Thursday
Sep042014
5 Kids' Cakes So Creepy They're Actually Hilarious
September 4, 2014 [dramatic announcer voice]
From the wreckers who brought you... Monkey Ball!
;)
Handsy McStrangles-A-Lot:
;)
Bee-Elzebub:
;)
Ham Head!
;)
And this candle:
;)
Comes the most terrifying children's birthday cake of 2014.
She's not here to be sweet.
She's not here to be your friend.
She's here...
["But mooo-ooooom! I want a PRINCESS CAKE!!"]
;)
...for just desserts.
Thanks to Deirdre M., Anony M., Charesse, Tiffany Z., Emma P. (who found the candle in a vintage cake decorating manual), & Angela F. for the perfect princess-craze antidote.
*****
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Reader Comments (89)
The last one is evil. Pure evil.
What do you get when
you cross a tanning booth with
a lobotomy?
Sung to "Once Upon a Dream"
Creepy cakes
I wrecked with them once with buttercream
Creepy cakes, I think the Ham Head wants to kill me
And I know it's true that frosting is seldom what it seems
But the Monkey Ball isn't creepiest of all, it's the princess cake, get it away
Candles are creepy.
Ooohhh! I want sprinkles in my nail polish, too!
Terrifying. I'm dying over "Ham Head!"
It's E.T... in a wig.
I may send this to a little princess-obsessed brat I know...
Those hands are so bad. So So Bad.
These cakes bring me back to my days teaching pre-school. I have such fond memories of gathering together at “Circle Time” to sing these cheerful songs:
1. Five little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and lost his head
Called for the doctor and the doctor said,
“I can’t help him. He’s quite dead.”
2. I have ten fingers
And they all belong to me
I can make them do things-
Would you like to see?
Well that’s too bad, ‘cause someone chopped my hands off...
3. Here is the beehive, where are the bees?
Hidden away were nobody sees
Watch and you will see them come out of their hives,
Oh dear god, what the hell is that??
4. Five little hams in the butcher shop.
Soaking in a pool because it’s hot.
Along comes a Wreckie with a nickel to pay.
She buys a ham and throws it away.
5. Six little ducks that I once knew
Short ones, fat ones, skinny ones too
But the one little duck with the fire on his head
Burned to a crisp and now he’s dead
6. I’m a little princess, see my crown.
Don’t make me angry. Don’t make me frown.
When you least expect it, I’ll come to your town.
Hear that noise? Don’t turn around.
I’m a little princess – don’t mess with me.
I’ve sharp little teeth as you can see.
Just how creepy can a princess be?
I’ll show you now, just count to three.
I think it's here to take my sooooouuuuuuullll...
Hush, little Jay, now don't say a word
Monkey Ball cake is so absurd.
If Monkey Balls just aren't your thing
Mommy's gonna buy severed hands, with a ring.
And if strangling hands don't get your love
How 'bout a big slice of Bee-Elzebub?
And if demonic bees make you want to scram
Maybe Mom'll get you a head of ham
And if ham head makes you say "YUCK"
Here, have a candle... What the duck?
And once ducky melts all over the place
Princess Zombie cake will eat your face.
I'm a nail artist so I actually kinda like the manicure one. It's just unfortunate that the hands are totally severed. I'm trying to figure out how you could add the arms without them looking severed, too... because it's a cute idea, and outside of the unintentional horror, it's actually pretty well-done.
P.S. @bassgirl: check out L.A. Colors nail polish. They have a color called "Candy Sprinkles" that's a bunch of glitter in all the colors of the rainbow in a semi-sheer pink base. China Glaze "It's A Trap-eze!" is similar, but has a white base and more glitter. Finally, my personal favorite, KBShimmer "Oh Splat!" That one always reminds me of a Jawbreaker. Anyway, if you're looking for a candy/sprinkles look for your nails, those are the best options I'm personally aware of. L.A. Colors is the cheapest one.
Anyone else think the third one looks like Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo wearing a bee costume?
"Just desserts." Perfect, Jen, absolutely perfect.
Creepy disembodied hands are disembodily creepy. *shudder*
The poor duckling...tears in its eyes as it waits its impending doom.
Tribble>I totally heard that in my head with the "Malefecent" version. Bravo.
AAAUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH D:
Now we know what horrors would have occurred if a selfish princess had been cursed by a witch to become the beast rather than the prince. (Shudder.)
Any one else thinking crown of nipples? Yup I am cure, no more princess ever!
Is no one else going to ask? Why is ET wearing five elongated tits on his head?
Those hands are so realistic I had to check mine were still attached, but it's ok,I'm wearing chalky pink nail varnish so they're not mine. Phew...
Interesting. The positioning of the "White Cake" label/sticker makes it look as if the cake is sneering; especially with the squinty-looking eyes.
@ Haiku Joy : Huh; I thought the second one was required for admittance to the first. (Sincerely hoping not to offend anyone.)
