The Cake Wrecks Correlation
March 23, 2010 As part of our on-going research into what makes things funny (and because it was a slow Friday night), John and I recently decided to test the effects of alcohol on humor writing. To save both time and Arbor Mist, I was elected test subject. (Even the fumes get me tipsy. It's pathetic, really.) John then showed me Wrecks, took notes, and laughed at me. A lot.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here are the "official" results:
After five sips:
Subject response: "Talk about your seedy humor: I've heard of calling someone a melon-head before, but this is ridiculous!" [attempts to high-five official note-taker] "Booyah!"
After approx. 1/2 glass:
Subject response: [apparently attempting to impersonate Bill Cosby] "FI-BRRR!! FI-BRRR!! AHAHAHAHA-HAAA!"
After one glass:
Subject response: [singing] "PANT-ies, PANT-ies, tralala-LAAA. Wesh shoulda had PANTIES at our engager-mental party." [giggling] "Yeah." [Silence. Then...] "Why don't shou luff me? Thish ish MY job! Zshoo don't care about me!"
After two glasses:
Subject response: *HURK* *HUURK* *BLAAGAHGAHGAHGAH!!!!*
After 2 glasses and 10 minutes:
Subject response: *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
So, our conclusion? We desperately need some better wine. And possibly - although this needs further testing to be absolutely sure - some kind of a social life.
You're welcome, scientific community.
Rebecca M., Michael Z., Anony M., & Heather G., I would guess that last thing isn't actually a cake - but it is most certainly a Wreck. Also, are any of you free this weekend?
- Related Wreckage: Wacked Out Wrecks
Reader Comments (155)
If someone tried to make me eat a piece of the turd cake I'd claim I was suddenly sick with H1N1 or Anthrax or the Montezuma was after me for revenge......EWWWWW!!!!
Where did that last one come from? There's a competition at the Iowa State Fair (and, presumably, other fairs) every year for the last 10 or 15 for "ugly cakes." Originally, it was intended to be cake fails- ones that collapsed, or didn't decorate well, or whatever. But kids started entering with truly unappetizing cakes- diaper cakes, toilet cakes, draped in anything and everything totally disgusting. This looks like a perfect candidate for that category.
Love the title of this post, and of course The Big Bang Theory. Keep up that... er, mostly sharp humour!
You're welcome.
Bec
I just about died at the "FI-BRRRR!" That is very likely the most commonly quoted stand-up routine in our household! :)
LOVE IT!
PS - I don't have plans this Friday... ;)
#1 is Harpo Marx after he joined the Zapatistas. What a strange thing to commemorate with a cake (or "cake").
@ Boy George: Thanks for the book reference! That looks absolutely hilarious!!! As do the other books by the same author - I will have to go find them! :)
I think the first one is kind of cute, actually. Weird, but cute.
Kaaren said...
What IS that last thing? Are there peppers in it?
HA! Too funny! This was going to be my exact comment. No word of a lie. Kaaren, you are awesome.
Cakewrecks team, I think you should have one of these per week - hilarious ;)
ps - you are always hilarious. but this was just plain awesome.
That's a Meat Cake (very popular here in the carnivorous Midwest). It most likely has layers of meat, veggies (hopefully roasted) and some kind of potato. A friend made one for her hubby's birthday and even frosted and piped edges out of mashed potatoes! It was AWESOME. It didn't look nearly as nasty as that thing!
Hey, folks. Take another look at the last "cake". Lower right corner. It won a blue ribbon.
I've never tried Arbor Mist (not a big wine fan) but after that I'm thinking about it!
My husband explained the last cake to me. It is what was left of the Onceler's factory after he drove the Lorax away.
you make the best throw up sounds ever!
Are there prunes on that last cake??? Now THAT would be a 'movement' I wouldn't want any part of....
I just want to know what bakery did that last cake because I'm going to avoid that bakery like it's the plague. I mean seriously a cake with sausages, prunes, bananas and all that other fruit/veggie combos ... that's FRIGHTENING!
Oh. My. God.
That last cake looks like a fungal pile of poo, with phallic poo statues.
Blargh! Brain. Broken.
OMG, I had tears streaming down my face and I couldn't breathe, and I barely even looked at the pics! GREAT stuff today!
*snicker, snicker* sooooo, someone buried 8 guys- make that 8 excited guys- rather shallowly. (amd I did this w/o alcohol thankyouverymuch).
I had the exact same reaction to that last cake, and I'm as sober as a judge. Are... are those chocolate-covered hot dogs!?
*HURK*
WV: oriban - a public declaration that Wreck #4 is not coming anywhere near your mouth or any other bodily orifice.
