A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
September 4, 2013 WHAT DO WE WANT?
;)
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
;)
AND WHERE DO WE WANT IT?
;)
Oh, good. Glad we cleared that up.
Thanks to Tammy P., Bryce G., & Kylie K. for the demonstration.
(And in case you're wondering about that last one: they asked the baker to write the name on the side.)
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Reader Comments (36)
Sung to "Blowin' in the Wind"
How many cakes must a customer buy?
Before they stop writing words?
When will we know who the boat cake is for?
Soon, at least that's what I heard.
And how many times must they write on the side?
Before they realize they're absurd?
The answer, my friend, is just blowin' my mind
The answer is just blowin' my mind.
OCCUPY THE CAKESHOPS-I'LL CLEAR THEM OUT (for the cause of course coughcough)
"...they asked the baker to write the name on the side."
And they couldn't even do THAT right.
- - - - - - <e.e> - - - -
But of course!....The 1878 ship HMS Pinafore looked EXACTLY like a Carnival Cruise ship.
Oh, the insanity...
=^-.-^=
The "no message" cakes remind me of large PDF's of financial information I get at work. Every so often there's a page in the file that says, "This page intentionally left blank." This bothers me to no end. It's NOT BLANK once you write that!
For some weird reason that first cake put me in an Elvis Presley frame of mind, so here, to the tune of "Return to Sender" (and with a tip of the hat to Sharyn, who is much better at this than I) is what fell out of my head this morning.
I phoned an order in to Safeway
To get a simple cake;
Bright and early next morning
I saw my great mistake.
Who wrote that on it?
Return to baker, message unknown.
"Customer Soon" just makes me groan.
I hate to quarrel, don't think I'm snide,
But is there anyone out there who goes by the name of "Side"?!
I guess an amoeba wouldn't leave a message, at that.
Is the image on the first cake supposed to be Casper, the friendly ghost in his psychadellic tie dye dashiki?
@Minda:
That actually makes PERFECT sense. How would you know that there wasn't SUPPOSED to be something ON the page that's blank, if they didn't let you know that it was supposed to be blank, and isn't. ?
=^e.e^=
@zoomom: That was awesome! I love when other people write parodies, and yours are always fantastic. G'head. Write more...
That "side" cake calls to mind when my parents adopted a sibling group from Eastern Europe. She put labels on everything to help the kids learn the English word for it. If I hadn't seen Jen's footnote, I would have assumed that's what happened here.
As an aside, a while ago I bought the CW book on Kindle. Last night I read some more from it after the rest of the family had gone to bed, and I had to fight to keep from laughing out loud and waking everyone. Great stuff.
I am the very model of a modern wreckerator-guy,
I’ve talents with a pastry bag, my fondant work will make you cry,
My spelling is beyond reproach, If I don’t know I’ll really try
To make a cake you won’t return, or ask the question, “Why? Just why??”
I’m very well acquainted, too, with following dire-ec-tions.
If I’m not sure I’ll make things up when crafting your confections.
I won’t put a message here, I’ll put a giant cruiseship there
You’ll pay me with a cheerful smile: I’ve done the work, it’s only fair.
Wow, two songs for just one great post. Thanks for my chuckle - make that hearty laugh - of the day.
"BigbooTAY!!! BigbooTAY!!!"
I remain stunned that such awesome wrecks are created in good faith.
(Note to the person who worried about the "intentionally left blank" pages - it has to do with the copying/production system. If there is truly nothing on the page, the printer will just skip it, and all the what-page-faces-what-page setup will get vastly messed up. Professional printers, even ones such as Kinko's (now FedEx Office), are often as clueless as cake decorators. Trust me on this one. I agree, though, it could say "Notes" or something like that.)
If I have another child I'm naming it "Side".
Think about it. "Come in Side. Go out Side." Totally works!
SuBee--Awesome tribute to Gilbert and Sullivan. In my head, I heard Side Show Bob singing it.
Homage to Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror" - this one's for you, Ted, because I know how much you *love* this sort of thing:
I'm gonna make a cake
For once in my life
It's gonna be real good
Gonna make it different,
Gonna make it right...
As I, put the frosting in my
favorite piping bag
These words are blowin' my mind
I see the cake on the board
Without letters, oh Lord
Who am I, am I blind?
Pretending I can see
Their meaning
A Wrecker's Disregard
A minimum wage job
Hundred cakes to go
Puttin' these letters on
The cake ya know
But I don't know where
They go!