=^-.-^=
I thought the bee looked like Mr. Hanky too!
@SuBee and @Sharyn: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ...wonderful, just wonderful, ladies!
and I loved the hand cake -- finally, a cake with some polish!
Why is she staring at me? Her eyes follow me wherever I go! Run away! Run away!
@SuBee and @Sharyn, Nailed it!
The right hand on that hand cake is done really well. So well that it looks like it was chopped off of someone's arm and plopped on the cake. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhhhhhh!!
Oh, I am dying! R.O.T.F.L!!!!! Spewing coffee -- the whole nine yards!!
"HAM HEAD" Bwahahahahahahahahaha
And @SuBee -- my dear you have topped yourself, outdone yourself
@Sharyn -- perfect and excellent. I tip my hat to you.
I actually spit cereal at that.
@Haiku Joy ~ *giggle* @sending ~ I have to agree!
@Sharyn and @SuBee ~ Adding to my list of nursery rhymes for the grandbaby. Thanks ladies!
I'll be over here cowering in the corner trying to not freak the frosting out at that princess. O.O
@SAM:That sounds neat! Check out craft stores, too. The one I go to (a large chain starting with a J) has a huge section devoted to what could be considered glitter versions of sprinkles. For my "Summer toes", I put a polish on first, then sprinkle on the "candy" while the polish is still wet. It's fun, and looks crazy-yummy! =^~.~^=
Oh, Sharyn. I used to sing a slightly different version of your song when my baby was a baby. I would just keep adding verses until she fell asleep.
Some nights my version was beginning to veer into your version by the time I got some rest...
@Nytfall420: Yes, I see nipples too. Actually, they remind me of a strange sea plant that lurks at the bottom of the ocean. Which makes them perfect for the crown for this cake.
Awww...someone made a cake for Sontaran # 47, who is fond of things Latin.
Never thought I'd see a Medusa cake. But there she is, waiting to turn you to stone with her poorly executed blue eyes.
How my childhood returns. It *is* E.T.!
@SuBee: I think I would have enjoyed having you as my son's pre-school teacher...
@teresa from Portland: Once you see the Sontaran, you can't see anything else. Good call.
@mel: You polish me off every time, mel.
Anybody else interpret the label on the last cake as a creepy smile?
And that chick is totally a harbinger of Zalgo.
(high pitched scream)!!!
...At all of them.
*Gasp!* We are going to a fairy-tale themed Halloween party this year and I WANT that princess cake! Perfect mix of fairy tale and horror! Although I think I'd add some "blood" to it. Would that make it too Steven King-ish?
OMG, every time I see that cake I think she's sucking more of my soul...
@SuBee: LOL my son just started preschool! If he comes home with those nursery rhymes I'll know the teacher is a Cake Wrecks fan! :D
How terrible is it that I would love to have any one of those for my next party? Just to see people's faces!
That last one is what you would get if somehow Shrek and Elsa procreated. I love it too!!! LOL
*picks up hand off cake #2 and waves it enthusiastically @Jodee* Hi! I missed you, too!
@CreepyTribble, @Subee and @Sharyn: I am totally copy/pasting those in a file for when I have grandkids.
@mel: heehee, I see what you did there.
@Sam and sendingtheclowns: oooh, thanks for the fashion tips!
@DragonBait: It *is* E.T. I kinda want that cake, now. Remove the quintuple breasted squid from his head first, though.
At first, I was wondering why Ham Head was looking down. But, if you scroll just right, it creates a Brady Bunch type split screen with Ham Head looking down at the poor burning duck candle. And smirking.
Am I the only one who read the "Happy Birthday" on Bee-Elzebub's cake in Marlin's Whale-speak voice?
More like Spamhead :-P
Grumpy Angelica Cat?
Is that last one Princess Grumpy Cat??
That last one looks like a Beholder, or the floaty eye-creature from Big Trouble in Little China. I'd buy it just for that reason.
I think the first is a frog
I know a better source for a manicure cake.....way less creepy. Bella Doro on Facebook has it as cover photo. Very Cute.
Tell me that last cake doesn't remind you of the Junk Lady from the movie Labyrinth... http://earnthis.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/pam2.jpg
That last one is what would happen if Hannibal Lector wore a tiara!
Oh man. My 4-year-old actually specifically requested a cake like that hand one. Because a hand on a cake isn't creepy at ALL. I actually went out and bought a creepy hand from the beauty store expecting I'd have to decorate it and put it on a cake. Thank goodness we waited a little too long and she was totally happy with the cake with just flowers on it in her preferred colors. The creepy hand is still in my house though....
If the hands moved, that would be the best Halloween cake EVER! They look so real😨😩😨
As a former preschool teacher, I would have loved to have taught my students SuBee and Sharyn's songs. My kids would have loved them. No worse than "ring around the rosie" where everything turns to ashes. *shudder*