The Colors, Man. THE COLORS.
September 18, 2014 Three words, bakeries:
Mandatory Drug Testing.
I mean, I'm not saying anything - I'm NOT - but I'm just saying.
;)
It's a butt. That sprouted a face. With pigtails.
Any questions?
Because if not, *I* have one:
Why is this cake trying to slap me?
;)
"Up high?" Yeeeeah, I think someone's high enough, thank you.
I should mention that none of today's cakes are special orders, btw; they were all found hanging out in the regular display case, like it weren't no thang, chicken wang!
;)
Aaaand now I will never use that phrase again.
Hey, you know that thin line between genius and insanity?
Yeah, we crossed that MILES back:
;)
I call it, "Surrealistic Post-Modern Plastic Flotsaminism."
OH BOY!
These cookies taunt me, you guys. They taunt me with their smug presence, defying rational explanation and blowing virtual raspberries in the face of all common sense.
;)
Plus they won't stop staring.
Of course we can all debate the merits of bakery drug testing, but in the end, it is the bakers themselves who get the final word:
;)
Ahh, excellent choice.
Thanks to Jen & Jake, Steph H., Jeffrey A., Cinthya F., Sarah S., & Lauren L. for giving us something to squack about.
*****
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Reader Comments (73)
what in the world are these things?
that third one down defies description. can't imagine putting that out in a bakery case for sale.
Those cookies are following me... make them stop.
On that first cake, at the bottom, are those its feet, its breasts, or a front butt? On the butt that sprouted a face.
What is the shape of the cookie cutter that was used to make the smug, irrational, taunting cookies?
Was it a fleur de lis? A dragonfly? A 1928 Travel Air 4000 biplane? I just can't picture it. I searched, and nowhere did I find a Smug Irrational Taunting Face cookie cutter.
I know one of you out there has the answer.
Help
Jaw dropping horror
Mouldy penile chicken cake
Where's the bathroom please?
Sung to Splish Splash
Squick, squack, I was taken aback
I hope Butt Face Pigtail’s all right, yeah
Hand? Glove? What’s that ‘sposed to be of?
Thinking that the baker’s not bright.
Well, I saw that chicken wang
Beheld Mickey’s galore
Those staring cookie things
Made me dash for the door
And then, squick squack
I’m still taken aback
How’m I ‘sposed to know
The kind of drugs the baker’s on?
SuBee: They used the cookie cutter upside down: it's a male genitalia with c*ck ring cookie cutter. I'm sure you must be able to get them on Amazon.
I think the weird cookies come from a fleur-de-lis cookie cutter. I give them some points for trying to find another use for it, but still nightmare-inducing.
Ok, I think the third one is supposed to be a turkey or chicken? And that is a drumstick instead of.....not a drumstick. I can only say "squack" to that!
"Squack" is now my favorite word. Thanks for the much needed chuckle this morning.
Everybody wang moon tonight! ..that is what cake 3 represents, amiright!?
Squack to all of my CakeWrecks friends!
So, maybe I'm just a total perv, like a porn star, or a thirteen-year-old boy, but I thought that the bottom of cake #1 looked more...testicular...than butt-esque.
The face cookies will haunt my nightmares! They are wearing jaunty purple berets, however, for a touch of panache.
Is that supposed to be a ...rutabegga... in the veggie cake?
@Rachelcrazymum, love it!
I think the yellow hand cake is a "high five", but the decorator wasn't sure how to spell congratulations...
Cake 1: Introducing Captain Underpants’ arch-rival: Butt-Man!
Cake 2: “And don’t you kids lay a finger on that cake while I’m gone.”
Cake 3: A not-so subliminal reminder from the National Council on Health about Thanksgiving eating: enjoy the bountiful harvest, but don’t over-eat and be a dick….
Cake 4: A hallucinogenic dream in which three Mickey’s swim through a sea of white stuff toward a pearl necklace around a metaphorical Minnie’s neck. I think it’s dirty, but I’m not sure.
