Let's. Get. FLOTSAMIZED.
January 28, 2016 Tell you what, bakers, I have a great idea: Forget decorating, just throw anything on there!
That's right, go nuts!
Cookies?
;)
Sure!
Individually wrapped & stickered cookies?
;)
Even better!
Lollipops buried in icing?
;)
Why not?
An empty ice cream cone over a random pile of sprinkles?
;)
Heck yeah!
The pulverized bits at the bottom of an M&M's bag?
;)
YES YES YES.
But let's think outside the "edible" box. Think you can jam an entire book in there?
;)
Or a big silk flower?
;)
Oh! And some ribbon!!!
;)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHA...
*coughcoughcough*
*cough*
Ahem.
(gasping)
Man, I need a drink...
;)
That'll do.
Thanks to Anna R., Mary W., Jenna M., Hayven A., Justine V., Tania S., Crystal B., Andrea and Anne Marrie, and Cami L. for remembering what's important in life. And what's important is being able to drink your topper.
*****
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Reader Comments (48)
Woo hoo! #8 is a new use for all the ribbons left over from opening Christmas presents. And here we were just shoving them into the bag with the torn up wrapping when we cleaned up the living room.
It's a shame, because it looks like the person who did the Curious George cake might actually have some talent (SOME...). The cake looks to be bi-level as separated by the ridiculous book put in there.
That last one? If they left off the alcohol, it wouldn't have been half bad....
Ew.
The last one actually looks pretty good except for the booze. The ribbon cake looks like a stool sample I got when working in microbiology O_o
I might actually buy the first one...what's not to like? I like cake, I like cookies, I think I'd like them together ;)
On the pulverized M&M cake, are those marbles???!
The last is a wedding cake for one who doesn't like their intended. What a great idea! 9-/
I dunno. I kind of like the last one. Assuming they cleaned the bottle properly, I think it actually makes for a nice look.
The Curious George book is one that looks nice, right up to the point you think about eating it. Or cleaning off the book.
The lollipop one was so close. If they had just taken off the wrappers, it could have been cute. Well, and done a better job with the icing in general.
I can actually see my son requesting the Crown Royal cake as a groom's cake (provided he ever marries)
Not only did they cram a book into a cake, they used a book with a stuffed animal protruding through the entire thing. Wait, what? Why?!
I want to know what the white goo is on the crushed M&Ms cake (#5)... Wait, on second thought, no... no, I don't...
At first I thought the pulverized M&Ms cake had marbles on it. Upon closer inspection, it has some candy-coated chocolate pieces with some kind of goopy, er, glaze? on them. Not so appetizing.
The last cake is actually quite yummy looking, and I'd happily accept a cake that included a bottle of Crown Royal :o)
The Curious George cake is pretty good but they ruined a perfectly good book in order to decorate the cake. With the exception of the last one and the George the others are just awful. Then again, who doesn't need a little extra fiber in their diet in the form of ribbon and cellophane? Me, that's who!
@ Shirley--I agree with you.
Some of the other cakes are not only disgusting for inedible decorations, but the rest of the frosting / border work is pitiful. What a collection!!
To the "professional" who did the ribbon cake: could you possibly be more apathetic? Or perhaps it was given to someone who had passive-aggressive feelings toward the recipient? As in, we know it's your birthday/retirement/anniversary but we really don't care enough to try for something decent looking. And frosting? Apparently optional.
Hey look, it's a Gerber daisy on a deep fried donut King cake!
(Theadare, I'm coming!!)
I work at a Safeway, that smashed M&M/Smarties cake is an actual thing they want us to make, including crumbs. You're supposed to sprinkle the crumbs on top. We stopped making this one at my store because it's really awful, there's other cakes in the same line we can make instead that don't look so bad. There are some really, really awful official cake designs in out cake book.
Regarding the last cake - one person's flotsam is another person's dream decoration. =)
To be fair, the first cake has a 'cookie crunch' label and the frosting looks like it might have crushed cookie bits in it so it's not unreasonable to put whole cookies on top. The last one could be a groom's cake or for a bachelor party and the rest of it is nicely done. I'd be happy with that (note to self: forward pic to DH as my birthday is approaching).
But they ruined a *book*? That's a crime against humanity. I was hoping to see some cling wrap protecting it but I don't think so.
Both the Curious George cake and the Booze cake (for lack of a better term) MIGHT have had possibilities if the decorations had been used in a different context, but, well... there you are.
The others, I can't even!
And for the record, mixing cookies, candies, books, booze, wrapped cookies, etc. reminds me of other weirded out combos - like tuna fish on oreo cookies or a chocolate cake with salsa icing! AUCK!
Is #5 glazed? Glaze drizzled over ICING? Not to mention over candies, crumbs and marshmallow poop? *hurk*
And #7 with the big silk flower (I always wonder how you get those things clean enough for edible purposes). What is the creepy radioactive green ooze dripping down into the cake?
