Friday
Sep122014
Pipe Dreams
September 12, 2014 "Okay, Tiger, you can do this. It's just an engagement cake, nothing to be afraid of.
"Here goes..."
;)
"Steady... steeeeady..."
;)
"Perfect!
"Now to finish up the delicate vine-work on this wedding cake."
;)
[grunting]
;)
"This next one calls for 'Cornelli Lace'. Huh."
;)
;)
"NAILED IT."
And for my piece de resistance, a magical Cinderella coach for the bride and groom's table!!
;)
WITNESS THE MAJESTY OF MY CREATION!
;)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
HAHA!
Heh. Aheh.
I should probably go back to the deli now.
Thanks to Jenna P., Jade C., Catherine C., and Vanessa S. for letting me play with clipart again.
*****
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Reader Comments (52)
The last one - is it a cake or a handbag? whatever, I think the golden pipe cleaners add a majestic touch.
Maybe it's supposed
to be a Coach handbag, eh?
No, that's not better.
With apologies to William Blake
Tiger, Tiger, you can't write
With blue frosting piped on white
I'm afraid you're not the guy
To pipe on vines with symmetry.
Though I don't want to chastise
Perhaps red "lace" wasn't wise
Your coach cake does not inspire
Maybe you should just retire.
"I should probably go back to the deli now."
Okay, look...that guy up there in the slide show? I need to know where that freak WORKS, or I will never buy as much as a can of peas from that place.
And, if we're playing a guessing game here, my guess for the orange blob in the last photo is: It's a toaster that has been covered in a layer of pureed pumpkin...(for the "realism" factor).
The third specimen looks more like crime scene than a cake. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd drawn a chalk line around it before slicing it.
It's a pity that the cartoon-wreckorator has no nose; he can't tell how much his decowrecking stinks!
=^-.-^=
Do they do drug screening? If not they should....
Haiku Joy took the words right out of my mouth. I was thinking, "Oh, clever pun there Jen, Coach handbag, ha ha ha. Oh. Yeah, That wasn't a pun."
Magenta tapeworms!
How majestically wriggly
among blanched roses.
Quick Takes on These Mistakes
The cake’s a mess;
Spelling, not so grand.
Was the piping done
By Edward Squigglehand?
Jumbo flowers
Lookin’ fine.
And I love the green stuff…
It’s di-vine.
Cornelli lace
Or horrible blooper?
Looks like it was done
By Freddie Kreugar.
I’d love to eat more,
But I’m really full.
Now it’s time to watch
The Hot Wheels Pumpkin Pull.
Bwah ha ha ha ha...coach handbag!? Love it!!
Why, oh WHY does the vined cake look like there are fleas among the vines?! Eeewwww!
The lace cake looks especially veiny! Ewwww...veins are grosser to me than fleas!
Oh veiny cake wreck
What irritated your eye?
Red angry sclera.
Important: on the "delicate vine-work" ants or sprinkles...ANTS OR SPRINKLES?!?
That one cake look like it was cracked by a earthquake!
Oh, it's all about the pipe cleaners. Nothing says class on a cake like pipe cleaners. And for that extr-y special touch, go with the metallic ones. Fancy!
Thanks @HaikuJoy, for helping me along with my diet. Blearch...
Oh my gosh. Oh. My Gosh. I just saw that the coach is being pulled by dune buggies. How could I have possibly missed that? So I revise my earlier statement. Class is all about metallic pipe cleaners attached to dune buggies. I just have one question. Where are the Bud Light cans?
When the manager asked "Can you pipe?" The baker thought he meant smoke and thought, "Heck yeah!"
How do these "professional" people even think that the public should pay for those messes????? There's a lesson to be learned to order a smaller cake as a trial run.
It really makes me and my husband glad a friend made our cake. Simple with some flowers added. Tasted great! While it wasn't perfect these make ours perfect in comparison.
i laughed through the whole viewing!
@ AngelaS:(" Where are the Bud Light cans?") : Where's your head at, girl? This-here shindig just cries out fer a keg (or 3), and not that sissy "light" crap, neither. Maybe there'll be another day for "Pipe(Cleaner)Dreams" cakes? =^-.-^=
Geeeezzzz,,, nobody ever told me that Cinderella's coach turns into an orange toaster when it's off doody (wink wink).
"Magenta tapeworms" . . . I mean, really, Haiku Joy! Yet one more haiku about magenta tapeworms?? There are so many traditional Japanese haiku on that subject-- you could have chosen something more poetic. How about:
Ropy, spider veins . . .
hmmm. No.
I've got it! Ahem:
Rosy nematode,
Squiggling, writhing on a cake,
Parasitic treat.