Cake 5: I defer to @Rachel CrazyMum’s response to @SuBee….
Cake 6: Exactly!
These cakes transcend wreckiness into awesomeness. Especially those staring cookies.
You got to hand it to the imagination of some of these bakers. Where others might see a simple arrangement of cupcakes, others have the wisdom and wit to see . . . that first thing. And a sort-of-kind-of Mickey head thing. It's inspiring. To say the least.
The cookies? Little toucan heads wearing berets? Scottish voters with their tams, looking to see which way the vote will go?
Sorry, I got nothin'.
Before I read the caption for the staring cookies I was asking myself why Skrat was wearing a purple acorn hat. I also think I'm a little glad that I forgot my glasses at home today...
....wha????
Squack is definitely an excellent word!!! Can we start our own dictionary? Please?
@Sharyn-<snort> I sang along the whole time!
Am I disturbed? You guys be the judge: My first coherent thought this morning after coffee was "I wonder if CW has ever had cakewrecks that looked like car wrecks...a truly wrecky post? So the first thing I did was google "car wreck cake images"...you can find ANYTHING on the internet!
@Rachel CrazyMum-If indeed the Smug Irrational Taunting Face cookie was made with an upside down
Ring Bedecked Male Genitalia cookie cutter, what's the pink wattle-like thing supposed to be? I'm still tormented by this.
Uh that first one reminds me of something other than a butt.... as for the rest-what ARE these people on??
I think if you put the perverted, demented cookies on the Squack cake, they might make sense.
I looked at fleur de lis cookie cutters. Um, no, unless the frosting is obscuring most of the design. I think RachelCrazyMum is right. I do not, howver, have the intestinal fortitude to search this. Especially after seeing these cakes.
Those last cookies with the stares-Are they supposed to be chicken heads wearing berets? or is that a purple pickle on their heads?
Thanks for putting some curiosity inducing pictures into my day.
The staring cookies remind me of Beaky Buzzard (from the old Looney Toon cartoons) on some kind of uppers.
For those who don't remember him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mKIuZ4tIzk
Cake #1: @KA: If those brown things at the bottom are its breasts, then this cake needs some support. As well as all the unsuspecting customers.
Cake #2: We're always saying that bakers should recognize their limitations. Give this baker credit for KNOWING he/she didn't know how to spell "Congratulations" but wanted a celebratory cake. On the other hand, there ARE such things as dictionaries....
Cake #3: Jen's phrasing reminded me uncontrollably of "WHO DA MAN?!?" Embarrassed silence. "Yeah, I'm never using that phrase again...."
Cake #4: This is for a child, who upon being told that the family plans to go to Disneyland/World, but NOT RIGHT NOW, has Mickey on the brain. The ears represent the iconic hat every child (and many adults) get upon going. (There are five in my home right now, and I only have two kids...)
I'm surprised nobody saw that; sheesh.
Cookies: I got nothing, thanks to @Rachel's explanation. Before that, I saw strange Russian men in turbans (hence the big red alcoholic nose) whose eyes followed you around the room. But now...I'm even more disturbed.
Cake #5: Okk-aaay. A duck to his wife after wandering home late at night from drinking with his buds? Otherwise, I got nothin'
As a side note, is anyone else somewhat bemused by ios8, finding it awkward and a bit overeager to type your words for you? Thank you, Apple, I can compose my own entries; don't need your "suggestions". And some of them are downright weird....
That taunting cookie is made with an upside down princess cookie cutter. Can't you see it? The puffy sleeves, the updo...
Squack: the new drug of choice among wreckerators?
' Wow , man........... far out . '
Flamingos in ski caps? indelible image...and now purple is no longer a favorite color
Bwah, my favorite interpretation so far of the demented cookies is @FM's -- the Scottish voters! Bwah!!!
Excellent post today, and I'm snorting laughter at the comments as well. Possibly my favorite ever.
