Ode to Carrot Jockey
September 10, 2011 Ode to Carrot Jockey
by Loyal Minion Sharyn
Carrot Jockey, is your taxonomic nomenclature
A plastic unclothed biped, on buttercream by nature?
No hair about your eyes to cloud your keen visual senses
Contributes to your skill in finding wrecky cake offenses.
I find myself intrigued by your frosted ambulations,
A singular development of fondant machinations
;)
That illustrates your need to ride on sugary confections
While pointing out a bakery's abuse of its directions.
No clothing is essential for your wreck reporting talents,
A hat, a vest or even pants might throw you off your balance.
And carrots are a necessary part of locomotion
Although for geeky panelists they can cause a commotion.
;)
Carrot Jockey, the wondrous cakey carnage you display
Makes people snort their coffee, and brightens up their day.
;)
A naked bit of plastic I can from a chain suspend
;)
To me, you'll always be a veggie-riding friend.
;)
A huge "Thak You" to Sharyn for writing the world's best comment poem, and also to Theresa B., Jennifer C., Carmel C., Angela M., Julie K., Noelle, Maggie H., Caroline T., Colleen T., & Martha A. for all the Carrot Jockey homages.
Also, if by some crime you're not familiar with the original poem/rap Sharyn's is based on, watch this:
And finally, because it's a FAQ: the jockey necklaces are no longer available for sale because they're a right pain to make. However, if you continue to pester us - say, by leaving demanding comments on this post - I might be able to convince John that we should make one big final batch before the holidays. Maybe. If you beg. And I'm not talking just a few extra exclamation marks here; I'm talking complete loss of dignity, people. Dance! Dance for our amusement! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Or just ask nicely. That might work, too.
(Note from john: *sigh* Fine. But let me explain something: it takes HOURS. Rolling each individual carrot, carving each individual leaf, trying to center the baby so that it balances, baking them, clear coating them, gluing the baby down, gluing the post and hanging it on the chain. And then, THEN! If it doesn't balance and it hangs funny, we start over because Jen won't let an imperfect one leave the house. *harumph* So, we're going to make 3 for each tour stop as prizes and maybe a hundred more. If anyone needs me for the next few days, I'll just be over here kneading clay...)
Reader Comments (155)
You've filked Data's poetry. I love you.
Jen, are you a bit more power mad than usual since Wil Wheaton's excitement that you were in his panel's audience?? :)
wreck on, wreck on
As soon as I saw the first 2 lines I knew what it was about. Long live STTNG and great post by the way.
I'd really like to buy the carrot jockey neckaces for my relatives for Christmas....please please make another batch....
Carrot Necklaces would be AWESOME for stocking stuffers......AWESOME I TELL YOU!! AWESOME!
I would dance for you....but no one wants to see that....
I love Data's poem. And Cakewrecks. And did I mention that I'm still so FREAKIN' EXCITED that you're coming to Toronto? Now, can you make some neckli, pretty please!
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, these are not cut-and-paste-by-the-way, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please
and under neat that
pretty please with buttercream on top!
Please make another batch. Then everyone can recognize each other next year at Dragon*Con. There's only 355 days left til then....Please? Pretty please?? I'm begging. On my knees. In Con Crud. How much lower can you get?????
i would really really really be so proud to wear a carrotjockeynecklace around in Holland. Please make another batch and sell me one? Pretty please? Make me a proud cakewrecky nerd? i would love you forever!
Oh pleeeeeeeze make more necklaces!!! I have to have one since I saw that pic of Spiner with his.
Oh Cake Wreak God and Goddess,
Please, I beseech thee, PLEASE bestow upon your humblest of followers the gift of a carrot jockey necklace. It would be the brightener of my day. It would be the guiding star of my night. It would make my smile the thing of toothpaste commercial stars.
I know it is an arduous task that I, a lowly follower, am requesting of you. I do not deserve such efforts on my behalf and I am berating myself for even requesting such great favor be shown to me. But it is something I shall always cherish and hold dear to my heart. I would wear it with great pride.
If you would be so kind as to create one of these amazing talismans for me, I would make sure the world (or at least all of my friends, coworkers, and somewhat close innocent bystanders) knows of your boundless generosity. They would hear of your website, books, and Facebook presence so they might become faithful followers as well. Your flock would increase.
So please, think of the joy you would bring to your lowly followers. The happiness only you have the power to bestow. Please, create some of the carrot jockey necklaces so we might have a little piece of you in our daily lives.
Your humblest of servants,
heather
Yes, I agree with Kallie - please make more carrot jockey necklaces!! My whole family loves your blog, and I think a bunch of matching necklaces would make the holidays much brighter this year!
If Mr Data can get a carrot jockey necklace, then so can *I* -- and I will pout until I get one!
How about some nice t-shirts? John may find that he needs therapy after putting holes in dozens of plastic carrots with naked babies on them. Therapy is far more expensive than t-shirts.
I am so excited you are coming to Memphis in November!!
Now, look into my eyes....
You WILL make more carrot jockey necklaces....
You WILL bring them to Memphis....
You WILL sell at least one to me....
You WILL be awesome at the book signing....
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Oh ya, please, please, please, please.
From one total Star Trek geek to another--I freakin' love you.
Sell the directions/pattern for the necklaces! I'll buy it!
Please, please, please . . . pretty please, with sugar on top . . . and a cherry . . . please make another batch of carrot jockey necklaces!!!
Someone seriously need to autotune that poem.
Pretty pretty please with sugar on top? I would love one!
must. have. necklace.
must. have. necklace.
must. have. neclakce.
must. have. necklace.
will bake cake for necklace.
plis, priti plis...
