Dolly Wants To Play
April 9, 2014 There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.
Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)
Don't... make... eye contact...
;)
All tucked in, and ready to kill.
"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."
;)
"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."
Note: This next cake is not to scale.
;)
Usually the pacifier is much larger.
Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?
;)
It is? Poor taste, huh?
...
Ok, what about its head?
...
No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.
Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....
*****
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Reader Comments (47)
i LOVE babies, I just can't eat a whole one
New BABYCAKES, the breakfast cereal from Uncanny Valley!
You'll never want anything else for breakfast again!
Reminds me of the Jonathan Coulton song "Creepy Doll".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgfklKnOg4w
Sung to "Hello Dolly"
Hello, Dolly. Gotta go, Dolly.
Though I'd like to have a snack, this is SO wrong.
Are you from Hell, Dolly? I can tell, Dolly.
Eyes are glowing. Danger's growing. Flight instinct is strong.
I feel the room swaying, so I'm not staying
Gonna back away so slowly, way back, then. Ooohhhhh
What the crap, Dollies? Why not just take a nap, Dollies?
I'm never eating shower cake again!
AAAUUUGHHHH D:
Ironically, the watermelon was the most appetizing part of the entire post.
I knew it! I just KNEW it!!! Babies DO come from the watermelon patch!
On a more technical note, these cakes are unrealistic (as well as scary) because no parent in their right mind would EVER let a newborn sleep with a blanket or pillow!
Beautifully done cakes! But. Just. So. Wrong.
All right, Number1, fix it. Make it so! (Or I'll have nightmares for my birthday.)
Nothing goes better with creepy doll cakes and a creepy song than a creepy doll poem. This is “The Dolls,” by John Ciardi.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176397
@Sharon: welcome back!
@annie nickels: hahaha...reminiscent of a remark attributed to Robert Bloch, best known as the author of "Psycho" -- " I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk,"
@SuBee: storks everywhere are crying....
Ew! Ew! Ew! Like you, baby dolls have terrified me since I was a small child. In fact, they are truly the reason I decided I never ever wanted to have children! (Well, that, and when I first smelled a dirty diaper.) I have held true to my resolve all my 46 years. Yep, no kids here, because they may turn out to be like a creepy baby doll!!!! These cakes are terrifying.
These cakes are not wrecks, but fine works of art. Demented,demented art.
Dolls Just Want to Have Fun (sorry, Cyndi)
I wake up in the middle of the night
And see those dolls and it gives me a fright
I don’t feel like a fortunate one
‘Cause dolls, they want to have fun
Oh dolls just want to have fun
I start to cry in the middle of the night
My father yells, hey, just turn on your light
Oh daddy dear now I’ve become undone
‘Cause dolls they want to have fun
Oh dolls just want to have fun
That’s all they really want
Some fun
When your waking day is done
Oh dolls – they want to have fun
Oh dolls just want to have fun
(Dolls have fun
Wanna have fun
Dolls
Wanna have)
I think I’ll take these creepy old dolls
And hide them away from the rest of the world
I want to sleep and wake to the sun
But I can’t if these dolls want to have fun
Oh dolls just want to have fun
That’s all they really want
Some fun
When you’re waking day is done
Oh dolls they want to have fun
Oh dolls just want to have fun
Dolls have fun
Wanna have fun
Oh dolls
Wanna have
They just want to
They just want to
They think it’s fun
To make you come undone
They’re having fun
Dolls just wanna have fun
Dolls just wanna have fun
Cake #1: "Bakers" need to understand that attempting to create a bassinet in cake form will invariably look like a casket interior instead.
Cake #2: At least baby #2 is not as creepy as baby #1. And I'm kind of digging that frosting blanket. You couldn't pay me to eat any of it though.
Cake #3: Don't all parents place their babies in queen size beds and surround them with giant-sized baby decorations? No? Guess I better go remodel the nursery.
Cake #4: Was this an attempt at a traditional Tahitian costume? I have no other guesses.
Why/ WHY?!?
Horrible, just terrifying. My niece has one of those lifelike baby dolls. I'm afraid to be alone in the room with it. I'm going to be looking over my shoulder all day. Thanks. :)
While I agree all of those dolls are creepy, there is yet another important point to be made. Why would I ever, ever want a child's toy and all it's associated germs to be part of a cake? Are they going out and buying brand new dolls for this? And even if they are new, why would you want it touching the frosting, that's ruining the best part of the cake with plastic flavor and doll hair!
Rock a bye baby iced in a cot
Don't look in their eyes or your brains they will rot
When you're not looking they'll come to life
And sneak up behind you with the cake knife!
Sweet dreams, everyone!
Yeah, there's a reason Alice Madness Returns has dolls and doll heads as a motif. Creeeeepy.
Speaking of creepy... y'know, inedibles go on cakes and even in cakes all the time... but when they're supposed to be humanoid, that just leaves me to wonder what one is supposed to do with the icing that's on the umm areas. It kinda seems weird, even though intellectually, you know the doll can't feel it. (Or at least, one would hope...)
