Easter Enigmas
April 3, 2012 You guys, I am so glad Easter is this Sunday. If it weren't, I'd be tempted to think a few of our local bakers had finally cracked.
;)
"Then stick a bendy straw in the side of the happy little mountain and lots of cool lightning fissures in the sky and the ground and LET'S ALL WEAR ICING BIKINIS AND GO SWIMMING IN THE LOBSTER TANK. Woooeeeoohhh!!!"
Seriously, look at this cake and tell me you don't see a total basket case:
;)
Or, ok, maybe a muppet with roses for eyes and a nose.
(I guess HE won't need rose-colored glasses, eh? EH? Or have to stop and smell the roses? [nudge nudge] Amirite? AMIRITE?)
(Ok, Ok. I'll leaf you alone now.)
(OH SNAP.)
You know how long it took you just then to realize that basket cake was upside down? Well, take that time and double it, and that's at least how long I stared at this next one, completely mystified:
;)
"I don't know about legs, but it definitely had arms because it reached out for me."
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Thanks to this baker, we finally have an answer:
;)
It was the chicken sperm.
Now, I would ask what chicken sperm has to do with Easter, but then I'd probably just get a lecture from someone about how Easter is just a pagan fertility holiday appropriated by the Christians for the blah-de-blah-degibbity-blah, and then my face would get stuck like this:
;)
This is my "No, really, I'm fascinated - please keep talking" face.
So I guess it's a good thing I don't leave the house much.
Speaking of which, if you are religiously inclined...
;)
...pray no one crosses you with one of these.
And now, for today's grand finale, allow me to present A Chick With A Unibrow Doing Her Best Duckface:
[drumroll, please]
;)
She's bringing sexy quack.
Thanks to Nicole J., Vicky, Marianne F., Jess S., Jessica R., & Emily O. for today's fowl humor.
Reader Comments (66)
That last chick is just getting in on the Anthony Davis "Bow to The Brow" trend.
Someone needs to put that last one in a slingshot.
I'm having a sad day and didn't want to leave my shell, but the chicken sperm cracked me up. As always, thanks for the smiles.
Er - isn't that forst one a coffin?
That "thing" on the chick, looks like a nipple, why does this chick has a nipple for a beak? Why oh Why?
PS I live in Greece, Easter is NEXT week. Arent you happy you dont live here? you would have to have ANOTHER week of Animal-Elmo-Easter Baskets and prednisone induced crosses
I think the last one is really a tribble with a pacifier wearing some of those Halloween glasses. Another recycle, perhaps?
And the first one is probably the spaghetti monster slowly coming through a crack between reality and wherever the spaghetti monster came from. You can see one of his noodley appendages reaching through....
The last one will definitly be able to kill some pigs on my smartphone.
Annnnnnnnnnd....I lost it at chicken sperm. *snicker*
O blow-up Cross, how
we remember thy sacred
overinflation!
egg sperm bwwahahahaha!
"That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
Except for the marshmallow booger on his nose. I don't get that at all...
Icing bikinis -
Let's invite security!
See you in the tank!
Two cheers for chicken sperm!! =)
-- Ryan
I totally missed that #2 was a basket. But it didn't take me long to realize that #3's "hands" were supposed to be whiskers.
What on earth...makes me glad to be Jewish-I just have to worry about passover wrecks ;) seriously, someone should do a mental health assesment on whomever made the first two cakes.
Yay! Holiday theme sperm!
I looked at that cross cake and thought "Geez, how hard is it to line cupcakes up in a cross shape?" Then I had a closer look, and I'm not sure that it is actually made of cupcakes. Which now makes me sad for the poor bakery worker who has the "I can't cut a straight line" syndrome. As for the white bunny cake (it is a bunny isn't it?), perhaps it's the bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Might explain the clawed hands.
Holy crap, is there any actual cake underneath that wandering-hands rabbit? Honest to goodness, it looks like one of the bakers ("bakers") put their frosting-only test bunny out for sale and called it a day.
That rabbit looks a little like Falcor.
I’m afraid you’ve committed one of the classic blunders. (I’m assuming just one. You’ve never gotten involved in a land war in Asia, have you?) The cakes you’ve chosen are to celebrate “Leaster,” an obscure pagan holiday – called “blah-di-blah-degibbity-blah” by the ancient Celtic Druids who celebrated it. The first cake shows the Leaster emerging from his egg-like crypt, where he had been imprisoned for performing bad collagen lip injections. His closest friend was Amirite, the straw faced boy with the floral mustache. Amirite had a blood flow problem, so he spent a lot of time standing on his head. Leaster and Amirite got involved in a classic battle of good vs. evil with “Staypupht, the Tentacular Bunny of Doom” whose multi-colored droppings poisoned anything they touched. As more and more villages were poisoned, Leaster knew he had to act. With the help of his friend “Gnocher, the Lantern Jawed Lagamorph,” Leaster developed a poison-resistant strain of chickens, specifically bred to take on Staypupht. Sadly, before the chicks were fully developed, Staypupht squashed Leaster’s beloved, Mary Mantis. Distraught, Leaster dug up the section of ground where she died and covered her with flowers. (I always cry at this part…) Eventually, the chicks grew up. In an epic battle, they killed Staypupht with their launchable “Beak Plungers of Death.” Unwilling to live without Mary Mantis, Leaster withdrew to a cave, where he emerged once a year to accept the thanks of the villagers.
