Bring the Sledge Hammer, Miley
January 24, 2014 We're flawed, you maimed our hearts in vain
;)
Pink lumps - never gonna fly.
The gist is, well... you just can't spell
;)
We're cakes no one's gonna buy.
Don't you ever say, we'll sell anyway
;)
I don't have any legs.
I can't tell a lie: you used too much dye
;)
Smiles will always haunt you.
;)
You came in and you wrecked us all!
;)
And now we're just so hard to love!
;)
All the kids who see us start to bawl!
;)
Why'd you have to make us
wre-e-ec-ky?
;)
Yeah, you wre-e-eck meee!
;)
Thanks to Andi C., Cheryl F., Gemma J., Dylan S., Karen B., Ann L., Mikayla S., Nicole H., Ruth B., Lesley W. & Apryl K., who managed to find an updated cake of Miley's new look:
;)
(Hey, Miley, cake got your tongue?)
PS - If you're looking to listen to the real song for comparison, I highly recommend this video. (NSFW, but so, so funny.)
***
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Reader Comments (59)
Before I could scroll down far enough to see that the last cake was supposed to be lips and a tongue, I thought the cake was depicting Miley's twerking butt.
I was wondering why she was holding a smiley face between her knees...
That's just mean to start Friday with that dumb song in my head
Still better than the real thing :P
It took me until the VERY last line to realize what the song was. I feel proud because of this.
Wow. Those cupcakes in photo no. 8 show exactly how I feel today. But I don't want to eat them.
Who thought anyone would ever eat that towering, black mess? YUCK.
So, Ron: Is Firty the new 40?
And I love the spaghetti hair on Miley. Much better than her tongue or her twerking. Which autocorrect keeps trying to change to tweaking.
Nothing's up my wig.
Now watch the mic carefully.
Presto-chango-whoa!
It's "fun" to click on the photos sometimes. It enlarges them, and there's a thingy at the very top edge that tells something about the photo! I just found out that the green thing is an "alligator", and the yellow-headed cake is called "creepy baby"! I'm going to check the rest of them out. =^~.~^=
Best.Post. E. e. VER!
White writing over white background… O_o
Crying butterfly… O_o
Rabbit poo on cupcakes… O_o
What are these wreckarators smoking?
From Miley’s diary…
To Twerk, or not to Twerk, that is the question –
Whether ‘tis nobler for the career to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous comments,
Or raise a foam finger against a sea of critics
And opposing end them? To Twerk, to dance –
No more; and not to dance, to say we end
The Achy-Breaky Heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
My fans are heir to? ‘Tis consumerism
Devoutly to be wished. To Twerk, then grind –
To grind, perchance against Robin Thicke; Aye, there’s the rub,
For in that Twerk and grind, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off that magic stage
To shocked applause. There’s the respect
That gives popularity so long a life:
For I shall bare those lips and tongue of mine,
My opponents are wrong, the fans they look at me,
With pangs of love, so the more I play….
I’ll gladly bare my bod, kin (what would Robin bare?)
To Twerk and grind in a celebrity life,
But that the dread of nothing after fame,
That unbearable state, from whose bourn
No celebrity returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us really like the life we have,
Than act like others you’ve never heard of.
Thus Celebrity does make Twerkers of us all….
omg omg omg…. THAT VIDEO!
Thank you.
I never realized that there even WAS a video until I read Fluffy Cow's post! THAT was 30 seconds of my life that I'll never get back...(and yeah-I know; the video is 2:44 minutes long, which says something about my MTL (Miley-Tolerance Level). ;-p
SuBee: bwahahahaha
The Midnight Writer: bravo, sir, bravo *wild applause*
Is Miley wearing a bustle with a sideways belt? I like to think that instead of front butt (yesterday's Mario) she has a case of side butt going on.
Once seen, it cannot be unseen!
That video....aaauuugh! My Eyes!!!!
