This Cake's Got Balls. (No, Like Literally.)
August 30, 2016 Hey, do you know what Truck Nuts are?
If you do, congrats, you're from the South like me. YEEHAW AND HOWDY.
For the rest of you, Truck Nuts are dangling testicles for your truck. I wish I was making this up.
Anyway, the reason I mention Truck Nuts (besides seeing how many times I can type "Truck Nuts" in this post) is because NOW THEY MAKE THEM FOR CAKES, and the world will never be same.
(Hamilton high five heyooooo)
(Truck Nuts Truck Nuts Truck Nuts Truck Nuts)
(Ahem.)
Y'all ready for this?
Keep scrolling; this needs a proper build up.
And while I've got you here, I'm open to suggestions on how to post this to Facebook without getting banned.
Again.
Almost there, now.
Still ready?
Here we go:
But not like that.
Ew.
OK, for real now:
;)
Great Blushing Beefy Bow-Balls, Batman!
I'll give you a moment.
Honestly, there's something almost poetic about a sparkly pink cake with balls. It says, "Hey, I like sparkly pink cake and bows, AND I HAVE BALLS." Y'know? [nodding] Yeah. I like that.
Thanks to Rebecca H. for really busting our preconceived ideas about masculinity.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (93)
I got nothing. I also can't stop staring at that cake.
So. Many. Questions.
??
I don't get it.
Okay, I can't tell if this is a wreck in the ordinary (if there is such a thing) sense or if putting balls on cakes is really now a thing? If so, why? Why? WHY??? What is the point of balls on cake? I'm too old for this...
Truck balls are super disgusting. I used to see them in Washington State all the time.
And the cake? I, uh, um ... nope. I got nothin'.
I really need to stop eating and drinking when I come here. This keyboard will never be the same.
Ha - I do know what Truck Nuts are (unfortunately).
This, however, I do NOT understand. Is it a reference to the Chippendales, perhaps? Did I go to far with that?
:D
Why, what's wrong with this one? Evenly distribute sugar, regular ruffle around the bottom, tasteful sparkles, bow tie isn't lopsided, nothing is misspelled, in fact nothing is there TO misspell... is it the scoop of missing icing on the left front side?
I live in Arizona & unfortunately have had to see these horrid Truck Nut things. I have a fantasy of pulling up next to the driver at a red light & calling out to him, "Hey! Glad to see your wife/girlfriend keeps them in a safe place!" I have a feeling they would be removed asap. ;)
If you want to get some knowledge
You don't <I>have</I> to go to college.
You can really play it cool
Just use Cake Wrecks as your school.
Soon you've learned all about "ball-ege".
I live in the northeast and have seen trucks with nuts because in this Great Nation of ours, douchery knows no bounds. Say amen.
Anyway...I like this cake. I feel it would be tasteful, elegant centerpiece for any black-tie gender reassignment celebration.
Hopefully you've had more fun than you could have dreamed of as you entered "truck nuts" as often as possible so hearing or seeing the phrase isn't as vital as it might be (Run-on sentence much, s.marie?) I think posting the sparkly pink cake and the link would be sufficient and FB might not even notice. Just, please, refrain from putting "truck nuts" or "baker balls", "nougat nads", "buttercream boy bits" or similar descriptors in the text. Your true minions will know something wonderful awaits and many of the merely curious will click and grin.
That black now is perfect, isn't it? I'm dying to know the backstory!
Hell yah I heard of Truck Nuts! Truck Testicles. Been around for years, I know this because many years ago one the truck accidents I responded to involved truck nuts. We got word over the radio while in route, from one of the officers on scene, that there was an 'amputation' involved. So, in our heads we are already preparing what we need for an amputation. Only, see, it was a motorcycle who slid under the back of a pick up truck and in the process, the TRUCK NUTS were knocked clean off the truck. there they were laying in the street. biker was okay basically, but the offers thought it was a hoot calling it in as an amputation. Now this cake would have been perfect for that occasion. Proving there IS a cake for every occasion, am I right?
Oh dear God! Why!?!?!?!?!?!
How can you tell it's truck balls and not just regular balls?
I am so glad the balls are shaved. So glad.
blinkblink... blink... blinkblinkblink... ... .. ...
Nope, I got nuthin'.
Along with Truck Nuts, there is a product for those dog owners who wish to get their male dogs neutered but don't wish to lose the "macho-ness" of having an intact dog. They're called Neuticles.
I wish I was making this up.
Owners can pay extra to have hypoallergenic plastic spheres inserted into their dog's testes after neutering. And yes, vets/staff laugh behind their backs.
It's a pretty picture of a pair of pink pears posing on a pastel pastry.
Possibly the most perfect positioning for your prime time viewing pleasure. BONE appetit!
=^-.-^=
Really, I think they look like figs. Pink figs
My friend & I are costume designers. We were at the costume closet for a local theater company and found several sets of panty hose with soft balls in them. We were both at a loss as to what they were intended to be and what show they could have been in. I suggested that we attach one set to the director's truck.... we didn't.
Why????
Also, maybe I should get one of these for my kitten to celebrate him getting neutered next month.
I hope this cakes has the proper allergy notice: contains nuts.
@ SaraCVT - I've heard of Neuticles :) LOL
It just occurred to me that I know entirely too much about fake balls.
