lyrecks!"
@Amanda - Apathetic Flotsam would be an awesome band name. Maybe my bagpipe bluegrass band will change its name to Apathetic Flotsam. Would you like to solo on slide whistle?
@everybody - do the comments change order sometimes? When there were just two comments, mine was first, and now that there are 11, mine is second. I'm concerned I may miss an important Theardare alert. Is this happening for anybody else?
@ScaperMama -- Nice job! The more songs, the merrier. Remember, "music hath charms to soothe the wreck-ed cake." (I think that's how that expression goes...)
On cake 6, 'DAD' is hexadecimal. He's actually #3501. Or, maybe it's a Twitter tag. Check online for the full sentiment.
On the second to last cake, maybe Dad's social media savvy, so it's actually "Hashtag Dad" Ok, yes, they forgot the numeral 1.
Glare off of plastic cake covers throws me off sometimes, so I had no clue what was going on with the last cake until someone said hammer. Now I know...and knowing is half the battle.
@Sharyn - awesome job (as always)
@ScaperMama - a lovely little tune to join the Cake Wrecks CD
Cake #4 - I, too, saw something other than an anchor. I am ashamed.
@ DB: Yeah, I think its because comments are showed in the order in which they were received, not the order in which they are approved. So you were really #11 all along, but the other nine comments ahead of you hadn't been approved yet.
I'm hoping the pound "Pound Dad" (# Dad) is an adjective, not an imperative verb. But there is a hammer on the cake. And a saw, and a pair of pliers... oh dear.
That Darn Cat could be messing with the order of the posts in order to conceal information about himself. He does it from his office in the basement. You know, his post...office.
@DB, a bagpipe bluegrass band? I'm sure Bela Fleck would approve. As do I -- my ancestors come from Northumbria and I like bluegrass.
#1 I could wonder about the significance of blue roses, but, knowing next to nothing about 'flower language', I suppose other rose colors would require rather more explanation. I'm more concerned about the cracks in the frosting, though. Happy. Father's. Day.
#2 Dad, words just can't express. Unfortunately, a giant orange butterfly doesn't convey anything, either, but it's what they had. Seriously, Happy Farther's Day.
#3 This cake is from the cast party for the new reality show, 'father's day'. For some reason, it is set in the 1960s.
#4 At first, I thought the thing in the middle was a strawberry that had gone into 'extra innings'. But then I read 'R.I.P.' and saw Mr. Death, whereupon the bones almost made sense. What The Boston Fern?!
#5 I could
hatebe mildly perturbed on this, but I am compelled to support any appearance of "you're". Even if the anchor is made of ketchup and the border was drawn during an earthquake.#6 Yes, an inflatable mallet is just the thing to pound Dad. There's that yellow and gray 'awareness ribbon' again, which I now recognize as soft-jawed pliers. Not that common a tool, so I have to wonder how it became a 'thing' with wreckorators.
#7 Hammer time.
That anchor looks very realistic... It's even bleeding rust onto the rest of the cake!
That last one is a giant something. It begins with "T" and has four letters, but I don't think it's a "tool", per se... O_O
I zoomed in on the # Dad cake to check out the "awareness ribbon" pliers that Craig mentioned and noticed there's glitter on the cake as well. Is Dad a Twilight fan?
Uh, that would be Cake #5. I was just too flustered?
So, I feel like living a little dangerously today. I'm going to test the new catnip for Theardare by defending each cake. Ready?
1. Wow! Those flowers are really nice. The penmanship is pretty and the words are all spelled correctly.
2. That butterfly is cute and the words are all legible.
3. Uh....the glare reflecting off of the container really distracts from the fact that this cake is probably a leftover from Memorial Day with a Father's Day afterthought.
4. Great depiction of the ancient mythology on Grim Reapers. The lore says that there were many grim reapers over time, not just one. When it was time for the Grim Reaper to move on, he would actually give birth to his own father as the new Grim Reaper. The cake seems to give clues on how the ritual was performed. Apparently, all you need are some huge black globes on sticks, some bones, and a red T-1000.
5. Oh. Well. Hmmm. Something nice.....Way to label your creation so that everyone knows exactly what that is SUPPOSED to be!
6. Huh. Now that one I can totally understand. That is not the symbol for "number". That is the Chinese character that means "well", as in from which you would draw water. So, the meaning is clear; "Dad, you are a well of knowledge". Wait, that's doesn't sound right...Maybe it means, "Dad, your well runneth over". Uh, nevermind. How about, "Dad, you are deep like a well, phylosophically speaking"?
7. Awww. Now that is really sweet. That clearly means, "DAD! You are the number one tool in the box!"...and that is a really great sentiment. *sniff* I'm not crying; I've got something in my eye!
@ScaperMama: Awesome! Welcome to the Songwriter's Guild of Cake Wrecks Land!
@ DB: Yes, I have noticed that for a while. I assumed it was because the comments are ordered as they are received, but sometimes they are reviewed out of order? So, if you post something, then I post something, but my post is reviewed now, it will show up before yours. Later, your post gets reviewed and is put in the comment section above mine, because it was actually received first. Does that make any sense? Also, I have no idea what I am talking about, this is the story I made up so that I can move on, othewise I would contemplate this conundrum continually and never get anything done. : - )
*Looks around* Hmm. I guess it WAS the catnip. Theardare isn't sneaking up behind me and dragging me off to Room 101.