The story of Leaster was passed down orally for generations, degrading more with each telling. Eventually, the Christians appropriated aspects of it for their spring holiday. By then, Leaster had become “Easter”, drawings of Amirite standing on his head inspired a flower-covered basket, and Staypupht evolved into the Easter Bunny, leaving behind jelly beans – little multi-colored pellets -- at every stop. Although no one remembers why, Leaster’s story is why chicks are associated with Easter, as are eggs. The shape of the ground Leaster dug up at Mary Mantis’ death was also incorporated into the holiday. As for Gnocher, Leaster’s lagamorph friend? He became synonymous with the fertility aspect of the season, when his name became slang for pregnancy. (You can explain that to all your knocked-up friends...)
So here's how reading this post went for me this morning:
1. mistakenly reading the title of the post as "easter enemas"
2. thinking to self "DEAR SWEET LORD give me strength!!"
3. oh, wait - eNIGmas, okay not so scared now
4. viewing wrecks
5. thinking to self "DEAR SWEET LORD help me not to dream about rose-nosed muppets tonight!!"
I dont normally comment, but doesnt it seem bakers are forgetting the CAKE these days and just going with huge piles of varying colors Frosting POOP?
I would like a little cake with my frosting.. gack.. i
Fear not.
Big White Bunny's just practicing his Jazz Hands.
CH-CHA
!. Okay, I actually think that cake is kinda of cute. However what a mountian being struck by lighing has to do with Easter is beyond me.
2. Cute as a muppet but hardly looks like a basket even when I turn my laptop upside down to look at the picture right.
3Reminds me of the game chubby bunny where you have to fill your mouth with as manny marsh mellows as possible and say chubby bunny as clear as you can. Don't try it with children I understand it is a very dangerous game.
4 Looks more like a bunny slipper than a cake.
5. Well they tried is all I can say. That is what happens when you ask an athiest to make a cross. It comes out more lkie a blob
6 Looks like a crazy bird tried to get in the easter spirt.
I think that I will never see
A thing as lovely as a tree,
And nothing that'll make me squirm
Quite like the creepy Chicken Sperm....
I loved the bringing sexy quack comment. Although I have to ask if it's still considered making a duck face if the person in question is, in fact, an actual duck?
Pic # 6: A CCCross...?!
"bringing sexy quack"! LOL!! Love it!
Sharyn - Thank you for the history lesson! I always wondered about the egg/Easter combo. ;-)
Cake Wrecks has the best commenters!
@mel: Excellent poem! So glad you've posted. I missed you -- in a platonic, non-stalker kind of way.
@ Mel - thank you. You made my grumpy day into a less grumpy day.
See you in the tank!
@Terrie-As an atheist, I am offended. When neccessary, I can make a cupcake-cross with the best of them. In fact, I am often called upon to prepare cupcake-crosses for my Christian friends who are too busy to do so during the holiday season. I can also make a cupcake-menorah that's to die for.
Please don't assume that all atheists are CCC impaired, just because you have personally had some bad experiences with atheist cupcake technicians.
That third one's the Killer Rabbit. "Look at the BOOOONES, man!!!!"
Dammit somebody beat me with the Anthony Davis chicken reference. Heh heh, I said BEAT.
Best one yet. You should send to Justin Timberlake, I think he would like ;) lol
My 5 year old saw the bird cake and immediately said, "It's Angry Birds!". Maybe that's what they were actually going for? Maybe? :)
I thought the white bunny was a tribute to Wilford Brimley. He's warning us that too much frosting leads to Diabeetus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0ZLy7Y9NZ0
Ah... good times. I *headdesk*'ed at chicken sperm (what were they even going for there?) and LOL'd at "bringing sexy quack."
And I knew Sharyn wouldn't let us down.
...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [ "skip a bit, brother"]... And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Don't forget the rabbit's anatomically-incorrect "eyebrows." Fertility celebration, indeed.
It's the Ice Cream Bunny!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv-h6ynv9BA&feature=player_detailpage#t=86s
I could not let the day go by without letting you know that I enjoyed the "Ghostbusters" quote!
Wow, that chicken sperm is almost enough to throw me off egg salad forever. Duckface is sexier if your eyeballs are looking in the same direction, just sayin'.
Showed you a little love on my blog today, for those few peeps who still don't know how delish CakeWrecks is. http://bit.ly/HR65Eo Thank you for giving me a great laugh, several times a week.
Is that a beak or is that chick just happy to see me?
Second cake: In Soviet Russia, cake eats you!
Number 3's a rabbit head. They're the cheeks and whiskers.
Next.
@Abby -- I totally saw Falcor in that third cake!
And now I have "Im bringing sexy quack" stuck in my head...by tomorrow I too will have the face that the bunny/log/poo thingie has...only I will also have the jazz hands of 'bunny' number three. Good times, good times...
Is cake #2 supposed to be Elmo with a bad case of jaundice?
"sexy quack" bahahahhaaha
what do you get when you cross #4with #7?
#1, of course.
(really, just look at them.)
@Sharyn I don't know if you're on meds or off them but keep it up, lady! :D
@ mel nice to see you again and that was funny!
Pareidolia basket is amused.
Also, @Epcotlover: precisely.