7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter
April 2, 2015 7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter:
- Those annoyingly cheerful Easter colors:
;)
It's like they managed to bottle Spring.
- Saint Harry's Tinsel Toupees:
;)
"For when your hair hasn't got a prayer!"
- REALLY Bad Eggs:
;)
Drink up, me hearty, yo ho!
(You're gonna need it.)
- Professional Toddler Art:
;)
Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs.
- Mutant Pig Bunnies
;)
Two words: Pork Hops.
For those of you who may bemoan the secularization of Easter:
;)
Now aren't you glad they usually stick to bunnies?
(That supposedly says, "He Has Risen." Even worse, I think the red thing is supposed to be a cross.)
And finally:
- Ewe-Know-Who:
;)
That's some shear terror, right there.
Thanks to Rachael J., Molly R., Lynaa W., Amanda S., Angelica C., Leah R., & Melissa M., who'd like to point out that THIS sheep Voldemort has a much better likeness, but I think she's just potty.
BONUS GIGGLE:
When bunnies play with portals:
;)
"The cupcakes are a lie!"
*****
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Reader Comments (56)
Oh, the horror of the last lamb. Is that a mouth with big teeth coming out the side of its head?
"Me Has Risess?" Is that a religious thing?
Re; Bonus Wreck; "Captain, the transporter is malfunctioning again!"
But where did all the rum go? (I need it after seeing these...)
Oh. The. Horror. So glad i finally spied the "artfully" arranged hooves on the lamb cake as it cleared the perplexing notion of Easter Roadkill Opposum Cake from my thinking. The cross cake could really be improved by landing upside down (icing first!) on a hard surface. From about 20 feet up. Hurled with some force. Driven over by a bus of sumo wrestlers. Yeah, that would fix it.
I kinda sorta really love (and want) the giant cookie.
That last one....from Lamb of God to Lamb of OH MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!
Thank you, Jen, for all the chuckles.
I hope someone didn't buy the Furby hopped up on meth for $4.99. Then, we have the dead lamb and, finally, the half pig/half rabbit cupcake....WTH people! This is EASTER! We want plastic eggs and sprinkles, dangit!
Are ... are those fettuccine noodles on that lamb?
Pork hops!! HAHAHAHAHA!
It took me a minute to figure out that the "teeth" on that lamb are actually eyelashes (at least that's the only explanation I have), but still, WTH?
Especially good captions for a collection of some of the worst ever.
I was actually beginning to admire the hair on the lamb (after holding down my breakfast at the sight of the hooves), when I realized that the curly hair closely resembles cooked pasta.
Yaay, give me a serving of Pork Hops! Snort, she intoned, wiping the tea off her keyboard.
Well, since spring around here involves more mud puddles than anything else, that first wreck is actually pretty accurate... :-)
I love you so much! It's like they bottled Spring! :)
Having grown up on a farm I've seen a few dead lambs in my time and all I can say is...Nailed it!
And yet, these people have the nerve to charge what a kid could do
Easter sushi cupcake, ginger cross and "He Has Risen" in wasabi. Did I guess right?
Did they use egg noodles on that last lamb???
The bonus wreck looks like either Pinky or The Brain. I can't decide which, but I'm pretty sure neither of them is a lagomorph.
I thought the eye on that "ewe" was a mouth with teeth! I am so relieved that it is an eye. But still, horrors!
And the He Has Risen is all done in Christmas colors. Two holidays for the price of one.
Pork hops, indeed. The other white meat. (Please don't sue me, National Pork Board. I have connections.)
$9.00!!!!!!! They're charging almost $9.00 for that cookie with the kid's scribble on it!?!?!?!?
I didn't see the hooves on the lambat first, so my thoughts immediately went to "The Neverending Story".
Why the fuss? Shouldn't a lamb be dead before you eat it?
#7 - Is that Sheep Stroganoff? Is it meant to be al dente? (Yes, I know I'm mixing up my countries. Let's call it a cross-cultural reference...)