Whaddya think? Capture the majesty of haiku and cake? And worms?
An orange ball for a coach, with the wheels embedded in the sides of the coach ABOVE the ground, and pulled by two min-dune buggies. @mel, you got it right: Hot Wheels Pumpkin Pull, indeed. Although those dune buggies will explode before they move that pumpkin.
John, you really should play with clip art more often!
A pumpkin coach driven by… go-karts? Golf karts? Lunar karts?
I remember my first Weoing cake. Such fond memories...
@Haiku Joy ~ Saving diets across the land! (with a little help from Jen, john (thoJ), mel and Jodi!)
@Just Andrea ~ I'm so very glad you're back. I've missed you!
@AngelaS, obviously, the Bud Light cans are inside the toaster...er...coach purse.
Oh wow...I just noticed that the veiny cake is topped with colored calla lilies!
Context is everything. If that "coach" with the pipecleaners had been made by a young relative of the happy couple it would be charming (still funny - but charming). The fact that someone paid a "pro" for it.....words fail.
It's the golden toaster award! I wonder what they did to deserve that.
@Sharyn, @Haiku Joy, @mel, & @Jodi: standing ovations all around!
I wonder if the "Coach" mold was on purpose, or if… nevermind. I have to admire the Hot Wheels, though!
the William Blake poem was brilliant!
Hot Wheels and pipe cleaners? Seriously HOT WHEELS and PIPE CLEANERS!?! That's like, " I'll just decorate this cake with whatever crap I can find in the junk drawer..."
ACK!
Have a good weekend people. Stay out of the junk drawer.
Sharyn - pure genius (unlike these bakers)
OH AngelaS... you had me giggling. Its DEFINATELY missing bud light cans!!!
Coach handbag: Golden Arches
Freddy Krueger? Heh. My dog's name is Krueger. Not Freddy though... just Krueger. Though I guess that could have been done by a dog.
What I find mind boggling is the vine-work is an attempt to cover up something else that looked worse.. Knife scrapings would have been better.. unless that's what they were trying to cover up. This is a case where *nothing* would have been better than *something*.
Looking at the "cornelli" one and then I am thinking.. are those *real* flowers... did they put *real* flowers that are POISONOUS directly into a cake?! O.O
With that third wreck, I can't help but wonder if the happy couple looked at it and thought 'Oh my God...its terrible.' or 'Oh my God...its perfect!'.
It just seems so deliberate. It really could go either way.
Well, at least I learned a new term: Cornelli Lace. Had to look it up to get the full impact of wreckery.
Thanks @Juice318.
FM, I liked your haiku too!
I got so distracted by the line drawings of the "artist in residence" that I almost missed the cakes. I kept thinking the guy was made out of licorice whips. the thought certainly made up for the work on the cakes.
Was that first one made by Hagrid?
Those aren't dune buggies. Those are sprint cars. I had no idea they even made toy sprint cars. Why they're pulling a coach is beyond me though. Wow.
Hey, wait a minute! I can't be the first one to see the phallus on that "pumpkin coach cake"....right? ...Guys????
@TLC : well, there might be a chance if at midnight the pumpkin turns into a coach.....
@juice318: thanks!
@GingerSnap: hahaha...but I think as Freud said, "sometimes a set of wheels and a door is just a set of wheels and a door...."
Thank goodness they put the sprig of cherry blossoms(??) on the coach-ster. That really adds that much needed touch of class.
Is it just me, or does it look like there are little ants crawling up the vine-work?
I think that first wedding cake is supposed to be a joke. It looks just like Harry Potter's 11th birthday cake. See? http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080509015738/harrypotter/images/1/1e/HagridBirthdayCake.jpg
I'm so glad Shauna has already pointed out the coach is being pulled by sprint cars, not dune buggies. Yes, they do make toy sprint cars. If you're interested in some, contact the National Sprint Car Hall of Fame in Knoxville, IA. Can't see the numbers, but it looks like Tony Stewart and Steve Kinser's paint jobs.
As someone who works in a grocery store bakery, "I should go back to the deli" is truer than you think. Once when I was out sick for a week, that is exactly what they did. Now we had another decorator who did the complicated cakes--but they pulled a teen from the deli to do what they said was "simple" cakes like trim and sprinkles with some writing. And for some reason management couldn't understand why so many people were pissed at the cakes they received.
Yup, ants, came with the flowers and decided the sugar vines were more delicious.
I think the yucky bits on the vine work are from a
piping tip that wasn't cleaned properly. They get
a sort of rusty greasy gunk on the inside.
It's just so much more appetizing now.