Nah, These Won't Traumatize the Kids at ALL
September 25, 2014 These cakes are all quite nicely done. I'm sure that will be of some comfort to the kids when they're in therapy.
Sock-hop it to me, Audrey R.!
;)
Yes, happy birthday, girls, from Headless Flo and her Tinker-Toy Poodle Skirt of Probable Misfortune. ("Doom" was taken.)
Now, who wants ice cream?
"No, no, Patrick, the dinosaur isn't trying to eat you. He's here to party!"
;)
See? Look at that cute little party hat! It really bring out his razor sharp teeth, don't you think, Selah T.?
Speaking of teeth...
;)
This looks like the aftermath of a fairy-tale massacre, or in other words, a-DOR-able! [sing-song voice] Say, Arloe S., is that middle pig coming or going?
[announcer voice] "Hey parents, are you tired of boring, peaceful birthday parties? Want to add a little more excitement back into the one-year celebration? Then ask for the Dead Elephant special!"
;)
[Kids yelling] "Yay! Dead elephants!"
[announcer] "That's right, kids! Yes, these delectable globs of deceased pachyderms tell the world: this party is gonna be killer!
"Side effects may include screaming, crying, thumb-sucking, sweating, itchy palms, irritable bowel, and a life-long fear of blue animals. Not recommended for children with nervous constitutions or sensitive bladders. Dead elephants are not responsible for any damages - real or imagined - done to your children. Void where prohibited, all rights reserved."
You've got a killer eye there, Andrew C.
*****
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Reader Comments (60)
Soooo, are we not going to mention how Headless Flo also seems to be missing some pretty common appendages at the end of her arms? Ok, then. Moving on.
I can use my imagination on the T-Rex cake and convince myself that maybe the 4-year-old specifically asked for a "scary dinosaur" on his cake. That's possible. And the Three Little Pigs cake, while terrifying, is at least based on a well-known children's story. But what, for the love of all that is holy, is the thought behind the dead elephant cake??
It's dead, Jim.
Are you kidding? My four year old would absolutely love that dinosaur cake.
I'm not gonna lie, I would totally eat one of those fluffy globs of dead elephant frosting.
hahahahahahaha! Hey, at least the elephants actually LOOK like elephants for a change. :-D
Lordy - I nearly screamed at my desk at work when I scrolled down to see that dinosaur glaring at me ... Can't imagine what a child would do. The wolf's not a whole lot better. Good grief!
The headless poodle skirt wearer is weird, but why dead elephants? and when did elephants get to be blue?
SMDH.
Those elephants are executed fairly well for a wreck. They need to be pink though.
Why, why, WHY do people insist on putting lower case "i" in the middle of an all upper case word? And No, I don't think a five year old would be traumatized - much! - by a cake full of dead pigs.
Noooooooooooooo D:
Jodee-You're in my thoughts today.
Amber and Bubbles'- You're in very good company!
They may be a wee bit terrifying, but the grammar, spelling and use of ordinal numbers is correct on each of these cakes. As this is a Wrecky Replay, perhaps we should use this as an example of the decline of the English language in the United States. I think I see a thesis topic here:
Cake Inscriptions as an Indicator of the Decline of English Proficiency in Twenty-First Century Bakeries.
The scary dinosaur is a variation of one in a Wilton Yearbook (cake decorating supplies company). The compilers of that yearbook obviously thought that a freaky t-rex was a good idea too.
