And THAT'S How Baby Zebras Are Made
February 16, 2017 It's time for another one of our chats, bakers. You know, the ones where I give well-reasoned arguments for why you shouldn't wreck things, and you completely ignore me?
You're like my cats, only armed with piping bags instead of hairballs.
;)
No, Professor Fluffypants, no!
Still, as long as I keep lecturing Tonks and Lily on proper puke placement ("The tile! AIM FOR THE TILE!") I may as well keep tilting at this particular windmill.
SO... zebra stripes.
;)
(By Sherry O)
These are zebra stripes, bakers.
While these:
;)
...are sperm.
I point this out because a lot of you seem to confuse the two:
;)
...and nobody wants sperm on their birthday cake, you guys.
NOBODY.
;)
Nope.
;)
No, thank you.
;)
Nuh-uh.
;)
What the...?
;)
OH COME ON.
(Who let Professor Fluffypants in here?)
Bottom line, bakers: next time someone asks for zebra stripes, DON'T USE BUTTERCREAM.
Use an airbrush instead!
;)
See?
MUUUUCH better.
Thanks to Laurie P., Barb, Lauren M., Elizabeth, Amber G., Holly C., D'andra B., Courtney G., & Jana W. for showing us what's black and white and wrecked all over.
*****
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Reader Comments (35)
by the end of it, i couldn't even remember what zebra stripes look like.
“Zebra Question” with apologies to Shel Silverstein
I asked the zebra,
Are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me
Are you a baker who wrecks?
Or are you a wrecker who bakes?
Are you incapable of piping?
Or does piping make you incapable?
Do you see all black lines as sperm?
Or do you see all sperm as black lines?
And on and on and on and on
And on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra
About stripes
Again.
Major ROTFLMAO -
I have two cats and a house with mostly hardwood floors and a few carpeted floors (we're going to change that soon). I completely get the "Aim for the tile" because my cats seem to take GREAT pleasure at cat-bombing our carpet -which is white (well, after 25 years, maybe not so much) and JUST missing the hardwood floor.
That cake with the GIANT sperm look like palmetto bugs. Yes, I lived in FLA (WPB) for two years and never got over the SIZE of those monster roaches. Gah.
Hope John is feeling better!
Are those leeches on cake #5? TAKE THEM OFF, TAKE THEM OFF, TAKE THEM OFF!!!!! (doing the Kermit flail).
I was even more disturbed by the shoe on the top of the one cake. I realize it's probably plastic and tiny, but I can't stop picturing a full-sized USED shoe on top of that cake, and it's grossing me out!
Also, Bad Professor Fluffypants! BAD!
Hmmmm...Tadpoles, worms and snakes. Wonder if I ordered those if I'd get zebra stripes instead?
What's the yellow thing on Julies cake?
The 5th wreck ("No, thank you.") does not look like sperm. It looks like a school of eels. Still doesn't look like zebra stripes, but eels they are, swimming up a pink stream.
I'm just here to say that I love your cats' names.
I'll take your Prof. Fluffypants and raise you one MC Hammer...(who can't touch that!)....However, I wasn't paying attention in school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY... so could you please explain how Don Quixote ended up on a zebra?(Maybe it was an offer the zebra couldn't refuse?)
=^~.-^=
The "nuh-uh" wreck looks more like leeches than anything else. Extra protein!
All I can see is leeches on these cakes.
The last cake looks like it was tagged by gangbangers.
Looks like Julie's cake got "bombed" by Professor Fluffypants. Who puts a big yellow blob of *hurk* on a cake?
a) I second the notion of cats and their extra special preference/aiming ability when it comes to shag vs tile/hardwood/anything easier to clean. Boy do I second that. When I look at potential apartments, one of my high priorities is carpet somewhat close to the color of hurled kibble.
b) I *believe* the yellow hurk on Julie's cake is actually an extremely ugly numeral 4 candle, which just suffers from a bad photo angle.
To LaShawna and Bluebonnet: I'm reaching into the basket and pulling out a guess....Ah, here we go: (a): a melting, yellow, candy elephant.....
...and, (b): a "hurked-UP" melting, yellow, candy elephant.
NEXT!?
It's the angle - the yellow blob on Julie's cake is a (plastic?) number 4.
Cupcake #1: What is "yellow silly string" doing on top of a blue cupcake?
Cake #8: @Bluebonnet, I can see why you thought it was a "blob of *hurk*". After squinting for awhile, I finally realized it is the number "4." (Boys and girls...today we are going to learn about the number "four"). Is it a blobby yellow candle? That's the only explanation for having a blobby yellow "4" on a cake which already says "Happy 4th Birthday." Let's hope that Julie will have better luck on her 5th birthday. (Sorry, sweetheart...)
Hurk, hurk, hurk. Sorry. Hairball. Or sperm cakes. Hurk! We only have carpet in the bedrooms only. Savannah will walk from the hardwood into one of the bedrooms and hurk, hurk, hurk.
I thought the "Blakely" cake looked more like one of those "cow" patterned cakes. Kinda like Chik-Fil-A's ads. Not a good cow pattern, you understand, but more blobs than stripes.
I think the manufacturer of Julie's '4' candle needs to go back to the drawing board, too. After reading Bluebonnet's comment, I saw an awful lot of hurk there, too, before I realized that it was a candle.
It's 4:45 and I just got here, but the first thing The Squire said was "Those are leeches!" when he saw the seventh cake. I sometimes teach Lifestyles of the 1700s, and we know how leeches look. You got it!
or Leeches. The "Nuh - uh" one
I laughed out loud over the naughty cakes. It wouldn't be bad, but I'm at my work desk. Thanks for the laughs
Cake 2, 3 and 4 look like leeches!
I ordered a two tier zebra cake for my daughters 18th birthday. We got one 4" layer on top of a 10" layer, air brushed green (I had asked for green roses - there were no roses) with what looked like stick straight frayed 1" pieces of black yarn all over it.
I think some of these are tadpoles & *gasp* leeches.
Nisi: We want a photo! When I was a child, our cat would hurk in the bathtub. Really. Our current two, though, seem to favor all the routes we walk in bare feet, in addition to beds, chairs, the couch and rugs.
OMG I'M a complete amateur and even I can get zebra stripes right.
Well I have a feeling wreckerators don't even know what a Zebra is let alone what stripes are since all of those looked like evil worms from hell. If I saw them I would flee lol.
Laughed 'til I cried.
On the hairball issue -- I've got carpet almost everywhere, so I used to try to put a magazine in front of my hurking cat to save the carpet or dry-clean-only bedspread beneath. Nope, never worked. Not once. They just back away before the glop can come up, and no amount of chasing can get them to hit the magazine instead. I'd swear, at that point they are more afraid of the magazine than the vacuum cleaner.
Roses are red, violets are blue, these aren't stripes, the joke is on you! One of these things are not like the others....
I think Blakely's cake could almost look more like it was "supposed" to be like a dairy cow....
We were just catching up on yesterday's post with the All Seasons Mash-up when our wee dog Branna hurled. (At least she hit the tile.) Then we came to this post and we almost hurled.
The cake with the shoe on it actually looks exactly like the photo example in the cake ordering book.