The Cake Wrecks Correlation
March 23, 2010 As part of our on-going research into what makes things funny (and because it was a slow Friday night), John and I recently decided to test the effects of alcohol on humor writing. To save both time and Arbor Mist, I was elected test subject. (Even the fumes get me tipsy. It's pathetic, really.) John then showed me Wrecks, took notes, and laughed at me. A lot.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here are the "official" results:
After five sips:
Subject response: "Talk about your seedy humor: I've heard of calling someone a melon-head before, but this is ridiculous!" [attempts to high-five official note-taker] "Booyah!"
After approx. 1/2 glass:
Subject response: [apparently attempting to impersonate Bill Cosby] "FI-BRRR!! FI-BRRR!! AHAHAHAHA-HAAA!"
After one glass:
Subject response: [singing] "PANT-ies, PANT-ies, tralala-LAAA. Wesh shoulda had PANTIES at our engager-mental party." [giggling] "Yeah." [Silence. Then...] "Why don't shou luff me? Thish ish MY job! Zshoo don't care about me!"
After two glasses:
Subject response: *HURK* *HUURK* *BLAAGAHGAHGAHGAH!!!!*
After 2 glasses and 10 minutes:
Subject response: *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
So, our conclusion? We desperately need some better wine. And possibly - although this needs further testing to be absolutely sure - some kind of a social life.
You're welcome, scientific community.
Rebecca M., Michael Z., Anony M., & Heather G., I would guess that last thing isn't actually a cake - but it is most certainly a Wreck. Also, are any of you free this weekend?
- Related Wreckage: Wacked Out Wrecks
Reader Comments (155)
I think the PANT-ies one was my favorite.
What IS that last thing? Are there peppers in it?
"Well that's the brain damage!"
turds on a cake, turds on a cake, lookin' like a fool with yo' turds on a cake!
Um, pass the wine. Maybe it will help me forget these wrecks! LOL!
Wreck #4, no wine (yet), and my response was exactly the same....
I seriously don't want to know anything more about that one.
I am pretty sure that last cake seems to have jalepenos on it..... uck.
I shudder to think what all those...um...vegetables? and...uh... sausages? are embedded in in that last cake.
And the "tragic fire at the circus" cake made me giggle. I like to hope that perhaps the clown did not escape.
umm, are there jalapenos and dried tomatoes on that turd tower cake??
What a wonderful way to start my day! Thank you for being the guinea pig in this "test."
I never thought I'd be saying anything like this, but that panties CCC is actually the best of the lot. (Shudder.)
that last cake is the stuff of nightmares. What the heck is it supposed to be?!
I think you should switch to high quality vodka. If I tried getting toasted on Arbor Mist, I'd be horking too. ;)
What's the last one? Three Mile Island? Chernobyl?
What the heck IS that last "cake" (and I use that term loosely)?? It looks like someone scraped the bottom of their garbage can and put it on a plate. With little sausages (or are those fingers??) on top. Absolutely disgusting!
Heck, that last... thing... would have made anyone *HURK* *HUURK* *BLAAGAHGAHGAHGAH!!!!*, no matter what you were (or weren't) drinking.
Dang.
the poo-pillar mess of whatever has left me speechless.
the poo-pillar mess of whatever has left me speechless.
/looks at last cake
O.O
/forgets all about all the previous cakes
Who ordered the chocolate dipped hotdogs, burnt candy cake with the words spelled out in sundried tomatoes?
'Fess up now and we will be merciful!
Not really, but it saves us the trouble of forming a torch waving mob and hunting you down.
I'm trying to figure out not only what that last thing was, but what, exactly, your reaction to it really was.
Sarah M. Anderson
word: trampes, as in "Only trampes eat thong cakes."
/looks at last cake
O.O
/forgets all about all the previous cakes
Who ordered the chocolate dipped hotdogs, burnt candy cake with the words spelled out in sundried tomatoes?
'Fess up now and we will be merciful!
Not really, but it saves us the trouble of forming a torch waving mob and hunting you down.
@Hannah--I was thinking jalapenos also. Or perhaps okra.
That last one doesn't even qualify as a cake. No way, no how. Offend-the-NEA/NEH art maybe.
Sausages, bananas, prunes, peppers, etc on cake? WTH? I don't even want to know. No, wait a minute, I DO want to know - can you tell us the story behind this one? Is it a cake revenge story? Trying to make the neighbour's dog throw up story? What?