Cakes Based On Children’s Books: A Visit to the Dark Side (or, these are really Grimmmm)
The Headless Fashionista (The Tragic Tale of a Young Girl Who Refused to Stop Wearing Her Poodle Skirt and Poodle Accouterments and One Night When On A Date with Her Boyfriend They Got Stuck on the Railroad Tracks As A Train Was Coming and He Pulled Her to Safety But She Went Running Back to Get Her Matching Poodle Clutch Purse and Slipped On the Tracks and Was Beheaded By the Oncoming Train and Then Her Boyfriend Wrote a Song About Her Stupidity and Now Her Ghost Hangs Around the Railroad Tracks As A Warning to Others About the Dangers Inherent In Trying to Retrieve A Clutch Purse From A Car About to Be Smashed Into Smithereens By A Train)
Barney’s Brother, the Psychotic, Killer Dinosaur (A Primer on Choosing Friends Carefully With A Rather Gruesome Example of Survival of the Fittest)
Wolves and Pigs Together: In Your Dreams (A Toothy Grin Will Do You In, By the Hairs of Your Chinny, Chin Chins)
Dumbo Really Can’t Fly and Neither Can You: Try It and You’ll Severely Injure Yourself or Worse (A Cautionary Tale for Would-Be Junior Supermen)
One of the downsides of being a longtime CW reader is that you've seen most of this stuff when it was first posted. So with today. (I had just gotten that dinosaur out of my nightmares, too!) So I won't comment except to say that the elephants remind of the "Pink Elephants On Parade" sequence in "Dumbo".
But why I REALLY posted was to ask:
@Jodee: How's your stepfather? And how's yourself? Remember to stop and breathe, eat, sleep occasionally, too. You can't help your stepfather (the doctors can) but you CAN help yourself. And your family. So do. As Haiku Joy so eloquently put it, "We love Jodee."
I love how even the jacket on Headless Flo knows it's a wreck... "AH!"
Dead Elephants on parade! Dead elephants.... ( squeaky sounding voice) dead elephants.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(Inspired from the song "Pink Elephants on Parade " from Dumbo.)
I kind of like the dinosaur one. I could see a little kid requesting a "scary dinosaur" cake :) The 3 Pigs one, is a little weird but again if a kid likes that story (or maybe s/he likes "The True Story of the Three Little Pigs", told from the Wolf's perspective) it isn't so bad.
I'm really not finding the logic behind that dead(?) (drunk?) elephants one though....
I can't come up with a single good explanation as to why there are clearly dead elephants on a first birthday cake (or for that matter, any child's birthday cake). I just can't.
It can't just be me who noticed the pig cake actually says 'Phillipas'. As in plural. DOUBLE WRECK! Unless the parents had twins or triplets and were just really unimaginative with the names...
I think the parents just want to frighten the kids so they'll run away screaming, and the parents can have the cakes all to themselves.
Otherwise, there are some seriously demented wreckerators out there who are overdue for a review of their therapy and medications. Yikes.
Okay, are those dead elephants composed completely of frosting?
Well, at least they're all well-executed, in buttercream frosting. No fondant to be seen today.
#1> Anna/Haley: Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't LOVE this ca--Oh, wait.
#2}: I've seen this one before, and I can't help but wonder what color's going to come out when...well, after eating all that dark gray..never mind. I'm sure that little Patrick will find it fascinating.
#3/: Because nothing says "Happy Birthday!" like a grimacing, decapitated animal's head....OR! Maybe the wolf was merely playing the fun parlor game of "Let's all get into a vat of milk and bob for pig butts"... (I hear that one's really catching on).
#4\: Oh, they're not dead--!--For Pete's sake...! They could probably/maybe just be really, reeeaally cold (note the blueness)...or really, reeeeaally ...Nah; they're dead. (Upside: more cake for us! Scrape those things off and let's eat!)
=^x.x^=
My son would love that dinosaur cake! I would love to know the backstory behind that dead elephant cake. there has to be one, don't you think? I'll watch more Sherlock then get back to you with my bad-a$$ deduction skills!!!
I am convinced you guys are psychic. I was having a miserable day and I come to your site and what do I see? Perfect cakes for the occasion! Dead animals, headless people, razor teeth. Yessssss!
P.S. I thought the dead elephant cake was fabulous! Of course, I'm a tad weird.
Nobody I know would be disappointed in that dinosaur cake. In fact, we'd probably do more screaming and suffer more trauma if it was purple and singing "I love you, you love me..." - now THAT'S a scary dinosaur!
Ah, mel. I remember that one:
Teen Angel
That poodle skirt,
It got us stuck
Upon the railroad tracks.
I pulled you out
and we were safe,
But you went running back.
Teen Angel, are you stupid?
Teen Angel, are you crazy?
Now you have you're stupid purse,
But your head's in a separate hearse.
the elephant eyes are supposed to look like buttons. Like stuffed elephants.