=^.^=
Oh, hello, Theardare. I was just, uh, testing...*pounce!*....Okay! Okay! I'll be good.
*scratches behind left ear of Theardare* *purrrrrrrrrr*
Well, he's definitely better. : - D
The last one made me snort!
This is fun and all but it's Flag Day today.
Where are all of the terrible flag cakes?
@Isolder74 See Wreck #3? The one with the red and blue stars? Imagine that the wreckerator was supposed to put a flag in the middle of it instead of the Father's Day plastigraphic. Tada! One Flag Day wreck coming up!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be in the bunker in case a certain feline makes a beeline for Isolder's question. ^.,.^
I spent longer than I'd like to acknowledge trying to read the squiggly writing on cake five. Then I realized it was likely supposed to be the anchor chain. Haha.
I don't know which is worse, these cakes or the
fact that someone out there will like them enough
to actually buy them. I had to make a sea foam
green pirate ship with red, brown & yellow flotsam
pieces. Some people will buy the ugliest cakes
bwa hahahahahahaha! How did Calvin and Hobbes manage to make it into Cakewrecks? Oooo... that's a good idea... Calvin and Hobbes cakes, anyone?
My son's birthday falls on Father's Day this year. I've found the perfect cake!
Sharyn is awesome (incase you haven't noticed!)
@ScaperMama great job!
1. Pan-tastic: not all it's cracked up to be.
2. Happy Fart Hers Day! or Happy Farts Day!
3. Just be glad you're getting cake. P.S. I agree with Amanda
4. "What? We only get together once a year." (should have put something relating to Christmas on ther too)
5. The devil must be having prostate problems.
6. Pound cake with poo swirla and flotsam...yum.
7. CCC (patooie) should be used to pound # 6.
I still don't see a hammer. At all. I even turned it upside down.
Happy Farthers Day! - yeah, thats how we say it in Joisey! Fugetaboutit!
@Major Ypres, I believe you've cracked the code. Hexes would go a long way toward explaining a lot of wrecks. No, wait --- that's a different sort of hex. Never mind, then.
Well, I'm glad to see Theardare behaving himself. It's good that the Emergency Ear Scratch works as advertised. I did wonder if Sunshine Mary had ventured back into the midst, but it was just a test. A diagnostic procedure, if you will. Sort of a...
cat scan.
Isolder74 was just asking a question. Right? Of course. Big Kitty is watching.
@Me (makes me feel like I'm posting to myself), I normally get nearly every C&H reference there is. How did they turn up here? BTW, have you seen that
adorablereally cool homage strip, 'Hobbes and Bacon'? If not, you'll love it.It's the return of Pan-Tastic! In addition to the "bird," this cake also says, "I love you so much, I dusted off this unconventionally-shaped pan to make you feel like I went the extra mile."
@Charlotte you say that like it's a bad thing
@Ela see, you're are to snarky- I can only see Fart Her now. :D
@ScraperMama WIN
@Craig I can't believe "post...office." Auggghhh, why didn't I think of that one?
@Andrea now, that was funny!! all of it
"And when I say (#7) I mean my (#5)." tee hee
I've also been missing zoomom.
Well it could be that #2 the fater's birthday landed on father's day. These things happen you know.. The pantastic one is just to funny. I can never get my mind out of the gutter with those cakes. lol
1. A cake shaped like one of those foam finger things you find at sports events... but with blue flowers... OK then...
2. *facepalm*
3. Pretty... in a generic, bargain-basement blank card sort of way. The thing you get when you've forgotten the gift and are trying to find something last minute.
4. Actually, my family would be warped enough to get something like this, if the circumstances were right. And I remember one year where I accidentally got my dad a Father's Day card on his birthday, so as a joke I got him a birthday card on Father's Day. So this cake would have been perfect!
5. This cake would be a good anchor in and of itself. About the only thing I'd use it for...
6. *blinks* How do some of these get past the managers?
7. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
I too am getting comments twice in my email. And I hope that father's birthday cake went over well with said dad otherwise I would run like heck.. lol. Love that last one. If I gave my dad that I have no clue if he could tell that is a hammer or whatever it claims to be either way I would giggle.
The # is obviously a tic tac toe board, for the dad who plays games with his kids.
Hooked On Counting works!
I like cakes number dad, plop,
and proctologist.
Hey, there's a clue hidden in #6 cake to "Handyman" cake in one of your previous posts. The one where we couldn't figure out just what kind of "tool" they were talking about? It's buried in the frosting at the bottom of the picture. In plastic. So at least we know they make plastic whatever-those-tools-are.
Hurray for the return of Haiku Joy!! :-)
(Thanks for my fix!)
And kudos to our newest "songstress"! :-)
And thanks to Andrea for testing the catnip. You're braver than me! (Perhaps we should award you a black belt in kitty ear scratching... :-)
Yay!!! I'm so glad you posted my cake (#4)!!!! I thought they were very strange requesting that cake but their father's birthday was on father's day that year and he was turning 60 so whatever floats their boat. I'm just the cake decorator, I just do what I'm told. ;)
(Glad to know everyone appreciated the cake for the oddity it was rather than the poor decorating/bad spelling/or other thing that makes cakes so bad. I like to think as an untrained decorator I do a pretty good job.)
Thanks for posting it, I'm so proud!
"# Dad"
Fill in the blank.
Love it.
@Littlewmn: I like that explanation! :)