The Politics of Pastry
November 7, 2016 [The following are paid political advertisements by the candidates for East Paulsbo Bakery Oversight Commissioner, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Cake Wrecks or its affiliates.]
Faith. Trust. Pixie dust. These are just a few of the things Ernie Snerdbergler brings to East Paulsbo bakeries. So tomorrow, vote America. Vote for your bakeries. Vote Snerdbergler.
;)
****
Mort Furfingdon loves two things: America and East Paulsbo bakeries. If elected, Mort promises to eliminate that sketchy-sounding "pixie dust" and bring back good, old-fashioned sprinkles:
;)
So tomorrow, vote for Mort Furfingdon, East Paulsbo. Because any way you slice it, Mort Furfingdon is top tier.
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Ernie Snerdbergler also loves sprinkles, but won't stoop to bad puns to win your vote, East Paulsbo. That's because Ernie Snerdbergler has integrity. Ernie Snerdbergler has innovation. And Ernie Snerdbergler has free cupcakes for everyone if he's elected.
;)
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Mort Furfingdon will ALSO give you free cupcakes, East Paulsbo, not just the icing on top like that other guy, who is totally stingy.
;)
Also, did you know Mort's opponent hates grandmothers?
;)
It's true.
So tomorrow, think of your grandma, East Paulsbo. Vote for Mort Furfingdon.
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MORT FURFINGDON IS A FILTHY LIAR.
He also colludes with Satan and has a weird foot thing.
;)
Do you want a guy with a weird foot thing overseeing your bakeries, East Paulsbo? I didn't think so. VOTE SNERDBERGLER.
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Ernie Snerdbergler is actually the devil. He kicks the seat in front of him on airplanes and thinks Val Kilmer was the best Batman.
;)
With him in charge, our bakeries will burn, your children will become drug addicts, and life as we know it WILL END.
VOTE FURFINGDON.
****
:: The East Paulsbo Gazette interrupts these campaign commercials to ask both candidates to "chill the heck out" and maybe eat a Snickers. We'd also like to wish you all a happy voting day tomorrow. ::
Thanks to Kelley B., Lindsey S., Lisa, Kaitlyn P., Monique R., Jessica S., & Missy B., who know Keaton was the best Batman, so there.
*****
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Reader Comments (34)
I've got my champagne ready. I'll either drink it to celebrate a Furfingdon victory or hit myself over the head until I cause enough brain damage to believe that a Snerdbergler commissionership won't result in the total destruction of the East Paulsbo Bakery District.
I loved Keaton as Batman!
Did you know there is actually a Poulsbo, Washington? Not an east one to my knowledge.
This would have been funnier if it was not so close to the truth.
We Canadians are watching as the wonderful neighbours we loved are moving out, and we are biting our fingernails worried that we are going to get new gun toting neighbours who are loud, obnoxious, have a pack of "Bumpus Hounds", and wrecked cars up on cinder blocks all over their front yard.
There is only ONE Batman, and it was the ORIGINAL. The others are not even fit to spit shine his belt buckle thingy.... Val who??? I laugh at his tights- Ha and another Ha.
=^-.-^=
When I finally "got" this post I realized perhaps this isn't just happening here in Maine. The political ads that run one after another bashing each other seem endless and that includes small local politicians too. I keep my tv on mute now. I cannot stand to hear them anymore. Thanks for the humor in an otherwise bleak situation.
This just about sums up my feelings 😒😒😖
The only acceptable reason for that foot cake is if it was for a podiatrist who is celebrating all the money he's going to make off his wealthy new client with an incurable foot disease, which he has promised to cure anyway.
One question before I vote: Is Batman on a potty chair? Because it looks like he's on a potty chair and that really may alter my opinion.
p.s. I love Canada. L.O.V.E. it and may be checking Thunder Bay real estate ads come Wednesday afternoon.
Please, fellow USA citizens, if you haven't already do go vote tomorrow.
Not sure whether to laugh or cry. <heavy sigh>
There is a Poulsbo, Washington State, famous for its bread. (Man, Poulsbo bread is good. Now I want some.) The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking of that. May whoever wins not change anything.
Some of the all-time best humor here, right here on cake wrecks!!
You are Grandma is a whore. I'll be giggling all day.
(thanking my daughter who refuses to speak to me for introducing me to this website years ago)
7irst sight?
Wow, that's many.
