Confessions Of A Master Baker
May 17, 2017 Welcome to another installment of...
Confessions of a Master Baker!
"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."
[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]
"I guess I got a bit carried away with the chocolate drizzle -- you know, it's always a bit of a crap shoot..."
;)
"I made my mother-in-law deliver it."
[whispered] Confessions...
"...and then I found myself smashing a disco ball on top of it."
;)
[small sob] "I figured the lights would blind anyone who got too close!"
[whispered] Revelations...
"They loved skiing. Nothing says 'skiing' like giant plastic pickles and shredded Parmesan, right?" [hiccups]
;)
"I didn't realize how bad it was 'til the bride threw it at me."
[whispered] Disclosures...
"They said they wanted 'steampunk,' so I googled it. Gears, tentacles, balloons - I was all, 'Hey, I got this.'"
;)
"And, boy, did I get it."
[sound of pages flipping]
Uh... ah!
[whispering] Formal professions of guilt...
"So then I said, 'hey, you know what'd be cute? Camouflage butterflies."
;)
"But the bride just didn't see it."
Next week... on Confessions of a Master Baker:
"So I figured, put the babies ON the carrots..."
[light behind figures fades to black]
Thanks to Jessica W., Michelle B., Melanie J., Stella P., & Natalie S. for the delicious divulgences.
*****
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Reader Comments (38)
Hilarious comments today Jen.
Sad part, is that the steampunk cake was not too bad..in the hands of a better baker it could have been good.
Oh my God, I can totally see 'Confessions Of A Master Baker" as a TV Show! Jen and John (thoj) as Co-Director and Producers and SuBee could write the theme song. I would watch it for sure! Bravo Jen! I can't wait for the next installment!
Hello? Trees and snow. Not pickles and Parmesan. Trees and snow.
Did they "adhere" the gears to the steampunk cake with hot glue!? :^ O
"I had my mother-in-law deliver it"
<Snort> <guffaw> <snortsniffle>
The last comment (retrospective on naked mohawk-baby carrot jockeys) was an absolute classic, cleverly done.
Regarding the disco ball cake: I would say (cocking head sideways) it looks a bit busy, don't 'cha think?
Regarding the slalom cake: Wrong. On so many levels.
Last, but certainly not least - that butterfly cake. Honestly, the first thing I thought of was this: Looks like it is covered with moths that flew out of the garbage disposal.
I actually like the disco ball one >.<
The disco ball one is well done-except for the fact that it has a disco ball smooshed on top. And yes, Tiffany, we know it's SUPPOSED to be trees and snow. But it LOOKS like pickles and parmasan cheese. (Or green wang doodles.)
That second cake would've been just fine if they'd quit while they were ahead. Why would they add the flowers and disco ball?
What are those transparent, rubbery looking blobs on the steampunk cake? All I can see are used condoms.
I thought the butterfly one was clams at first...wondeting why someone would want clams on their cake...
Just Glue Some Gears On It (And Call It Steampunk) - Reginald Pikedevant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFCuE5rHbPA
I can't stop seeing Tom Servo
The 'pickles' on that one cake look like shiny green turds with coconut. Bleech
I would totally order the disco ball cake. It's like the inside of my head in cake form.
They looked like Jalapenos to me. Maybe the bride asked for a "hot" cake?
No. Just...no. Plastic flotsam for trees, so wrong!
Oh to ski on Pickle Mountain...
O.M.G! So many things to comment on. I'll just choose a random three:
The first cake would have been pretty good - if they had skipped the "drizzle".
Why are there blobs of hot glue on the Steampunk cake?
I like the disco ball - just not the cake it's on.
The disco ball one is competently done, well-proportioned, with firm fondant, and not all that bad. Just find someone or someones who like disco.
The disco ball one would've been better either without the disco ball or flowers (I think latter).
Best neither.
Shame because the polka dot trim is actually very well done.
Butterflies?
*tilting head*
I still see lily pads.
Except for the ginormous Disco Ball, I kinda like the disco cake. The colors are bit.... off. Neon green and hot pink....preppie edgy...? Anyway, the technique is good, even if the actual cake is slightly...off.
As for the Others...yeah. Pickles and Parmi. Yummy cake idea! And the butterflies.... I saw clams too.
Hilarious posting Jen and John (thoJ)... top marks!
"I figured the lights would blind anyone who got too close!" no need, the cake was bright enough for that!
@Begonia Storms, LOL - classic!
Just another thought on the disco cake: It kinda looks like a meteor which crash-landed on a cake - a meteor from a galaxy which was born in the late 1970s.
The Steampunk cake actually looks pretty good, imo. But maybe I just haven't seen enough steampunk cakes to tell the difference.
These bakers have skill, skill at making the ugliest bunch of cakes I have ever seen!
Disco ball cake would be fine - without the disco ball.
SuBee for the win! Pickle Mountain!
The tentacles on the steampunk cake are a little too anatomically correct for me. The disco ball cake has too much going on for me with the mirror ball and the flowers. I like the layers, though.
You guys are wonderful! Thanks for cheering up my day.
I like the carrots and babies reference.
@ Neeta
YES! Crash-landed Disco ball. EXACTLY what it looks like! ROTFLMAO ! Thanks for that one!
+1 in favor of the disco ball concept. I actually LOVE that idea, although the pictured cake may be just a smidge off in the frosting/fondant color department.
At least the steam punk one they got tentacles correct. Otherwise...
Please, for the sake of my sanity - does anyone know what those bits of used condoms/hot glue are on the steampunk cake? What they are, what they're supposed to be, anything? I'm gonna have nightmares about those things tonight.
I love chocolate but seeing that wedding cake may just make me want to avoid frosting for a good long time lol.
I'm with the general consensus that the disco ball cake is only one or two steps away from being perfect. You could redo the colors to reflect disco (think electric pink) and that would make the disco ball bring the cake together. You could remove the disco ball entirely and just use the polka-dot cake as is which is incredibly well made. Or you could do both.