The dead elephants are a blue variant on the traditional pink elephants ---I've seen the pink ones with the x-ed out eyes (dead drunk, I presume ). Was this the only kind of elephant the decorator had ever seen or knew how to make? Or is that kid SUPER creepy and requested them? Or is his birthday on New Year's Eve, and they thought they could kill two birds with one stone?
I'm guessing the elephants are supposed to be sleeping. Someone put X's on their eyes instead of closed eyelids, or something.
I'm with pretty much everyone else and think the elephants should at least be pink. o.O
Thanks guys. My step-dad had a pretty good night and is actually being transferred back to the care facility he has been living at this afternoon. Between the nursing staff, the nurse practitioner and hospice for backup if needed, we're feeling a lot better about things. He was awake and alert this morning so that was good to see. Thanks for all the prayers, good thoughts and love you guys have sent my way. I've been feeling it for sure! I was able to go home and sleep for a few hours last night and feel 100% better today.
That dinosaur isn't Barney, it's Carney!
Everyone sing along!
I love you,
You are meat.
I am hungry,
come, let's eat!
The last cake is obviously to protest rampant elephant poaching in Africa. Hey, what's a kid's birthday party without some activism, eh? When the child psychologist suggest doing to more child-appropriate theme next year, you can order a cake depicting child labor. "Enjoy that new XBox and pink princess dress, Sarah. Here is a photo cake showing the living conditions of the children who made them. Enjoy!"
*sending crush vibes to TheCreepyTribble whilst still sniggering*
I'm not sure why Cake No. 1 has the initials "AH" on it. Surely it should be "AB" - for Anne Boleyn.
Still laughing at TheCreepyTribble's comment!! :D
I wonder if the older sibling ordered the three pigs cake. Not that I would ever, ever have thought of doing something like that to my younger sibling, noooooo, never ever.
I think the dinosaur is actually cool, and lots of kids would love it. Not all kids are scared of everything! My 2 year old daughter loves skeletons and dragons!
Ahhhh, the cake that started the electric poodle slide dance. The dinosaur that made the birthday boy crap his pants. Then there's the wolf cake with a side of ham. And drunken elephants for a one year old named Sam.... Just to sum things up😏 lol
The three pigs cake also resembles the werewolf from Tooth And Claw, one of the episodes of Doctor Who. Creepy as hell.
I am going to go with the theory that the elephants were alive at some point until frosting poachers got to them...
What's that, sweet precious?
I'm a bit deaf. Come closer.
Even closer. Yessssss.
@SuBee: Yes! That's the one! Well done! Also, can't wait to read your thesis...will it be done on sheets cakes in frosting?
@Camille: nice summary.... :-)
@Jodee: Celebrating your good news!!!
My son would have loved that dinosaur cake when he was 4. Now he is a LOT older and I just made a cake (red velvet of course, for blood and guts) with an alien bursting out of it (from the first Alien movie) to go with the theme of her baby shower. I think their child's future cakes may sometimes be more terrifying than a dinosaur or wolf! I suspect there may be zombies.
Those elephants are gorgeous but I too would love to know the back story. I doubt the 1 year old knows they are dead or if drunk, not dead, would that be worse?
My son would have LOVED the dinosaur cake. T. rex was his hero at 4 (he just turned 26). In fact. "Tyrannosaurus" was the first word he learned to spell, at age 4. So ... lucky Patrick, getting a scary dinosaur cake!
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball....
They're not dead! They are most certainly drunk, though.
I know this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this other guy, who knows this guy's cousin who dated Flo. On prom night, Flo and this guy's cousin were parked in lover's lane when suddenly they heard growling, like a dinosaur or wolf maybe. This guy's cousin tried to drive away, but sadly Flo lost her head. All they found were bloody dead elephants on the door handle. True story.
@Beth-Wiser words were never spoken!
After looking at the teeth on the wolf, I've come to the conclusion that there is a big future in lupine dentistry. Maybe the training will transfer to the t-rex trade if business is slow.
Why do I feel the one year old cake was really for a not-so-sweet sixteen party? They thought "she loves elephants that cake is perfect, let's just make them dead so the cake isn't too childish." I see a six leaning on the side of that cake.