Every Teacher's Worst Nightmare
August 19, 2013 Welcome to your new school year, everyone! I'm Miss Peld, who some of you might know from the Kaky Kake bakery in town. Your regular English teacher, Miss Lee, decided to retire over the summer, so I'll be filling in.
[dims lights]
[begins slideshow]
Now, who wants to see the cake I made for her??
;)
It was my idea to add the "Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension." Cute, right?
Of course your History teacher, Erica Schwartz, would normally fill in for Miss Lee, but Erica left this morning for a last minute trip to Europe. Luckily I had just enough notice to make her this sweet little "Bon Voyage" cake before she left:
;)
It's funny how many people at this school have never heard the phrase "bon voyage" before, by the way - nearly everyone in the lounge asked me what the cake meant! Huh!
Oh and we're also missing everyone's favorite student aid, Jason, due to his college graduation over the summer. Naturally, I stepped in to help with that celebration, too:
;)
Jason is moving upstate to start his fellowship, so I also threw in this extra housewarming gift:
;)
But enough about your former teachers - let's talk about you guys! The important thing to remember is that this school has a long history of excellence. In fact, you COULD say... [clicking to next slide]...
;)
We've been awesome since 1983!!
My, you kids have been so attentive this lesson, and I just love seeing all these big grins around me!
Aaaand I have the perfect way to thank you:
;)
Ok, everyone, tomorrow we're having a pop quiz, so be sure to bring in at least three tubes of gel icing and a quart of black frosting each, k? Great. Class dismissed!
Thanks to Sarah G., Spencer S., Rebekah A., Megan W., Jenny L., & Meggin K. for helping me give all the teachers out there especially vivid nightmares tonight. (And yes, the "Bamaiarze" cake really IS supposed to say "Bon Voyage." Really. Like, REALLY really. Would I lie to you? Don't answer that. Just trust me.)
Reader Comments (61)
1. My daughter and I are off to another week of college visits. Could you please tell me the name and location of the above institution? Maybe we can squeeze it in.
B. Many years ago I worked at a summer camp for special needs children. One of the campers was constantly saying, "thank you!" When he got off of the bus in the morning: "Thank you!" When we played a game: "Thank you!" When he had to wait for a snack because it wasn't snack time and all he really wanted was a snack: "Thank you!" It wasn't until the end of August that we realized he wasn't saying, "Thank you!"
If I could, I'd send that last big cookie to him.
I thought Miss Sandra Lee was the Cultural Studies teacher? ;)
Sung to "Don't Stand So Close to Me"
Bad teacher, the subject
Of Cake Wrecks fantasy
"A-tencion" to details
Is not her specialty
Her voyage to learning
Brings you grandution rage
Your "knew" home
Homophone
You're ausome at this age
Her thancks is, her thancks is
Her thancks is close, I see
Her thancks is, her thancks is
Her thancks is close, I see.
Jen, "Miss Peld" was a lovely little bonus...
School starts here on Friday -- is is wrong how much I'm looking forward to it?
(Oh, and thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes on Saturday. You made my day.)
ooh, so close, nailed congratulations to miss out on graduation.
Sweat mentos teech me.
Miss Peld, my insurpation!
I wont be like u.
I was wrong....so, SO wrong. There really (and truly) ISN'T any hope. NONE!!! Let them all have free rein--nobody cares, anyway. People BUY this **** over and over again--there's NO accountability. Buy, buy, buy! I hear it every day: "I want cake, and I don't care if it looks like something out of a litter box, garbage can, or toilet!" (The other day, I even overheard some young whippersnapper telling a girl that the cake she'd just purchased looked like "yo Momma" (which I thought was very rude, because maybe the girl's mother really IS ugly).We need to stop banging our heads against walls, desks, ceilings, etc. and get out the big guns. I say we should just give up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a coffee refill and battery recharge on my notebook. I don't want to miss a single crumb of this.
=^-.-^=
Does it hurt to get a "grandution"? Poor Jason!
Whatever a Renceon is, the sound of it scares me and I don't want one!
@ Jen:...Miss Peld....I'm going to be chuckling all day... :) (Yup, it's true...it doesn't take much to amuse me ;) )
@ Sharyn: Perfect song!
@ Sharyn: I'm so relieved that I like that song, because I'm going to be *wearing it* like a stubbed toe, ALL DAY. =^~.-^=
The "i" in Erica is doing unnatural things to the "c". Just saying...
Tencion and Renceon- new evolved forms of Eevee??
If Jason is human, he's an aide, with an "e" (the preferred spelling). Since the rest of the narrative has obviously been edited by someone literate (rather than by Miss Peld herself), that should be correct, too.
