It's Time To Take The Fall, Y'all
September 21, 2018 It's mid-September, 94 degrees and raining, and watching the Weather Channel has become a descent into hurricane madness.
We need something to save us, bakers. Something to light a light at the end of this hot, dark, wet tunnel.
No, I'm not talking about porn.
Why would you even think that?
Stop it. Stop thinking about porn.
Er... Right.
Now...
BRING ON THE PUMPKIN SPICE STUFF!!
::upbeat techno music::
::sounds of vrooming engines::
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::announcer voice:: Thaaaat's right, ladies and gents, here they come! Our new pumpkin spice products of 2018!
First up, in celebration of today's socio-political climate, here's a tasty little number we call "Ominously Circling Crows Will Teach That Stupid Scarecrow A Lesson He Won't Soon Forget!"
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Perfect for sending that seasonal message of warning, or grab one tonight for dinner to celebrate all things corn, crows, and frightened scarecrows!
Of course we're still dropping our flagship product, the world famous PSL:
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Yes, our Pumpkin Spice Log may not be number 1 yet in the Pumpkin Spice Product market, but it's definitely #2. And we pledge to keep on pushing until our PSL is the biggest Pumpkin Spice Movement in the land!
There's nothing like the colors of dead leaves to bring new life to your flagging ennui, which is why our "Make Like A Tree, And Die" cupcake cake is PERFECT for Fall office parties.
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Ahhh, you can almost taste the leaf mold.
(That's how you know the Pumpkin Spice is working!)
And when all else fails, you can't go wrong with any of our new-and-improved "Sure, Let's Call It A Pumpkin?" collection:
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Please note our "Sure, Let's Call It A Pumpkin?" collection is not pumpkin flavored. To quote our marketing department, Emma, "This is more about the aesthetic, you know?"
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SO EXTRA.
Thanks to Sarah T., Katelyn C., Melissa F., Linda F., Alyssa, Mary D., & Bridget O. for bringing the extra pumpkin aesthetic.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Reader Comments (17)
That scarecrow cake looks like a scene from a Stephen King story.
"Make like a tree and die" made me laugh hysterically! I think I was thinking of Back to the Future.
Extra pumpkin aesthetic for all!
1) So are those grasshoppers or sperm in suits?
2) A couple of questions here. Who set the field on fire? And what's with the number on the cake on the right side? Was this made in the prison bakery and that's the prisoner's number? And you've heard of the bluebird of happiness? These are the poo-birds of crappyness.
3) OK, who let the cow in the pumpkin patch?
4) Furniture maker turns baker. Cake has a beautiful, glossy finish. But we wish this baker would just varnish.
5) Maybe it's a squash on top there or a bunch of carrots all mushed together. Or maybe this baker has never even seen a pumpkin.
6) Pumpkin? Mountain? Pumpkin mountain? On closer inspection, it almost looks like fingers.
7) And now we have poo with naturally curly hair? Or maybe that's a new strain of bacteria.
*Sniff* I can almost smell the PSL-smells pretty crappy. :P Also, that top GIF never fails to make me laugh.
Unlike the vast majority of Americans, I can actually take or leave my pumpkin pie. And I sure as heck don’t want EVERYTHING to smell like it!! Unfortunately, it’s apparent that many, many people adore it; the other day, whilst shopping, I came across pumpkin-spice-scented toilet paper. I wish I was kidding.
That last one is...errr OH DEAR GAWD! This is indeed a collection of ..uhm.. cakes designed to make me NOT want to eat cake!!
That second cake looks A LOT like "Wheatfield with Crows," the final painting Van Gogh did before he, you know. Maybe that's not a scarecrow, it's Van Gogh?
Too late. My local supermarket was selling pumpkin spice oat bars and Cheerios two weeks ago.
That scarecrow is actually Mario, right? I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere
Not sure, but I think that 2nd cake under the "Let's Call It A Pumpkin?" collection--the bright orange one-- isn't supposed to look like a real pumpkin, but like one of those pumpkin candies. You know, those pumpkin candies made out of the same stuff as candy corn? That you wouldn't even consider eating at any other time of the year but the Fall season? Yeah, those.
That last one…poo wang eggplants? On springs?
If only this wasn't a contest--my grocery store had pumpkin spice stuff in August. I cried a little on the inside.
Now I know why I avoid Pumpkin Spice flavored everything lol. If this keeps up I am sure some genius is going to write a horror movie about it's origins or something lol.
I admit, what is so confusing to me is whether pumpkin spice flavor is just the spices, or does it include the pumpkin flavor as well? And if it's just the spices then what is the consensus? Cinnamon? Ginger? Clove? Nutmeg? Help me, Mr. Wizard!
That last one looks like the footprints left by the world-record-holder for longest toenails.
I got curious last year and followed somebody's pumpkin pie recipe. That stuff is horrible! It's pretty rare my family won't eat leftover dessert, but even eats-everything hubby wouldn't finish it. Is it designed to make people more grateful for their non-thanksgiving-day meals?
The scarecrow in the cornfield is a nice idea, if poorly executed. The biggest laugh came just below with the Pumpkin Spice log.
I think making a Bundt cake be a pumpkin is a pretty good workaround. The wedding cake my late husband made for our wedding breakfast had that high form (it had been his mother's and possibly grandmother's before her).
My friend, when I showed him the last cake, asked if it was supposed to be Cthulhu...