In The Not-So-Distant Future...
January 10, 2014 Greetings. I am Siri3000, your automated cake decorator. How may I help you?
"Siri, I need a cake."
*dingding*
I am programmed with 12 billion different cake styles. What kind of cake would you like?
"Well, I was kinda hoping for a soccer cake..."
*dingding*
I have made 23,000 soccer cakes. Commencing slideshow mode.
Cake 1:
;)
"Um, you don't have to show me every ca..."
Cake 2:
;)
"Really, this isn't necessary..."
Cake 3:
;)
"Ok, I get the idea."
Cake 4:
;)
"STOP!"
...
*dingding*
May I help you with something else?
"Okay. Yes. The cake is for my team..."
*dingding*
Making By Tim cake:
;)
"NO! TEAM. Like a sports team. It's the Trojans..."
*dingding*
Making Trojan covered cake.
;)
That will be $374.50. Charging credit card...
"WAIT! I wanted a photo cake!"
*dingding*
Making photo cake.
[flash bulb goes off]
;)
"What - NO! Not of ME!!
"Okay, STOP! Just... stop. I don't have the photo for the cake now, but I will bring it in. Okay?
Siri?
...
;)
*dingding*
;)
Thanks to Aimee P., Victoria W., Jarrod P., Jenna K., Melanie W., Lorie B., Bridget & Jarrod, Daphne G., and especially to our friend Teeter of Red Rocket Farm for the inspiration:
;)
................
Did I make you laugh? Do you shop Amazon? Then how about clicking through my affiliate link to shop? By visiting Amazon through that link, CW will earn a small percentage of your purchase - but it costs you nothing. NOTHING, I say!
(Our ad revenue has really tanked this month - John & I aren't even bringing in enough to cover any guest writers - so you'd be helping out the whole CW team with your click. Even better, you can help us every time you shop Amazon; just use the link we'll be providing at the end of each day's post.)
Together, we can achieve wrecky world domination!! Or at least keep our respective cats fed. Either way, s'all good. Thanks, guys!
Reader Comments (62)
Although this is an extremely accurate portrayal of the wonder that is Siri, it failed to capture that tone she often takes with me. You know. The way she sounds when she says, "What do you want NOW,Susan?" or "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. You're mumbling again, Susan." That bitchy tone.
Otherwise, spot on...
Sung to "Erie Canal"
I've got an app, she's not my pal
15 more wrecks from that Siri gal
She's an Iphone lurker
And she's so banal
15 more wrecks from that Siri gal
She's done some real wrecks in her day
Condom cake's just not OK
And it won't matter what I say
'Cause every cake will be bungled, I know.
OR: The Raving
Once upon a chat with Siri
While I pondered weak and weary
O'er many a quaint and curious photo of cakes I ahbor
There I plodded, nearly napping, wanted to start Siri-slapping
Slapping at that Iphone bore.
This is too funny, but also why I hate talking on those automated lines. And why is it that everytime I need to call someplace with an automated line, my family will start asking me questions in the background and I get sent to the wrong department? I think they do it on purpose.
With the title of today's post, I was hoping for a MST3K-related wreck. :)
Also, I wanted to buy something for my daughter anyways so I went through Amazon to try to help. I hope times aren't getting to tough for you guys.
Perhaps the lesson here is that we must approach the future less Siri-ously?
What do you think you are doing, Dave?
(shopping at amazon) Done! I had to buy a birthday gift for my nephew anyway.
@Sharyn - I LOVE the Raving! Great work! I don't have an IPhone Siri, but my new car will "talk" to me and supposedly accept voice commands. Yes, SuBee, she's got that irritating tone as if I am the one who got something wrong. Oh, how I have wanted to Siri-slap!
@Jen -- You have advertisements on your Cakewrecks site? I never SEE them! Your posts are so amazing, why would we ever look over on the right edge? No wonder your advertising revenues are down - your blog is too good. I'll try to remember to click through once in a while.
Substitutions make
eating healthy easier:
Frost cake with tuna.
Cake Wrecks is why I don't use an ad blocker. Not using an ad blocker is why I don't visit the rest of the internet.
@SuBee: I'm always waiting for Siri to say, "I'm sorry. I won't tell you the location of your nearest Pizza Hut. Based on your last few searches, your life is incredibly boring. Here is the name of a local life coach, and some books I think you should read."
Why did I keep having flashbacks to Barry Kripke when reading this?
Just disabled my adblocker for this site - probably should do it for more blogs now that I think of it . . . anyway that's my little teeny bit of help!
I don't know Siri, I'm rather old fashioned, I guess. (But the post is so well written that even us Luddites can understand and enjoy it.)
