Now THESE Are Cakes You Send To Internet Trolls
May 5, 2017 A lot of folks are sending me this story of a baker turning mean internet comments into "tasty troll cakes." In a nutshell, you pay her to write someone's mean comment on a cake, and then send that person the cake. That's right, you punish an internet troll... by sending them free baked goods.
Anyone else see the inherent flaw in this plan? I mean, I get the visual metaphor of eating your own words, but if that cake isn't beet-flavored with Miracle Whip icing, then what is even the point.
Still, if you're determined to pay your hard-earned dollars to send mean people cake, then allow me to at least make a few design suggestions:
;)
Except you're not sorry, are you? NO YOU ARE NOT.
(Also, rainbows! Whee!)
;)
A true classic with bonus head-scratching potential. Plus more rainbows.
There's the purely sarcastic approach:
;)
Did your internet troll give you an especially patronizing "tip?"
Then please please please send this one:
;)
Or finally, there's the extra innocent, nothing-to-see-here, no really, that's TOTALLY safe to eat approach:
;)
"Pay no mind to the webcam inside the cake box lid. Go on. HAVE SOME JUST DESSERTS. Er, I mean just dessert. Yeah. Heheheheh."
Thanks to M.J., Dawn Z., Anony M., Kyle I., & Gregory S. who also recommend "One Bon-Bon Is Poison." for the perfect fake-out. (OR IS IT??)
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Reader Comments (17)
@Jen, love it! Yes, I read just yesterday about the Baker in NY that sends the troll cakes. I thought same as you "Why reward them with a Cake? Unless you make the cake with Dog Chow with Mayo Frosting!" As a bonus, IF you don't know the address of the troll, for an extra 30.00 bucks, they will track the address down and send the cake. So not only do you pay your hard earned 30.00 bucks for just the cake, but add the extra 30.00 for their detective work on locating the address. This way your troll gets a tasty treat and it only cost YOU 60.00 bucks! A bargain at any price right? Yes insert sarcasm here. BONUS to Jen, for my NEW fave cake to bake and give...the last one. "Dessert" with the web cam on the lid. Ohhh, I know a few people that will be getting that cake this year. Trust me, it will be a delicious cake, no tricks...but think of the looks and hesitation of those that receive it? PRICELESS.
Hmmm. The second to the last cake; Did they practice on a cucumber first?
Is anyone stupid enough to fall for that? The owner of this bakery must have a hobby trolling people online, or know someone who does, or something.
"...beet-flavored with Miracle Whip icing..." Thanks for planting THAT tasty thought in my head today! ROFL
Did anyone else notice "pregnancy" was misspelled? Not that it matters, I was just wondering. I Love Rainbows! Rainbows makes everything better.
I totally want that Fabulous cake for my birthday. I think that is bitchy fun!
I wouldn't waste good cake on an internet troll. However, I happen to know that there's a website that will anonymously send an envelope full of GLITTER to someone! It's much cheaper than the cake, and they're stuck with craft herpes all over their house forever!
Cucumcision; is that how the restaurant pros prep cucumbers? And what kind of name is Lred? If that's just a funky F then someone needs to call Parliment about their new band member.
@BrittanyDaile: Heh, "craft herpes" is right!
I happen to love beets with Miracle Whip and if you eat enough beets, you might get a #2 surprise the next day, just don't go running to the emergency room, the color is perfectly natural.
The Urban Dictionary defines "gancy" as not being gangster. So does that mean a teen who is "pre-gancy" currently is just a brat, but is working toward real gangster potential?
Hehehehehe :P
I want to see that "Tiny Hands Special"......
=^~.-^=.......(wonder it was done in orange icing....?)
Someone spelled "Congratulations" correctly, then misspelled "pregancy"? And, cake for trolls? No no no... visit one of the specialty-substance delivery websites and choose from pig, horse, cow--or, for that special Thanksgiving treat, turkey--ummm..."cookies." Hmmm... "Pies"? Wait, is "cake" a new euphemism?
I adore that first cake. Lol still avoiding cakes this week so here's hoping the cute bundt cakes I want for my birthday won't end up looking like aliens from hell or butts. I will die laughing if they end up looking like butts lol.
The first one is totally me in cake form, you guys. ME!
Cheers,
Storm
This makes no sense whatsoever. Unless these cakes just look scrumptious but are really made with laxatives and syrup of ipecac. But that could get you into some very slight legal trouble or mildly kill the troll.