Ode to Carrot Jockey
September 10, 2011 Ode to Carrot Jockey
by Loyal Minion Sharyn
Carrot Jockey, is your taxonomic nomenclature
A plastic unclothed biped, on buttercream by nature?
No hair about your eyes to cloud your keen visual senses
Contributes to your skill in finding wrecky cake offenses.
I find myself intrigued by your frosted ambulations,
A singular development of fondant machinations
;)
That illustrates your need to ride on sugary confections
While pointing out a bakery's abuse of its directions.
No clothing is essential for your wreck reporting talents,
A hat, a vest or even pants might throw you off your balance.
And carrots are a necessary part of locomotion
Although for geeky panelists they can cause a commotion.
;)
Carrot Jockey, the wondrous cakey carnage you display
Makes people snort their coffee, and brightens up their day.
;)
A naked bit of plastic I can from a chain suspend
;)
To me, you'll always be a veggie-riding friend.
;)
A huge "Thak You" to Sharyn for writing the world's best comment poem, and also to Theresa B., Jennifer C., Carmel C., Angela M., Julie K., Noelle, Maggie H., Caroline T., Colleen T., & Martha A. for all the Carrot Jockey homages.
Also, if by some crime you're not familiar with the original poem/rap Sharyn's is based on, watch this:
And finally, because it's a FAQ: the jockey necklaces are no longer available for sale because they're a right pain to make. However, if you continue to pester us - say, by leaving demanding comments on this post - I might be able to convince John that we should make one big final batch before the holidays. Maybe. If you beg. And I'm not talking just a few extra exclamation marks here; I'm talking complete loss of dignity, people. Dance! Dance for our amusement! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Or just ask nicely. That might work, too.
(Note from john: *sigh* Fine. But let me explain something: it takes HOURS. Rolling each individual carrot, carving each individual leaf, trying to center the baby so that it balances, baking them, clear coating them, gluing the baby down, gluing the post and hanging it on the chain. And then, THEN! If it doesn't balance and it hangs funny, we start over because Jen won't let an imperfect one leave the house. *harumph* So, we're going to make 3 for each tour stop as prizes and maybe a hundred more. If anyone needs me for the next few days, I'll just be over here kneading clay...)
Reader Comments (155)
Dear John, (OMG! my first Dear John letter!)
Please make more of the naked baby carrot jockey necklaces. Last spring my best friend (since junior high) had her first baby and I helped planned baby shower. One of the other planners, a relative of my friend, was the passive aggressive princess. Everything everyone suggested was fine to their faces, but wrong behind there backs, and because I stood up for myself and my friend's wishes, I was the worst. Spawn of Satan. After many tears, emails, texts, and phone calls we found a place, menu, etc. (I still have some emails if you and Jenn need something to read...) The one thing I never managed to do: NAKED BABY CARROT JOCKEY CAKE. I know my friend was a little disappointed, so I if could get her a necklace to go along with "Wreck the Halls" for Christmas this year. It would go a long way towards healing that wound.
Can't wait to see you guys on the tour!
sincerely,
Sara
Please please pretty please?
"An Ode to Spot" is unmistakable in any context.
The second one looks like it was created specifically to poke Jen -- cupcake cake of a carrot jockey baby, executed horrifically, with Jen's name misspelled.
PLEASE MAKE MORE, JEN!!!!!! I NEVER HAD A CHANCE (OR MONEY) TO GET ONE BEFORE
I have to wear black to work...ALL BLACK. I feel like a well-dressed funeral parlor attendant. BUT the accessories we wear can be colored. Wouldn't a Jockey Pendant look stunning on black, brightening up my outfit, AND my day?
Carrot jockey necklaces? Yes, PLEASE!
What?! No! You can't stop making them! I haven't gotten mine yet! Please, please, PLEASE give me another chance! I promise I'll buy one if you make just one more batch! Pleeeeeeaaase? [clasps hands][pouts]
Oh, well done, well done! I laughed at the first line, having always appreciated Data's powers of poetry. What a wonderful way to start my Sunday morning. Thank you!
