Barking Up The Wrong Cake
June 23, 2016 So there I was, looking through thousands of awful wedding cake pics - as one does on a typical Friday night (WHAT) - when I started to notice an odd trend: tree cakes.
I don't mean the beautiful blossoming vines we see so often:
;)
Loverly.
And I don't mean stump cakes, which Jen has devoted a whole tag to in iPhoto because we have that many:
;)
Stumperly.
No, I mean a dead tree plastered up the side of a wedding cake.
Like this:
;)
We really don't get enough opportunities to eat things the color of wet concrete.
Sometimes, in an effort to make the tree look slightly less dead, a baker will add "leaves":
;)
Or "flowers":
;)
"It just so happens this tree is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead... and all dead.
"Now hand me that knife, and we'll split the difference."
My favorite, though, is the baker who opted to liven up a dead tree with polka dots:
;)
They're just so festive. In a pox-like kind of way. (Pox-ish?)
Like a festival of pox.
Woowoo!
Tell you what, bakers, why not stick to what we know? Simple, beautiful, blossoming vines.
;)
Okay, maybe these could use a few polka dots.
Thanks to Amy L., Allison N., Daniel & Kim, Katy G., Layne L., Jon D., & Linda N. for branching out.
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Reader Comments (42)
I want those cakes to leaf me alone.
Fifth cake: how to liven smeared poo with little blue flowers. Congrats, little girl, you completed your potty training!
It's a dead tree with "leaves" on a stump!!!! ROFLMAO
Several months ago, I sat in the audience of an Off-Broadway show called "Night is a Room." The plot revolved around a 40 year old man who is reunited with his birth-mother and promptly becomes her lover. For some reason it involved much discussion of trees: Hugging trees, sleeping under trees, and wishing for large trees to fall and crush the stage. Any one of these cakes would have made an apt wedding cake for the the main characters. Or a lovely closing-night treat.
I feel like that last cake might have been going for a nest look rather than vines. I'm not sure that's better, though. This cake might have been what they were going for? : http://in2.ccio.co/P3/p9/1A/86483255314445776hP6cpc4Rc.jpg
The 'Wet Concrete' one reminded me of the slobbering aliens from 'The Simpsons' . . . don't know why . . .
Thanks for the reference to 'The Princess Bride'! That ALWAYS cheers me up :)
The last one is tapeworms. Those birds need medical attenton. Stat.
Don't forget about the crack-and-cover-up in the bottom tier of the polka dot cake!
Oh, John (the hubby of Jen), each of these is as awful as the last and next, a closed loop of ugly and disappointment! "Wet Cement" gets my vote for ugliest. It is not only ugly, it's unappetizing (there could be a Woullet's whipped cream cake under there and I wouldn't touch it) (and I've given in to a Wal-Mart cupcake when times get desperate)(not proud, just sayin'), shows every deficiency of the "decorator" and would make a blind bride cry. The only thing worse would be topping with the shotgun-toting bride bagging a groom. (Assault rifles and gun-toting cake toppers should BOTH be banned)
But they're all ugly. (Shout out to Wal-Mart cupcakes. When times are desperate, I mean.)
I do not want to eat cakes that remind me of lab samples thankyouverymuch
That tree has been mostly dead all day!!
I appreciate any and all references to the Princess Bride. Did I mention my license plate is ASUWISH ? :)
Am I the only one who sees a screaming face on the top tier, and a dog in the second tier of the wet concrete cake? Creeeeeepyyyyyy . . .
Y'know, if they could get rid of the fecal trunk in the third wreck, I kind of like the blue forget-me-nots. On the poo trunk, I guess they'd be forget-me-knots! The polka-dot tree reminds me of an old Dr. Seuss story. @KimS, Yes! the Simpsons' aliens!
Actually, the cakes underneath the wrecky trees are better iced/fondanted (?!) than the first non-wreck, which resembles a hat.
The third Wreck seems familiar ............
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/51/53/fa/5153fa7a1079d52876d19f92f9d58044.jpg
Maybe the client told to the baker to "Make *like* a tree", but he didn't hear it correctly.
Now seriously, the "flowers" cake isn't so bad, it looks nice, compared to the others.
The stuff on that last cake has GOT to be Model Magic, the polymer clay from Crayola. Trust me I have done enough crafts with that stuff, I would recognize it anywhere!
The "stump cake" photo makes me want to have a party where we watch "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and eat a cake shaped like Devil's Tower.
I'm just glad no one can see the crack in the cake because of the perfectly positioned red and green polka dots covering it! It also lays to rest the myth that tiered cakes need to be separated by cake boards and have some type of support system! Beautifully rendered polka dot tree cake! Now I must make like a tree and....polka dot?
The "trees" look like face huggers. o.O
I am a leaf on the wind, see how I ... Thunk.
Sorry Firefly fans. I had to.
Also, think back so many times on this blog about Kaylee in "Safe."
"Looks like it was made with, you know, longing. Made by a person really longed to see a swan. (or a tree)"
Polka-dot cake looks like it's met an alien face-hugger. No thank you.
That last cake has the secrets of the universe written on it in the language of the Ancients.
The actual trees on the leaf and flower cakes are well done - good detail. With that said...they still don't belong on wedding cakes!
I imagine the polka dot cake being made by someone who wasn't familiar with Germanic Christmas traditions. "Well, you take a dead tree and put it in your house and decorate it with green and red." "Oh, o.k., I think I see. Dead tree. Green and red. Got it."
That last one really stumped me. Yeegads! It looks like hieroglyphics done wrong
The polka dot cake reminds me of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, it just needs a blue blanket skirt to complete the look *<:0)
@Daniel Myers, what an outstanding idea! A "Close Encounters" party with a devil's food Devil's Tower cake!
(We had a "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" Christmas party, everyone dressed as their favorite character [movie or animated version], put together four banquet tables to have a grand feast, then watched the movie. Should have had cake shaped like the roast beast.)
@Hollypop - YES - the dog think really looks like the gargoyle from 'Ghostbusters'!!
I would love to see the 'original' of the engorged tapeworm vines cake. Cuz you know that is a copy of something fabulous...
Wow, these cakes really stumped me. (You knew someone was going to say it. I volunteer to be today's Bearer of Bad Puns.)
But what really stumps me is how a piece of actual dead wood could look more appetizing than any of the cakes. That takes...talent?
The last cake looks like some one tried to get fancy with their Hebrew lettering.
@ juice -- took the words right out of my mouth!
I see maggots on the last cake. Wow. :(
@Daniel Myers, you read my mind. Close Encounters, indeed.
I thought the 3rd cake looked like the sculpture from Beetlejuice.
Poxerly!!
O.o
These "bakers" need to leaf the decorating to those who are rooted in the arts.
I think these are quite unfortunate variants of the wedding cakes. The cake should be a festive table decoration. In this case, it does not correspond to this. online cv service
Oh man these cannot be the new thing in wedding cakes can they? If so I fear a ton of dead tree wrecks in our future lol. And a bunch of very mad brides chasing wreckerators with sticks.
Glad to see I am not the only one who immediately thought "Beetlejuice Delia sculpture" with that first dead tree cake.
"Pox-y" (rhymes with "foxy," of course....)
I'm sorry to say I too made one of these. http://imgur.com/inhndzk