Summer Poetry Slam
July 6, 2015 What can I say, these wreck bring out the poet in me.
Or maybe I've had too much sun today.
He slides along,
UNseeing
UNknowing
What's with
The balloons?
;)
*****
The Earth cries out from her festering
toxic grave:
"JELLO POOL PARTY TIME!"
;)
*****
Is it the blue sky that beckons?
Is it the ocean waves, you reckon?
BAKER SURE AS SH*T DON'T KNOW
;)
*****
Those flip-flops
Could kill
Either one of us
;)
*****
A gaping tidal wave roars and rushes
Building
Building
What is this
Surfing for ants?
;)
*****
Mmmm
Smeary
;)
*****
Bound in free-floating friendship
Bound to live and love
And try again
Oh, look
More balloons
;)
Thanks to Elizabeth C., Claire B., Dave B., David C., Jennifer V., Karin P., & Catherine S. for the best Summer wrecks in the 'verse.
*****
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Reader Comments (84)
I keep scrolling down
For there lies your Sundy Sweets
I am much relieved
My granddaughter just got back from a vacation in Cuba. She was stung by a jelly fish. Is that what is stranded on the "beach" in that last cake?
The second one was actually in the Australian Women's Weekly Birthday cake book. It was the highlight of my year (back when I was a kid in the 70's) to choose one of the cakes from the book. I actually chose that cake not once, but twice. It was all about the chocolate cookies on the outside (the jelly mixed with cake on the other hand tasted foul)
I honestly hope you're not being rude about the green pool party cake, that is probably THE MOST FAMOUS cake in Australia. The photo has been taken straight of the Australian Woman's Weeekly Birthday Cake a Book (google it, and it's probably copyright). I couldn't tell if you were being rude, but if you were, you just offended every female Australian in the country. Every child of the 70's, 80's and 90's dreamed of that cake. (In fact I had one). The book was so popular they republished it last year for a new generation of children to drool over.
I admit though, the other cakes shown are hideous.
[Editor's note- It's not a Monday until we've unintentionally offended every woman in Australia. So yeah, sorry about that. -john (the offender of Australia)]
It's a wave for kids who can't surf good, and want to learn to do other stuff good too. Like figure out what that tan striped blob is supposed to be.
Is that last cake supposed to be zombie swimmers? Though admittedly I'm not a zombie aficionado, I've never seen a zombie movie or show in which they take time out for a swim. Unless perhaps the balloon "strings" are really brains and the zombies are just trying to get to them. Though it looks like they already have some in the water with them. *hurk*
That Jell-O pool party cake is from Australia, for what it's worth. The bathing caps are made by smearing icing on the dolls' heads and dipping them in "hundreds and thousands". That's sprinkles, to you.
A quick Google search reveals the Australian book has been reprinted and reissued (and slightly updated -- I'm guessing a few of their designs might not be PC today?). Every review of it sounds just like Ali and Squishibits!
I am neither Australian nor a woman, but I would eat the heck out of that second cake.
For Ali Bee (are we related?) and Squishibits
From me and Peter Allen
I’ve been to bake-ries that never close down
With cupcake cakes looking like murderous clowns
But no matter how far from good taste I roam
I still call Australia home
I’m always baking, I love it by heck
In hopes that my work won’t end up as a wreck
But my pool cake is perfect- it’s from that cake tome
I still call Australia home
All the wreckorators messing up the cakes
Shaming all their family and friends
But not all cakes are messes (successes!)
That swimming pool cake never offends
And someday they will know of this glorious cake
You’d love it too if it’s one mum would make
You’ll realize something I’ve always known
That cake calls Australia home
@Squishibits, I think it's the faded colors of the photograph that result in the hideously murky avocado pool "water" that make it look wrecky.. How *do* bakers make jelly water-colored without looking vomitrocious - food coloring?
just to re-affirm the comments of my fellow Australian readers. The jello cake is from the Australian Women's Weekly Party cakes cook book - a book designed for regular parents to delight their children with cakes that are easy but effective. Criticising the AWW party cake is the equivalent of criticising Martha Stewart...
Ah, the voice of our
Haiku Joy reigns supreme on
all of these foul wrecks
Never saw summer cakes look so sad :(
The Green jelly is the completely unnatural green that comes with Lime Aeroplane Jelly packets. It's green like a frog, not a sewer. That's a very bad scan from the AWW Children's Birthday Cake cookbook. This is a very beloved Australian cake, not at all a wreck :( Every birthday party for the past 40 years in Australia has featured a cake from this book.
