The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas
December 20, 2018 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A choking hazard in a treeeee.
Two buttered bells,And a choking hazard in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Three whipped ghosts,(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Four day-glo Santas,Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Six pounds of icing,♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight runny egg yolks,(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a boiled potato topped with dill weeeeeeeed!
Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who totally got the Veggie Tales reference.
*****
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Reader Comments (48)
I have to admit, those candy cane worms or snakes or whatever they are are kind of cute.
This is epic. Really, brava. And thanks for referencing my favorite version of the 12 days:
A beer
Two turtlenecks
Three French toast
Four pounds of back-bacon
Five golden touques
Six packs of two-four
Seven packs of smokes
Eight comic books
Nine, ten, eleven, or twelve, a dozen donuts
This has to be my favorite post, I’m still laughing! Well done!
That was great! And yes, I did read all of them!
Bravo!!!!
That should probably replace the original song.
Take off, hoser. A beer, eh?
Thanks for the needed laughs XD
::dies from laughing so hard::
This was fantastic! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
A boiled potato? LOL. Merry Christmas to you!
Yay! I love it, Jen. Thanks! Yes, I read it to the end. Merry Christmas to my favorite blogger.
Genius, as always. Thank you so much for cheering up my computer every morning!
Well done, Jen. Very well done.
And a beer! HAHAHAHA!!! (There should be more there, eh?)
The more icing the better, I say! The pounds of icing could have waited until the twelfth day.
Encore! Encore! You've really outdone yourself on this one. And congratulations to all of the wreck-erators out there in Cake Land.
This is the best post ever!
Oh, very well done! I imagine you've been collecting those pictures and planning this for a while. Excellent work!
Yes, I read them all! :) And hooray for the Veggie Tales reference! :D I'm amazed at how you found cakes for *almost* all the numbers. I suppose that's my lesson that no one should underestimate Jen and her files and files of cakes!
Brilliant, just brilliant.
The beer and the boiled potato... HA! Glad I read through!
Not seeing the boiled potato with dill weed, but at least you're over that first cake, finally. Oh, and I think the kiwis are riding that dog from A Nightmare Before Christmas. Or maybe I'm hallucinating.
I read every single word. AND LOVED THEM ALL!!
(That Oscar... I wonder if he gave everyone prunes. 'Cause with those cakes? They'd need 'em!)
Didn't get the Veggie Tales reference but I much appreciated the Mackenzie brothers reference! Merry Christmas to all!
Sitting here in silence next to my new and imposing co-worker, I don't know how I kept from laughing, especially because I was singing the whole post in my head! But I may have injured my spleen by holding in the LOLs. S'okay, new coworker is a doctor, he can help.
I got the Bob & Doug McKenzie reference!
I needed more than a beer after viewing those bah-humbug-inducing sweets.
You knocked it out of the park, Jen. Happy Wreckmas to you!
A masterpiece!
A beer! Iiiin a treeeeee!!!
Merry Christmas from the Great White North eh?
I wish you all a new year filled with mirth, health and prosperity.
Too funny. You had me laughing out loud.
I got the VeggieTales reference! Brilliant!
This is the best ever! Love the shrooms!
I think they are thestrals. I'm going with that. Or ghost Dalmatians.
I sang it all in my head and the last time out loud.
Absolutely fantastic.
I think those kiwis are riding albino ALFs!
First, let me say that I have seen every Cake Wrecks post ever. Yes, every single one! And this? This is officially my FAVORITE Cake Wrecks post ever. EVER. I'm cracking up so hard!!!
"I don't really like prunes." "Trust us kid, you're going to want them..."
Isn't Slimey the worm from either Sesame Street or the Richard Scarry picture books? Just running the grandmother memory banks. Love this version of the song, and hope the first cake doesn't haunt you!
I absolutely heard veggies (and a grape) singing in harmony on that last line. :D
Love it! And Carolyn, the hallucinations may be from the mushrooms.
I don't think I have ever laughed so hard other than the time my husband dropped his Mountain Dew after I laughed at some evil cake on here lol. I will keep it down so he won't slip and fall lol.
I think the kiwi one is supposed to be Zero from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Why he'd be stuck in a cream puff (is that what that is?) with a kiwi slice on his back, I have no idea.
"And is anyone even still reading this?" HAHAHAHAHAH! Those of us who know and love this site did, 'cos we know you will throw in amazing treats to reward us!!!
I'm a day late, but that was absolutely fantastic. Also, thank you for bringing Slimey to my remembrance. Best little worm ever!
I'm dying. Thank you! Although I must say I'm trying my hand at a Buche de Noel (Yule Log Cake) for the first time this year, and I hope my meringue mushrooms come out looking that good. They are the traditional French way to decorate this cake, and I think they're cute. ("Cuute! She thinks I'm CUUUUTE!")
Merry Christmas to all!
...Three Santa blobs,
Two buttered bells,
And don’t make me do a tracheostomeeeeeeeeee
As long as it’s not five Amanita phylloides!
Seriously, love the post but where's the veggietales reference? I've watched it but my memory is fuzzy.
Yay! Bog and Doug McKenzie AND Veggie Tales in one post!