Window Pains

So, you're opening a bakery. You've watched too much Cake Boss, opened a few dozen credit card accounts, and "sampled" enough cupcakes to confidently differentiate between "ganache" and "monkey poo."

What next?

The window display, of course!

This is your place to shine, aspiring baker! Show the people what you can really do!

Ah.

I see you're of the "writing on Styrofoam rounds with a Sharpie" skill set.

We can work with that.

After all, the most important thing is getting customers through the door - even if it is only to ask, "Dear God, what IS that THING?!"

It's a pacifier. You know, a cake for suckers?

Now, a good window display should appeal to both kids and kids at heart. Remember, cakes are all about fun! And color! And post-apocalyptic death tableaus!

Just think of all the gas-mask party favors you could make. Ooh, and festive radioactive warning streamers! Glowing fruit punch? Mushroom cloud side-cakes? Really, the possibilities are endless.

Of course, edible barren wastelands aren't for everyone. That's why you should also advertise your more [winkwink] adult flavors. [nudgenudge]

Photo removed at the request of the baker.

Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

And you can tell by the way that plastic half-lady is smelling her armpit that her plastic whole lady counterparts are gonna be hella sexy.

Or, if you're limited on space, you could always kill two birds with one horrendously disturbing Barbie cake:

Hey, how do you think Barbie paid for all those different careers, kids?

Well, bakers, however you choose to design your displays, just be sure they communicate friendliness, poise, and professionalism.

And also a strong grasp on the spelling of "ho bag":

Because, really, nothing is worse than a misspelled "ho bag" on your cookie cake.

Thanks to Amber P., Bianca S., Lauren C., Lauren R., Betsy R., & Dana F., who wonder if perhaps this showed up on C.M.'s performance review.

Comments

[the uniblogger]

LOL !!!

Gary beat me to the Barbie with Pasties comment.

"Mount of Olives" had me LOL-ing all over the place.

Thanks for the MUUUUUUUUCH needed laughter tonight. :hugs:

[Arlene]

Sigh now I wanna know what the cake was that epcot is replacing lol. But more than likely my sanity has been spared so I thank you for covering it up. The others disturb me enough especially that barbie cake...

[The Mind of Meagan]

Hey, you didn't offer geek points for Dear God what IS that thing! hahahahaha

[The Mind of Meagan]

@sendingtheclowns You should meet up with Debbie, She would LOVE all those little cat faces at the bottom of your posts....

[sendingtheclowns]

WHAT the bloody ELL!?
Where did the armpit-sniffing Bimbo (aka "Barbie") go???
This is riDICulous!
I don't get it~~~WE are the ones being heartily offended (to tears, I might add) by the ugliness, stupidity, and sheer snickerlarity of these half-baked baked goods. Why would anyone take that away from us?
Ah...I get it! It's the baker(s)/wreckorator(s), right?
Embarrassed, perhaps?
Well, LA. DEE. DA.
Whoever created it needs to OWN it. They did the deed and walked away, leaving the things sitting there in plain sight. Once they did that, hey! Up for grabs, I say.
But NOOOOOOO!! They gotta get all wah!wah! on us, all "Oooo, don't EMBARRASS me!"
Hey-- it's in the frickin' WINDOW. A little too late to be dragging out the PRIDE, dontcha think?
=^+.+^=

[Volcano]

Hmm, I think that one is "Happy Baptism" rather than "Happy Autism."

wv: diess
(cue whiny emo-kid voice)
Whenever I see one of those cakes, a little piece of me just diess!

[Craig]

For the later arrivals who miss the pre-EPCOT hilarity, I wonder if a bot could be constructed to archive CW posts (sounds like a cereal company) and email requested photos to the curious. The bot would be maintained by donations to the Honorary Order of Being A Good Sport (HOBAGS). To maintain plausible deniability, this bot would have no connection to the CW team whatsoever. (Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say-no-more!)

@Barbara Anne, NOW what did I do? ;-)

wv: vianopin. Vianopin is a word that is awaiting verification.

[princess2771]

I can not believe bakers come on here and request their cake pics be removed. Where is their sense of humor!

[flying gargoyle]

"Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot". Oh, you slay me!

[Haiku Joy]

"Window-Good-Enough"
is not "World-Good-Enough" for
pit-sniffing blondie.

O, plastic lover,
regret not your short-lived fame.
Industry's nature.

[sara]

I Love the barbie dress cake thingy. I mean whoever thought that a three tier cake with an almost naked barbie doll stuck on the top would be so hideously wreaked. Obviously a "winner".

[Puppygirl]

I completely agree with Craig. Please let me know when and how I can send my donation to HOBAGS. Which should be set up as a not-for-profit. With a head office in beautiful Bermuda. Registered to a numbered company.
(For as much as it is doing a great service for humanity, I don't think it would qualify for charitable status.)

[Leighanne]

Lol @KimberlyAlsp! I totally thought it said "Happy autism" too!

WV: Stmegle-Smeagol's shady cousin who helped him bury Deagol's body after he stole the ring...

[mimi]

aww... the cake is GONE. i was just gonna show that to my friend too.

[Anonymous]

I would so like to believe that that last cake is from Rhinelander, WI and really says HB Hodag. What a lovely time, the birthday of the Hodag.

[Anonymous]

That last one there just kind of sneaks up on you... OMG...

[Anonymous]

Hey Jen and John (Hubby of Jen),

Is it at all possible for you tell us readers exactly *why* the baker requested the removal of the cake? Other than the fact they have no sense of humor, of course.

[Holly]

I loved the movie quote you used with the 'pacifier' cake. I guess the baker was looking for a Hudsucker Proxy to market it...or kill off shares of stock. One of the two. ;)

[Hazey Sunshine]

That barbie one is probably my favourite cake wreck of ever (so far).