You Won't BELIEVE How Desperate These Click Bait Headlines Are
May 13, 2014 No matter how I rail against our Facebook overlords, the truth is we really depend on the traffic we get from my daily updates over there - even with FB only showing my posts to about 6% of you. :/
So to make the most of it, John keeps pushing me to make my Facebook posts more "enticing."
;)
Success!
(Anna M. made her own princess castle homage. Day = MADE.)
(Though I must admit, Anna, those candles are making even ME uncomfortable.)
I only have so many headstrong castles cakes I can post, though, so I did some research on what kinds of headlines get the most attention. Here, you guys tell me if I'm doing this right:
5 Huge Mistakes You're Making Right Now That Will Probably Kill You
;)
Mystery Code Unlocked, Incredible Hidden Message Revealed!
;)
One Weird Trick GUARANTEED To Make You Lose Eight Pounds Overnight:
;)
Baker Gives Entire Graduating Class The Finger
;)
Shocking New Discovery: Did Leo Kill Himself?
;)
You Won't Believe What's Under These Skittles:
;)
(I still don't.)
Benedict Cumberbatch Gets Frisky, Drops Scarf:
;)
So, how am I doing, guys? Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments; maybe I'll get some post inspirations out of 'em. ;)
Thanks to Anna M., Jodie G., David D., Harri, Tim R., Ashley, Laura R., & Josh R. for the excuse to post yet another of those bizarre scarf cakes.
*****
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Reader Comments (87)
Make $6000 a Week Wrecking from Home!!!
The Skittles one looks like a round of brie that had something go amuck!
Sorry, that IS a round of brie (I just read the sticker on the package). What has gone on with that is a mystery.
This New York Mom is Making $$$ at Home Posting Comments on Snarky Dessert Related Site.
Skittles and Brie together? Yuck. I love the headlines though!
Real bakers HATE this trick! You can make your own Cake Wreck using 3 simple ingredients!
or
10 Ways You Never Thought to Use Skittles!
Keep 'em coming, Jen! Er... well, you know what I mean.
Yup, graduation finger.... that's totally where I went with that bow tied phallic looking object.
Thank you Jen, now I feel inspired to make my own penis cake! Apparently it is more common than one might think...on accident(?) I think I would be sad if a cake I made ended up on Cake Wrecks - unless of course, it is a penis homage cake. Stay tuned Jen ;)
Sung to "Teddy Bear's Picnic"
If you go out on the Web today, you're sure of a big surprise
If you go out on the Web today, they're offering you great buys
For every link that ever there was, is making pitches for you because
Today's the day the web sellers hope you'll click 'em.
Every pitch that there is to see is sure to be good today
There's magic pills that towers can take before they go out to play
8 things can kill you sure as they please, and hidden codes will all contain 3s
'Cause that's the way the link baiters make you click 'em
Link bait time for dieters
Bad natured bakers are all flipping a nasty sign today
Did poor Leo kill himself? I hear he thought there was no other way.
See the skittles lie about
What's under them, no doubt
Would give you an awful scare....
Bad clicks will lock your system and sadly you'll realize with dread
You won't know why Ben left his scarf there...
If you go out on the Web today, you're sure of a big surprise...
Yay Benedict Cumberbatch! This made my day!
Bunny- tribble hybrid of DOOM
Well, I think you've covered all of them, except for one:
"Easy, Fast New Way To Cure Erectile Dysfunction", which I could see Cake #4 being used to demonstrate.
Jen, you have a Dong-a-Thon - for those who feel, err, 'inspired' by recent posts. You could probably make a an entire week of posts out of it, too =D
Just a thought...
Writer Guillotines Self, Lives Long Enough to Smile About It.
I'm not sure what kind of birthday celebration would require a guillotine, much less one where it seems as thought the victim released the blade on themselves.
Brie and skittles, yum.
A joke for the graduation finger cake(cause it kind looked like something else to me.)
Two girls are walking home at night when they see a man in a kilt passed out in the road. One girl says I hear they don't wear anything underneath, I dare you to look and tie your hair ribbon around it. So of course the second girl does. Hours later the man wakes up and feeling something strange looks down there and smiles. I don't know where you've been he says, but I see you've won first prize!
not on my newsfeed yet...instead I get another copy of the "Share this and Bill Gates will give you money" *eyeroll*
I would much rather see Cake Wrecks!
I'm not on facebook, so I have no comment about that. I AM on both of your sites every day of my life. That counts, doesn't it?
Aren't those peanut m&ms? I swear that I see little Ms on a few of them. Not that it makes the brie any more appetizing. Urgh. If they are skittles, they are the lumpiest skittles I have ever seen.
"Doctors hate this blogger for her secret weight-loss trick!"
@Sharyn --- love it girl, love it.
You have been summoned to court on May 14, 2014. Details are tucked into a zip file (open right away omgzors) hidden within each cake. If you fail to show to court, you'll be subjected to Cake Wreck Horrors for the rest of your life.
Conversely, I have hidden my 30 million dollar estate within one of these cakes but I need a bank account in which to place my savings. I'm willing to give $3597.41 in exchange for your bank account and SS numbers so I can deposit the cash.