The duck cake in the book is a bit dodgy though, totally google that.
(Please excuse my typos in the earlier post btw. iPhones are terrible to type fast on).
LOVED the "So I Married an Axe Murderer" beatnick poetry at the beginning. Can just imagine Mike Myers reading it.
Pool party conundrum..? Nah. Arguments can cease and desist. Let's just call it a day. Or, we can call it a cesspool.
@juice: It's easy to look queasy: food coloring can definitely do that! A drop or two of green and the same of red.(Or just a few drops of red, yellow, and blue-same thing.) Tweak it to your desired shade of vomit=instant party! =^~.~^=
Duck cake's pretty cool.
A beak made of chips -
old school.
"Popcorn head", the kids would say,
Then eat him up on their birthday.
http://www.roamingtales.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Beach-party-2-of-10.jpg
Sorry Australians, but that cake looks disgusting.
Ok folks, here's my two cents. That chocolate jello cake with the ladder looks terrible. Maybe it's a bad photo of a what would otherwise be a lovely cake but here's the thing...it's just a cake, for crying out loud! You're on Cake Wrecks! Stop taking it so seriously, disagree with the posting, and move on to the other terrible cakes in this post! Lay off of Jen and enjoy this glorious blog. After all, we're all here for wrecktacular fun!
It might be beloved... But it's still a wreck.
And I criticize the heck out of Martha Stewart. So much aspirational....weirdness.
If the Australian Women's Weekly Party Cakes book is wrong,
I don't want to be right!
Holy moly. It looks like gou've found Australia's "King Cake".
I also love that it's now "John- (the offender of Australia) It's a nice addition to (thoj).
I agree with Kate, who said " Criticising the AWW party cake is the equivalent of criticising Martha Stewart..."
I made this cake for one of my daughters many years ago, and it was very popular. NOT a wreck.
Dear Australian ladies,
Harvest gold appliances and Burt Reynold's chest hair were also popular in the 70s. No one wants those around anymore either.
Love,
Someone who also can't stand Martha Stewart
We've found the Australian Sara Lee!
"Nobody doesn't like (cess)pool party cakes!"
The pool looks to be filled with swamp water...definitely a wreck. I wouldn't want to swim in it or eat it.
Oh John, your faux pas at thinking this pool cake was a wreck has made my day! I mean, have you ever been yo a pool party in Austrailia? Neither have I, but according to the Internet, Nothing scares those people.
Hey john (the offender of Australia), can I call EPCOT on the jello cake yet?
I'm going to the bunker to try and calm Theardare down.
I googled the AWW and the pool cake has definitely green water in it, although in other images it is a brighter blue color. Anyhoo, I just the saw the robot cake from the book and my youngest might just get that for his 6rd birthday this Friday ^_^
I am not Australian. But I would totally eat that second cake. The "water" is weirdly colored, yes. But the child in me (I'm 46, I think, but whatever) wants to eat that cake.
Inner child delights
In floating-in-jelly cake
I want my own pool
One, even if that jello cake were a good picture of it, jello and cake are two things I do not want together. To each their own and for me, I would not touch that cake with a ten foot fork (spoon??)!
And I freely criticize Martha Stewart - she who has you put the first slice of buttered bread for grilled cheese BUTTER SIDE DOWN on the board to assemble the thing before putting it in the pan. Don't know about you, but that's one mess and a waste of butter I don't need. She is not a goddess.
Is there room for me in the bunker??
The second one looks like they are floating in toxic waste.
I love how one person can speak for "all Australian women". I'm offended and embarrassed that such a fuss is being made. Calm your farms and move on to the next wreck lol
Come on folks, let's be nice. There's a lot of nastiness in the world already; let's not add to it in cakewreck land....which is my safe place.
I personally didn't know about the second cake being so famous. It looks structurally sound to me. The only thing odd is the color of the water. as has been said already agree or disagree and move on to the other hilarity here.
So I Married an Axe Murderer just reminds me that the Weekly World News is no longer in print, and I get sad.
That jelly pool looks foul. You make it with blue jelly, or colour plain gelatin. My brother had that cake one year I think and the jelly sat on top of the cake, I it didn't mix with it. Mum had mad cake skills.
Someone get the bunker ready. Warn Theodare!
