When Ninja Turtles Come Out Of Their Shells
September 29, 2016 In honor of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Mutation Day, allow me to present:
How To Make Your Own Mutant Ninja Turtle
1) Find a happy turtle.
;)
No, happier.
;)
HAPPIER!!
;)
Perfect.
2) Trap the turtle.
;)
You may need a bigger cage.
3) Teach your turtle to love America.
;)
If you're not American, teach your turtle to love America anyway.
We need all the fans we can get right now.
When your turtle is properly addicted to Cheez Whiz and America's Got Talent, it's time to move on to the mutation phase.
4) Flatten him out:
;)
5) And apply the super secret ingredient.
;)
Be careful, sometimes there's a plastic baby in there.
6) Add a colorful face mask, hope your turtle has acquired ninja skills, and you're done!
;)
Just remember, mutation results may vary.
But hey, at least he's still happy to see you:
;)
Thanks to Aliza E., Nathan M., Troy K., Denise, Courtney B., Tara M., Janet, Gary R., & Sharlyn W. for another reptile dysfunction.
*****
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Reader Comments (21)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
They’re not looking so well
Made of flour
Here we go! With the spleen green, butter cream
On the scene, happy but somewhat obscene
Our tears stream into the sewers like broken dreams
‘Merca needs the help of turtle teens
Babes all love the turtle dudes
Super secret stuff makes them say ewww
Should stay in the shadows so we don’t spew
Bad bakers win and we all lose
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
They’re not looking so well
Made of flour
"Reptile Dysfunction" OMG....I just spit my coffee onto the keyboard and monitor. Will I ever learn not to Sip and Cakewreck at the same time? As a mom who knows the words to the TMNT theme song still after 20 years from when she was forced to watch it with her son, I say BRAVO Jen. I loved this post.
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Cakewrecks on the half-shell, JEN POWER!"
Why... WHY are "Turtle Head Wangs" a thing? WHYYYYYYYYYYY!???!?!?!
I'll take the one that's made of the most solid icing please! Which one does that look like to you?
Swear to gawd I thought - just for a nanosecond - that the flag hoisting tortoise (I don't think that's a turtle) was... REAL... Also, Cakewrecks is VERY educational - I had NO IDEA that a turtle's wang was.. green! Thumbs up to Jen for that bit of zoological/scientific data! And a tip o' the hat to SueBee for her TMNT "song". Fabulous SuBee!
@SuBee....YOU WIN MY FRIEND. Glad to see someone besides me knows the TMNT theme song! I like your version a whole lot better. You DO know that your version is now an earworm for me today right? It's okay, I like it that way! Thank you for the new song, love it!
I must be wang-centric or something. The second and third ones look like mutated wangs coming out of their wang-houses to check to see if it is spring yet. I'm going to walk away now...
Darn it SuBee beat me to it! All laughing aside I actually can't stand cheez whiz but adore America's Got Talent. Up here in Michigan we have our own state turtle.
Actually, the first one with the red flowers is kinda cute!
Eh. That last one can't have been all that happy.He looks kinda "down"..
Let's help cheer him up-- it's the yeast we can do.....
=^-.-^=
Many years ago, a humorous poet, Ogden Nash, who specialized in light verse, wrote: "The turtle lives twixt plated decks, which practically conceals its sex. I think it clever of the turtle, in such a fix, to be so fertile.
Ninja Turtles 'come' out of their shells, but then don't all turtles do that?
(It's all your fault Cakewrecks. I used to have quite a clean mind.)
I'm just glad that I wasn't the only one to think that these turtles were happy to see me! <Kermit flails for being on the same wavelength as Jen!>
@Stella: I LOVE Ogden Nash! One of the first books I ever read was "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't" & I always remembered it fondly. My beloved spouse found a signed version & gave it to me for Christmas. I may have cried.
My favorite verse by Mr. Nash, and one I tell to my teens to this day, goes as follows:
If you're a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate
Oh, if you're a bird, be an early bird,
But if you're a worm....sleep late.
It's a comfort to know I'm not the only one with a grubby mind. The last turtle looked a little, ummm, manly. I will admit though, that I loved the second one who was so happy his eyes went boogly.
Ogden Nash:
I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it sticks them to the knife.
Is that last turtle grimacing or cold? Maybe he (?) needs to shell out for a blanket.
Oh those poor turtles lol. The wangs alone would make me laugh so hard my hubby would probably think I went insane. Luckily I didn't laugh hysterically lol.
Is that last turtle grimacing or cold? Maybe he (?) needs to shell out for a blanket.
I showed these cakes to my tortoise (Flash Gordon) and he's offended.
@kismet, I love that poem, but haven't seen it in years! Thanks for the reminder!
I laughed at the post, but loved the comments with the nod to Ogden Nash, a great, often overlooked, American poet. On of my favorites from him is
Any hound that a porcupine nudges
Can not be blamed for harboring grudges.
I know one hound that laughed all winter
At a porcupine that sat on a splinter.
I think @SaraCVT is quoting Shel Silverstein, though.
"Be careful, sometimes there's a plastic baby in there" came out of nowhere and made me laugh hard for a solid minute! Thanks!
And I thought the first two turtles were cute -- if you weren't paying much, that is!