Flotsampoowreckitis
March 11, 2014 Do you frequently need to abandon your work for sudden emergencies?
;)
Are your trips to the beach often cut short?
;)
Are you perplexed by the constant trail of crap that follows where ever you go?
;)
If the answer is yes then you may be suffering from Flotsampoowreckitis, or FPW, a common condition afflicting literally millions of plastic cake toys.
While there is no cure, FPW is nothing to be ashamed of! Why, just look at all these celebrity toys living loud and proud with THEIR frosted poop piles!
;)
"I tell everyone it's the grease in 'greased Lightning.'"
;)
"Then she was all, 'Can YOU say 'sexy?!'"
Even Merida knows being ashamed of FPW is just horse... rocks.
;)
So brave.
So don't turn your back on Flotsampoowreckitis, flotsam!
;)
Embrace it!
;)
"Oooh, commmmfy."
Then you, too, can move on with your regular duties, knowing life won't pass you by!
;)
So go on, cake flotsam: get out there, and embrace life to the fullest.
;)
And just, uh, try to ignore all those giant turds beside you.
Thanks to Anony M., Laura N., Heidi T., Melissa C., Alex M., Miranda H., Cassandra M., Paula M., Amber G., and Chera D. , who are still giggling over "regular duties." (No? Just me?)
*****
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Reader Comments (50)
Sung to "Embraceable You"
Embrace it, your sweet's embraceable poo.
'Cause face it, it's irreplaceable...
Ewwwwwwwwww.......
Constant trail of crap -
what once was metaphoric
is now real, so real.
Oh no...what is tigger doing to pooh? Piglet looks to be the only one concerned about the sewage spill.
((Ring!Ring!)) "Hello? I'm calling about the 'found' cat? Yes, yes! He IS that color!...Tags? YES-that IS his name! Oh, I am SO happy!...Excuse me--what? He's been...WHAT? Oh, wait--I'm afraid I made a mistake...I lost my DOG! ThanksAnywayBye!"
=^-.-^=
Well I, for one, embrace the poo every day. Excellent advice.
Was I the only one who thought Merida's cake said "Happy 7th Psiahday Molly?" Maybe it's just the time change.
Am I the only one who thinks the caption to the second-to-last one should be, "Then you too, can move on with your regular doodies?" Just me? Okay then!
I saw that last cake in person at my little cousin's birthday last month! Either someone else at the party agreed it was wrecky (I didn't have my camera), or it's following a formula. The sad part is that the trees actually look pretty good.
Giggling at the care bears snuggled all comfy in poo.
These cakes were decorated by the Old Regular Baptist Bakery.
I heard this entire post in the voice of Dan Aykroyd
Well, I, for one, am one, am truly disappointed. Towel Day and no mention whatsoever of Vogon poetry? Not a peep of Eccentrica Gallumbits? Or Zaphod Beeblebrox? From one of the truly geekiest girls on the 'Net? You, ma'am, are no hoopy frood.
Life--don't talk to me about life.
Maybe it's just because I'm on Day 7 of being sick, but actually. only the second cake looks remotely like something I'd want to cut and eat -- poo pieces removed, of course. The rest, not so much.
And poor Molly. That cake is just unrecognizable. As for me, I'll stick to the plain stuff, thank you very much.
But it was worth it because I got to start my day with Jen, Sharyn and Haiku Joy! What could be better?
Glad there's enough poo on the second cake to hold up the surfboards. Gives new meaning to the expression "hang loose." Guess he's just a beach bum.
Ok, I just officially grossed myself out.
I'm guessing the ones in the top two are supposed to be... driftwood?
The worst is when you just can't come up with what else they might have been intended to be, no matter how much you strain to do so. (Pardon the choice of words.)
That's just Tigger's usual pounce, folks. He does that to nearly everyone in the Hundred-Acre Wood. It's friendly, albeit annoying for some. Well, one, at least.
Ha! My six year old son just said to me, "How come every time I look at the computer when you're on it, I see those babies riding on carrots?" I guess you could call me a loyal reader. ;)
Jen, John, Sharyn, Joy, wreckie contributors, commenters, I love you guys. Poo Fearlessly!
@TLC: My goodness. It sounds like you need some TLC. Feel better soon!
Don't people LOOK at the cakes before they declare them ready for sale? These look like they were done by blindfolded decorators on a dare.
The Care Bear one is especially ridiculous because they could've made the poo piles white and then they'd be clouds.
Hehehhee
Ohmygoodness! Thank you SO MUCH for this post! I'm teaching a basic cupcake decorating class to some friends on Friday and I was going to be emphasizing the importance of selecting a piping design appropriate for your frosting. Today I was going to go through the CW archives for some examples, but now I can just use this entire entry! Yay for laziness! And for planning poop jokes in advance!
Hee hee. You said duties. Hee hee.
Forget the poo, I'm more concerned with Pooh (as in, what's Tigger doing to him?!)
"Then you, too, can move on with your regular duties, knowing life won't pass you by!"
Regular DUTIES? Or Regular DOODIES?
Poor Care Bears trapped in puddles of poo.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that saw Pooh and Tigger and scrolled quickly past before their horrible terrible dirty mind started acting up... O.o
Ohhhhh ... so THAT is where Pooh Bear got the name!!!