I have seen paper images on a cake, but a cardboard book is redunculous. And that flower looks plastic to me. And that last one, really? REALLY? I wonder if the customer asked for the liquor to be in the cake, as in the cake batter and /or icing, and this is what the wacko baker came up with.
#1 is OK. I'm... guessing that's cookie-crumble frosting?
#2 though. A wrapped decorated cookie to decorate a cookie-cake? That can only mean the decorator is incompetent.
It doesn't look as if the stuffed animal is actually touching the icing, although there's no telling what's on he other side. Most of those board books can be wiped down - little kids have sticky finger, y'know - so it might not be as bad as it seems. Personally, I think it's pretty clever, and the icing is very well done.
Is that a line of blue icing piped onto the cutout pages of the book? That seems like one last sugary insult added to the 'sealed waist deep in a tomb of batter' injury
Once agaisn, you made my day. Still laughing. :)
Am I the only one who thinks that there has to be one amazing backstory behind the empty ice cream cone? There are endless possibilities just waiting to enthrall us. I just know it. I do, I really do.
Thank you! I was looking for a way to use all my old dusty silk flowers, plastic jewels and other inedible flotsam! Cakes beware! You will be bedazzled if it is the last thing I do!
How curious -- George looks angry at being stuffed into a cake.
I actually like the last one. But I'd want Maker's Mark instead of Crown Royal.
The former library employee and current book lover in me weeps at that Curious George cake. What is wrong with these people, ruining an excellent book like that?
Please make a post with all Kroger cakes. I work for them and am actually really impressed the decorator took the time to put the extra ingredient label on top. But, seriously, these folks need help. Maybe they'll realize how much is needed if you focus on just them one time.
I don't know what you're all talking about, that last one looks fantastic! :D
If nothing else, at least the book will help you to cut a nice neat wedge. Admittedly a rather large one with bits of paper and monkey fluff embedded in it, but still.
Regarding the last one: the cake isn't a wreck, but whoever drinks the topper will be. Although it's not badly done, it would have been better if they'd left off the cake.
Hey, hey...let's be fair. The fourth one was very attractive until the ice cream melted.
Oh man what's next? A halloween mask on a cake? That would make me laugh and cry all at once lol.
Come on now, the Crown cake is fabulous. I would order it. And the George cake is very nice, cute idea, visually appealing, and board books clean up easily.
I agree that the last cake (without the bottle) is a beautiful cake... very well done! And, even with the bottle, I can see how some would like or appreciate that. I'm glad it was included, because wreck-y or not, it's unexpected! :)
I also agree that shoving the Curious George book into the cake was a TERRIBLE idea!!! Sure, the sides of the pages may wipe clean, but the outer edges do not!! That's just nasty.
Woo, that last one is really great! Great decoration, great stacking, and great cake topper! Drinks all around!
I'm in the minority, but I'm gonna stick my neck out and claim "win" for the last one. Especially if some of the booze was injected into those luscious strawberries.
Now I want chocolate-covered strawberries!
Personally, I would be absolutely THRILLED to receive that last cake!!
Cake #5: "I said, please come TO my birthday party... non ON my birthday cake!"
I actually really like the Curious George cake and the Crown Royal cake. On the former, the stuffed animal isn't touching the icing, and books like that are very easy to clean (any well-made books for young children are). On the latter, I could personally go without the alcohol (rather have it incorporated into the batter than drink it), but the cake itself is spectacular enough that I wouldn't mind having it there. It's an interesting design element - and, again, wouldn't be difficult to clean. It's not like the inedible parts of those cakes would be overlooked and accidentally eaten.
The goopy icing and whatever the disks are on the M&Ms cake are more concerning to me than the poorly-arranged candy crumbs, and I sincerely hope that whoever did the silk-flower cake just had a mishap with the food coloring whilst trying to make it look more plant-like, rather than my first impression that it's been left in the display way past its expiration date. And the ice cream cone? That made me giggle uncontrollably for five minutes straight. I love this blog.
The Curious George and Crown cakes are just lazy. You don't literally shove a product into a cake as a decoration just because the customer says they would like it. You get creative and pull of the concept with something edible. Shouldn't it be against some health code to stick unsanitary inedible items into a food product? Cookies plopped flat on top of a cake is lazy too. Even if it is a cookie crumb cake.
Please stop making excuses for these lazy decorators or we will have more people emulate them.
I agree with a whole day dedicated to the cakes in one chain's "book," so we can see what the official options are.
It may be simply because I just finished rereading your hilarious - and highly suggestive - post "You'll Never Guess What These Were Supposed To Be," but the lollipop at the 3 o'clock position on that cake seems to be performing a striptease with its wrapper. Presumably NSFCP (Not Safe for Children's Parties).
I have to say I don't think the book or the booze cakes are wrecks.
Questionable taste, yes, but well executed. Kind of like princess Godzilla.