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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Sep232014

Autumn's Equal Knocks

Ahh, fall. The time of year that puts a little nip in the air - not to mention our bakeries!

:D

WHAT.

 

Fall just officially started yesterday, but bakers are already WAY ahead of us:

You can almost smell it, am I right?
The Autumn air, I mean.

 

Oh! And look!

A poopkin!

Ahh, how I've missed those.

 

Plus this business is happening:

 

And this:

 

And can't forget the Unicycling Femme Bots!

Love these.

 

But really, I think this design sums up the season best - which is probably why it's so popular:

 

 

Yep; lazy days and a HUGE pile of... [side eye]

...leaves.

 

Thanks to Mary V., Kate O., Fawn K., Kayte K., Jaimz D., Alicia, Barbara G., Sarah D., & Amy Jo, who can make like a tree, and poop all over innocent cakes. (But PLEASE DON'T.)

*****

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Reader Comments (41)

To be open-eyed,
to see possibilities:
A blessing to curse.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sung to "True Colors"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0KFlbqX8

Don't mean to chastise
But I feel discouraged when
I realize
That I'm not encouraged
On a cake full of pumpkins
You can catch sights of nipples
And the darkness of cattails
Can make your spirits fall.

I see your poo colors shining. Ew.
I see you do pookins.
I guess that you love poo.
You don't seem ashamed, when poo frost grows
And those cupcakes
Those cupcakes are plentiful
On the scarecrows.

Go pipe a pile, then
Don't be unhappy, don't remember when
Your scarecrows weren't crapping
Guess your job makes you crazy
And right now you've shown you don't care
You just frost some up
And put them right out there

And I'll see your poo colors shining. Ew.
I'll see your poo colors
And guess that you love poo.
But I'm too afraid you eat them, though.
Your poo colors
Poo colors are plentiful
By the scarecrows.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Those are supposed to be LEAVES?!?!?!?!

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

Hey bebeh. Don't pretend you're not impressed.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

I totally lost it at "poopkin" and I was NOT on mute on my conference call.

Those scarecrows look mighty proud of their leavings. *smirk*

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Pumptits and poopkins abound
Cupcake scarecrows offend all around
It’s an Autumn delight
I can smell it all right
As I rake up the “leaves” from the ground

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Having seen the fairly popular "Why Starbucks Never Gets Your Name Right" (if you haven't seen it, look it up; it's both hilarious and oddly relieving), I conclude that it's the same answer for these bakers.

SPOILER ALERT:
They're "just f$&@ing with you. We know." Think about it: they are paid low wages and almost never appreciated. For a certain sense of humour, trying to make the customer feel like they're dirty-minded for seeing what they think they see, AND THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES, might be their biggest form of entertainment.
END OF SPOILER ALERT

That said, I'm fairly sure the last design is a scarecrow, but what he's sitting on is beyond me. A diseased pumpkin? A particularly docile dog? A giant Hershey's Kiss? The possibilities are endless, and bewildering.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Never trust a bear with a barbed wire smile...

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Congrats to Erica for achieving regularity! Always something worth celebrating.

And I do love Cake #5, the jaundiced teddy bear scarecrow with braces. Wouldn't be autumn without him.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Holy cow, those are photos of several pooping scarecrow cakes! That means some bakery is TELLING their decorators to have the scarecrow straddle a load of... brown fall icing. Awesome!

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAva

Erica deserves congratulations, she'd been constipated for almost a month...in fact, that's Erica on those last three cakes, proudly displaying her efforts. Someone should tell her that orange is so last season though.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

…And, lucky Erica gets 4 roasting poopcicles by an open fire.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Why</> is the bear's mouth stitched shut!?

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCardboard Groundhog

What is this Fall you speak of? It still feels like summer in Florida.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

(Sung in a Ray Bolger voice)

I could wile away the time
Creatin’ brown poo slime
So good for goodness sake
And I’d make a little pookin’
Fembots would be really spookin’
If I only had a cake

I'd make some pumpkin nipples
It would be rather simples
How long could it take?
With the loads I’d be dumpin’
You will think I’m really sumpthin’
If I only had a cake

Oh, I would make you howls
The scarecrow has loose bowels
I could mold poo ferns for miles
And then I'd make some barbed wire smiles

I wouldn’t be just a decorator
I’d really be first rater
With all the poo I’d make
I would celebrate Autumn
Life would be so very awesome
If I only had a cake

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Ahahahahahahaha :D

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The scarecrow design is indeed the most POOP-ular.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterV.C. Wald

I am currently baking bright blue--yes, that's right, BLUE kind of blue--cupcakes, to be frosted with bright blue icing (which we know from experience with Eldest stains your skin and turns your poo green).

