The Cake Wrecks Guide To Facebook Unfriending
November 17, 2015 Warning: Adult subject matter. Kinda. Not really.
It's Unfriend Day over on Facebook, a day to sit down, reflect, and finally ask ourselves, "Who the heck is that guy, and why am I friends with him?"
Now, I can't tell you EXACTLY who to unfriend, because I don't know the name of the person who decided stretch leggings are not "business appropriate attire." Still, I can offer you a few general guidelines.
The Over-Sharer
;)
We also don't need to see that weird growth thing on your elbow, Tom.
The Drunk Serial Poster
;)
Nothing says "Mistakes were made last night" quite like a 4AM photo dump of blurry faces, fire hydrants, and the bait-and-tackle aisle at Wal-Mart.
The Vague-Booker
;)
It's mysterious and dramatic and they can't tell you ANYTHING until you give them lots and lots of attention.
The Racist
;)
Sadly I have even more accurate cakes for this, but I'm not posting them.
You're welcome.
That Person Who Thinks Every Onion Headline is Real
[Photo deleted because we finally checked Snopes, and it was fake.]
The Humble Brag
;)
;)
(Via Humblebrag, because I actually tried, but still couldn't make this stuff up.)
The Always-Irrationally-Angry
;)
Often related to All-Caps-McRanty and Extreme-Politics-R-Us
The Creepy Stalker
Granted, we all do a little innocent FB stalking from time to time, but there are sometimes-subtle clues that it may have gone too far.
;)
This is one of them.
And to end on a positive note, definitely keep the friends who post Cake Wrecks.
;)
That's the sign of excellent moral character, right there.
Thanks to Mandy B., Misty R., Candice, Amber J., Gangi, Peggy C., Brittany U., & Brittany T. for being good friends and following us on Facebook.
*****
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Reader Comments (27)
You don't understand
40 is not, if you are
I must unfriend you
I need to have The Drunk Serial Poster cake explained. Just, how?
Adolph Minion. Now THAT'S despicable!
My husband is the McRanty, unfortunately. I can't really unfriend him...
Looks like the paper got folded or something. Probably should read: 40 is not OLD if you are A TREE.
40 is not if you are tree
I believe that's "40 is not f-u-r-t"...
A) It's sad that I can read that.
B) That doesn't make it any less wreckage.
Flirting with the FB censors with that first cake, aren't you, Jen?! I mean, it's not a turkey cake, but it is a racy upside down cactus for sure!
Thanks for the laughs
The Racist : "I have even more accurate cakes for this"… I don't have words to comment this. O_o
And about FB : Maybe the Over Sharer and the Creepy Stalker are friends and made these cakes for each other.
Is the first cake celebrating a vasectomy?
Thank you, thank you, for making me laugh moments after I cried (again). Nobody can ever pay back the weight measured in wiping back tears with a laugh.
Thank you, thank you!
Forty is not old if you are a tree
I really thought the first one was "Over-SHEARER." Which is, ya know, appropriate with the scissors...
@AnonyMe--I had assumed that it was, in fact, in celebration of a vasectomy. Until you asked. Then it occurred to me that it would be funny if it *weren't*. Suppose, for example, it was used to announce Mom's LAST PREGNANCY? Or as a sarcastic "Quit waking me up at 3 AM with your loud parties, neighbor, or ELSE!"
I'm not fond of humble brags, but I actually think that cake is kind of awesome.
The words may say "Sorry For Being Fabulous" but the frosting says "NO I'M NOT!"
OMG, @Anon speaks Wreck! You need to hire him and/or her!!
Omg. Bevause we finally checked Snopes. Lmao.
Hee --- I want more info on that last cake!
The first one is for real a vasectomy cake that a local radio dj posted on the radio stations Facebook page the day he went for the snip!
Could you please link to the snopes article in question? My phone just goes to the homepage.
Thanks!
The vagina cake.. why? Lmao who would give someone a cake like this? I fear the person that did lol.
The Snopes one make me snort out loud. Thank you for that.
Oh my God Cake Wrecks AND Hyperbole and a Half?! DAY=MADE!
Is the individual pictured on Cake #1 just getting a vasectomy? It appears that he's being completely de-balled.
Im guessing the snopes part refers to a dino cake & his supposedly symbolic legs... The dino was cute.
What's the first one? Happy neuter day?
The Humble Brag was not a wreck in my opinion, it's really fabulous (I want a cake with the same colors)