I like supermarket tabloids for one reason: they give me something to laugh at while I'm in the checkout line. And this week, one of them (I don't remember which--"Star"? "People"? "Us"? "Empty-Headed-White-Chick"?) featured this very same Miley of which you speak prominently on the cover, she of the twerking and the ultimate in embarrassing adolescences. And the caption was "Dumped Again: What Is Wrong With Me?!"
Really?
You are seriously confused about why no dudes want to be seen in public with you on a consistent basis, let alone take you home to mama? Sigh. You've got a long way to go, baby...
@StriderGirl:
To be honest, most of the time I forget that Justin Bieber IS Canadian. Someone that offensively entitled and arrogant is usually American. To our shame. I KNOW that Rob Ford is from Toronto (he being the mayor and all) but considering the humiliating politicians we've had (Anthony Weiner leaps to mind--still can't believe that's his real name) I tend to sympathize with his constituents, who must be MORTIFIED.
No, when I think of Canada, I usually think of Great Big Sea, Tim Horton's, my many friends therein, "Republic of Doyle", and good music. You're good. ;)
@The Midnight Writer:
That was highly hilarious ("highlarious"?) I was nearly killed at "Aye, there’s the rub"! L! O! L!
=^~.~^=
I am proud, (PROUD, I tell you!) to not have recognized the song, nay even the singer. Alas I am at work so I can't partake of the link to the video (I'll have a look later) but I am happy to be unable to contract ear worm to haunt my day. Never heard a song by 'her twerkiness' - at least not knowing who was singing. It's like those magazines I see at the grocery check-put (People, US etc.) I have NO IDEA who most of the folks spashed across the covers are, never mind about their cheating, baby daddies, death-defying recovery from sure-to-be-fatal illness and other assorted foibles. I prefer ignorance to having that stuff stuck in my head.
As for the cakes....who thinks a giant black cake that looks as though the baker used their fingers to spread the icing is acceptable for public display? Ewww.
EW.
And the 'aligator'? Looks like road kill but it's missing the tire marks.
What I really want to know is are those grey-green creatures on the cupcakes supposed to be turtles? (I'm guessing the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety.) They look like something a grade 1 class modelled out of plasticine.
Tasty.
Ah well...I haven't seen plasticine in years so maybe the children won't have that comparison to make. I still don't know if that would make these any more palatable however.
Happy FRIDAY weckfriends! Hope you have a fab weekend!
Egad! I forgot all about congratulating the Midnight Writer for their stupendous effort! [insert wild cheering]
Third down Is Fifi Forget-Me-Not. Not only does she have no legs, but they've not given her her blue petals round her head. Poor Fifi!
Is she wielding a killer trowel????
I have intentionally not watched that video. I intentionally change the station when that song comes on the radio. I intentionally checked CW extra early this morning and now I've had that song stuck in my head all freaking day!
Well played CW Team...well freaking played!
@The Midnight Writer ~ Someday I want a poem just for me. Maybe you can hook up with @mel and write my wedding vows if I ever decide to get married?
lol
To The Midnight Writer: excellent job!! Thank you :)
I'm dumb. At first I thought that was a tongue coming out of a butt. What delicious looking cakes. Sarcasm filter on.
That baby has only one foot o.O
Hey, it could be worse. A LOT worse. Jen could have linked to the video where Ron Jeremy does Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball" video, beat-for-beat, dressed like her (and, yes, undressed like her at certain points) same set, same words, same music, same everything. All with a straight face and apparently no shame.
How do I know this exists? A friend with a particularly demented sense of humor sent it to me, and once I started it, I just couldn't tear my horrified eyes away. It was nightmarishly demented--you kept expecting him to crack a smile or SOMETHING, but he played it straight all the way to the end.
And I never wanted to know he was an outie. Or that belly buttons could get that big...
Miley only thinks she's got it going on. The best version by far is the Ron Jeremy version which definitely mashes up with some of these cakes! He brought the hammer. Hold on to your chair, Jen & Mr. Jen!
It's my BIRTHDAY!!! <Crickets chirping> Yeah, I thought so...which is why I slept in 'til about noon. And then I saw these wrecks and got depressed and then the Daughter eagerly informed me that I share my birthday with one of her favorite characters - Dean of Supernatural. Yip-ee. So, without further ado... "Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday dear Karate Lady and Dean of Supernatural...Happy Birthday to us!