Don't have the time to go
slow!
I'm starting with the cake that's
Chocolate
I'm piping a crazy squig-
gle
"No Message" could have
Been a'lil' clearer
If you wanna make a cake
A better way
(If you wanna make a cake
A better way)
Take a look, H.M.S., and
Some spiky waves
(Take a look, H.M.S, and
Some spiky waves)
(Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha, ha-ha
ha-hah)
Okay, that's a really long song, so I'll stop there.
The last cake is actually a double fail. They were supposed to write "the name on the side," so shouldn't the side of the cake read "The Name"?
That ganache on the first cake looks a bit like potholes have developed or the cake was caught in a hailstorm too. smh
ROFL @Jodee!!! "Side" would work for a pet's name, too!! :)
#1 Customer: "On this cake, I would like an amoeba." [Thinks, adds hurriedly] "Not an actual amoeba, a representation." [Whew].
Wreckorator: "Fine. And the message?"
Customer: "No message." [Hangs up, realizes, thinks, "Surely someone who didn't have to ask, 'what is an amoeba,' wouldn't do that," lets it go, to everlasting regret.]
#2 People try to update Pinafore from time to time, but this? Or maybe it's being presented on a cruise ship! Wouldn't that be just beyond clever. Alas, I'm afraid the hope expressed in the message is in vain -- unless the morning wreckorator wanted to warn the afternoon wreckorator of the customer's imminent arrival and brilliantly decided to leave a note on the cake. What made Gilbert O'Sullivan turn from writing classic musicals to pop tunes, anyway?
#3 Ok, this is like a comic fractal. You see, the customer, Side by name, decided to have their name written on the side of the cake. They thought it would be quite the jest. The message in the traditional location says, "See Side", and is decorated with palm trees, the obligatory not-to-scale people, etc.
@Minda: I was on a website yesterday doing some research on the company's certification process. At the bottom of the page with the certification rules was the line, "THE REST OF THIS PAGE LEFT BLANK INTENTIONALLY."
There was one blank line space between this line and the date in the footer on the page.
Hither, customer!
Piroette across the store -
leap into my heart!
Here's what I thought happened to the "Side" cake. Someone drew a sketch of what the cake was supposed to look like when they got done decorating it, and to help them figure out which sides to put on top and bottom, the long sides or short sides, they wrote "Side" on one side. "Other Side" on the other side, "Top" on the top edge of the sketch and "Bottom" on the bottom.
Didn't help though, They still wrecked it up.
@Just Andrea ~ <snicker> I'm sure Ted will LOVE it! ;-)
Who's "Ted"? (Not that I'm nosy or anything...heh, heh) =^-.-^=
In other news, today is the day I've been looking forward to for the last 77 days. Yes my friends, it's the first day of school in these parts!
@SaraCVT:
Ah, but the amoeba IS the message...
(Spooky, huh?)
=^a.a^=
Oh god all these song parodies XD XD
I never fail to be amused when I visit this blog.
"(And in case you're wondering about that last one: they asked the baker to write the name on the side.)"~Oh, Jen! I can't explain it, but something about that innocuous little statement just made me giggle like a person possessed; I think it's because there isn't a single day here that I DON'T wonder (along the basic lines of "WT-"???) You guys are priceless! =^~.~^=
Ahhh: I have found the perfect theme song for this post, and it fits to a "T"!
It's Queen's "I Want It All". =^-.-^= (I'd rather have it fit to a "C" for "cake", but that just isn't done.)
What the frosting???
Wow, oh, wow! I counted like eleventh song parodies in the comments! ;) (BTW, spell check is fine with "eleventh")
@Craig thanks for the alternate possibility of cake 1 being an amoeba. I thought a spider had sneezed when spinning a web.
Lmao I too think that first cake is an amoeba that hates messages. Or is just trying to eat the cake I can't really be sure on this. And to the wreckerator smarty pants that put side on the side of the cake..man I just wonder if this person thought it would be hilarious. It kind of is lol.
@sendingtheclowns: Ted pokes his head in the bunker every now and then. If he hears us singing, he flees.
@Barbara Anne: Thank you for that image of a spider sneezing as it spins its web. *giggle*
@Jodee: Yes! Today is the first day of school in these here parts! I wait in the drop off line in your general direction! (The Secondborn only gets a ride today because we were out of town the day they did school ID pictures, etc.).