I figured out "Tencion" but was completely stumped by "Renceon". I'm glad you explained it.
Jen, Sharyn & Haiku Joy you rock my world! So much ausomeness! Thanck you!
Sharyn happy b-day and tahnks for today's laugh. Haiku joy bahahaha. The cakes O_o
Let's just take a moment to appreciate that while the home is "knew" they did use the right "your". The decorator is clearly more educated than 90% of facebook users (or just had a lucky guess this time).
Jason should be proud of himself. He's part of not just any old class, but a GRAND class. All I got were these lousy honor cords.
@Sharyn: Happy Belated Birthday. I gather there was a Saturday post dedicated to your world entry (was the world ready?), but sadly I didn't look.
We still have another couple of weeks before school starts. @Sharyn ~ I'm VERY jealous! It's about time to start singing "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." :-) And happy late birthday! Sorry I'm so late on that but, well, you know, Epic Griswold Weekend happened and I was a little distracted. I hope you had a FANTABULOUS day!
So where exactly could one find a Knew Hone? I've been looking everywhere and all the stores around here are fresh out.
Oh. My. GOD! I'm from Brazil (therefore, English is not my language... obviously) and, yet, am completely horrified by that crime against poor Mr. Bean (by which I mean crime against English... yeah, that was lame. Sorry).
Cake #1 - "Good Bye Tencion (nnngh), Hello... Rencion"? I see a R... ???
Cake #2 - What... is there even anything written on that? All I see is some scribble in purplish icing, right below the roses... hieroglyphs, maybe?
Cake #3 - Are those really "grand " and "grandution"? Those initials look nothing like Gs... not to me, anyway.
Cake #5 - Oh my, the decorator must have been really poor... to even celebrate finding some cents and call them "awsome". Crazy... awesome... yeah.
Cake #6 - UR WELLKUM!!!
Oh, Sharyn, didn't know about your birthday. So...
... I WEESHYU A HEPPIE BURFDEEYYY 8B!!!
(Almost sang the song... while at work.)
#3 Right after seeing this, Jason went out and purchased the hockey mask and a time machine. The original Friday The 13th was the result of a terrible misunderstanding: Jason, blissfully unaware of the implicit paradox*, was merely trying to prevent the wreckorator's parents from meeting. The bodies were the work of genetically-modified squirrels who got that way from eating genetically-modified snacks they raided from Camp Crystal Lake cabin 13.
#4 "Enjoy your krew Hone"? If only there was an ending 'e' on 'krew', I could hypothesize that this was connected to Mardi Gras and that there is a King's cake under all that frosting. Something deep-fried, anyway.
#5 AuGome Cents 1983. I would LOVE to know what this was supposed to say.
#6 First DOC-er on scene, take the shot. I'm glad there is photographic evidence, though. ThANCK YOU very much to the wreckporter.
*The meeting of the wreckorator's future parents was a necessary precondition of Jason being there in the first place, thus rendering his journey a complete waste of time.
Did anyone else initially think that Renceon was a new type of drug, like Prozac?
Love the song, Sharyn, as always!
mouth agape
[blink, blink]
oh holy crap!
Well, Hell--if Jason's class was so bloody "Grand" why did he only get the one "Congratulation"? They could have taken up a collection ahead of time, and gotten the whole word. How much can an "s" cost, anyway?
Sad. =^-.-,^=
@ Craig: I am SO glad that you cleared that up for me; I'm of course referring to your first and second comments ~sometimes (but not always) referred to as #1 and/or #2...except in cases of invisibility, when they may or may not be neither here nor there...
=^e.e^=
@normajean. Your comment wins today. These cakes definitely lose. And Jen, I'm amazed that you had any inclination as to what they were "supposed" to say (Renceon=pension? Really???).
I honestly had no clue what the "Awsome cents" cake was supposed to say! Lol wow people are dumb.
I am SO glad the narration was provided in actual English, instead of whatever language(s) those cakes were inscribed in.
When reading, "ThANK YOU," did anyone else hear Martin Short's voice in "The Father of the Bride" movies? No? Hmm....okay, then. Moving on.
Our school district starts on Monday and I will be doing a happy dance until such time I have to drive to work in the traffic. Then depression will set in for nine months.
At least I have Cake Wrecks!
@Minda: "The decorator is clearly more educated than 90% of facebook users (or just had a lucky guess this time)."
I won't have anything to do with facebook, but having "been there", I'll take your word for it on that percentage (though it may be a little on the low side). =^~.-^=
Aye disspayre...
