Window Pains
July 5, 2011 So, you're opening a bakery. You've watched too much Cake Boss, opened a few dozen credit card accounts, and "sampled" enough cupcakes to confidently differentiate between "ganache" and "monkey poo."
What next?
The window display, of course!
This is your place to shine, aspiring baker! Show the people what you can really do!
Ah.I see you're of the "writing on Styrofoam rounds with a Sharpie" skill set.
We can work with that.
After all, the most important thing is getting customers through the door - even if it is only to ask, "Dear God, what IS that THING?!"
It's a pacifier. You know, a cake for suckers?
Just think of all the gas-mask party favors you could make. Ooh, and festive radioactive warning streamers! Glowing fruit punch? Mushroom cloud side-cakes? Really, the possibilities are endless.
Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.And you can tell by the way that plastic half-lady is smelling her armpit that her plastic whole lady counterparts are gonna be hella sexy.
Hey, how do you think Barbie paid for all those different careers, kids?And also a strong grasp on the spelling of "ho bag":
Because, really, nothing is worse than a misspelled "ho bag" on your cookie cake.
Reader Comments (69)
In hero-worship
of Batman, Mickey got own
parachute, cakeface.
Jesus preached on the
Mount of Olives. Barbie
rockets out of it.
I'm pretty sure the cookie behind the "Welcome Home" says "Happy Autism".. but really, how can one be sure? Also, I read your "[nudgenudge]" [nudgen udge] and laughed at myself.. because my mind can't tell where words stop and new ones start, apparently...
I love everything you're doing! Keep the funny coming!
I like the way Barbie's pasties appear to be made of cake icing.
Shouldn't we be happy that everything is spelled correctly? Shouldn't that be enough? For crying out loud, yesterday's post showed a misspelling of "July." JULY!! Whoever is responsible for these baked goods should be proud. At least they can spell.
I'm assuming the last cookie was prepared for Mr. H. B. Hobag, the famous industrial giant and former governor of New Jersey.
Haiku Joy said...
Jesus preached on the
Mount of Olives. Barbie
rockets out of it.
Love this!
eww! how old is that Mickey crash-land cake? the decorations are dusty and the whole side of the cake (and the one next to it) dried out and crumbled off. the display case looks filthy, too. YUCK!
who would shop there? "here, try 6 month old cupcakes. they're to die for. or at least, they may kill you."
plastic armpit-smeller--I wonder if she has "realistic" plastic boobs underneath the modest icing bra, just in case someone wanted her dirty? who knows what else they may have. but since she's flotsam, I'm hoping they're not using sex props as cake decor. like dildos, condoms, etc.
love the princess bride quote. that is so appropriate for so many wrecks.
I enjoy how the parachute is coming out of the FRONT of Mickey's plane ><
*steels self for a whole whack of comments along the lines of "OMGyoureferencedthePrincess BrideIlovethatmovieyourocksohard"*
Love the blog. Love the giddy readers.
If I could stop laughing, I'd post a comment.
...But does the baker of the "pacifier" cake have perfect ears? (blinkblink)...
I couldn't imagine what the bakers were thinking. That barbie cake was so funny!
Nice Princess Bride reference, Jen! :P
"Dear God, what IS that THING?!"
It's cake decorating for dummies! *snort*
...No? Too colloquial?
Oddly enough, the barbie cake without the barbie is not that bad.... the rest of them D:
I don't think anyone has done this on this post's comments yet, but can someone tell me what the "wv" means that I've been seeing all over the place? I feel like I'm the odd person out on a very funny joke :)
Thanks!!
Alison,
"WV" stands for "word verication."
You know when you go to post a comment, and you have to type in a "word verication" in order for you post to be posted? You take that word and then define it or use it in a sentence.
My word verication for this post is,"hamshair," so I might write:
wv: hamshair-That hamshair is very shiny and lustrous, but I prefer my porkchops hairless.
#1 Can people pay for fake cakes with play money?
#2 I'm so glad to know that's supposed to be a pacifier -- makes a lot more sense than the 'sombrero in a whirlpool' that I first saw.
#3 "Come to the clearance sale at the Abandoned Bakery! Everything must go!" Including the building, if you ask me.
#4 I don't think they spelled out clearly enough what they're up to, here. Just a tad too subtle -- there might be some grade school kids who didn't get it.
#5 Speculating on back stories is fun. Except, that is, when one is busy looking for the 'Unsee' key.
#6 It seemed like a good idea at the time, right, C.M.?
wv: tosin. I'd be tosin that cookie.
We need a cake that says *word verication*!
=^~.-^=
Hey, why is the parachute attached to the actual plane? Why bother to crash at all if you don't get to jump out--which is at least 20% of the fun.
HOBAG is fine as it is. It HAS to be spelled HO. Otherwise, people'd be going around calling them "who"s for short.