That last one appears to have sausages, peppers, prunes, bananas, pretzels and truffles on it. A dog's breakfast cake!
final conclusion - you're a cheap date... though hurking on that last night just can't be helped!
ALL in the name of SCIENCE!
I commend you!
As for myself~~~well, I may not be "free," per se...but I HAVE been known as a cheap drunk. HARK! Did someone mention Boone's Farm...?!?!
We used to freeze it in the bottle...
Ahhh, those WERE the days...
=^=.=^=
Ok that poop village cake at the end would make me swear off cake for years! I also wouldn't go near the person that ordered it for whatever occasion. And the second cake looks like flames are chasing after either balloons or weird kite like objects.. I fear these wreckerators really I do lol.
The last one looks like chocolate covered pickles!
Well, MY "best-puker-award" cat sounds something like this:
"aroohhrCK--aHUrCK-ahHAWRgkhawghyCKx"
(SPLAT!)
@The Gravekeeper - Really? You've never had a white cake? Or a yellow cake? My favorite cake is probably yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting.
My interpretation of that second cake is as follows: "Anyone who puts peanut butter frosting on white cake is headed straight to Hell. HELL, I TELL YOU!!!! H-E-L-L!!!!!!! MWA,HAhAhAHAHAhAhAHAhahAhahAHAhaAHAHahAhAha... etc."
@ jo:
You *win* for coming the closest in your guess....
For the rest of ya, looky here, and behold the real-life model for the mystery cake:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d1/Garbage_Scow_on_the_Hudson_River.jpg
=^>.<^=
That last one is actually in a display case, how odd. Maybe a birthday tribute to Oscar the Grouch? Definitely looks like a pile of trash...
Hee hee!!!
No see you have lots of controls (subject not tanked) and need more experimentals! Love- a biology grad student.
Thanks for the HILARITY on my birthday! Yea!
The last cake is from the Iowa State Fair:
http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/08/top-10-food-finds-at-the-iowa-state-fair.html
Are those chocolate-dipped hot dogs? Is that supposed to resemble the smokestacks on the Titanic? After all, a wreck this bad should certainly sink.
Maybe the little jalapeno and lemon rounds are meant to serve as life preservers?
I am a bit dumbfounded at that last one...turds standing up in a box of diarrhea and puke???
This is, by far, the funniest thing ever. I laughed so hard, I woke up my two week old (that's hard to do, he likes his sleep) and nearly pee'd myself...
Well, THAT didn't work.
I was trying to share a lovely picture of a GARBAGE SCOW on the Hudson River, but it didn't work.
And I SWEAR it looked just like that "?" cake!
Google "garbage scow" and see for yourself!
>^u.u^<
Lara, I was about to have a conniption when I realized the last cake WON A BLUE RIBBON at the Iowa State Fair, but then I realized it won the "Ugliest Cake" contest.
Lucky for that baker that some of the baby and wedding cakes from Cake Wrecks weren't entered in the competition. Not to mention some of the "diseased and/or mutilated foot" cakes.
Holy mother of cod fishes!!!! What IS that last thing? It looks like some kind of post-apocalyptic weinie roast from hell - with fruit and sprinkles!
HUURK! I think I'll by-pass the coffee this morning, and go straight to the Pepto Bismal...
I'd have loved to see the one with the probably choc-covered bananas in higher resolution. I'm thinking maybe the mystery things around the borders are dried fruit, so it might actually taste better than most of the sheet cakes that happen at work.
this is my new favorite entry EVAR! :)
Wh...What is that last cake? Jalapenos and old banana slices? Prunes? And chocolate stick-em-ups? Pepperconis? E.W.W.
Love the site! As a 16 year old I am not one to know my wine but I think you could do much better! If you had a social life, What would my friends and I do in our overabundant spare time!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the sausage/tomato/jalapeño cake was not intended to be eaten. It looks for all the world like an avant-garde art installation created as commentary on the gluttony of Western society...or something.
You don't want to know how much it costs.
And all the women were drunk. Women have less alcohol dehydrogenase,(substance that breaks down alcohol) So it's no wonder you get drunk so fast.
ps
we all know the last one is rated PG-13
I think I know what the last one is. Its a pizza cake!!
Holy crap on a cracker, that last cake is just...no, I can't even make a scatological remark that hasn't either been said already or makes me want to vomit into a yellow bowl under the sink.
My son and I played 'I Spy' with the last cake,but quickly stopped because it was too gross.
Prunes,wieners,and cough drops.Really?
So, the last cake...
"What the F*** is that!!!"
That is all.
I don't know, the one you think looks like panties makes me think of a uterus with serious fibroid tumors....hmmmm
If it's not actually a cake what the hell IS it?