Now in English: Please, pretty please!!!
Oh, wondrous Jen, she of abundant wreckitude reporting
please convince your spouse to gift us some enjoyment.
I'll pay, if that is what it takes, for you to do this lovey-dovey
So please, oh Jen and John, won't you make us some carrot-riding jockeys?
*bows to the awesomeness of this filk*
*puppy dog eyes of begging for carrot jockey necklaces and dancing... because I'm dancing in a humiliating fashion, yes. Can't you tell?*
Oh my gosh, that is all kinds of geeky goodness on so many levels! Long live Cakewrecks!
Just cough up the carrot jockey necklaces already....geesh!
this was EPIC!!
and please oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeeeeeease make some more carrot jockeys!! i'll even do a humiliating dance if i must.. but i neeeeeeed a jockey necklace!!!! *on knees* pretty pretty please with sprinkles? lots of sprinkles!! ;)
I recognized the origins of the poem immediately. :D ♥ Mr. Data. I once had a cat named Spot. :D
I AM SO MAD AT THE BABIES FACING THE WRONG WAY ON THE ONE CAKE.
Please put me out of my misery and make a last batch of necklaces! I've been kicking myself for sooo long for not gettin' one in the first place. Make more and we will be even more, uh, legion, yeh, that's the ticket. Legion. And under neat that "here us giggle".
What is the baby riding a carrot about? I am confused! But every time I see them on Cake wrecks I laugh so much - it almost makes me cry! Is this a symbol for something that is just used in USA. I live in Wales, UK.
Please, please, please....I have a friend who's life is stuck in between cake pops and cake wrecks. I know she'd be able to restore her passion for life if only she could have a pendant upon which to reflect and remember the higher powers of life.
Or, tell us where to get the items to make our own....but it just isn't the same as one crafted by crafty Jen and John..... whine, whine, wine......
Carrot jockey necklace is the best thing ever. I would offer my first born but alas I have already had her and would like to keep her but if you make some I may consider giving you my second ;)
This is all about Brent Spiner getting and wearing your carrot jockey necklace, isn't it? Awesome!
And pleeeeeeeeeeease please please please make more necklaces -- pretty please? Pleeeeease!!!! C'mon, I'll be your friend!
A whole page of carrot jockeys?! I love it! The 'Cheryl' cake might just be my favourite.
I would dance for necklaces, but I fear it would result in less amusement, more 'run for your lives' ... so I'll just stick with: Pretty pretty please? With sprinkles on?
Begging.
Demanding comments, hmmm...
I demand with complete begging and pleading on both knees, dancing like I've got flaming ants in my britches, bowing down to the awesomeness that is the Carrot Jockey that you make more Carrot Jockey Necklaces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I demand with complete humility and shame dancing frantically like one of the sorry idiot dancers on SYTYCD (remember the guy who called himself Sex? - NOT being perverted, if you've never seen him go to youtube and find him, he's hilarious!) before the amazingly wonderful awesomely humorously fabulousness that Jen & John (the husband of Jen) provide to us on a daily basis (sometimes multiple times a day) that you make more Carrot Jockey Necklaces in time for Christmas so that we can purchase them and make you rich beyond belief (ok, maybe not, but maybe so if you make enough of them!!!!!!) so that you can buy TONS of Steam Punk and Star Trek stuff that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Under Neat That Pretty Pretty Please
(imagine a cherry sitting neatly on top of the words because I don't know how to draw a cherry on here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**was that enough exclamation points?
Oh, please?
I'd love a carrot jockey
in my Christmas stockie.
Please, please make some!
A carrot and post-ovum!
:)
Oooh, please, please, please, please, PUH-LEEZE would you make more carrot jockey necklaces?!?!? I would really, really, really, really, REALLY like to buy one - like, SUPER, AGONIZINGLY, I think I might just pass out from excitement if I actually, physically got my hands on one of those AND it would definitely replace the boring diamond-on-a-chain a certain, not-very-creative husband gave me for Valentine's day three years ago!
...please...?
OHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEIBEGOFTHEEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEMAKEMORENECKLACESOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASE
Cheat (a little)
http://factorydirectcraft.com/catalog/products/1302_790_1567_1810-17471-34_miniature_resin_carrots_cute_for_snowman_noses.html
Check this one out -- no idea why the display is a thalidomide baby
http://factorydirectcraft.com/catalog/products/1302_790_2332_2318-10088-1_miniature_plastic_baby_shower_favors_12pcs.html
I think Kirk should do the Carrot Jockey rap, in his inimitable style!!! Today's post was a coup de grace!!
You should really make another batch of necklaces to give away as door prizes during the tour....even though you are STILL NOT COMING TO TAMPA!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! REALLY, WE ARE ONLY 1 HOUR AWAY...SERIOUSLY!!!!
Please make more carrot jockeys...Please. Hubby always asks what I want for Christmas at the last minute. I'd love to already have a carrot jockey necklace for him to wrap up. I want it more than sprinkles. Please?
I would totally buy one of those!
Jen & John, have you considered making a mold for the carrot jokey pendant and then using that to make unlimited copies? Assuming you don't already use this method...
I really... REALLY REALLY... want this ode to be voiced by Christopher Walken OR Patrick Stewart.
Please, pretty please make more carrot jockey necklaces!
Heck, I live in the Orlando area. I could come help you birth, er, make more necklaces.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase make more carrot jockey necklaces! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!!
If you make more carrot jockey necklaces, I'll buy your books instead of reading them in the library *veg*