Liz,
That's part of a song called "The Scotsman" my husband used to sing it for Freshman choir members in his college choir days. (All the upper-class choir members had a "special" that they sang for new members every year, that one was a favorite.)
Can I "recieve" an "SRocker" too?
I used to spend hours on this site (bed rest). Now that I have an infant it's a bit more difficult. I'm just waiting to see my sons 1st birthday cake on here lol.
Everything You Thought You Knew About Decorating Is Wrong!
Baker Gives Entire Graduating Class The Finger - Or the Penis?
Next to last cake:
"DO YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU ARE TO A MAJOR PLUMBING DISASTER? WHAT COULD BE PLUGGING UP YOUR PIPES"
(And I love that Anna M. is wearing a Teefury shirt that says, "Never Tell Me The Odds" I know this because I have one, too.)
Brie and Skittles? a pregancy craving dream?
Ok... The graduation one with the cap and "diploma". ...... Ummmm, first thing that came to my mind was that the diploma/finger looked like a penis with a karate belt
SKITTLES. On top of BRIE? With jellylike/applesauce?
I think the Dong-a-thon and the Erectile Dysfunction cure can go together: Dong-a-Thon cures ERECTILE
DYSFUNCTION without prescriptions. Just keep up the wreck site. You have a fun site. And I always look at desserts in the bakery with the phone's camera on and a practiced eye.
Yes. A "finger" is what the baker gave them, haha ;)
I, too, am perplexed by the birthday guillotine. Especially if it is not a long-haired male, but a female losing her head on Neil's cake. What the what?!
Stop the boat! In what universe are skittles an acceptable topper for Brie!?!? Even if the mega mart person who assembled this depressing atrocity had no idea what Brie was (which I'm assuming is the case)... What could they have imagined it was that would have coupled nicely with... Goo and Skittles? I want to apply reason to this insanity, but it just... Defies logic.
"You've been eating Brie ALL wrong!" Take this quiz to find out what kind of Cake Wreck are you?
I don't get the Benedict Cumberbatch joke. That looks nothing like an otter.
Looks to me like the baker wanted to give the graduating class something, but it didn't look like a finger to me!
BTW...you didn't happen to get any other pics of Cumberbatch dropping more clothing, did you? ;)
I actually was paid to make a penis cake (no, not for a bachelor party!) but for a urologist for his birthday. They actually wanted it to, um, stand up from the cake so it was placed on top of the sheet cake with mini cupcake "testicles" and toasted coconut...well let's just leave it at that. I had to transport the whole thing with the plastic window cut out of the bakery box and a red solo cup taped to cover the "member". I actually looked like the pied piper by the time I got to the doctor's office because everyone I passed wanted to see the cake because they all knew what had been ordered (except the recipient). It was hilarious. He then turned to me and asked if I could make a "hoo ha" cake for his partner the gynecologist because "your work is so anatomically correct!" (I'm also a nurse.) I politely declined.
1- yikes
2- ouch
3- ????
4- uh oh
5- not a finger
6- oh dear
7- ew
8- wha??!
Are you sure that baker gave them the finger? That looks like a penis with a scarf to me...
. A wedding must have.. guillotines
Clearly you need a "what cake are you?" Quiz.
Which Cake Wreck are You?? Take this quiz to find out!!
A whole brie with a thin layer of orange marmalade on top, baked until the brie is runny is absolutely delicious. My mom used to make it for an appetizer a lot. The mistake that store made was putting a visiting 5-year-old in charge of adding the fruit topping.
I'm not a big FB user but I do know that news programs consider the frequent use of the word "exclusive" to be essential for attracting users. Maybe it will work here too. Just a thought.
What mystery item allows you to eat all the cake you want and still lose weight
There is oh, so little that embarrasses or offends me, and I usually just chuckle when I see something that comes close. But...I cannot believe that first woman presented that to her - a? - any? - child. Good God, that birthday would scar me.
You're a master link baiter (I couldn't help myself).
Skittles and ooze
Sitting on some Brie
D I S G U S T I N G
"Ten Things Women Hate in Bed!" and "Six Things Men Want in Bed but are Afraid to ask for!" Also, "Lose Belly Fat With This Amazing Food!" or the ever-popular "Invasive Species Alert: Is Your State Next?"
Or my favorite that I can't resist clicking on: "Cute Animal Pics". Or anything with "Maru" in it!
The Grad cake with the "Finger" reminds me of the Toby Keith song "Brand New Bow" I remembered it was your birhtday so I got you the same old gift with a brand new bow!
18 cakes that will make your mind explode. (number 16 will make your jaw drop).
10 secrets to loosing weight eating nothing but this one secret ingredient. (cake of course, Jen)
You'll never guess what this baker did to get fired.
10 cakes that will blow your mind and leave you speechless
These 9 cakes of your intestines and ovaries guaranteed to make you throw. up. all. day.
Making obscene amounts of cash doing this simple secret with buttercream. It will make you go wild.
Secrets of the bakery unveiled in these 10 quick images that will change. your. life.
Secret cake messages that even the smartest bakers won't know... (I bet you can't guess number 6).