I actually thought that first one was kind of cute, but then I haven't had any alcohol yet. If I had, I would have spat it all over the monitor when I saw the "panties" cake. So funny! Would have given it up forever for that last horror, assuming that it was a figment of my booze-addled imagination! What on earth did the customer request?
When I saw the panties one, the first thing I thought was: "Is that a uterus?" Which makes maybe about as much sense as a panties CCC for an engagement party, I guess.
Panties, you say. In that case, someone is in dire need of a Brazilian wax job.
Hahahaha This test is oozing AWESOME!
The panties are great. But, just what IS that last cake?! I'd try to make a joke about it being a commentary on neo-post-industrialization, but I can't identify ANYthing on that cake! Is it edible?
Hopefully, that last one is a meatloaf, I'm really hoping. It still is nausea-inducing, no matter what!
http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
That last one makes me want to hurl. Fun experiment!
I also REALLY want to know what is going on with that last cake. It looks like there were malted milkballs on the side that have fallen apart (or been eaten open?), but I can't tell for sure.
Inquiring minds want to know!
That was completely hilarious! And even stone cold sober, I have to add that I completely agree with your comment on the third cake. Whhhaaaaa???????
It's a penis forest cake with Jalapeno peppers, prunes and sea weed on the sides, submerged in what appears to be oozing poop. Just sayin'.
Ok, I think the panties cake is actually a cupcake cake and trying to mimic a heart...although without the usual pink/red heart motif. Otherwise, if those are panties, that is gonna be some bachelor/bachelorette party! You may want to try partying with them. As for the last monstrosity, I am at a loss for words...*shakes head*
Love the Bill Cosby reference! I used to be able to quote whole parts of that routine.
That last "cake" looks like it has chocolate covered hot dogs on it!?!?!? Eeeuwwwww!
This is why I don't drink. Thanks for drinking for me. Let's hope it's worth the hangover.
The first cake looks like Cling and Clang from H.R. Pufnstuf. The last "cake" - I've got nothing. It's just so wrong in so very many ways. I do think it's funny that, in my head, your hurking sounded just like a cat-hurk.
I seriously think that last one must have caught on fire. It really looks like it was put on the table and the candles ignited it. I'm not even going to comment on those "pillars" in the middle.
I thought the world of cake wreck blogging was all high glamour and drama. I saw you guys during the book tour, I can't believe you don't have an ultra-cool circle of friends.
I am hoping that the engagement cake is actually supposed to be a heart, that went horribly wrong. Better to blame the wreckerators than the poor taste of the schmo that ordered that.
I believe that the "towers" on the last one are pickles. Look at the one that is glinting in the light and you can see the little bumpies on it. Not that knowing that improves the "cake" any...
Was the last one made by the "artist" who torched a pathetic excuse for a birthday cake on Food Network?
What on earth was that last one? It looked like--at dead minimum--it had slices of jalapeno pepper around the sides. To say nothing of whatever the, um, vertical structural elements were. The thing that's scary is that, looking at it, you know the maker had a plan. You suspect the maker might have been an Alien.
I'm just picturing what went into making that cake. Two cake decorators walk into a grocery store. One blindfolds the other, spins him around a bit and says "Ok, now the first thing you touch goes on our cake."
Blindfolded decorator wanders over to the fruits aisle where they're having a sale on dried prunes. He knocks into it, toppling the entire display over.
Then they alternate crushing some jalapenos, a sausage display, etc until they have everything they need for their "perfect" cake.
The last cake is obviously an homage to Freud - hot dogs, bananas, and all.
-word: pueyeou - what u say when looking at that cake.
I'm going to add the alcohol estimates to the fire cake. I mean really--white cake and peanut butter frosting?! Blech!
My God, the humanity!
1) is that someone eating watermelon so voraciously they've buried their face (and nose) in it? or is it a blonde robber wearing a bandana around his face like a mask?
2) why is the party on fire? Is this a fire safety week cake with a harsh warning to kids?
3) smile? panties? boomerang? wtf?
4) MAJOR WTF? erect chocolate hotdogs on a sea of dried fruit in chocolate? looks like a garbage dump. what IS that thing? (hide me!)
What in the hell is that last monstrosity?! Bean dip?
March of the turds
I really shouldn't check this blog while I'm eating lunch...
Or maybe I should. I could lose some weight.
how big were those glasses of wine ;)
....and why are there cigars in that last cake?
Ahahahahaha Thanks for taking one (or several) for the team.
The panties one was my favorite -- but that last one?? That was enough to make a sober person hurl.
Pretzels??
Peppers?
Bananas?
*GAG* *heave*