BUT not so old fashioned that I don't shop Amazon. I will use your pathway to Amazon whenever I need to shop.
@Bea: I was thinking the same thing! I had to You Tube HAL 9000 for old times' sake. So awesome! =^e.e^=
A while ago I read they were working on something like this…its beta testing name was the icing Creations Replicator App (iCRAp). I thought to myself, “They can’t be Siri-ous.”
And…yes, you made me laugh, and yes, I shop at Amazon, and yes, I’ll use your link! Thanks for letting us know about it.
Sharyn and haiku joy bahahaha :D. I don't won a smartphone, and now I think that is a wise choice. To the cakerecks team-put the link on your site permanently, so I will remember the next time I go on amazon.
I think Siri would be the most perfect baker ever.
Ah, Cakewrecks. Where the comments are worth reading. :)
How have I never heard not Siri before? This site is so educational. Come to think of it , I don't need Siri--i have an obnoxious GPS. By the third time that I've missed a turn and she says "Recalculating", I can hear her teeth grinding.
Sorry, must get back to cake.
I laughed my way through this post! Personally, I hate the voice on my GPS especially when she says "Recalculating...recalculating..." Her snotty tone just implies the added "Well, if you can't be bothered to follow my instructions properly, then you deserve to get lost, you loser."
I do ALOT (sorry, couldn't resist!) of shopping at Amazon, so I can just do it all through your link. Pity you didn't say this before Christmas, because I did a huge amount of shopping at Amazon. Next year"...
Why was I surprised that a cake covered in Tojans exists? What has reading this blog for... way too many years taught me?!
@normajean Yeah, I was already squeeing when I saw the MST3K reference, then pouted when I didn't see more. (my home computer's name is T.Servo)
@miss_paper: "No, Siri, not 'westauwant'-'westauwant!' Dumb bitch." That's why. A person with a speech impediment is normally not funny, but for some reason a dick with one is hilarious.
john (thoj): Ah, that's the reason for all the pop-up ads I've been seeing lately around here. Were it anybody but you guys, I'd probably be pissed. But I know how much you hate the things and so you gotta have a good reason. Also my mom had a fairly minor surgery on her paralymph nodes yesterday and the surgeons found previously undetected precancerous tumors in her lymph glands, which were removed. They were hard as rocks. If they had not found those, she most likely would have had a long painful struggle with lymphatic cancer in the next few years and maybe lost her life. As it is, she went home last night. So I'm in a good mood.
I actually do shop on Amazon regularly and will gladly access it via your link.
This is my first time posting here (no longer a cakewrecks virgin) but I have long admired the wit and humor here and in both books. I am a feature writer for magazines, and there is a huge cakewrecks fan base among my fellow writers and editors. So there are many of us who will be using that Amazon link. We can't do without the trenchant commentary on the sweeter things in life!
I don't own an iPhone, nor do I want one. The lady in my GPS is snotty enough. Glad I'm not the only one that hears her exasperated tone when she says "Recalculating". Pretty sure I've heard mine sigh though.
The condom cake gets me every single time! Just...why???
@Haiku Joy ~ Thanks for helping me check my gag reflex today. It's in fine working order! ::shudder::
Unfortunately, I don't do any online shopping because I'm on a very tight budget (fixed retirement income). I allow myself the luxury of the internet because without it, I'd probably go mad (MAD, I say!!). But I really do care and hope everything works out for you, Cake Wrecks "family" (John, Jen, Sharyn -and anyone I might be forgetting). Best of luck~~y'all rock! =^-.-^=
Why does the "Grate Job Uo7 Celtice" cake have a fan blade painted on it? Oh, because they're fans. I get it!
I have a GPS with attitude, too, which wouldn't be so bad if she actually recognized that the Jersey Turnpike is a real road. In that case, it is her own fault. I now take it as a challenge to see how badly I can stress her out. Sometimes she really does sound like she's going to have a stroke...
I guess I'm old, because this is what popped into my head the moment I read the title of this post.
Siri's got nothing on Crow and Tom Servo!
I normally ignore ads, but, just for you, Jen, I am going to click on every ad on your site every time I come to it. Hope that helps!
A year or so ago, my brother-in-law got an iPhone, and I asked him to show me how Siri works. He turned it on, and before anyone said a single word, Siri announced "I found eleven clothing stores in your area." He looked himself over and said, "What's wrong with what I have on? Everybody's a critic."
Just ordered my daughter's school calculator for you! I needed to order it anyway, so I'm glad to be of benefit for you - you deserve it after all the unladylike giggle-snorts you have given me :-)
And a link for ,a href="http://youtu.be/vti6yzyuy1I?t=54s">those who don't know Siri.