I guess if you really don't want to waste it, you wait until the guests have gone home, steel yourself, and as the saying goes, "go to town".
I'm sorry, but that Cake #4 looks like a sacrificial altar to the watermelon gods.
In case people aren't creeped out enough:
Creepy Doll by Jonathan Coulton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgfklKnOg4w&feature=kp
Nyperold - what an image you have left us with. Hubby and I are fighting for air from laughing so hard. A terrible joke would be to ice a "patch" of baby poopie colored frosting just before placing the doll. ;). Where's that oxygen tank, honey!!!
@ mel and Rachel CrazyMum: Hahahahaha, well done!
A couple of those were really well executed; unfortunately that doesn't make them any less creepy.
"I'll have a piece without so much arm in it."
Well, ya gotta have taste (in baby dolls) to have a *chance* to pull this off....
TheCreepyTribble wins the internets today. Meep.
Those are some serious piping skills going on with the first cake. Put your finger over the zombie doll face and check it out. It's too bad those skills were totally wasted on a cake that terrified the guests.
Baby with 3 color pyramid head is also mystifying
It's interesting that all of the cakes featured diaper pins when nobody I know even uses them anymore. *I* didn't use them on my (now) 11-year-old twins. I've never SEEN them anywhere, in any of the baby sections I've been through (and I still to this day buy baby wipes, because they are massively useful). So are they just part of a traditional theme, like grooms WILL go to a strip club for his bachelor party whether he wants to or not (mine took me with him, which sorta peeved one groomsman but everybody else thought it was OK).
I don't think I am ever going to sleep again. Too afraid the last one will gnaw through its frosting tethers, free the others, and go on a killing spree befitting a B - rated movie.
What a perfectly horrific post for my return from vacation!
@mel ~ Spot on, sir! I was totally dancing in my seat and singing along!
Now to get all caught up on the last week of posts I missed while I was enjoying sunny(ish) San Antonio!
The perfect accompaniment would be Jonathan Coulton's Creepy Doll song.
Is that... TP... on a cake?
2nd photo - I'd swear the "pillow" looks like TP or paper towel...
All I can think is:
"Why is there a watermelon there?"
"I'll explain later."
@E. Anne: Thank you; I'm glad you enjoyed it.
@SaraCVT: Yes, I think diaper pins now are more symbolic than representational -- I don't think a strip of adhesive would be as "cute." However, my mother used diaper pins, and I've got the scars to prove it...(the first kid gets practiced on a lot....)
@Jodee: Thanks! (I was, too....) Welcome back, and I hope you had fun on your vacation!
Anybody else thinking of X-Files episode "Chinga?"
"I want to play!"
"Let's have fun!"
You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around....!
'Cause that's what this post is all about.
It was NOT a good idea to read this post at 9:45 pm, even though I will not be going to bed for several hours. But I am at home alone, and have been on the healthcare.gov phone line for more than 2 hours with no end in sight. . . . .which is terrifying enough. But now I have Creepy Horror Babies to think about.
That first one. . . . (Shudder). . . . .I wouldn't even wish that on Chuckie.
There's not enough frosting in the world to make this better. Must. Resort. To. Alcohol.
Eeeeek that first cake baby has a haunting stare lol. Beautifully done but that doll just keeps me running away. At least these aren't belly cakes.. those would scare me.
What is wrong with people who are afraid of harmless little baby dolls? Didn't any of you play with them as kids?
Shanti, you wonderful freak, you beat me to it! Always good to run into a fellow Blue Blaze Irregular!
Your Pal,
Storm
(Team Banzai Codename: BIG RED)
Is it "wrong" that I lure my 18 year old daughter down the toy aisle in hopes of a "Baby Alive" talking to her and causing her to get totally creeped out and bolt from the store???? :/ Didn't think so....
Demented art. *gigglesnort* Well done TheCreepyTribble!
All I can hear is om nom nom babies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd2rBWbvDbA
(said in best cheesy TV Announcer voice)
Look at this baby - it slices! It dices! Babycakes comes with all different colours of frosting blankets and flavoured cake caskets, and all for the low low price of $29.95. And if you call RIGHT NOW, we'll throw in some diaper pins, a giant pacifier, and a watermelon. That's right, a $35 value for only $29.95. Operators are standing by to take your call. VISA and Mastercard are accepted.
*We are not responsible for nightmares, indigestion, or bleached eyeballs or brains that may occur as a result of using this product. This product is not recommended for children under the age of 3. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, seizures, and death. Ask your doctor if BabycakesTM is right for you.*
Heather hit it right on the head: most of these look like they are in caskets or lying in repose. Or maybe they were hit right on the head.
Did anyone else think the cribs (especially on mega-pacifier cake) looks more like a coffin? Ca-reepy!
Oh my goodness. Why are all of them in coffins? :( They're not just creepy dolls - they're creepy dolls in coffins. :( Especially that 3rd one.