What's that, hubby o' mine? No, dear, Dean's birthday is today, too, see? I'm going down to the Cake Wrecks' Bunker to visit Andrea's spa, K? I'll be back in a few...hours. :-0
[Down at the Cake Wrecks Bunker]
"Oh, hi, Theardare!" says KarateLady, as she scratch, sssccrraaatch, SSCCRAAAATCHES behind Theardare's left ear...(One ALWAYS scratches that spot and *only* that spot, when greeting Theardare.)
"Meeee-oooow?” asks Theardare.
"Yes, Theardare, I brought your *favorite* - fresh organic catnip from my favorite local organic food coop!"
[Karate Lady proffers about a kilo-sized freezer bag of the kitty's favorite snack]
"Mawr! Mawr, Mawr!" demands Theardare.
"Where are the vegan catnip brownies?! Well, uh…how about you keep some to snack on now & I'll bring the rest back later in brownie form, K?" suggests a supremely apologetic and *extremely* worried Karate Lady...
"Grrr. Mawr!" snarls Theardare.
"I'm really sorry I forgot, Theardare. It's my birthday and it just kinda slipped my mind. Please let me go to Andrea's Spa in the Bunker, please? Just a few hours, K? Then I'll use my new bread machine to whip up your vegan catnip brownies in no time @ all!" begs Karate Lady as she waves some of the lovely fragrant 'nip ‘neath Theardare's nose...
"Maw---oooowww...purr, purr, pppuuuurrrr..."
[Theardare slowly drops to the ground outside the Bunker, his nose stuffed into the catnip baggie as Karate Lady takes the rest of the catnip with her into Andrea's Spa-half of the bunker.]
"Ok, I gotta check this into a locker while I have my spa time. And if you could make sure that Theardare doesn’t OD while I’m here…" requests Karate Lady as she proffers a C-note.
"Right. Can't have Theardare going catatonic, can we?" comments the Spa receptionist. "Now," the receptionist continues, "you're scheduled for the works - a facial, manicure & pedicure, followed by an extended full body massage and a hot mud bath. Happy birthday and enjoy!"
"Mmmmm. This is going to feel SOOOO GOOD!" thinks Karate Lady.
But unbeknownst to KarateLady and the Andrea's Spa staff, the fresh organic catnip from Karate Lady's favorite local organic food coop had been purposely adulterated by none other than her supposed friend Lisa the obscenely-entirely-vegan-for-life proprietor of said local food coop, as Lisa had been body-snatched by…
[Classic sci-fi serial music begins to play]
TUNE IN MONDAY for the next installment of...
[dramatic pause]
"CATATONIC CATNIP CATASTROPHE!"
(Happy Birthday to Me in FREEZING Texas! BBBBRRRR!!! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make some gluten-free vegan catnip brownies for my cats… :-)
(Not really - chocolate kills cats & dogs! So I'll be substituting pet-safe treats, K? Ditto for Theardare's goodies, obviously...)
@SaraCVT - you didn't know belly buttons could get that big?! Clearly you never dared to look at a 9-months pregnant lady's belly button. Mine was HUGE!!! :-)
@KarateLady: I had TWINS, and mine didn't get THAT big! We're talking dinner-plate size here--it was scary!
Happy Birthday @Karate Lady!!! I've missed you!!!! And where is @Just Andrea anyway??? I saw @Craig made an appearance but it's been pretty quiet. 8 months ago you guys were my saving grace. I miss all of you! Except @Sharyn - Mistress of the evil earworm. ;-) She's still right over there planning the daily musical interlude for all of us. :-)
@SarCVT- I really wish my supermarket carried "Empty-Headed-White-Chick."
@ Karate Lady - Happy Bthrdauy!
@Midnight Writer - I bow down before your greatness...
@Krunchiifrog, thank you. Tire tracks would definitely improve the "alligator."