I'll totally buy a necklace if you make a new batch.Think of it - it's also great advertising because if someone asks "what on earth is that thing around your neck" I'll have to explain the fabulous, hilarious, ingenious Cakewrecks site to them:) (free advertising for you:):)
I too echo the voices of all those above me begging for you to make more carrot jockey necklaces. And I demand.
Plus also? Please!
you know, I was already pretty sure that I wanted to drive 2 hours to Montreal (and 2 hours back) to attend your event there. but now, with the vision of winning a carrot jockey necklace dangling before my eyes, ALLONS-Y!
Holy crap! This is probably my favorite post ever. Data + Cake Wrecks??? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!! You've made my day! :D
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE make more of the carrot jockey necklaces!! Please please please! And under neat that: just say YES! Do it!
I just watched that very episode the other day! :D
All together now:
THHAAAANNNNKKKK YOOOOUUUUUUUU, JOHN!!
Wouldn't a "wrecked" (as in not hanging/looking right) Carrot Jockey be even MORE appropriate to send out??? John, if you agree... send a "wrecked" one my way :) I am a devotee and anxiously await 10am every single morning (I even check saturdays cuz sometimes you throw us an extra bone!) for the next Wreckwonderful post. And Jen, way to go, you've now turned a 55 yr old housewife into a Geek and SteamPunk fan!
PS I'll pay postage, finder's fee, and whatever other bribe you need.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Every carrot jockey necklace that's created adds exponentially to the good karma of the world.
Now, tell us what you need. Favorite beverages, must-have chocolate, dancing penguins, whatever, and give us an address to send them to, and we'll do what we can to help you get through your upcoming travails. (Might I suggest carrots and a juicer, so you can work out your frustrations and get an ironic yet nutrient-packed beverage at the same time?...)
Your minions await your every whim.
dont know if anyone has supplied this -
the unknown baker of the cake from ICES - I recognize that as Bake Me A Cake in Altamonte Springs, Mercedes is a world famous gumpaste artist.
John,
Two words for you:
Press Molds
You can speed up baby carrot sculpting considerably by making plaster press molds for the carrot and the leaf. I did a series of pottery with slugs a while back, and ended up resorting to press molds so that the slugs didn't take me 45m apiece.
As for the rest of the construction: time to recruit some volunteers/slaves. Maybe from the comments ...
Once I tried to make these myself, and really botched it. I would very much appreciate it they were for sale, because I've always wanted one.
I want a carrot jockey necklace!
I recognized the source of the poem immediately and thought it was a clever poem. So, I'm dancing and asking nicely...what are the chances I could win one at a book signing?:-)
Holy babies riding on carrots Batman! Those pendants are *gasp* HANDMADE!?!
For real? I feel so special now, since I already have one. Neener neener neener to those without.
Oooh! I'd love a Carrot Jockey necklace!
John: "Carrot Jockey Mold". It's amazing what they're doing with silicone these days. Just sayin'.
Dear, sweet, beautiful masterful, amazing, cool, groovy, neat, pretty, awesome, exalted, magnificent, stunning, wonderful, stupendous, fiiiiiiine wrecky goddess,
Will you please, please pretty please with poo swirls and brown sprinkles on top make just a few more mohawked naked baby riding carrot so that I may properly flaunt my love and loyalty as a wrecky henchperson?
love and phallic hearts,
Katie
Love the poem! I had no idea that you made the carrot jockey necklaces; I thought you bought them and resold them (maybe putting them on a chain). Anyway, if I were in Florida, I'd totally help you roll clay carrots and assemble them. I love Fimo. I'll bet you could get an assembly line of Wreckies to help you with this task and not have to limit the amount (too much). How will we know when they become available? Follow this blog? (Ha). I haven't seen the book tour itinerary yet, but hope you're going to be in the Detroit area. Fingers crossed!
Must.have.baby.carrot.jockey.necklace.please.please.please, please ...
Must.have.baby.carrot.jockey.necklace.please.please.please, please ...
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Must.have.baby.carrot.jockey.necklace.please.please.please, please ...