I, too, am tormented by these cakes. It might ease up if I could figure out what they were supposed to be. Those of you going with poultry on the moldy cake are very, very generous. That, or I would love to see the chickens and turkeys where you live, because I've only seen the standard models.
SuBee, after reading his recent interview regarding his alcohol intake, I've realised that the upside down ring-enhanced male genitalia cookies are Gerard Depardieu: note the jaunty beret, the 14 bottles of wine eyes and the nose. See?
**I would like to clarify that I am not mocking alcoholism, I know it's a dreadful disease. I am, however, mocking the cookies
Is the Squack cookie from Washington or Colorado? Just wondering, because, reasons...
I share the work computer with our morning receptionist so I'm not going to risk looking up those cookie cutters. I really don't want to have to answer questions from my 77 year old British co-worker about the adds that would generate. O.O
@mel ~ Ok, that one made me blush ;-)
These are perfect for my day since I'm sick and squacked up on cough syrup and medication!
#3- too funny. and SQUACK---- WHAT??!!
I'm thinking the cookie cutter is a fall leaf (think oak leaf) cutter turned upside-down. The stem is the pointy part of the beret and the nose is the central lobe of the leaf, with the eyes being on the left and right lobes.
@Rachel CrazyMum - my dog is quite distressed by my laughing/crying fit over your comment!!
Clearly #5 is a group of Thri-Kreen wearing jaunty caps.
The cookies may be made with maple leaf cutters, and decorated by someone who has never seen a tree before.
Hmmm... The cookies. If you close one eye and squint real hard with the other, they could ALMOST look like Phineas' head.
Almost.
I think most of them are on about their ninth year of trying to get an equivalency diploma
The taunting cookies look like birds from Alice in Wonderland cartoon movie.
The cookies look like Kevin the bird from the movie "up"
I think the cookies are made using the Wilton Comfort Grip Maple Leaf cookie cutter upside down.
OK I think the third one down was trying to be a cell. I can kinda make out mitochondria and such... kinda... like a 5th grade science class end of year cake?
Oh god.... Lord why? Why? What are those things staring at me? Judging me as if I have committed the crime of creating them. Sigh... granted the cookie cake thing that says SQUACK says it all because that is what I did with the water I was trying to drink while laughing- btw it's how Jeff Foxworthy describes snorting water all over the place when laughing.
That third, ah, cake?, looks like an autopsy gone wrong.
At first glance the weird cookie things looked like some unknown sea creature, similar to a squid. The last one helped to clarify things -- of course, they are rare Giant Squacks!
Don't know if anyone thinks the same but - if they make these types of mistakes... do you really trust their baking skills? Such as "add three eggs".... do they remove the shells? Hehe.
(pulls out guitar and starts strumming)
I've seen fire and I've seen rain... I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I never thought I'd see WHATEVER THE HECK THOSE COOKIES ARE S'POSED TO BE! The End.
I thought the cookies were made from an autumn leaf cookie cutter?
But Bass Girl, not being able to spell congratulations never stopped them before. Why stop now?
Well I liked this page until today. My cakes often turn out better after a small toke. Mandatory drug testing? You might as well just shut down all food establishments.
Did you ever stop and think maybe these people are just idiots? Don't put the blame on pot. This is just laziness.
This is the last time I check out cake wrecks. I'm out.
[Editor's note- Hi Lorien, I have to ask: do you really think we were making some political statement on drug use in bakeries? They're funny looking cakes on a humor site and they look like they were decorated by someone high as a kite. That's as far as our thought process goes on this. There's so much to be offended by in this world that if a funny cake site is bugging you, maybe this isn't the place for you. Best -john]
Anyone else fear that the hand cake was (urg) the actual decorator's hand that she traced with icing.
Instead of drug testing, I suggest the icing bags be kept in a locked container that requires facial recognition software to open. Only cake decorating grads who made an A on the final exam get their faces scanned and stored.