Someone lives in Florida. My heart goes out to you. As someone living in a state who decided which presidential candidate to give our electoral votes to 100 years ago, I wish I could send you a used car ad and a nice news story about kittens just to break up the political monotony.
One of the senatorial candidates in my state believes in the state and in the river he happens to fly fishing in as he talks to a camera.
Just sing a little Les Miz as you go about your day "One more day . . ."
If Ernie Snerdbergler kicks the seat in front of him on airplanes, I can NEVER vote for him. I once was kicked all the way across the Pacific by a toddler whose parents spoke no language in common with anyone on the plane, as far as we could determine, so every time they'd be asked to stop, they'd give a big happy smile of obvious utter incomprehension. 14 hours I was kicked. It's a miracle I'm still willing to vote in ANY election after that, but I'll vote for Snerdbergler's opponent every time!
Haven't been this nervous since 9 11. A country of 300 million, and this is the choice we have???
It's a voting day, but not necessarily a happy one!
So my cubicle mate just tells me "Batman has sweat dripping from underneath his breasts..." Once you see it you can't unsee it.. Poor Fat Batman, he has the body of a Homer and the heart of a...well probably a heart getting ready to stop working. He did look like he was sitting on a potty chair for a minute until I saw that it's supposed to be his toolbelt...Either way, I am just going back to watching the baby animals videos until Wednesday.
*Your grandmother. Is a whore.
"East Paulsbo Bakery Oversight Commissioner" - couldn't come up with a good name for the job that began with T?
The obligatory Cake Decorating Grammar Outrage aside, his Grandma *is* a whore? Not was, but is? At her age? Way to go Grandma!
If anybody Up There in the YouSay is ready to run screaming in the face of election day, come and seek cultural asylum Down Under for a while. At the airport, just say "I'm a Wreckie and I can't take any more!" and they'll make you a nice cup of tea and let you lie down for a bit. Seriously, we've been watching, and we're still waiting to see whether it's actually the guys from Jackass trying to prank the entire world.
I'm still going to write in Mr. Frumpy Puffball Butts. Trust your bakery to a real cake!
(And I plan to take frequent Cake Wrecks breaks all through tomorrow to keep my sanity!)
I wish this wasn't so close to my Facebook page these days. Be glad when tomorrow is over and then the people can attack just one person. But go vote so you can complain, no vote no whine.
@dr handle,
Thank you for the kind invitation. A lot of us in the YouSay are wondering the same thing (my husband was of the firm belief up until about a month ago that his candidacy HAD to be a giant prank, a bet maybe. Because who would be that ridiculous, really? He's like a caricature. But apparently, that is the real guy. God help us all.)
The second photo should be turned 90degrees counter-clockwise so the blue field is in the upper left quadrant to conform with the Flag Code of the United States of America. Everyone knows... oh, yeah... that flag doesn't qualify as a US flag anyway--no yellow fringe.
Is that a fat Batman sitting on the White House?
I liked it on the Big Bang Theory when Lego Batman was included in the list. I would vote for him. And I love the advice to "chill the heck out" Maybe we could all do that!
Does the owner of the foot have measles or some other contagious rash? Good luck for tomorrow from across 'the pond'. As Margaret says, no vote no whine. Just get it right please and remember ...when America sneezes the world catches its cold!!?
Ok who's the wiseguy who ordered the 'your grandmother is a whore!' cake?!? That's not right!
::cough:: KEVIN CONROY ::cough cough::
Over here in Ozraya we are getting some of the coverage, but fortunately not as much as you poor souls in YouSay. I have a solution to the speeches - I play circus music in my head for one candidate, and the Benny Hill chase music for the other. It works, and is surprisingly uplifting.
Heck I can't stop laughing now. And won't for quite some time lol thanks for the belly laughs.
Mort- the stars go at the flag's top left corner, even on a cupcake cake. It looks like Mort's baker sprayed on the stripes.
I'm so glad I live in Poulsbo proper rather than East Paulsbo so I don't have to choose between these bozos. Once the slaughter dies down I'm headed to Sluys for a victory pastry!
Congrats? I completely missed the point of your post but did spend 5 minutes trying to figure out where paulsbo was and where I was when I went there (as some of your commenters pointed out, it's Poulsbo, WA but close enough that I got completely distracted). Really really wish election season would wrap up and normal life/tv/Internet resume.