Most misspelled cakes, I'll groan, sigh, roll my eyes, shake my head, let out a slight chuckle, or any number of combinations of before mentioned.
Enjoy Your Knew Hone, though...I believe I'm feeling actual physical pain, right at that spot
between my eyes.
Miss Sharyn> *salute* A splendid song parody, as always.
I come away from these spelling posts comforted by random thoughts:
A. My own abysmal spelling skills don't look so bad after all.
B. If I need future employment to eke out my retirement pay I needn't apply as a Wal-Mart greeter, I can work at bakery calligraphy.
C. Color blindness need not hamper the cake decorator.
D. No matter how ugly something is, there's a buyer for it.
@Gutz Grilla: ("All I see is some scribble in purplish icing, right below the roses...hieroglyphs, maybe?")
Funny you should ask! I took that order myself! (Actually, it happened while I was having a nightmare, but why quibble over details...) What it actually "says" is: "This cake is for 'the-artist-formerly-known-as-prints", and is in a special, secret-sauce language.
You're welcome. Keep the change. =^-.-^=
@Craig: Huh! I found your statements both informative and fascinating. I plan on spending two weeks during the summer of 2023 at "a" Camp Crystal Lake, in "a" cabin #13. (Could it be...?) IF you're right, I believe that I AM going to be quite annoyed when the squirrels steal my snacks, which haven't been genetically modified just yet, but thanks for the heads-up! =^0.0^=
I'm so glad you told us all what those cakes were supposed to say. I never would have guessed the pension cake. And now that my brain hurts, I need to go take a nap.
@SuBee;
WELL, I guess no one ELSE is going to ask, and I'm a little *slow* today, so: What WAS he saying?
(Or am I supposed to ******* guess?)
=^-.-^=
That first cake confused me at first. It looked like a multi-purpose, multi national cake-
Sandra retired, Tencion is leaving also and her sister Renceon is taking joining the company.
I never would have gotten Bon Voyage out of Bamvairge . Thank you for the translation.
SueBe, aren't you glad you got through the summer before you realized what the little <ccough> angel was saying. How did you figure it out?
@Jodee: ("So where exactly could one find a Knew Hone?")
The only thing that I can think of would be to try the Hone Depot...
=^-.-^=
"I figured out 'Tencion' but was completely stumped by 'Renceon'. I'm glad you explained it." ~~ Joel Polowin
Ditto, Joel!
"Bonvoy-ah just screw it lkjasdfjlklkajsdf"
To SuBee, what was he saying?
#1: Google Translate says: there is no such thing as Renceon, BUT if the wreckerator were to write 'Rancio' it means 'rancid' OR if the wreckerator meant Rencio, the English equivalent is 'Terence'. So, that should clear everything right up. Sandra obviously retired and got married to Terence and/or she plans on refraining from showering now that she no longer has to go in to work.
@normajean: *snerk*
#2: Inscribed by Emeril. You can tell by the "Bam!" in front.
#3: Usually, people write IN the sand, not ON sand...with icing. Mmmm, gritty.
#4: That cake is celebrating the one-hit-wonder band Ausome Ants. Their song, "I'm Not Farming, I'm Trying To Escape" was number one for eight straight hours in 1983.
#5: Why are the 'A' and the 'N' in ThANck capitalized? Is this some kind of word puzzle?
@sendingtheclowns: Heehee! "...wearing it like a stubbed toe all day." Hahaha!
@Sharyn: Happy Birthday!
"Thanck" goodness you are there to tell us what they are supposed to say!! I had no idea what Renceon was! Now it just seems so obvious.
@sendingtheclowns ~ That. Was. Awesome!
The Miss Peld Cake Wrecks are always my very favorites. Thanks for the hilarity every day, Jen (and John and Sharyn). I know it must be an incredible amount of work, but you're so appreciated.
Regarding the "What did he SAY, already?" thing: It's not looking too promising, folks...maybe we'll have to
(A) rally
(B) revolt
(C) riot
(D) roll with it
(E) run for our lives
(F) rye whiskey
Aaaaand, I'm out of vowels. Tootles! =^-.-^=
Thank you for the translations. Had it not been for your fine skills, I would have a severe headache right now.
Sad. Just sad.
Thank you for the translations. Had it not been for your fine skills, I would have a severe headache right now.
Sad. Just sad.
I like how they think they sneaked that "c" into Eria! My daughter is named Erika, and has problems getting her name spelled correctly. When she was a baby I would tell those who asked her name, "Erika with a K." A friend teased that that was her real name, and called her "Erika with a K."
Yes, nightmares. English teacher here. Smack (head on desk).