(SarahCVT: join me in a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?)
Can someone please tell me what the 3rd one is supposed to be? I think I see Woody (The Toy Story character! Get your mind out of the gutter!), but no matter how squinty I make my eyes or how I tilt my head I can't figure it out.
As the parent of a girl child (2 of 'em actually!) who watched The CareBears Movie multiple times (a day!) I'm pretty sure the clouds they float on are white. I understand how difficult it is to actually find WHITE frosting. Actually, I didn't know it was so difficult until I came here! Thanks CW for letting the world know about this apparent shortage!
@SaraCVT HAPPY TOWEL DAY!!! No one mentioned Vogon poetry because the tragedy of the wrecks PLUS the depression of hearing Vogon poetry would result in mass suicides for the fans of CW here. And frankly, it's too beautiful of a day to hear Vogon poetry, however, I will compliment you on your towel, it is quite lovely, is that mauve or dusty rose on those flowers?
To everyone else, have a froody day!!!
@rolypolyducky and @VBeach Alemap: Meet you at Milliways?
People, Towel Day is May 25th, you're a little early!
Vogon poetry, you say? Thanks to the Vogon Poetry Generator, as you wish...
See, see the Wobbly sky
Marvel at its big poo brown depths.
Tell me, The Grand Jennizzle do you
Wonder why the Hyena ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel Grumpy.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your Glongledang facial growth
That looks like
A Old cheese.
What's more, it knows
Your Futtocks potting shed
Smells of Aphid.
Everything under the big Wobbly sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm farts.
You're welcome ^_^
I see what you did there . . . "your regular duties . . ."
@SaraCVT- J'nnnannn Tonnnixxx for the house!
Some of these decorators should have been in my class in culinary school. Our teacher specifically cautioned us about making sure our desserts didn't resemble excrement. Rule #1: don't use a round piping tip with brown frosting!!! Also, when we were making cream puffs, she would watch us pipe the dough and then say "it's pate a CHOUX, not pate a POO!"
I've made most of these character cakes in my decorating days and its really not hard to make a rock look like a rock and not poop. Seriously bad judgement on the Care Bear cake why not just use white frosting?! ugghh
@Sharyn: Thanks to antibiotics, I am feeling better. Am about to go to the gym and walk a bit before my back commits mutiny from all this sitting around.
And my son's birthday hoodie finally came today. He dropped everything at work to come over and get it. He was so happy -- I got like nine hugs! So I got my TLC.
http://belovedshirts.com/products/nebula-hoodie
And yes, this is every bit as cool as it looks. It was worth every penny and the six-week wait.
What, why!? I mean how have we never noticed this before. How do you explain this to your kids. I mean it's one thing to shove a plastic toy on a cake, another to be like you know what this needs poop, and how the decorators not think this looks weird
?!
I figured out the first one - it's a poorly done CCC (ptooie) version of the Wall-E cake below that also didn't get plastic characters. Why on earth did anyone think that was a good thing??
Clearly someone didn't read the "Poohsticks" chapter and misunderstood the concept entirely.
Lol!! Poor Pooh. He can't escape from Tigger who looks to have the runs. Yuck. Pooh can't escape the poo trail and neither can I cause I can't stop laughing.
HEY YOU GUUUYYYSSS!!
@Sun is quite correct. I had somehow gotten the idea that Douglas Adams' birthday (which this DEFINITELY is) was also Towel Day. Turns out it's not. That is, in fact, May 25, as she said. So to all who responded to my innocent but still WRONG post, let's change the theme of the party to hoist our variously-colored drinks in his memory. And have another party in a couple months.
Hey, any excuse for a party, right?
And to john and Jen: I apologize. You are indeed the hoopiest froods in all the universes--how could I have doubted you?
To @Sun: thanks for correcting me. I would not be a good and proper geek if I couldn't admit my mistakes and wise up.
I'm still locked on "greased lightning" -- talk about a most excellent euphemism!
The absolute MOST DISTURBING THING about the Care Bear cake is not the fact that the bears are sitting in poo, but that this is a cake for an 18 year old!
Ummm...don't you mean "doodies?"
Thought so.
But Amy, even if it had the plastic stuff for WALL-E, it's still poo covered, isn't it? Because, when I saw the 2nd one I thought, "Ah ha! Wait? No! Even though I know what it is, it's still wrong!".
;)
Well, did you really think the game got named "Pooh Sticks" just because of his name?
#8 has me stymied....
Is it really this person's 18th birthday, or did the bakers typo that from 8th? Because, frankly, I don't know of anyone over age 8 that would want Care Bears on their cake, or do Care Bears have some sort of "brony"-like following now?
And even if the age is correct, why does the rest of the message say "Herppy Biuhelay6" ?
Well I guess at least it's semi-educational; Now when someone asks "Does a Care Bear go in the woods?" you'll know the right answer!
Drat. I laughed so hard my nose started bleeding. This is the SECOND TIME this has happened to me while reading Cake Wrecks. Jen, I'm sending you the cleaning bill if I ever get blood on my shirt due to your reckless hilarity!
"Full steam ahead," indeed. :)