Love this post! I also do a ton of shopping on Amazon, so will try to remember to link through you!
@drgsn4vr and @rachel CrazyMum, I too have experience with a cranky GPS. My friends and I swear that the voice gets testier and testier every time it says, "Recalculating!"
My friend sang, "don't come home a drinkin' with lovin' on your mind," in a voice-to-text message as a joke to her hubby. Siri translated it as, "dont come. Haul a dark can. Love, your mom."
Do you get credit for the purchases if we click on it and then redirect to Amazon.ca? I can't get anything from Amazon.com delivered to me :(
Do you think the fifth cake was supposed to have 'bite him' instead?
SaraCVT, what good news for you and your family! Here's hoping your mom continues on the road to health.
Speaking of cranky GPS voices, we have a car named "Eve" (so named because she's a hybrid, has a leaf on her side much like the Eve robot in WALL-E and our geeklings, who loved WALL-E, saw it and promptly dubbed her that). She sounded nice enough at first, but it has gotten to the point where all occupants of the car, big and small, reply in unison, "I KNOW, Eve!"
Now I'm in a not-so-good mood because I got a really cool book for Eldest's biography book report on the creator of Minecraft, and her teacher won't approve it because "it's not serious enough." Is too! It's over 200 pages, a legitimate biography--she doesn't like it because it's "about a game". Ugh! What does she want? I was just trying to get the kid interested in her schoolwork!
#GeekdomHasBeenDissed
Just be careful asking ppl to click on ads. Blogher and other ad networks don't like that and will take away the revenue and even cancel accounts if they feel it's been suspicious - eg asking people to click. Amazon? Totally diff since you earn commission not click through.
[Editor's note- You're totally right and that's why we would never ask for that. We really like being a part of the BlogHer network and we would never do anything to jeopardize that. The Amazon Affiliates program is completely separate, though so we should be okay. Thanks for the comment. -john (thoJ)]
Nice to see some fellows MSTies among the commentators. :)
@SaraCVT: glad for your good news about your mother! May she heal quickly!
We should be less Sirious.
@SaraCVT; Are you SERIOUS?? Minecraft is a game, People like games. My bother-in-law is completely obsessed with it, and he's a grown man who has worked for the State for years, makes good money, has a nice home, nice car,is very responsible and conscientious, etc. etc. He and my sister are very happy, caring people who do everything with kindness, help their church, love animals, and are just awesome people! If he wants to play that game, more power to him! (I got him a Creeper figurine for Christmas!) That teacher is nuts, and very unfairly judgmental. I don't "get it", myself, but everything isn't for everyone, and to each his own!!
Does the Amazon link work all the time or do we need a different one each day? I can't buy anything now, but I'm sure I'll be getting some items soon! :-) Always happy to support CakeWrecks!
Wow and I don't even have Siri lol. And by the looks of those cakes I don't think I want to have her on my phone since with my luck I would call my parents and the thing would activate and do something evil.
What is the third word in Cake 2? I get that it's trying to say "Great Job Celtic(s)," but I can't for the life of me figure out the third word. u07? 4o7? I have no idea.
And I clicked on over to Amazon! Wanted to check some stuff there anyway. Hope that helped!
I wish someone would replace Siri with the voice of David, the android whose portrayal by Michael Fassbender was the only thing that made 'Prometheus' worth watching.
Jen, you are my god. Dess. You are my god-Dess. May you and Cake Wrecks live forever.
that was hilarious and sooo spot on!! :)
@SaraCVT - Whew! Sounds like y'all dodged a bullet there. One time's enough, right?
@HaikuJoy - I know I *still* owe you an explanation of DNA replication, transcription, & translation. It's a pain to type it all out. Maybe I should call you? ;-) (I'm totally not stalking you, I swear! :-) Perhaps we'll meet up @ a CW reunion tour?!
@everyone - Just fyi, if you want to support CW but don't need anything from Amazon right now, how about a Jen autograph or some CW buttons? See what CakeWrecks has for sale under the heading "Stuff". For just $5 (includes shipping), you can get a personalized message on a bookplate sticker from Jen & stick it in your CakeWrecks book! Just be careful not to get too wordy. (My message ended up being spread across multiple stickers! :-) Also makes great care packages for kids at camp. (Huh? Hey, my daughter *loved* hers! :-) (Thanks again, Jen & John(thoj))
PS My 10-yr old son *loves* talking to Siri. His speech challenges cause Siri to come up with some interesting answers for us to laugh at. And he gets to practice his speech - what's not to like?! (Try telling Siri you love her & see what she says. :-)