("She looks like a who."
"A what?"
"A WHO, that's what!")
See? It would snowball into a whole "Who's on first?" type of mess.
Then that old thing would have to be revised to start: "Whores on first."
I just don't see it going anywhere, and I think I need an aspirin.
=^-.-^=
You totally nailed the emphasis on the PB quote.
Too bad that passers-by ruined the third cake by sticking their pre-chewed wads of gum on it...
kneaded fondant and barbie's hair on the cake... i'll just have some ice cream....
I just wish I knew some groom-to-be so I could offer to make a Stripper Barbie cake for the bachelor party! Hilarious!
The redeeming quality of the second picture is this:
By ignoring the temptations in the window, you can zoom in on the photo, and have fun looking at the things reflected in the glass.
I see a Dunkin Donuts across the street, some interesting, bricky architecture, a possible emergency vehicle, fire escapes...
*yawn*
=^-.-^=
It's driving me to insanty.
Oops. I meant insanITy.
=^e.e^=
I just wanted to say, I didn't even make it to the cakes and I was already giggling. "To the pane!" Love it.
YIKES! Ho bag.
Hilarious.
I am baffled by the window displays have have completely disintegrated and yet remain. I could understand maybe a corner or two missing before the baker notices and gets around to it. But #3 is war-torn. How can they ignore that?!
#2 is a pacifier? Really? Did it belong to Salvador Dali?
WV: cryous
When the baby cryous, give them a Melting Pacifier.
Methinks the Mickey in the plane was once-upon-a-time pulling the banner which has Happy Birthday on it and is now landing on it. Someone probably, in the passing eons (judging from the amount of dust on the cake) moved Mickey and put him on the banner, instead. That makes more sense.
In the first picture, why is there a cake (or model) that says "Happy Autism? right behind "Welcome Home"?
@sendingtheclowns
There's a check cashing place next to the Dunkin' Donuts. It's a fine thing to be able to cash one's paycheck then have a choice of donuts or ugly cake to purchase. I'd purchase patriotic donut holes, if I had the choice.
wv:fauta- I fauta bout this a long time-I'm going with the patriotic donut holes.
Jen, I think you need to ask Haiku Joy to write a guest post for CW!
wv: butho
"But ho! What blight in yonder windows' cakes?"
I think the cookie behind "Welcome Home" might say "Happy Baptism". Not that it matters, really. That barbie cake is just odd.... And the Hobag cookie, thats funny.
Kimmery,
Best WV ever!!
Before Miss Haversham was left at the alter, she was a sweet young girl. A sweet young girl who's only wish was to have a "Minnie Mouse in a Hot Air Balloon" cake for her birthday. Her dreams dashed, she left the Mickey cake to decay along with the girlish dreams in her heart.
WV: stels-I stels that story every chance I get.
I'm pretty sure I have never wished anyone a "Happy Bridal Shower", but now I know what is the proper thing to say on the day the shower. I wonder if you say this even if you aren't invited. And do you send "Belated Happy Bridal Shower Wishes"?
@Anonymous 1:53:
Good catch!!
(Isn't this FUN?)
I wish I could zoom in closer; I might find some riveting pigeon droppings, or maybe a nekkid exhibitionist in a window or some such...
It's a good thing I have nothing better to do...!!
=^u.u^=
The post-apocalyptic cake made me think we need a Sunday Sweets with Fallout 3 cakes.
Oh, I knew that fifth cup of coffee was a mistake- When I saw cake #2 I thought it was a toilet seat. 8 minutes later I was getting up off the floor....
My favorite bakeries (to stare at the window displays...not partake of the contents) are the ones that have the very old, dust encrusted, faded wedding cakes in the corners of the windows! Now that's appetizing and really makes me want to enter...not.
Love your blog and the daily laugh it brings!!!
Cake Decorating: I do not think it means what you think it means.
to me the Barbie cake looks as though Barbie going all Lady GaGa on us???
I'm glad I'm not the only one reading "Happy Autism" on the styrofoam round that's partially hidden.
Ahhhh, ho bag. I haven't seen you since middle school.
To the pain!!
Loved the PB reference... and all these Wrecks, of course. Thanks for the giggle & groan.
sweet princess bride nod.
definition of being between a rock and a hardplace: someone else saw a sombrero (yay!) and it was Craig (oh, no! he's been contagious all along)
[insert evil grin here]
it's sad I only have a lovely photo of E.P.C.O.T. to enjoy. (tee hee)
@MKelly: I laughed so hard I snorted. :)
-Barbara Anne
I saw the picture of cake #4 before it was "removed at the baker's request". It wasn't _that_ bad. Someone's a little overly sensitive.
At least that cake was well decorated. And I could tell what the heck it was, unlike--- pacifier? Really? seriously? not even in a hallucination.
@MarliO
I peed myself I laughed so hard.