Oh, that video. A video is truly disturbing when man panties are not the worst part of it. I'll be in the corner whimpering. And of course eating an entire CCC (ptooie!).
@SuBee: your comment about the smiley face reminded me of the old joke about how an aspirin can prevent pregnancy – just hold it between your knees.
@Rachel CrazyMum: thank you, thank you….
@sendingtheclowns: thanks, and so glad you escaped being killed…. :-)
@krunchifrog: thanks for the wild cheering….
@Jodee: your wish is my command…no problem to team up with mel…we’re friends and inseparable…and just how close are we to the wedding….?
@JenAK: you are welcome; thanks for the nice comment….
@KarateLady (and Dean): Happy Birthday!
@SuBee: you are far too kind, and the bowing is mutual...you, dear lady, are a treasure in the commenting department and I’ve been a fan for years…and if memory serves, not too long ago you did a brilliant Shakespeare parody….isn’t this a fun placed to play…!
I'm significantly less haunted by the smiles than I am by what I know will happen 3 to 4 hours post-consumption... If you get my drift...
"hard to love" *snort* Cake Wrecks, you so naughty! I've enjoyed the bawdiness this week!
@KarateLady. Happy Birthday
Could I make my reservation for the Spa in the Bunker for my up coming birthday? Whatever Theardare wants, I'd be happy to supply brownies too!
@mel We are starting to practice again! Gotta love flat track!
@SaraCVT, THANK YOU for the kind and reassuring words!! I love Great Big Sea too. I remember going to watch them in Hamilton back in 1998, before they got big - $10, standing room only, first Celtic folk song mosh pit equivalent I'd ever experienced. I should have worn more comfortable shoes... :) Anyway, thank you for cheering me up no end about our neighbours' opinion of us. We're Canadian enough to mind such things. :)
And @Midnight Writer - well done indeed! "A consumerism devoutly to be wished." Love it!!
[In the Andrea's Spa side of the Cake Wrecks Bunker, wrapped in a thick, luxurious, Turkish robe with a matching towel wrapped around her frizzy but newly-dyed auburn tresses, (Yeah, I added a dye job - what's it to ya?!), sitting in a spa pedicure chair with both feet in a steaming whirlpool foot bath, is Karate Lady.]
"Oh, that looks sooo preeetty!"
[KarateLady admires her new nails, which are being painted a gorgeous Ninja black with crystal highlights in the shape of throwing stars]
"Jodee & SuBee – Thank you! I haven't seen/read much of Craig; I miss his Craiglists! :-) I think JustAndrea has posted occasionally - she's really busy running the spa down here - business is BOOMING! :-) Why don't y'all come join me? Theardare's enjoying his organic catnip, so no worries! If you're short on time you could just get a quick mani while they're doing my pedi!"
[RUMBLE...CRASH!! The Spa lights flicker and suddenly go out.]
"Ooookaaaay. Maybe not," grunts Karate Lady through clenched teeth. [She is *so* NOT pleased at having her birthday spa day INTERRUPTED.]
[To be continued...]
PS to Midnight Writer - you rock! :-)
I will just sit here in stunned silence looking at these cakes lol. I just don't know what to say. Wreckerators finally blew my mind. Wooo lol.
@SuBee: They all do. They all do--they just don't admit it.
Turkey poo wang in a Pan Wow
@Ela: That's great! The teams I officiate for are starting up again, too, and it's been waaaaay to long since the last bout. I've been watching some derby dvds, but it's just not the same. I hope your league has a great year!
@StriderGirl: Thank you. I appreciate your comment.
@Karate Lady: thanks, and I'm enjoying your spa commentary...
You guys are all ON FIRE today! Woot!
Are there many examples of cupcakes iced together which actually look good? I think I saw one honeycomb one once and that's it.
@SuBee - well, if that last cake is actually Miley's butt & legs, we all know it sure ain't an aspirin she's holding between them! ;-) (For you youngins - there's an old joke about aspirin being an effective form of birth control - just have the girl hold one between her knees...and don't drop it, see?) Yeah, Miley's done dropped hers a looooong time ago.