Sad part, is that besides the balls, the cake is pretty good O_o
Seeing that cake with its "decoration" brought this folk song to mind:
http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/irish_drinking_song/under_the_scotsmans_kilt-lyrics-1188155.html#ixzz4IpdPwcuI
A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
He stumbled on until he could no longer keep his feet
Then staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
chorus:
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o de
He staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Later on two young and lovely girls just happened by,
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
You see yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o dill
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.
They crept up to the sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt above the waist so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing but what God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o dirth
There was nothing there but what God gave upon his birth
They marveled for a moment then one said we'd best be gone
But let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
They took a blue silk ribbon and they tied it in a bow
Around the bonnie star of the Scot's lifted kilt did show
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o doh
Around the bonnie star of the Scot's lifted kilt did show
The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward a trees
Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
Then in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Lad, I don't where you've been but I see you won first prize"
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o die
He said, "Lad, I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize"
Thank you, Goose! :-)
I have 4 men in my house; husband and three teenagers. I have a mind to order such a cake for my birthday and see which one is secure enough in his masculinity to eat "it"! lol.
A-freaking-men @SuBee. My job takes me to various states for months at a time, thus I have visited 41 of these great United States for extended periods. For the most part, people are wonderful everywhere. Unfortunately, douchebaggery does seem to be well distributed. FORTUNATELY, these folks tend to mark themselves with insignia such as those mentioned on this page so they are pretty easy to spot.
Perhaps a formal vasectomy cake? It looks like a chippendale cake, but I just can't imagine why they would do such a thing.
Really, honestly, if it was that fancy they should have gone with a ball gown.
I need to order one of these for my husband's vasectomy. Nothing says "I love and respect your birth control choices" like a snip and a cake.
Well, I... but the... wait what...um... urk... and I too got nothin'.
What event, do you suppose, this cake is meant to celebrate?
It's rhetorical. Just think about it.
I actually don't want to know.
I can't get it to make sense. I really can't.
At first I thought it was tacky that Maxine said she was glad the balls were shaved, but upon further reflection, I think she makes a very good point. Thank the baby Jesus the baker left the balls clean. Otherwise it would have been "whaaaa????" Followed closely by "ewwww!" Now I'm just stuck with the question of whaaaa????
Note to self: Try not to make spelling error when asking for bows and bells
Note to self: Try not to make spelling error when asking for bows and bells
Uhm..."Congratulations on your Vasectomy" maybe?
I can only think that those are 2 petals of a 6 or 7 petal flower in the middle of that cake, upon which a bow was unfortunately placed. But that is likely too much to hope for.
Duh. Cake balls.
Looking at that I *think" there is actually a circle of six (?) of those on the cake and the artful placement of the bow makes it look like only two. Maybe. I still can't figure out why you would put a ring of six balls on the cake and then put a strategically placed bow tie on.
As an addendum to the Neuticle thing... There was a character on "Sons of Anarchy" who'd had an unfortunate accident which earned him a specific nickname. He got himself an "off-brand" Neuticle, then had an allergic reaction to it.
**Hilarity Ensues**
This post on facebook brought up an ad for Bike Balls- they light up! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bikeballs/bike-balls-bike-light
The proper comment to the owner of a set of truck balls is, "Sorry about your penis!"
Is this a groom's cake served at the wedding? His friend's idea of a joke, perhaps?
Divorce party, perhaps?
Maybe this is to celebrate that the recipient grew a pair?
Sympathizing with you on the ridiculousness of Facebook bans.
Last week I started managing the Facebook posts for a very busy mortgage lender. My first three posts were going to be about the 10 commandments of mortgage loans, or what to do and NOT to do while you're waiting for your loan to be approved.
I tried to post the first three commandments. Facebook warned me that this was "offensive content" and I could not Boost the post.
Third commandment said that if you buy something large on credit, like a car, it could trigger a new roun of paperwork. Hmmm.. . . . Maybe it's the word "trigger" Changed it. Nope, still offensive.
Then went through and changed "commandments" to "tips." Nope, still offensive.
Tried to protest. Submission form didn't work.
Finally did a different post. That one went through. Whew!
But I still don't know why Facebook finds information about getting a mortgage so offensive. :-P
I have to wonder, are they actually supposed to be balls, or something else with an unfortunate resemblance to balls? If they're supposed to be balls then I can only hope that this cake is from an "erotic" bakery. Not that the cake is actually erotic in any way, but I just hate the idea that testi-cakes might somehow become mainstream like "fetus" cakes.....nuts to that; it's bollocks, I say, bollocks!
Truck Nuts are just disturbing, are there guys that are actually that insecure? Apparently yes...
Since first seeing them, I've wanted to carry a can of blue spray paint around with me to use on any Truck Nuts that I encounter, but I see in the link that they actually make them in blue...do the guys who get the blue ones even realize what having "blue balls" is from? I mean it's sort of sending a mixed message. "look how super macho I am... even though I can't get any".
The only thing maybe worse than Truck Nuts...is the Bull Penis Cane...seriously that's a real thing.
I first saw one in a catalog that boasted it as "the cane that sends a clear message".
Sure it does...and that message is "I don't have a big one, I just am a big one".
Now if only I see a guy with Truck Nuts who also carries a Bull Penis Cane...well that would certainly be...something...
maybe they are figs?
These are the funniest comments by far. Thank you all, and thanks for such inspiration, Jen!
(Going to find someone to buy Truck Nuts for this Hannukkah if it kills me. Might be my baker friend . . .)