Must.have.baby.carrot.jockey.necklace.please.please.please, please ...
Must.have.baby.carrot.jockey.necklace.please.please.please, please ...
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Ain't too proud to beg...PUHLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE make more necklaces - I've wanted one forever and was so sad when I found out they were sold out! Just know we appreciate you spending all that time getting every one of them just right. You're awesome.
There, did that butter you up enough? :-)
Why not just a 3d printing service?
I would adore a Carrot Jockey necklace. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize the absolute burning NEED I have to have one. Please, make another batch!
Holy babies riding on carrots Batman! Those pendants are *gasp* HANDMADE!?!
For real? I feel so special now, since I already have one. Neener neener neener to those without.
'Sigh' my cakenobabble got eclipsed by the epic poerty goodness....well no one can win everything!
,3i'm not sure if this would be helpful knowledge to have, but i thought i'd throw it out there. you can take an already constructed carrot jockey necklace and push it into a silicone mold then cast them from that in sculpey/fondant/whichever medium you choose just by pushing white into it and painting or pushing each color into its' area. it's not as personal and heartfelt as making them from scratch but that way you don't have to give up selling them. as a bonus, the flattened back might lay easier against the body (sadly i've never worn one but i'm just trying to imagine pro's to this scenario now...)
<3
Oh, but the necklaces are so AWESOME! Hey, what about some earrings, too? <Ducking giant wads of fondant...>
Please, please, please, please, please, please, make more carrot jockey necklaces, please oh please, oh please, oh please. I beg of you , I grovel, I urge you, please, please, please. I would proudly wear one, and I would probably have to get two or three because my daughter is sure to swipe mine and my mother is sure to want one.
*clears her throat*
Ahem. You would really be inclined to make a new batch of carrot jockey necklaces...?
If we beg and whine and dance for you?
Aaand do you think it would be possible to sell (and ship) them to Germany? If the shipping costs aren't too insanely high?
*dances clumsily while sporting a hopeful smile*
Already asked, begging this time... We love carrot jockey! We'd love carrot jockey necklace.
Can pay for chiropractor!!!!
CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACE! CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACE! CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACE! CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACE! CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACE! My soon to be six year old would LOVE LOVE LOVE one! I am ordering the carrot jockeys now for her birthday cake.
Wreck on!
I am carrot jockey necklace-less and today is my birthday. Have a heart!
Super duper want a carrot jockey necklace! And loved the Data rap. Anyone else reminded of Vogon poetry - minus the excruciating pain? :)
I would love a necklace as well. I will sew the charm on to my "Hatpin" witches hat, with all my other pin from my travels. It can go right next to my Oktoberfest pin for this year, since bakers everywhere must be drunk to make some of the wrecks you find.
Oh dear, oh dear. It's "Kneading", Sir John. I know this is the internet, but since you make fun of spelling mistakes here, I thought it'd be okay to point it out. Sorry!
{Note from Jen: Ah! I was *wondering* why John kept kneeing the clay. Thanks for the heads up, Mucey!]
One of your wreckie followers must be able to make a mold for you or point you towards someone who could help in the large scale production of these wonderful items of high demand. Someone...anyone...?
Carrot jockey necklaces say Merry Christmas to me! The only problem would be who among my family would get one or if I would just keep it myself. We love Cakewrecks! Didn't use enough of these ! so here you go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would looove a necklace, but I just popped by to say, John, "...gluing the baby down..." had me laughing until salty, salty tears of joy ran down my cheeks. You, sir, are hilarious even when you are griping and ranting. Love!
I will do anything a non-baker can do to win a Carrot Jockey necklace at the Chicago branch of the tour! I'm not sure what I can do to top my music video tribute to Cake Wrecks, but I'll do it!
Are you KIDDING me!? Who WOULDN'T want a carrot riding baby necklace?
So now that John has decided to be wonderful and make more necklaces - how do we go about getting on that list?
WANT...NO NEED CARROT. JOCKEY. NECKLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty please, with a big ole cherry on top? 0=)