The Great Turkey Uprising
November 25, 2014 My friends, have your past turkey cakes failed to rise to the occasion?
;)
Did they fall flat at inopportune moments?
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Or did the mere sight of your turkeys give guests a sudden headache?
;)
Well, not this year!
This year, bakers are erecting new and improved turkey cakes guaranteed to satisfy!
Your turkey will stand taller:
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Serve more:
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And keep those dinner guests coming!
;)
Plus stay extra moist!
So forget all those disappointing performances of the past, and get ready to be extra thankful this year:
;)
"Well, howdy, pilgrim."
Thanks to Zach C., Sara G., Rene R., Colleen W., Mia M., Mike L., Marty G. & Danny R. for the fowl play.
Important Note to Bakers: Pssst. Guys. Remember to put a face on it, so no one gets suspicious, mmkay? Mmmmkay. Thanks.
;)
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Reader Comments (37)
Warning: If your turkey remains erect for more than four hours, contact a baker immediately.
The inner 12 year old in everyone is about to be unleashed…
*giggling and pointing*
Regarding that last fine, upstanding member of society: it really doesn't need a face; it already seems to be pretty happy to see us. =^-.-^=
I don't think I want to keep my guests coming... No, I KNOW I don't want to keep my guests coming.
Gobble, gobble...
It's interesting to note that at least one of the founding fathers was not pleased with the choice of the bald eagle as the symbol of our fledgling nation:
"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly…For the Truth the One Eyed Snake is in Comparison a stand-up guy, and withal a true original Native of America... He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Tallywhacker of Courage, and would not hesitate to despoil a Grenadier of the British Guards were they wearing a fetching frock paired with a charming red coat. “
Benjamin Franklin, 1775
Y'know, I saw a turkey cake at Hannaford's the other day that actually LOOKED like a turkey and not a... Ahem. I was amazed - and slightly confused. How did they manage THAT? Now I think of it, I've never seen a wreck in their showcases - and Lord knows, I'm always looking for one! I'll have to look for a store with a less-competent decorator, I guess.
No. 2: "Damn! Forgot my Viagra!"
No. 4: That looks too much like diseased pooh to be appetizing.
No. 7: Meet Mr. Wankey, the Pilgrim Penis Pooh. Mr. Hankey is jealous.
OMg sharyn XD as for the cakes are they BLIND?? How do they not see?!?!?!?!?!
In my head canon, Jen just sits and waits gleefully every year for thanksgiving and the inevitable influx of phalluses disguised as turkeys so she can unleash all of these excellent double entendres.
No! No, no!! Do NOT put a face on it.
That thought makes me want to become a nun.
Yum! I just love a cake with icing.
Outside of all this phallic poopiness I just came to the realization that you can't even tell most of these frosting monstrosities have any cake to them- completely without substance! As the red queen would say, "off with their heads"
This is what a turkey looks like: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_(bird)
We've gotten so far away from what a turkey actually looks like that we now just make vague shapes and colors and say "Look! A turkey!" So if it actually resembles, er, something else, who is surprised? At this point, people could put anatomical models of body parts on a cake and say "Look! A turkey!" and we'd just nod. And then gobble it up (snicker).
@TLC: Nice one bringing South Park into this! Totally works!
@SuBee: Your first post reminded me of Wedding Crashers where Vince Vaughn's character *ahem* came at the table! LOL
I think the bakers are trying to help people who want "wealthy but aggravating Great-Aunt So-And-So" die of shock at the Thanksgiving table! But the joke's on them. Great Aunt So-And-So is indestructible so the prank will only get you written out of her will just in the off chance she doesn't outlive you all! Best stick with the pumpkin pie. ...Just be careful how you squirt the whipped cream...!
For some reason I want to put on some sad Sarah McLachlan music and do a 3 minute PSA for the ASPCA to end the suffering of the terribly abused feathered poo wangs.
If you see colors like that around your cock, see a doctor immediately.
Last Cake: Mmmmmm......spam icing.
@SaraCVT ~ I just snorted in the most unladylike fashion. Thanks for that!
My daughter (the one currently growing my grandson!) told me today that she wants to make something different for Thanksgiving this year. Maybe this post will give her some ideas!
Is that Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ... or are you just happy to see me?
That last one needs a sound track consisting of a trumpet blast: ♫ TA DA ♫
the Dutch have a saying about the next to the last one. It's "Drol met een hoot op!"
Translated.... Turd with a hat on!
At my local chain grocery store bakery the other day, I swear they had a *turkey* cake on display right next to a sperm balloon cake. I was going to take a picture, but I didn't think I could keep a straight face!
Gosh, it's Pooh Wang time again already? My how time flies...
What's with the red dot on #3? I think he might have a bad case of herpagonorhchlamidasyphilitis...
The third one looks like someone took a dump on a pile of leaves... Just sayin'...
That 3rd one looks like a bigpiece of poo with balls. LOL!!!
Have you seen the cakes they are making to look like roasted turkeys? Ugly! Especially with the bright orange spray icing...
i wish we had thanksgiving in Australia just for a turkey cake and laugh when the guests gobble it down.
Are they turkeys or are they "turd-keys"?
Well I know Thanksgiving is coming due to the fact all the turdkeys and poo wangs are out and about in bakeries lol. Thank goodness I bought a pie instead otherwise I think that the hubby and I would laugh ourselves into a coma if we got one of those cakes.
When they have a turkey on the table and a turkey cake on the table, do they ever cut the cake when they intended to cut the turkey? Just wondering.
selkie,
Do you mean like these?
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/11/23/the-turkey-aftermath.html
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2013/11/25/oh-the-turkeys-are-screaming-alright.html
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2009/11/10/a-real-turkey.html
Jen's seen them all right and, thanks to her, so have we all.
Q1: Why would someone make these?
Q2: Why would they then put them up for sale?
Q3: Does anyone actually buy them ?
Q4: Does anyone actually EAT them?
Q5: Does anyone have any Pepto-Bismol?
<urp>
Do you ever wonder is there any cake under all that icing? I wonder too.
Is that a turkey cake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
.... oh turkey sad bakery box turkey #2, its ok... its happens to everyone at some point.