The murky jelly of the cake-that-shall-not-be-named is NOT appetizing in color and the floating people are scary. I would lick all the chocolate frosting off the cookies, however.
Why don't they just use blue Jell-O for the Australian pool cake? It would be cute if it was blue. I made a similar cake for my son with blue Jell-O, and it looked quite nice. I mean, the only time I've seen a green pool is when nobody has cleaned it in a long time...EW.
Women of Australia: I offered my Peter Allen song in the spirit of love and friendship. I am not, I repeat, not criticizing the Australian Women's Weekly Birthday Cake Book. I'm sure it holds the same memories for you as my Mom's Betty Crocker Party Book. I, in no way, meant any offense. I hope you all believe that. Really. Thank you and have a good night. (Please excuse my extensive use of commas.)
Where IS Haiku Joy?
Ok, the vintage colors make the cake look worse than how your mom probably made it back in the day. But, Jelly? (Actual Jelly or is this like Jello?) either way, no matter what color, needs to stay far away from my cake. Blue or blue-green icing would have been just as effective. ESPECIALLY since as one commenter said, it seems to be all about the cookies around the outside anyway.
Should you recreate this cake in a fit of nostalgia, can I recommend Teddy Grahams for the swimmers? More to eat, and they should still dip well in chocolate.
Also, feel free to criticize Martha Stewart. She has WAY too much time on her hands. Although she may have gone with Teddy Grahams for the swimmers too, and crushed vanilla wafers or graham crackers for sand instead of frosting. Ok, I've obviously made myself hungry writing this.
Love the "So I Married an Axe Murderer" homage! Also, these wrecks are scarier than Harriet's creepy sister.
Jell-O Pool Party Cake - I think the idea is really cute; it's just the color of the "water" that is creeping me out. As others have suggested, maybe it is just how the cake was photographed for the book.
Second one from the top - where are the Mohawk-sporting babies that are supposed to be riding those carrots? Oh, wait, those are not carrots? They're trees? They look like carrots to me.
I'm Australian and I've never seen that cake before nor have I had a cake from that cookbook
Also not offended but to be fair it's not a cake wreck because it wasn't made by a professional bakery, it's designed to be made by home cooks.
As an Australian, I feel it is my duty to be indignant about the pool cake, ripped from the pages of our hallowed tome and dumped here on Cake Wrecks. But.... It's not a very good version of it, is it? I am flipping through the pages of my beloved AWW childrens birthday cake book and the best you can say for some of them is thst iut proves you don't need to be a Master Baker to assemble these creations. They're aspirational? Achievable?
SueBee, thank you - I am going to have that stuck in my head all day now!
The AWW book was for normal regular people to bake cakes for their kids birthdays. It's nothing at all like Martha Stewart. Every single cake in there is a wreck compared to anything made by Martha Stewart or by a professional. That is entirely its charm though. They're homemade cakes, your mum made in a time before supermarket bakeries made decorated cakes to buy and for people who couldn't afford to buy professionally made cakes. That's why Aussies love it so much. Our mums spent a lot of time and love making those cakes and often they looked awful, way worse than that picture, but we can remember every damn homemade cake we had out of that book when all the bland, store bought cakes are forgotten.
Ok, another comment for the AWW Pool Cake.
Firstly, we are less offended than you think we are.
I'm not sure blue jelly (jello) was a thing back then, so it was a case of 'make do'.
It was definitely a coverted cake. I made one (with blue jelly) for my friends 30th a few years ago, because her mum didn't make one for her in her childhood.
And for those who think that cake and jelly don't go together, please try a trifle! Cake, jelly, custard, fruit and cream....love it!
The pool party cake is strictly for amateurs.
It can't be a wreck if someone's Mum made it.
It's not 1970 anymore. Most of the cakes we thought were great then would probably be considered "wrecks" today. Cakes have come a long way. I read several Australian cake decorating magazines regularly, and the bakers seem to be very up-to-date and talented. Get over it. Stop looking for things to be insulted by.
I have the reprinted AWW cake book, my Mum has the original, I have never understood the jelly and cake thing. You want wreck - Google trifle, an Australian dessert, I can't even look at it, let alone eat it!
Frankly, I'm thrilled that, boy, that escalated quickly (John? You didn't throw a trident, did you?). There's way too much time between the yearly King Cake kerfuffles and there aren't nearly enough bunker drills in the down time. This keeps us on our toes.