With This Wreck, I Thee Wed
October 25, 2017 It seems I never fail to underestimate your insatiable desire for wedding wreckage. And sprinkles. You guys always want sprinkles.
Two birds? Meet your stone:
;)
Sha-POW!
Not crumby enough for you? Try this:
;)
Because naked wedding cakes have more Funfetti.
"Ooh, you guys, I've got it! Ok, picture this: we have the happy couple, in their wedding finery, scaling a giant turd. Eh? EH?!"
;)
Bam. Nailed it.
"People, I know we can fit a few more pieces of plastic on here! WE JUST AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH."
;)
"Barb, you fetch the curling ribbon while Sam and I open another bag of aquarium greenery. Move, move, move!"
We all know there's a lot of crying at weddings. Fortunately, this couple decided to put all the used tissues to good use:
;)
You might think it's icing holding all those together, but I'm here to tell you: it's not.
Thanks to Heather B., Sarah L., Brittany P., Lesley W., & Danielle N. for the tear-jerkers.
*****
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Reader Comments (27)
"It snot" (good one)
That first cake MIGHT have worked if all those sprinkles weren't there.
Please, please, please....tell me the Bride-zillas sued.
Who can blame them?
On the too much plastic cake...Was that made by Sandra Lee??? All the floatsam and jetsam...
That second cake looks like the were trying to copy the Momofuku milk Bar Birthday Cake. It's usually a 2-3 layer 6" cake.
It definitely doesn't translate well into wedding cake size.
#1) OOH! Pretty colors! That's all I have to say about that.
#2) Do my eyes deceive me, or is this a fruitcake? Which begs the question - which is the real fruitcake, the wedding cake itself, the baker, or the bride and groom? (The only other thing an ugly, naked wedding cake needs is for ugly, naked mole rats to come out of it).
#3) The position of the groom makes him look responsible for the "making" of this cake. (Perhaps this is wedding number 2 for both bride and groom).
#4) Obviously a polygamist wedding. Do you see how many brides there are? (Are the girls in blue the brides-in-waiting?)
#5) How do you know those are tissues and not toilet paper? Then what is holding the cake together? (This cake was meant to go along with the third cake).
Oh, where to start?? The first one is *Special*!! It's a cool trick I figured out!
Toggle the image up and down quickly...!! QUICKLY!!
Did you see the sprinkles falling off en masse??
I didn't either....but I tried...
=^-.-^=
So what IS holding it together?
On #4: why so many brides? Is this for a Mormon wedding? And why multiple Cinderellas? Does somebody really REALLY want to live happily ever after (with all those brides, I doubt this is going to be a happy marriage)? Or is it for a child bride who hadn’t finished playing with her dollies yet? So many questions...
That 2nd one looks like someone pulled all the fondant off the cake. Like it HAD been iced but the fondant started coming off and they just said "screw it" and took it all off.
(Probably with someone in the background saying "Oooh yeah baby, take it ALL off...")
The "naked" cake looks as though it might have been tasty, but that design for aa wedding cake? And with so many extra crumbs?? O_o
Entirely too much flotsam on that bright blue cake. Please make it stop!
I am baffled by the last one. It had to take serious skill to make the fondant look like that... but WHY???
OK, theory about the second cake: there was actually an outer layer, but it crumbled.
To be fair, the funfetti cake looks like a poorly-done version of Christina Tosi's Momofuku Milk Bar "Birthday Cake". It's just crooked as heck and there are way too many of the crumb sprinkles. If you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up. Chef Christina makes hers actually look cute, even though it's a "naked" cake.
The plastic disaster looks like my 2 year old birthday cake....from 1981!
The guy scaling the poo cake looks suspiciously like the fireman and his "hose" from cakewrecks past.
How bad is it that I kinda like the used tissues?
On the plastic tastic cake, did the bride on the second tier steal Prince Charming from Cinderella? That sure looks like him. That hussy. :)
The first one is like a Nature Documentary on cake!
"And now, dear nature lovers, please observe how well the Lesser Flower-feathered Crane blends into its natural habitat of sprinkles..."
I admit it - I kind of love the one with sprinkles.
I looked the last cake and literally said out loud:
What the H-E-double hockey sticks is THAT?!
The first cake looks like stacked brownies. If it was...AWESOME! Especially if ice cream was also served.
As an origami fiend, +1 for the topper.
The multi-colored sprinkles take away from the patterned origami birds, but still not a deal breaker for me.
Flowers look fresh. I don't think the cake needed all that baby's breath, but *shrug*...
Granted, the cake isn't a Sunday Sweet Champion with 20+ hours of work and 3 designers/decorators slaving over it, but it certainly isn't a total wreck. Unless the bride wanted $$$ show piece and got that.
I find it refreshing there isn't 5 lbs of mangled fondant peeling off the cake, or badly done buttercream faking as fondant.
It needs some minor tweaks. I don't consider it a wreck, but charming and off beat.
(The sprinkles make it look sort of cheap. Too bad no one had time to consider a work around.)
Su Nottingham I’m with you, but Jen’s commentary did make me think twice.
The frosting was so scared of that one cake it ran away and jumped on the used tissue cake lol. As for the sprinkles.. have fun eating them I am sure the dentist will love it lol.
I actually kind of like the Cinderella cake. I'd be hoping to take one or two of the plastic Cinderella figures home. But what is up with all the plastic tree branches and pine cones and... marbles? First time I've seen marble cake with real marbles before.
I actually kinda dig the bottom one, in an abstract art kinda way! It's not *too* wrecky ... I'd say it's almost pretty
Scaling poop mountain!