This Cake's Got Balls. (No, Like Literally.)
November 17, 2017 Hey, do you know what Truck Nuts are?
If you do, congrats, you're from the South like me. YEEHAW AND HOWDY.
For the rest of you, Truck Nuts are dangling testicles for your truck. I wish I was making this up.
Anyway, the reason I mention Truck Nuts (besides seeing how many times I can type "Truck Nuts" in this post) is because NOW THEY MAKE THEM FOR CAKES, and the world will never be same.
(Hamilton high five heyooooo)
(Truck Nuts Truck Nuts Truck Nuts Truck Nuts)
(Ahem.)
Y'all ready for this?
Keep scrolling; this needs a proper build up.
And while I've got you here, I'm open to suggestions on how to post this to Facebook without getting banned.
Again.
Almost there, now.
Still ready?
Here we go:
But not like that.
Ew.
OK, for real now:
;)
Great Blushing Beefy Bow-Balls, Batman!
I'll give you a moment.
Honestly, there's something almost poetic about a sparkly pink cake with balls. It says, "Hey, I like sparkly pink cake and bows, AND I HAVE BALLS." Y'know? [nodding] Yeah. I like that.
Thanks to Rebecca H. for really busting our preconceived ideas about masculinity.
*****
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Reader Comments (29)
Oooooooh, and look at all those deflated scrotums decorating the base of the cake. GAAAACK!
Are they edible or purely decorative? Inquiring minds want to know...
The sad part is that the rest of the cake does not even look that bad. It almost looks intentional XD
Well, they may be "beefy", but Chip and Dale (the cartoon chipmunks?) had better nuts than that......thing. Considering the size of the bowtie, I wouldn't need a big cracker.....
=^~.~^=
Is that really what they're supposed to be? But WHY?!? Why do we need these. I already hate truck nuts.
I wish I didn't know what truck nutz were. That cake is new though! I hope it doesn't become a thing.
I will add nothing to this other than this joke that came to mind while reading this post.
A middle aged woman was hired at a factory that made Tickle Me Elmo dolls. The manager was giving her the tour and showed her where she would be working. He gave her instructions on what she was supposed to do. He asked if she understood and she said she did. He asked if she thought she could keep up, because if her area backed up, it would affect the whole line. She replied that she would be fine. An hour later, a mass of work was piling up on the line behind her and the manager came running up to find the woman frantically sewing two cotton balls into the crotch of each doll.
"No! Mrs. Murphy," the manager cried, "I said give Elmo two test tickles."
@erin: if they WERE edible, what would that change? If you could eat them, you’re a hungrier woman than I.
This reminds me, back when I practiced in the veterinary field, there were...options...for those men who were reluctant to have their dogs neutered because they (either the dog or the owner, I never got which was meant) would look/feel less masculine (really; these guys exist, and in sufficient numbers that this product was marketed). For an additional fee, they could have their dog’s empty scrotal sack implanted with two hypoallergenic spheres, called Neuticles. I wish I was making this up. And, yes, the veterinary staff would laugh at them behind their back.
It’s been some years since I was actively practicing, so I don’t know if these have dropped out of favor (I HOPE so) but they were fairly popular in the late ‘90s, early 2000s.
WHY do some men feel their masculinity is diminished/augmented by things in their environment rather than just the man himself?!? Guys? Any insights?
I need an explanation for the truck nuts . Why would you want them on your truck?
Is it supposed to be for a vasectomy? Inquiring minds want to know!
Please tell me this is a "Happy Vasectomy" cake? Or that this was for a divorce celebration among BFFs? A rauchy bachelor party cake for a same sex wedding? Those are the only occasions that I can even consider where one might present ones guests with a testicle cake.
My husband has truck lungs on his truck. It's an air compressed and tanks.
The only "truck" "body part" he's willing to put on his truck.
Thank all that's holy!
I regret to report that truck nuts are also quite common in Alberta, Canada (informal slogan: We're Canada's Texas, Yeehaw!).
I knew what truck nuts were!!! YEEEEHAW! Still think a cake is NOT the right place for them. @hannah, as far as I know they have no actual function but are vanity items. Rarely see them out of the south though!
The very first comment - the one about the empty scrotums - had me ROARING with laughter. The Squire came over to see what was so funny, and he actually got weak-kneed, he was laughing so hard.
Ugh!
@Sara, I’m a guy and I wish I knew what’s wrong with some of my brothers. The whole Truck Nutz thing is embarrassing to me, and trust me when I say I’m no prude! I guess it’s safe to say that any man who would think that a neutered dog somehow reflects on his own masculinity has serious identity issues of his own. If I myself had, for instance, testicular cancer and surgery was required, I might want a prosthesis to keep me looking like myself. But my car really doesn’t need balls, and neither does my pet, in order to make me feel like a man. Truly bizarre, I have to agree. Sorry I can’t offer a more empathetic explanation!
Nope. You do not have to live in the South to know what trucknuts are. I live in the Pacific Northwest and while they're not common, they're not so uncommon that we don't know what they are when we see them. There's some a$$hat in my neighborhood with a huge red truck so jacked up his softball-sized trucknuts are practically at eye level if you get stuck behind him. Over-compensation much?
@hannah; well, you DO see a LOT of those truck nuts on what I call "Compensation Trucks"...the trucks that are jacked up super high with super huge tires and the noisiest exhaust pipes allowed by law...it goes to reason that if the truck IS in actuality...um...COMPENSATING...for the truck owner's...ahh...shortcomings...as it were, then NATURALLY, the truck would need to advertise it was in fact a COMPLETE...well...you get the idea.
Just my own arm chair psychological analysis.
Oh man whoever did this cake has to be secretly laughing their head off. That has got to be on purpose lol.
Hah!! funny they think were laughing with them, 'Truck Nuts' you dog you!! BUT were laughing AT them bet his willys the size of a worm..they are so twp (welsh slang for an idiot)
I'm glad the cake balls werent hairy, that would put one off..if that cake is vegan I would happily have a slice.
I could see this cake being used for a trans man who has gotten bottom surgery or for someone who has gotten prosthetic testicles after surgery to remove diseased balls. One former cancer patient went on at length about neuticles and their designed-for-humans equivalents with everyone who looked like they might listen.
Luckily, I have never seen truck nuts. I live in the heart of Georgia. People are crazy.
I had a neighbor who had truck nuts on his truck. let's just say one cold night the poor truck got snipped. I suppose it was bound to happen. Some say his wife did it. No replacements were used.
Oh man, I lost it at "busting our preconceived notions of masculinity". Well-played!
I not only knew what truck nuts are, but just last week I learned about Nutscapes! Go ahead, look it up. And marvel at guys' need to show those things off everywhere (and I mean everywhere). Can't fathom the purpose of the cake, either, but it is good for a hearty, if bewildered, laugh.
Nutscapes? Is this something that is NSFW? Only I'd hate to be surfing, and have a colleague walk in, and have some sort of conniption. Or fall over laughing, if it's a female workmate.
I'm thinking maybe this cake was for a philandering husband from his wife who once told him, "If I EVER catch you cheating, I'll serve you your balls on a platter!"
Yeah, dr h, pretty much NSFW, unless your colleagues are very open minded. And not easily shocked. Or grossed out.