Although I'm not sure that it's what the baker was going for, that first cake bears a remarkable resemblance to the spring I see outside my window. It may be all glorious and warm and green down in Florida right now, but here the only thing that cake is missing is the dirty piles of leftover snow. I'm not sure why they have to look like poo, though.
I am sorry - that thing on the cupcake is not not not a rabbit - it is a bat!
On the "He is Risen" cake, I think the words have been piped onto a red arrow pointing up, because that's where things go when they rise - up. Having just cleaned the garden of our dog's offerings that have now been released by the ice and snow, the first cake makes me gag. Hurk.
+1 for the "Pirates Of The Caribbean" reference.
I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say the "cross" was actually their attempt at a fleur-de-lis, which is more ornate and therefore more difficult than a simple cross.
As for the first one, I think it's perfect, except it's missing the message :Happy Easter from Yellowstone National Park. Then it makes perfect sense.
Seeing the lamb cake has scarred me permanently, however.
Great Frith on a cake! These rabbit wrecks resemble a pile of embleer hraka!
The lamb's eye completely missed the mark. If ever an X was needed it is right there. And maybe a tongue-loll. That would make that cake waaaaaay better. Because at least it would look like they intended to make a dead lamb cake.
Well done on the Pirates of the Caribbean reference!
Yup. Took me a full minute to figure out that was an eye with long lashes and not a mouth coming out of the side of that...thing. Reminescent of the transporter malfunction from Star Trek the Motion Picture and the guy who had an ear on his shoulder. Also brings to mind one of the creepy creatures from "Nicholas Knock and Other People" a terrific book of poetry for kids of all ages.
It's like they bottled Spring! is classic. Every vernal equinox I thank my lucky stars I live in BC now and not Ontario where April = spring thaw. Ew.
Hoppy Ether everybodies!
Oh dear, better have my head examined. After puzzling over the Risen cake with the red smearing on it, I concluded the words were "Me Has Rash." Let me just call the psych clinic...
I wouldn't be surprised if they injected raspberry jam in Ewe-Know-Who.
The writing on "He Has Risen" is more appropriate for a horror movie, especially against the bloody red whatever-that-is.
"Pork Hops".... heh-heh!
I had no idea the "mouth-eye" cake was a lamb. I was staring at it trying to figure it out on my own. Then I read the caption and was horrified even more seeing it in all it's slaughtered lamb glory. The ear and the shoulder are what really grossed me out aside from the eye.
"Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs." Haha! I agree, but what do "real jobs" have to do with these? I'll be happy to see these things scooped off the "Last Chance" shelf, and this cakeoliday over, simply for the silence of the wrecks.
@Taptain: That's what I see out my window, too.Spring is really trying, but it's not really here until the last snowman hat is on the ground. =^-.-^=
That first cake must be from somewhere in New England. It's the celebration of mud season!
That IS a mouth. There is a creature lurking under (in?) that amorphous pile of tan ghille suit and those things y'all are calling legs are really the BONES of its latest victim.
We have a lot of running to do here. Yes, run away! Do not walk, do not count to three, do not blink.... just RUN!
Yeah, the dead lamb is an ice cream cake, from a place called I Scream Cakes in St. Louis.
http://www.iscreamcakes.com/
That dead lamb's eye... it was better when I thought it was a mouth with teeth. Now, it's a sunken dead eye. An Open, Sunken, Dead Eye.
With all the icky stuff inside. This is why you CLOSE dead eyes.
and, really? Gross out people for Easter. yay.
The mutant pig bunny looks like it's either terrified or has had WAY too many espressos (or possibly both).
That last... whatever it is... looks like a fruit bat.
Poor Lambchop! What did she ever do to deserve that?
Huh--that lamb's head reminds me of an Icelandic national dish that features half a cooked, skinned sheep's head (eyeballs'n'all) on a plate. I guess during famines, Icelanders learned to eat every last bit of their livestock while also honestly facing what was for dinner. As to why someone would want that as a cake, I'm clueless...
That last "bunny" looks like an albino fruit bat...
Lmao! I knew the lamb cakes were coming. Oh man how I knew. Scary each and every single time they appear too. I wish I could send one of them after the wreckerators who made it. Then maybe they would stop it lol.