But...

They are for my beloved spouse's BD, and when told that Youngest, having seen the Funfetti commercials on TV, REALLY wanted to make them, he agreed. He's always been a softie for his little girls. So, even though I wouldn't normally think of it, here am I producing severely artificially colored food.

Maybe some of these cakes are like that. The customer (adult) doesn't normally want it, but a little one (or a teenager with a teenage sense of humor) loved the idea, and they couldn't say no. Apparently it happens.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

My favorite is the frosted poo scrollwork. Frosted poo. Now *that* is fancy.

If Erica asked for a corndog cake, they were really close on that one. Corndogs, when the batter is nice and crispy...so perky.

The scarecrows wouldn't have been so bad if not for the crotches full o' poo.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Wow, that scarecrow design sure is "poopular."

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJadeybee

There is nothing like a nicely decorated sheet cake to celebrate the beginning of fall.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

why oh why? is fall all about "huge piles..."

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I'm... not even sure what those airbrushed gray fern things are supposed to be. Weird. Eerie.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjecca

I wonder what Erica did to merit a poopsicle cake!

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Maybe you didn't notice, or I just didn't read all the comments, but that last cake: The scarecrow doesn't really have a head/face, does he? He has a triangle for a head, I think.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLynn Baber

The top one is obviously Pumpkin sperm. And a pretty good likeness too.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterColin

When I first saw the poopkin cake, I thought it was mutant tarantulas locked in mortal combat. But now. . . I can't unsee.

That fifth cake is so cute I don't even care if it's a CCC.

But those scarecrows. Is that pile really supposed to be leaves? I'd never jump into THAT pile!

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Why are those scarecrow sitting on a pile of poo cakes even a thing? I feel like I'm missing something really important here.

Yesterday pretty much sucked but today made it all better because we got to hear the itty bitty baby heartbeat!

@mel ~ I was on the other side of the gym, too. I never got asked to dance and was never brave enough to chance asking a boy when the roles were reversed.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Please channel Richard Attenborough:

Here we are watching never previously seen footage of pumpkins mating. It's a little known fact that pumpkins only breed in the autumn. Cake #1 shows the female pumpkin developing attributes to attract male pumpkins (males are the same the world over*). We can see that cake #3 is the male cake with small appendages preparing to mate with the female. When the pumpkins are ready to mate, the male releases brown semen and uses his tentacles to fling the little brown sperm towards the female - as shown in cake #2. The words "Congrats Erica" are for the female pumpkin, Erica, as she prepares for pregnancy.

* gratuitous generalisation

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

@Jodee: sorry yesterday was not so good, but glad today is better -- hearing an "itty bitty baby heartbeat" can have that effect... :-) and about the dance...it's amazing how traumatic those supposedly fun-filled events actually were...apparently for both us guys and you gals....

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

At first glance on the facebook update I thought the poopkin was a mutant spider gone terribly wrong! But then my curiosity won out and I got here, saw the rest of them and strangely it all made sense.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda S.

ewww, those piles look like what we see in the road after the bears have been running amok at night.

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Dowson

Those scarecrows must eat plenty of fiber

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobin W.

How were they able to make their poop ripple like that? (#4)

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaula Helm Murray

Yay! My name on a cake! Wow, I've had too few name cakes if I'm envious of a cakewreck!! ;)

September 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica Strang

I actually just saw two squat little pumpkins on the first one until I read the commentary. At least they aren't overloaded on frosting like the dog cupcakes for two.

I see I'm not the only one who saw burnt corndogs on the second cake. Nice to know I'm not the only one here who doesn't go straight to poo.

I'm with you on the third cake. That certainly looks like something my dog deposited in my garden.

The fourth cake is almost beautiful. If nothing else, you have to give the decorator credit for trying something different for Autumn...and for avoiding anything that might resemble poo. Or deranged teddy bears. Or whatever that scary thing in the sixth photo is...

The scarecrows are weird. I can't help but wonder what the instructions claim the brown lump is supposed to be. I like that the decorators tried to hide it with sprinkles.

September 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

Lol now I wait with baited breath for the yearly turdkeys and more boobkins. Halloween is coming and I am sure there are more horrors to laugh at lol I just know they are waiting to be found.

September 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Cake #4......to quote the "Princess Bride"....Dear God, what is that thing?!

September 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten

@ Jackwire... sheet cake. NAILED IT! Bwa ha ha ha haaaaaa...

September 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

The barbed-wire faced teddy bear actually is kind of cute, but what is that in the center of his "chest?" A Barbie purse? An elf? And the black "buttons?"

September 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Oh.... My...... Glob...... What...... I just........ Wow.......

October 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChubbyBudder

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